Me, I'm Hannibal and I'm gonna tell you the story of how I built an empire upon 5 bananas. I have built many great civilizations (and some not so great to be honest), but this time I decided to do it the hard way. In a world where everything was random I set out to grow a Deity nation by the name of Chartage. Mind you, I'm an Idiot and I can hardly do numbers, so this was not an easy task.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/momma.JPG
I found my first settler, Momma, placed on a small peninsula with plenty of food. I told her to go straight for the bananas (always do) and settle there. She was very pleased with that and promised to have one for me. Now, I've heard of a city named Dancing Banana in a far away land, but the word is that city is haunted and will meet a gruesome end, so I named my city Highland Park instead.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/HPark.JPG
To my scientists I said the we need to know how to communicate with others so they started screaming from the top of their voices and told me that maybe someone would here them, maybe not. Not good enough I said, and with grumpy faces they returned to their cellars. "You will have to wait a loooong time for this" I was told. No hurry, plenty of time, give us a bisquit :)

Looks promising! I'll keep watching!

Keep it up! :)

If the story is half as good as the title we are in for some real fun here!

In the year of 3750 BC, my first brave warrior, Cookiepants, is sent down south to have a look around. Let's see how brave he is. Highland Park starts training a new warrior to protect the city. Who knows, there might be giants out there. The worker, Sir Busy, is roading in the forest. He will soon start chopping trees for some nice barracks.
We soon spotted a lil bunch of mushrooms that turned out to be a camp of some sort. Cookiepants were told to leave them kids alone, because they can get pretty wild which is bad with Sir Busy and an unprotected Capitol nearby.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/GH3700.JPG
He tagged along in the mountains, and from the top he spotted a border. Needless to say, both of us were surprised by having friends so close, and Hey, there's fancy stones in the mountains :D
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/spotboder.JPG
From the cellar I could hear the science guys mumble "...hold him down...the knife....scars as symbols....send him on a horse...". Scary stuff. I got to bed, dreaming of pink scouts. I was also wondering what they ment with "Horses"...never heard of it.

Lousy starting spot. And what's with walking right past the mushroomhut of technogoodness?

Depending on the barbarian settings and the level he is playing in, the chances of barbs are pretty high.

Who is the pink civ? You said scout, so I'm guessing Inca? :)

Build city next to Gems, unless you're really an idiot.

Then you would be close to the border and what happens if war breaks out and the poor little city is all alone and undefended? :D

J/K

Looks promising. Remote starting location but hey, doing great! :goodjob:

Now, I've heard of a city named Dancing Banana in a far away land, but the word is that city is haunted and will meet a gruesome end, so I named my city Highland Park instead.

:mischief: Tsk, tsk, you dont know who might be watching.

Skipping the hut makes some sense at Deity, since there's not much good to come of barbs at that level, but I'm curious about the move to settle on the bananas instead of on the spot, since now you can't have the banana food bonus. Curraughs for exploration might not be a bad idea. Just a thought. Very entertaining so far!

:clap: I applaud Momma and the bananas! I wanna keep watching, Momma!

At this point in history a delegation of strange men came by to give me some advice. They were wise and smelled of expensive perfume. One, who called himself BuckyRea suggested Cookiepants should have stormed into the Hut to look for knowledge. Bucky was slapped on the head by a Simple Monkey who pointed out that in this type of world woodsmen seldom knew anything but how to swing a sword and kill innocent workers. I winked knowingly to the Monkey. Being a fan of bananas the Monkey continued to question the decision to sit on them. All I had to say was "I like bananas too, and I tend to run for them asap". I also informed that those kind of strange decisions would be common in the future and nothing to worry about. The Monkey also hinted about building some floating device for exploration which had crossed my mind. I took that as sound advice. Carmen said next settlement should be by the fancy stones and added "I'd like the big shiny one if you evetually get to chisle 'em out of that rock". I thanked everyone for their time and invited them to stay over at the Highland Inn. For hours one I could hear them debating where to send my next settler, and how many cities could be jammed in north of the pink border. How to make good use of the combination of floodplains and mountains. Whether to pop the Hut with a settler or not. I took many notes that night...

...and the years pass by

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/story3400.JPG

This is what the world as I knew it looked like. Well, the interesting parts at least.

