fire off your poltic incorrect jokes!
we all know we don't mean what we are saying!
in this thread...
I will start: a guy was at a antique shop and he saw a bronzen statue of a cat,so he entered the store and asked:How much is it for that statue?
The shopkeeper said: its 100 euros for the cat, 100 euros for the story.
THe guy says:i dont need no stories,heres a 100 and ill take the statue.
So the guy walks home with his statue,suddenly a cat runs after him.
2 streets further there were five following, and they were spinning and making sounds that were inhumanable,he continued near the river were already 100 cats followed him.He turns around and says: stupid cats shut up! and he throws the statue in the river.All the cats jump in the river for the statue and they all drown.
The next morning the guy goes back to the shop,the salesman said when the guy was entering": ah you want the story?"
"Nope" said the guy, i want a bronzen statue of an arab.
:lol:
whats the differance between a chef and a gay?
a chef stirs in the food of today and a gay in the food of yesterday. :lol:

Ok guys nows your turn!
ps: philippe hereby makes the statemant that i am not anti gay or a racist.
i would just love to hear a joke about white poeple or belgians

It's the famous Ray Charles interview :
"So Ray, you had a hard childhood, you were raised in poverty, then your parents couldn't pay for your education, and on top of that, you're blind..."
"Hey man, it could have been worse, I could have been black".

:lol: Great jokes!

Strange new battles
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."
:lol:
I hope i won't get "disappeared" cause of this one ;) for revealing the new battle techniques of the army. :mischief:

:lol: good ones

What is the difference between ten dead women and a Ferrari?

I have no Ferrari in my garage.

"Tankety Tank Tank"
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

LOL excellent joke, tankety tank tank !

Okay, what's green, smelly, and in the woods ?

A dead boy-scout.

Do you know where you can find tetraplegics ?

Right where you've left them.

You call that a joke???
It was BAD!


A good joke:...............??....(not really good at jokes!).............!

i think theyre supposed to be half way bad, thats why their called politically incorrect jokes

Why can't men drive?

There's no road from the refrigerator to the couch.

I'm sorry if this has been posted before, it's an old classic.

Did you know that there are female hormones in beer?
That's why you drive so badly when drunk.

These two jokes are translated from Dutch into English, I hope they remain funny

(Background info for those who do not know it, the Netherlands has almost 20% of his inhabitants of non Dutch ethnicity, the majority of that 20% is of Turkish and Moroccan origin.)

Two Turks on a rubber boat get picked up by the Dutch coastguard
“what the hell were you doing in deep water on a rubber boat?” the Coastguard asked him
“we come to invade your nation” Replied the Turk
“what? Just the two of you?”
“no, all the others are a already there”

--

What’s a Trash Container Near a Stoplight? A Turkish Disco!

There's a Frenchman, and Englishman, a Texan and a Mexican in an airplane. It's gonna crash, so 3 of them have to jump to their deaths.
The English goes to the door, puts on a stiff upper lip, and shouts "Long live the Queen!" before jumping.
The French strides up to the door, shouts "Vive la France!" and jumps.
The Texan walks up to the door, shouts "Remember the Alamo!", grabs the Mexican, and throws him out of the door.

General Musharraf was getting a haircut, when all of a sudden the barber asks, "So General, when are you holding elections?". Musharraf is enraged, but decides to keep quiet, believing he heard something wrong.
The next time he visits the sam barber, and during a haircut, the barber asks, once again, "So President, when are we having elections?". Musharraf is mighty pissed, but decides to give the Barber one last chance.
However, the next haircut, when the barber asks the same question, Mushie flies into fit of anger and orders the barber to be killed immediately. Just as the guards pull out their guns, the barber falls at Musharraf's feet and pleads, "but Saab, I was just doing my job..it's so much easier to cut your hair when it stands on end, on hearing the word "election".

How to be Politically Correct to Women:

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.

She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.

She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PICTORIALLY SUPERIOR.

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

What do you call a hundred Sardarjis (better known as Sikhs) lined ear to ear?




A wind tunnel

@kulade:

Those were great! :lol:

General Musharraf was getting a haircut, when all of a sudden the barber asks, "So General, when are you holding elections?". Musharraf is enraged, but decides to keep quiet, believing he heard something wrong.
The next time he visits the sam barber, and during a haircut, the barber asks, once again, "So President, when are we having elections?". Musharraf is mighty pissed, but decides to give the Barber one last chance.
However, the next haircut, when the barber asks the same question, Mushie flies into fit of anger and orders the barber to be killed immediately. Just as the guards pull out their guns, the barber falls at Musharraf's feet and pleads, "but Saab, I was just doing my job..it's so much easier to cut your hair when it stands on end, on hearing the word "election".
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

A very politically incorrect joke against black people. In fact it's outright racist. I apologize in advance.

