Feb 04, 2002, 10:23 AM
:king: The Japanese humor story is coming along! :king:
View Full Version : Wisdom and Stupidity of Orient.
Feb 04, 2002, 10:23 AM
:king: The Japanese humor story is coming along! :king:
Feb 04, 2002, 10:26 AM
Wisdom and Stupidity of Orient.
The Legend of Japan.
Before I start this new game, some info. Mastermans Correct Starting locations. I added some more Japanese historical leaders, and added a new government form Militarism.
This is the World. And the Orient is in it. In the whole world, there are 16 human beings that live-forever, unless if they are Killen by Other Mortal. Also, there is a man called Shotoku. I am that man. A man cursed or blessed with immortality of the rulers. He was born to serve Japan through all of its history. If Japan fails during the Test of Time, then he will not be immortal anymore, and will have really bad luck. To live on, he MUST SERVE JAPAN! I will SERVE JAPAN my native land! On other hand, I could just scrap everything up as usually
Feb 04, 2002, 10:28 AM
Part I - The Birth of Sun.
Lord Tokugawa I sayed on that day in year 4,000 BC (Before Chinese Cookie (that really should be BCC)) The situation is as following we are The Japanese, I am Shotoku, you are Tokugawa, our permanent leader
I know! he answered. Tell me something new!
Okay! I said Weve found a suitable place for city of Tokyogawa!
Name it just Tokyo, okay? he requested.
Anyway, on 4000 BC, weve built the city of Tokyo as our capital. We built it on Island of Ribbon.
And the Japan started building up itself. Not far from Tokyo, the famous Japanese incenses were produced. This should be utilized as a luxury resource, Tokugawa shouted at his Domestic and Trade Advisors.
And the History of Japan has started this way And the development of Japan continued
On 2800 BC, the second city of Japan was built to the south, in Uzbek Lands the City of Nagasaki.
As I am military advisor, I will wait until some military events occur, okay?
On 775 BC, Tokugawa established contact with barbarians called Russians.
As 530 BC begins, the news has come of people named Tartars living in North of Japan.
The Tartars kept fellow Japanese in fear of an invasion.
But I led my men to battle at Gifu, and we won!
On 250 BC, Tartars have striked again we could not defend our poor workers, but we were able to avenge them!
During 20 years of battle (well we have a long history, and LONG BATTLES), weve managed to kill a lot of Tartars. I led our brave archers personally! Weve even got our first Military Elite Unit among those archers!
This was the battle at Echigo.
But more and more Tartars were approaching the Great City of Tokyo
They sacked it, and killed our fellow workers
But we will avenge this horrible event!
On 70 BC, Ive been sent to lead an expedition to Land of Tartars.
Feb 04, 2002, 11:15 AM
Well, people who made the VIEWS amount of this topic go to 8 from 0, what do you think?
Feb 04, 2002, 11:35 AM
Feb 04, 2002, 11:43 AM
As soon as I conquer China!
So did you enjoyed the begining of the story?
Feb 04, 2002, 08:33 PM
Good Story Das!
Any pictures to go along with it?:D
Feb 06, 2002, 10:19 AM
Sorry, I posted it twice, and one time without a screenshot, but well... You know...
Feb 06, 2002, 10:40 AM
II The Sunrise.
On 1 BC, the Great Lord Tokugawa has eaten two much Chinese Fortune Cookies, and made three most important solutions for our country:
1) Chinese Cookies are not that bad!
2) China must be conquered!
3) New Era shall start NOW! And it would be named AD After Those Delicious Cookies.
On 10 AD, the building of Japanese Fleet has started!
We will push the Tartars back into Hokkaido, and there, we shall have to commit genocide!
We must, in order to show that everyone who will resist Japan in its own land will be punished with Genocide the Death Punishment for entire people.
We quickly managed to liberate Northern Japan, and now, we will invade Hokkaido itself
On 70 AD, the History of Japan and of the whole world will be changed forever, as 6 Battalions of Archers were sent to China, with unknown orders
110 AD, the war between China and Japan begun!
On 130 AD, weve taken the city of Canton (to Northeast of Beijing).
The Spearmen quickly fortified the city.
The target of this war was, for Japan to end the Era of Isolation, and also gain the giant-size Chinese Resource Base. The Conquest of China was crucial for the rise of Japan!