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/3400.JPG

Take the goodie hut. At the worst you'll spew barb warriors, who'll just end up promoting your warrior. At best you'll get map or gold, both of which are good. Plus you'll keep the Inca from getting it -- the AI still gets all kinds of nice things from huts, and expansionist Inca even moreso. As the dogs say, if you can't eat it, pee on it.

I'd go ahead and attack the Inca city with your two warriors as well. Inca should be willing to cough up a tech or two if you kill off their only other city, though they might make you wait a turn or two before they'll talk, and you mihgt have to fend off another warrior or two. The monkey thinks it would be worth it.

Highly entertaining story!

2 regular warriors will surely beat one incan conscript warrior.:)

The Inca probably got Tiwanaku by popping a "mushroom" village.;)

2 regular warriors will surely beat one incan conscript warrior.:)

Especially if those two regulars attack from the mountains and the little frightened conscript is in a city on the plains.

The Inca can be a handful if they get some momentum going. Not a bad idea to put a hurt on that freight train before it leaves the station.

Fortune favors the bold.

If you end up popping barbs from the hut, I wonder if they will attack the Inca city rather than your warrior... I mean, they are the easier target... right?

If you end up popping barbs from the hut, I wonder if they will attack the Inca city rather than your warrior... I mean, they are the easier target... right?

That's true, but the AI is too stupid to realize that ;)

I honestly have never popped a barb hut and had barbs go to my enemy city. They always attack me or run away.

I've never had barbs attack a garrisoned city, only unoccupied ones. If barbs swarm out, they'll go for the lone warrior. Or possibly head up north to harrass the worker and the empty Highland Park. You never know.

I always have barbs raid my cities, but I have nevber seen them raid AI ones (As far as I have seen)

At the Highland Inn there was much talk about the attacking of Incans and Barbarians. All my guests seemd to favour the sword over the plough. Nice bunch, huh. Me, I was pondering the option of finishing the Barracks and then train loads of warriors to make some lebensroom. Thing is my military advisor told me Incan was strong compared to us. Then again he was a great fan of offensive units and maybe he was just in awe of their few archers.

Looks very nice!
But why did you settle on the Bananas? It's bad to settle on a food bonus.

Hi Mirc, welcome to the Highland Inn. Settling on bananas is not the only strange thing you will see Hannibal do. The man is an Idiot and he loves bananas...really :D

:lol: :D

You better make a choice fast, Daghdha, because in deity, Tiwanaku will soon have a spearman defending.:sad:

@Mirc: By settling on the bananas, Hannibal has an unlimited supply of bananas!:banana:

By settling on the bananas, the AI will never be able to disconnect them from the city!

(I wish it were a lux or strategic resource.)

By settling on the bananas, Hannibal has an unlimited supply of bananas!
By settling on the bananas, the AI will never be able to disconnect them from the city!
Aha, some of the guests at the Inn is starting to understand the inner workings of Hannibal. You are potential idiots, mark my word :lol:

Monkey likes bananas.

I understand now!
By settling on the bananas he can every day sacrifice a banana for the God of bananas!

By settling on the bananas he can every day sacrifice a banana for the God of bananas!A banana god ??? :nono:

What ?

A banana god ??? :nono:

That sounds almost obscene.

It's a private joke; Daghda will understand ;)

Now things started to cook in the greasy kitchen at the Highland Inn. A man Named Rik came out of the shadows saying he would not allow any worshipping of Bananas, no matter what. The others stood confused. Me, I understood what this was all about. I had been told that this man had, all by himself and in just a few days, created a whole world known as "Meleetia". He had now entered the slowly growing empire of Chartegian Bananas in this random deity world. What was his mission? The fine people at the Inn weren't told, but the look on their faces didn't show too much appreciation. They, like me, thought bananas were to be respected as Godlike indeed :worship:.
I went back to ruling my tiny empire...

I didn't mean anything obscene at all! In fact it is a strange thing of English that those two meanings are said the same way. I wanted to say "Zeul Bananelor" but I it appears that I can't translate this good into English.
Now I'm actually realising how different things you can understand from what I'm saying. I'm scared! I repeat: I didn't mean anything obscene. I wanted to say the God of the bananas or something like that. You know, the spirit that protects the bananas.

