Ok, I might be dense, but I read the manual, and searched the forum, and all I came up with is that it is possible to turn off some victory conditions.
I am hopeless at warfare, and I want to turn off the space ship to force myself to actually fight.
How do I turn it off? I have not seen an option to check anywhere in the options or start up?
Thank you in advance.

If you select custom game from the the menu, you have the options to change certain game dynamics like whether cities can be razed or not. I think certain victory conditions can be toggled there as well.

Now I feel stupid for not hitting that button and trying it.
Thank you!

That is correct. You can set up fixed alliances and you can even play the one city challenge if you want to really get into warmongering. This game is very flexible and that is a feature I like about Civ 4