We will do anything to take it! Weve sent almost all the army weve been collecting since the forming of Japanese Warrior Code!
And so, I will lead our army to take Beijing after the Hokkaido is free!
I was successful in destroying Tartars!
The assault on Beijing has started without me on 130 AD.
This happened after 3 days after the fall of Tartars!
Chinese cavalry attempt to smash our forces failed.
On 150 AD, the impossible happened.
Ive arrived to Beijing, and after 10 minutes, it was ours!
Chinese Horsemen were defeated everywhere. Some of them were pushed into Mongolia, some were captured
Meanwhile, our isolation was already ending. We established contact with Persians.
The Chinese did recaptured Beijing in the same year, but not for long
On 170 AD, the Beijing was ours once again! And also weve brought more archers to protect it, while the reinforcements from Japan were only awaiting our Galleys.
One of the spearmen have recruited Tibetan Spearmen to service, and started heroical defense of Lile Mountain against superior Chinese forces. Meanwhile, the Japanese Imperial Palace was under construction in Tokyo
On 210 AD, Tibetan Spearmen fell A moment of noise for them.
In 230 AD, I was commanding the Japanese Army Group Tibet. Our target was to take Tsingtao and Xinjian.
Commander Japanese Army Group China was Repetagu Irimoto. He was a good leader A father no, a godfather no, a Godfather Fairy Shogun.
On 250 AD, Ive taken Xinjian between Tibet and Gobi Desert and Tsingtao in Tibet.
On 260 AD, naval battle at Between Fish Tile has occurred, and all the Chinese fleet was sunken, and two more Archer regiments landed near Great South Chinese city of Chengde.
On 270 AD, Western Chinese city of Chinan and Chinese city - in north from Korea - Tatung - both fell To Our Magnificent - tm armies.
In South, assault at Chengde (southeast of China proper) has failed, but during a large and costly Archer Assault at Shanghai (in middle of China proper), this city fell.
On 280, we found out that Mao Tse Tung the Chinese leader run away to Nanking. But our Archers at Chengde were killed one after another, and we needed to send in our reserves from Japan!
But on 290 AD, when the reserves already were arriving, I personally led the Archers to take Chengde wait a minute, we are losing, thus I am not leading this attack wait, we won and took the city, so I lead the attack! And also, I was recognized a Great Leader in this battle! Yes! Japan has its first Great Military Leader Shotoku!
And then, Repetagu Irimoto gas took Nanking!
And then, it was decided that we must from now on advance to borders of mysterious land of India, and then make peace with China.
On 310 AD, we discovered another mysterious people Babylonians. They were different from us and Chinese they were whiter, and the city of Lagash in which we met had different and weird architecture.
They also knew a lot of weird things, and they gave us the knowledges that amaze my stupid and good for nothing ruler I meant that brilliant genius the smartest man in the world!
On 320 AD, Chinese capital of Tibet, Anyang, fell to our brilliant forces! But they retook it on the same year!
In 330 AD, our great forces took Maos hideout in Tietsin!
In south of China, there is Indian city of Bengal on island of Hanoi. The archiculture of theirs was just like ours.
Meanwhile, Chengde rebelled, and we had to send some forces to retake it.
After 10 years, Ive taken Kaifeng personally.
On 350 AD, weve taken Chengde once again, and crashed the angry Chinese mob.
Indian leader was Gandhi he was also immortal.
On 380 AD, after weve taken Anyang, he congratulated our great leader, by saying: Man, that certainly does hurts for Chinamen!
Finally, weve decided to negotiate with Mao, who was kissing Tokugawas feet, and pleading for mercy. We agreed not only to spare him, but also even to let him to get away with all the cities we werent controlling yet.
He gave us all the technologies that they knew but we didnt, and introduced us to a lot of other nations theyve found.
The Age of Isolation is over!
Feb 06, 2002, 10:52 AM
/\ Japanese Empire Minus Shantung /\
:ninja: :ninja: :ninja: :ninja:
:ninja: DO YOU LIKE IT? :ninja:
:ninja: :ninja: :ninja: :ninja:
Thanks to everyone who already replied.
Feel free to ask questions, and make your wise advices, Friends of Great Tok-Tok-Ugawa!