Q: What do you call 1 white man surrounded by 3 black men?
A: Victim.

Q: What do you call 1 white man surrounded by 5 black men?
A: Coach.

Q: What do you call 1 white man surrounded by 9 black men?
A: Quarterback.

Q: What do you call 1 white man surrounded by 300 black men?
A: Warden.

And to balance it, another one against whites.

During the run-up to the Apollo moon missions, a couple of astronauts were practicing in the Nevada desert. Two Native Americans, I forgot what tribe, observed these men in their strange costumes walking around and politely asked what's going on. Upon hearing they were going to the moon the older one got all excited and said: "You know, our legends say some of our forefathers got blown to the moon by accident. If you see their descendants, could you take a message for us?" Sure, said the astronauts. Since the tribe has no written language, a tape recorder was used to record the elder's message.

It wasn't until much later that NASA found out that the recorded message was: "Beware of these 2. They will try to make a treaty with you." :D

I can be rascist too! :devil2:

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing.

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.

Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.

Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.


Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.

Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: What do you call a black with a new bike?
A: A thief.

Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.

Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.

Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas.

Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex?
A: From the pepper spray.

(Kulade is not rascist!) :devil2:

There is still such a thing as common sense as to when 'jokes' cross the line. Some of these certainly cross that line. The horribly tasteless ones have been removed

This thread would be sooooo censored if it wasn't for the fact that the jokes are clearly labeled as being racist, and not poster's opinion. :p

*goes off to have a fit of laughing*
:lol:

Queen Elizabeth, before meeting Nehru and Mohammed Ali Jinnah, unfortunately got heavily drunk, and romped around naked before falling into a stupor naked on the floor. Nehru arrived at her chambers at the appointed time, but was shocked to see the queen in such a state. Decided to be the self appointed guardian of her modesty, he took off his traditional "Nehru" cap, and put it on her..."womanly parts", and left. Soon after Jinnah came to the chambers, took one look, and came out fuming. When he caught sight of Nehru, he remarked acidly, "You dirty bastard! Edwina Mountbatten wasn't enough for you??!!"

{To this who aren;t familiar with it, Nehru was long linked romantically to Lord Mountbatten's wife, Edwina Mountbatten, though no specific proofs lies to the rumour. Still, nothing to stop a good joke.}
--------------------------------------------------
On the occassion of his birthday, various ambassadors bring gifts to Krushchev, including the American ambassador, who gives him a brand new Chevrolet, the British Ambassador who presents him with a Rolls Royce and the German ambassador, not to be left behnd, a Mercedes. Kruschev is mighty pleased, but gets enraged when the Israeli ambassador gets him only the largest fig which grew in his country. A pissed of Krushchev orders that the fig be shoved up the ambassador's arse to show his displeasure.

Next up is the Indian ambassador, who presents Kruschev with the largest, most juicy Alphonso mango that grew in India, but alas, recieves the same treatment as his Israeli counterpart. LAter, the Indian ambassador catches up with the Israeli and asks him if he too suffered the same fate. When the Israeli replies in the positive, the Indian ambassador looks greatly delighted.
"How can you be so happy after what has been done to us?" protested the Israeli painfully.
"Ah but you see, I just saw the Pakistani ambassador going to Krushchev with the largest watermelon grown in his country"

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Indian man are cell mates in a British prison.
They are talking about the sentences they have recieved.

Englishman> I am doing 5 years for attempted rape. Thankfully I was stopped or I would be doing 10 for rape.

Scotsman> I am doing 10 years for attempting to kill someone with my axe. Thankfully I was stopped or I would be doing 20 years for murder.

Indian> I am doing 20 years for riding my bicycle without a light. Thankfully I was stopped during the day......... :)

Regarding horribly racist tasteless jokes. I have 2 that can't be posted here. One is about an American GI and a Chinese doctor in Vietnam during the war. The other is about Brezhnev and Indira Gandhi in India. Anyone interested to hear them PM me. :D

whats a jewish dillema?
free ham!

whats white and 8 inches long?
nothing!

whats fat and american?
what isnt?

what did you do wrong when your woman comes out of the kitchen to nag at you?
made her chain too long

Profanity deleted.