In 3350BC Cookie meets a lone Aztec warrior. He says he'll give us Pottery for Alpha, but that's it. Cookie says they could both go whack some barbs down at the Incans place and if they have fun playing, can talk biz again. The new friend was reluctant to do that, so Cookie headed on alone, and guess what happened? The Barbs were so impressed by Cookies way with the sword, they assigned one guy to follow Cookie as his deputy. Cookie called him Bede :) .
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/meetaztec.JPG
In 3000BC Sir Busy had finally mined some grassland which somehow made it possible for Highland Park to finish the Barracks much faster. The capitol did experience some grumpieness among its populace so I had to raise the spending on luxuries some. Basically that ment more bananas, and the mob in HP went just that...WoOoT.
Our new friend Bede were told to keep going south and have a closer look at the Incan doings. he spotted more warriors and found out they knew how to forge bronze. Cunning people the Incans. Cookie went back home to look after the security of HP. I figured there could be more barbarians in the fog. Whopper strolled on along the west coast.
I still didn't know how to mould clay, but I started to hear voices in my head saying "Kill Zone, Kill Zone".
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/3300.JPG

Kill zone! Kill zone!

looks cool

:good job:

:bounce: Whoo! Time to kill some Incas?:)

Hey, where'd Momma go? I want Momma back! Make another Momma and find more bananas!

Oh yeah, I wanna see some war too :)

:bounce: You will be killing Incans? :banana:

This is great, keep it up and kill the Inca's, I bet they are plotting to steal some bannanas!

No! Must protect banana!

I was going to make a lame comment about Hannibal's spoon being too big, but I think I'm just spamming so I'll shut up before I get evicted by Highland Inn security...

:hammer::hammer:

Kill them Incans!

:hammer::hammer:

:nuke:?

It's a bit too early for a :nuke:, isn't it?

Meleet will provide an Idiot with all that he needs. Obviously, this Idiot needs Gem encrusted bananas to use as weapons against the pinkies, also known as the inca.

It's a bit too early for a :nuke:, isn't it?
It's never to early for a nuke.

Oh crud, I had accidentally clicked unsubscribed, wat was I thinkin?:shake:

Oh yeah, clicked on the wrong thread.:blush: :p

It's a bit too early for a :nuke:, isn't it?
It's great to plan ahead, friend.;)

Yay! Nukes! Can Momma drop the nukes?

very very nice, Oh Idiotic Rat, You!!

They were wise and smelled of expensive perfume. One, who called himself BuckyRea suggested Cookiepants should have stormed into the Hut to look for knowledge. Bucky was slapped on the head by a Simple Monkey who pointed out that in this type of world woodsmen seldom knew anything but how to swing a sword and kill innocent workers. ouch

I do NOT smell of perfume.

anymore

When are the updates comin'!!??

Right, any updates?

Hani was at this time much occupied with other doings than developing his banana empire. Things would luckily enough change...

In the year of 2710 I traded our knowledge of aphlabet for some nice Pot of Monthys. I thought that would come in handy since I planned on settling our second city by the floodplains. A nice lil granny there could help in raising the number of banana lovers world wide. Also, the value of knowing how to make grunts into symbols was dropping alarmingly.
The city of Oban was then born, and boy did I spot some cool defense potential around that one.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/oban.JPG
I felt a strong itch to build things that could throw rocks on pink people, but I hadn't a clue on how. I had to figure that out with some help from my beloved scientists. Too bad they were still downstairs working on communication tools (and each other...ouch).
In Highland Park the people had started to build a curragh so we could meet new friends. The ones we had at this moment were not much for trading. We had met Mr. Hiawatha, but he was nuthin' but annoyed. So would I with that hairdo.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/iros.JPG
Thanks to Whopper and Bede our view of the world was rapidly expanding. Incans had a nice chunk of land in our south, Iros south of them and Monthy was apparently trying to block a passage in the east. I was eager to send that curragh out.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads11/territory.JPG

Oh crap........ Grab the land east or the others shall take the land rush.

Did I miss the cask races? Where is the banana beer? Where's the iron? I hear iron in the shorts does wonderous things.... :bounce:

I would not settle so close. You would doom your 2nd and 3rd city to smallness almost forever. Maybe that appetizing hill about or exactly 5 away from your capital. It's coastal and bridges to the lands east.