Feb 07, 2002, 08:46 PM
That was funny, good job. I'll leave everyone with a quote from the excellent story:
"I personally led the Archers to take Chengde wait a minute, we are losing, thus I am not leading this attack wait, we won and took the city, so I lead the attack! "
Feb 08, 2002, 12:00 PM
Note, I will not continue until there will be 10 more replies!
Feb 08, 2002, 10:34 PM
Cripes, just trust people when they say the story is good. You have to start with a small audience.
That Chinese Cookie thing was hilarious.
Feb 09, 2002, 04:14 AM
I know, but even this audience doesn't show enough response...
Oh well, the next part is ready and I will post it after 10 years...
No, maybe I will post it after 10 seconds - it won't hurt to me!
Feb 09, 2002, 04:18 AM
Part III The Japanese Eagle.
After we won, Tokugawa got the thing he fought for he got a lifetime (and thats a lot of time for that dope) supply of Chinese Cookies, while I become itshe Oh, damn it, how to spell it? Vace? No, no! Vice! Vice shogun!
We started reorganizing the country, and decided to colonize northern Japan.
On 390 AD, weve entered Middle Ages, known as Middle Ages, because that they were between Say, wait a minute we didnt know about the Modern Ages back then! So we will name this period Middle Ages just for fun of it!
On the same year, we started building our new Palace, the Forbidden Palace, also known as Continental palace in Chinese city of Shanghai.
After ten more precious years, Ive created First Imperial Japanese Army!
In the year 410 of Our Lords Chinese Cookies, weve sent an expedition to discover faster way to India What am I talking about? India is on our borders! Okay then, were just going to see the sacred Grandpa of Lord Tokugawa. No, wait, he already died. Oh anyway, were sailing eastwards, and I dont see any reason for doing so
Then weve heard about something stupid. Some people named Aztecs were destroyed. Who cares did they existed in the world?
Where is my script?! Oh, here it is
Khem, khem, ahem!
Anyway, weve built the Sishi No, its Esishi! Weve built Esishi in 440 AD, in Northern Ribbon, just to south from Hokkaido.
In order to stop the resistance in forests and grasslands of China, we started building more and more temples that will help us to make them understand, that we are cultural, and that we will accept them as equal to us. Even as they are far from being even a little equal to us.
On 490 AD. Weve invented new form of government Monarchy. Something about a monarch ruling the rest of the people in his glorious empire or something like that Weve ordered our people to start a new revolution all over the Japan and establish monarchy with our leader Toki-Toki as the Monarch of our country.
On 500 AD, weve established that new form of sucking the money out of people Monarchy, after a bloody revolution.
Now that was fun! Whats next?
On 520, the Chinese gave us some info on Americans to the east from us and west from Europe. So we will talk to those little large Americans! And theyve told us of Iroquois, and gave us some of their cunning tech advances.
And then, we went around the Old World (why do we call it old? Its uncultural to call something old!), and gained some new knowledge.
On 600 AD, we started moving to colonize Korea, since the Greeks also wanted to do so, and more Iron would never hurt our little great Empire
We blockaded the Persian-made roads to borders of Korea, forcing our enemies to use the longer way plus the Persians put the worker on their way. The Korea is going to be ours! And it is legally ours, by Tojos tradition not to mention that I must have this little country!
On 630 AD, weve built the city of Tegu, and gained the control over much of Korea.
In the year 670 AD, weve gained a mysterious knowledge of Cunning Powder, also known as Cunpowder. Some people still call it Gunpowder, however.
In the year 690, our growing cultural influence scared off some Taiwanese barbarians. Now what is so scary in a border jumping into your Island?
The year was 790 after Lords Cookies. And weve built our city in Hokkaido, as the final step of revenge against Tartars the city of Hokitoga.
In the year 840, Persian city in Siberia, Ghulaman rebelled and joined the Japanese Empire. We renamed it Gxulanti. We are lucky, arent we?
In Year 990 AD, we decided to start creating Japanese Colonial Army, in order to colonize the Pacific and defeats the local hordes of barbarians. The code name of this force is Samurai (stupid name, isnt it?).
Yes, we started planning to compete with rising Indian Empire for the Pacific Ocean, and that would be the greatest challenge I ever had since saving the little kitten that stuck on the tree in year 870 AD.
To stop the Indian evil, maniacal, and even even Not very nice plans, weve also started preparing settler regiment in Beijing.