An Irishman is staggering into a bar, obviously drunk. He's an old guest, so the barkeep lets him buy one more beer. Then another drunk Irishman comes staggering into the bar. He's an old guest, too, so he gets a beer, too. The two Irishmen begin to talk.

First Irishman: "Where are you from?"

Second Irishman: "Ireland."

First Irishman: "Hey, that's great, I'm Irish, too! Cheers for Ireland! From where in Ireland do you come?"

Second Irishman: "Dublin."

First Irishman: "Hey, that's great, I'm from Dublin, too! Cheers for Dublin! What elementary school did you attend?"

Second Irishman: "St. Mary's."

First Irishman: "Hey, that's great, I went to St. Mary's, too!"

Then anothe man comes walking into the bar and asks the barkeep what's going on.
"Nothing," the barkeep says. "Just the O'Malley twins drinking again."

Bwhahahahhahah :lol:

Here's one about CIA.... :crazyeye:

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”


:help:
:)

What's the difference between a black and an asian?

Slightly different levels of inferiority!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

When does an indian know hes hungry?
When his arse stops burning!

Sry if off topic but Dann your message box is full clear some space so I can pm my request 2 u.

O.K. Sry for double post but here's yet another joke mwahahahahahahaha :) Well its my friends joke...

Well all girls disregard this and e-mail me instead... good luck funding my address!!

So there's tiger woods and his really really hot wife I man one of those really hot stupid ones... well they're playing golf in their backyard and the girl asks "can I try?" then woods says sure. The girl swings as hard as she can and it hits their neighbor’s window. They go over to apologies and there's no one there so they go to the room with the broken window and there's a broken lamp there. Then someone comes through the door and says hello I’m a genie and I’m here to grant you 3 wishes. The girl says I wish me and my husband would live forever and live happily ever after. Tiger Woods says I wish my wife and me would be richer and more famous. The genie says ok both your wishes are granted but since there are 2of you and 3 wishes may I have the 3rd one? They both say O.K. the genie says well I’ve been in a lamp for so long and well umm I haven’t had sex over my whole live *cry* well I was wondering if I could have sex with your wife Tiger? Then the girl says ok I guess only fair is it ok with you tiger? Then tiger says yeah sure I would have done the same thing. Then the genie and the girl have been in bed for 7 hours and the genie asks the girl how old are you? The girl replies 35 and the genie says wow your 35 and you still believe in genies?

For you idiots that don't get the joke the genie is a bloody scam artist. And who wouldn't want to be with that payoff. :):):)

General Zia ul Haq, ex-military dictator of Pakistan died in an aircrash, along with several other dignitaries. When they looked for his body to give him a proper burial, the rescue crew could not really figure out what was whose, so they sewed up enough pieces to make a body and put it in his grave.

When Zia went up to heaven, Allah opened the records and found a long list of Zia's sins and passed judgment that he be lashed a 1000 times. When the lashing began, Allah noted to his chagrin that Zia seemed to be enjoying every one of his lashes, and immediately ceased the lashing and demanded to know why he was enjoying it so much. Between hysterical laughs, Zia replied,
" Although the Great One ordered that I recieve a 1000 lashes, the buttocks being lashed are that of the American ambassador's';)

A Scottish joke:

A woman goes to Glasgow for the day. That night she goes to the train station and asks the ticket taker "When is the next train to Dunoon?"

"In half an hour, Missus. You can wait on the platform."

She's walking up and down the platform and sees a strange machine with a sign on it: "Your weight and fortune, 2d." So she puts two pennies in the slot, there's a whir and a click and a little piece of paper comes out. She reads "Your weight is 10 stone 9 pounds, and when you step off the scale you will have a massive fart." She steps off the scale and lets go a horrendous fart.

She then thinks to herself "I wonder how the machine knew that?" So she steps back on the scale, puts two more pennies in the slot, there's a whir and a click and a little piece of paper comes out. She reads "Your weight is 10 stone 9 pounds, and your wildest dream is about to be fulfilled." Just then, the most handsome man in all of Scotland runs up to her, takes her behind the machine, and makes passionate love to her. After he's done he runs off.

As she's adjusting her clothes, she thinks to herself: "I wonder what the machine will tell me now?" So she steps back on the scale, puts two more pennies in the slot, there's a whir and a click and a little piece of paper comes out. She reads "Your weight is 10 stone 9 pounds, and while you were farting and screwing around, you missed your train."