My plan was not to build large cities, but to let the Incans grow their cities large for me. Cities doomed to smallness can be replaced.
@Basement Wanderer//Welcome to the Inn :beer:

It had come to 2670BC and my pile of cash was growing uncomfortably large and I didn't have the steel to defend it if anyone should be so uncivil to demand some. Not that I expected such bad manners from my neighbours, but...

My problem is solved when I strike deal with Incans. One worker for 107 g's and 1gpt. Soon after that our first floating device, Soapdish heads W on it's already glorious journey. Highland Parks starts another warrior, but what I relly want is to train archers and build stone throwers. Some cool defense would've been great too. I've hear stories about knucklehead die-hards down in Numibia, and that they were guns for hire.
In 2430BC Soapdish spots what could be a passage to another continent. I hels my banana stinkin breath...were we to meet The Others???
In 2390 we meet Hittities who are willing to give Warrior Code + 10 gold pieces for our Masonry. Fair enough, now I can train those arrow shooters.
In 2310 both Soapdish's crew and Whopper gets the evil eye from Mursilis and Hiawatha respectivly. I tell my men to quietly step back and greet "See you later".
Then we happen upon the wheatfields of Korea. Mr. King Kong is not ready to bargain.
It was 2150BC and no one knew how to put those alphabet symbols together, but my research dpt told me they were on to something. I gave them all I had (which wasn't much).
In 1870 we had 4 turns left on writing, or so my Einsteins told me. No one else knew it.
A big event around that time was the founding of Talisker which completed my cramped Banana Empire. I decided from now on that I would develop the land and then invite the Incans to some kind of party.
1830BC we got information that a bird named Liz had built a giant bronze guy called Colossus. My oh my, the foolish enterprises people bring upon themselves.
In 1725 my scientists finelly shouts Heureka. Iros beat us to it but has not traded it around. I dial up Gilgamesh and he gives Wheel+Math+84 g's for Writing. Deal done!
Then I get the welthy Monthy online. How about Math for Aztec Bronze Working, Horseback Riding and, say, 187g's. He says that soundz spiffing. I compliment his hat.
Mursilis offers some knowledge on how to put your warriors in wooden boxes while singing funky tunes. Cool! He gets writing for that.
King Kong wants writing too so he don't feel inferior to his neighbours. Well, all your gold (48 g's) plust Mysticism will get it for you. He thinks that is a gracious offer....me too.
Iros get Math for Iron Working + 4 g's, but most of all their knowledge of writing has dropped considerably in value and I mean Big Way. So much for having a wee quicker Einstein.
I leave Incans with 4 g's and a lot of ignorance. They can find writing and math elsewhere.
I leave the table with 354 g's and all knowledge in the known world. It's all in a days work for bicycle repairman.
Of course we have both Iron and Horses just outside our borders.
Following turn it's appearent what Incans have been doing. They've been researching Polyethism. Good thing we didn't trade them Math and Writing. Sadly enough, Parachute won't share his monopoly.
Sir Busy chops some wood at Talisker and finds a bonus on the grassland. Until this day we do not know what that bonus is besides a white dot on the ground. He roads it.
With a whole heap of gold in my kitty I decided to open up some embassies. I was curious if there was more bananas around...
The Mayans are said to have completed the Pyramids in 1700BC. Good for them! Bury a Mayan :D
1625 Soapdish spots a Neanderthal warrior and appearently some are worse off than us.

Here's some other embassy pics:

What is it with you and those bananas, young man? I mean, any time you kill Hittites (or "Hittities" as you call 'em in your screen shot) is cool with me. But you know that you need more greens in your diet as well, right?

daghie, you have serious issues.

Welcome to the League of Extraordinary Idiots. Let us go plot something sinister....

BTW, as Eldest of Idiots, I now confer upon thee the power to spread idiocy as you see fit. This is much better than a PHD. Use the new found power wisely and spread the faith upon deserving peeps

Banana Split Pie, hmm....

What is it with you and those bananas, young man? I mean, any time you kill Hittites (or "Hittities" as you call 'em in your screen shot) is cool with me. But you know that you need more greens in your diet as well, right? Oh, I wish I was young. A man maybe, but more important, a newly assigned missonary. Admiral, I want an official title to go with that task ;)

Any updates coming?

Idiocy Missionary to the Heathen, however with your new powers, you are free to confer any title upon thyself except Ancient Idiot.

Where's the next chapter?