Thus, when we will have enough Samurai Regiments, we will start our great Pacific Campaign!
Feb 10, 2002, 10:39 AM
Part IV The Move on Pacific - Prelude!
But the Forbidden Palace (I dont know whats forbidden in that ) was underway in Shanghai, not to mention being under construction!
In that year, the year, one thousands and ten years
Anyway, in year 1010 of Our Lords Godamned Donuts (read Chinese Cookies), weve hired a guy named Magellan (strange name of Japanese) to discover Magellans Strait somewhere. We were discussing his plans at Tokyo. Finally, it was decided to find two Straits of Magellan in Imperial Swimming Pool and between South Poland (or was it Pole?) and South America (from name of Amerigo Vispocci, who still had to be born after almost 500 Years, but we named it after him anyway).
Meanwhile, we had our first Colonial Settler Regiment (CSR) prepared in Beijing. While the Samurai (a.k.a. JCA Japanese Colonial Army) was still not prepared.
The Pacific HQ were in Tientsin that means, that our CSR and Samurai Regiments will be loaded on Galleys (and the new kinds of ships we invented too), and then will sail to the current theatre of those funny things, now how it was again Yes! Operations!
We will assemble fleet of two Galleys in Tientsin, starting the construction of Japanese Pacific Colonial Fleet (JPCF). By 1080, we also started Caravel-building project in Tientsin.
By 1110 AD, the first regiments of JCA are formed in Tatung, Province Korea.
Meanwhile, the Indians already captured some territories in Pacific, mainly Malay and Northern Sumatra.
This meant that we had to prepare Tokugawas birthday cake even faster, and perhaps enter the Race for Pacific earlier, but that one isnt important
More and more Samurai regiments were arriving to Tientsin, and we were preparing for the start of Race for Pacific between Japan and TSLN, NHIWA? OY! I! (That Stupid Little Nation, Now How It Was Again? Oh Yes! India!).
On 1170, weve discovered some silly laws, in combination known as Physics Who needs Physics, anyway?
In the year 1190, Continental Capital was built in Shanghai finally!
By 1220, we started recruiting new CSR for our Grand Plan.
On 1250, the Japanese Military Tradition was formed by your not so own.
By 1255 (now I know that time is slowing down!), we have built the third Samurai Regiment, and now we only had to move it to Tientsin, and then, we could start the race for Pacific!
The race begined on 1255!
Feb 10, 2002, 10:44 AM
Now, when I posted an update, noone follows the story! Sorry, I will have to wait until more replies!
Feb 11, 2002, 10:40 AM
Sorry, but I need to some response! And I wanted to post the story of conquest of Taiwna today, but I will delay it, until there will be ANY reply.
Feb 11, 2002, 11:41 AM
So post already!! :D
I'll be reading :)
Feb 11, 2002, 11:43 AM
Can you post a sample save? I've never seen a world map yet..
Feb 11, 2002, 12:49 PM
Feb 11, 2002, 03:37 PM
Is there any story writter who isn't after an ego boast :lol:
Please confirm you read these seems a very common theme.:crazyeyes
Feb 12, 2002, 10:24 AM
Part V The Move on Pacific Taiwan.
The race for Pacific Ocean begins!
As you may see, Malay and half of Sumatra is already Indian!
But wait a minute! What is this?
Our first target is Taiwan. I was order to take charge of JCA and CSR in Tientsin.
Our plan was like this. First, we will send two JPCF Galleys with one CSR and three JCA Regiments to Northern Taiwan. First, we will land Samurai Regiments and fortify them in order to defeat all the Barbarian attacks. After destroying all the Barbarians, we will land a CSR and built the city in South Taiwan.
Meanwhile, our JPCF Caravel will be waiting in Southern Taiwan, and the Samurais will go to the Caravel, while JPCF Galley will already take two other CSRs to Philippines, and the Caravel will take the Samurais there!
It seems that Japanese are sending the Galley to Taiwan!
Are they that stupid? Using galleys to conquer Islands!
Then the Barbarians closed our theoretical beachhead, and we had to land in South
Anyway, we landed!
Wait, they have Samurais here!
Meanwhile, the Indians incite a revolt in Babylonian Colony of Sippar in Eastern Sumatra, and gained it.
Timeline of Taiwan conquest:
All dates After the Cookies:
1260 Three JCA Regiments landed in South Taiwan. The JPCF Caravel has reached the required position.
1265 With just small causalities, the Samurai Regiments destroyed all the Taiwanese barbarians, and the CSR was sent to build the city of Tai Wang.
Well, the Taiwan is Japanese, but what will Indians do against that?
Find out next, you lucky people!
Meanwhile, the Japanese enter the Industrial Ages!
And also, they won the naval battle against Philippines at Luzon Island!
Not to mention that Magellan become the first man to cross the Magellan Strait, Imperial Swimming Pool, Imperial Palace of Tokyo, Japan!
Oh boy, oh boy, it looks like the Japanese are quickly modernizing!
Feb 13, 2002, 10:36 AM
273 views, and 38 (I think) replies. Hmm... strange...
Feb 14, 2002, 10:31 AM
Next update - tommorow, even if no one reads it!
Feb 15, 2002, 09:53 AM
283 Views and 24 Replies. And much of those replies are mine. I will just have to wait until soem more replies. Sorry, but I need at least 1 human being in audience...
Feb 15, 2002, 10:52 AM
Would a shadow do instead of a human being?
Feb 15, 2002, 11:44 PM
:lol: Keep posting.
Feb 16, 2002, 10:50 AM
Part VI The Move On Pacific Java and Philippines.
Several, several, several
Aha! The Japanese are going sneaky!
Who do you call sneaky?!
Okay, okay! Not sneaky, smart and cunning, perhaps?
Can we get on with this?
Aha! The Japanese getting smarter and quite cunning, too!
Anyway, we had cunning plan.
While we will move our Samurais to Philippines, but also, we will send one CSR to Java! I dont know why would we want to get Java, but thats superiors orders!
Aha! The Japanese are landing in Northern Philippines, and decide to fortify on their positions, while fending off Phillipinians!
You got it!
Were going to take Philippines.
And on 1270, a lot of bad Phillipinians fell to our Sams (I dont mean any Uncles or AA Turrets, you know!).
And after 5 years, weve raided Luzon itself!
On 1280 AD, weve taken it! And then, weve rebuilt it with Japanese population!
Are you sure?
Then continue please! I am enjoying this story!
So we will outmaneuver the enemy horsemen, and surround them!
Oh no! They ransacked our CSR and killed a lot of pretty impressive Samurais!
Also, the Indians stole Java from our hands!
But on 1290, weve defeated some more Phillipinians.
And in eastern Java, very soon, weve built the city of Tzingok.
But some more brave Samurais of Japan die in Philippines, totally expelling Japanese from there.
But were building a lot more Samurais!
And also, were sending two new settlers to Philippines, in order to gain Philippines peacefully without any causality.
Nice plan there, Shotoku!
Dont mention it!
Aha, the Phillipinians horsemen are too late to kill our settlers, and we will be able to start building our first city on Philippines!
Meanwhile, weve landed a settler on Palawan Island!
Our first city on Philippines was in the north, and it was named Shotkyo!
And when the Phillipinians attacked us, weve managed bribe them off!
Our second settler on Palawan found the city of Spiceyo, in year 1325 AD!
Weve bribed off even more Phillipinians!
And an unrelated story Persian city of Dariush Kabir in Siberia has rebelled against the Persian government, and joined the Japanese, under new name Drekbya. Nice name!
And by 1360 AD, we had yet another CSR in southern Philippines!
On the same year, our scholars discovered new ideology, named Communism! It gives Police Station City Improvement, and two new kinds of government Militarism and Communism! I have no idea what is this all stuff about
Also, after 5 years, we not only managed to learn Tokugawa how to wear kimono, and dance in Iroquois Style, but also weve built city of Kotogo in Southern Philippines!
So, now Eastern Java and Philippines are also conquered by Japan! Ahem, Indians! Are you going to do something already, or no?!
I am serious! Indians! Contact! Wake Up! Come on
Feb 17, 2002, 10:32 AM
An update soon!
Feb 19, 2002, 10:56 AM
Feb 19, 2002, 11:09 AM
So who will read it?
Feb 23, 2002, 01:08 PM
There were some problems in my saved game. Oh well!
Mar 24, 2002, 07:23 AM
your story is nice.... a little weird... and slightly confusing.
but also funny. funny funny funny.
Mar 31, 2002, 05:32 PM
nice story das:goodjob:
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