Daghie you want to use POTKISS for good luck? How about that?
I'm the most ancient idiot btw.
:salute:
Major General Idiot Whomper

1600BC I decide to enlighten Willy the poor sod with some Writing. He sends me all his gold, 93 g's, as a "thank you very much".
Then I build an embassy in Seoul, Nebraska, showing me no luxes and a horse. My neighbours all seem found of having clowns in their capitols.
In 1400BC I say Hi to the people of Hattusas. Now, they have iron as well as horses so I expect them to do some evil things soon enough. Shortly after that we connect some fine gems to all our citizens. They go bananas and start smiling immediately. At the Inn, Carmen is jumping on the tables singin' "Gems are a girls best friend".
At this moment in time there was much grumpieness about how small The Banana Empire was. I listened carefully but calmed the people with the information that our first stone throwing machine soon should be on display. The citizens of Oban was currently working on it, and as far as they could tell, this was an investment that would actually make out realms expand.
In 1350 Soapdish The Mighty Explorer spot Americans who, suprisingly enough, don't know aphlabet. For 40 g's we show them these secrets. We establish an embassy in a Washington that seems dead set on defense, but we still have too much gold for our own good. We build one in Hamsterjam too.
In 1325 we press the Incan borders by settling Macallan, and Voilá, we have horses as soon as Sir Busy and Schminca would be kind enough to connect them.
1225BC I dial Abe up and offer Writing for his newly discovered Polyethism, and you know what, he's delighted. I even get his last 5 g's in the deal.
Our second floating device, Bathtubby, set sails to take up the competition with Soapdish regarding found civ's. I wish the mildly inhebriated crew the best of luck.
1175 Soapdish meets Theo of the Byzantines. Now they are backwards I tell you. I sell Masonry for 90 g's, mostly because I feel pity for her.
1150 we trade Poly to the mighty Gilgamesh and he gives us Philosophy + 70 g's. That guy is on the run for sure.
1100 and Soapdish continues her wonderous exploring of new vict...sorry, friends. Henry of Portugal is a man of little knowledge so we try to correct that by teaching the ol Math. He gives 49 g's.
1050 we trade Iro's Map Making for Philosophy and 60 g's with Hiawatha. I thought that would make it possible to trade King Kong's Currency monopoly for MM, Philo and Poly, but no dice. He refuses.

At The Inn more "wise" men from ancient times popped in. The much talked about Whomp, leader of a great tribe called KISS, offered his talent and advice. I could do nothing but thank him, and would you like a banana perhaps? The ol' admiral was sitting in a corner singing Hank Williams songs and suddenly produced an a capella version of Ramones "I don't wanna go down in the basement. We were all stunned. That man could really drink a lot of beer...

The ol' admiral was sitting in a corner singing Hank Williams songs and suddenly produced an a capella version of Ramones "I don't wanna go down in the basement.
The real problem with Civ3 is... too much Elvis, not enough Ramones. "Don't Step on My Blue Suade Shoes" shows a definite bias in favor of the German civilization. On the other hand, if all the civs could start to sing "Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat with a Baseball Bat," then Monteczuma would give us all a lot less trouble.

Thank you for working to fix this obvious deficiency.

Very good! :thumbsup:

update!:woohoo:

When are you planning on attacking Pancho Parachute of the Incas? :cool:

The real problem with Civ3 is... too much Elvis, not enough Ramones. "Don't Step on My Blue Suade Shoes" shows a definite bias in favor of the German civilization. On the other hand, if all the civs could start to sing "Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat with a Baseball Bat," then Monteczuma would give us all a lot less trouble.

Thank you for working to fix this obvious deficiency.
Thanks Bucky, I even had a SG totally dedicated to the Forest Hills Punks right here (http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=118617). It died because we went off track and dived into anarchy, but who knows when it bumps and grinds. It would be totally within the ruleset if it did :lol:. The rules turned out to be There Is No Rules.

In around 700BC I diecide we're strong enough to take on the Incans. We have denied them their Iron and built our city of Laphroaig spot on. They have already trained some swordsmen, but no more will they do so.
In 690 Iros declare on Aztecs. How nice. Hopefully that will keep them busy with each other.
In 670 Sumeria decides Hittites have grown to big. Gilgamesh is a top dog in techs, but Mursilis have both Iron and Goats so this will prolly be a beneficial war for the rest of us.
Our Catapults scratches some spears in the mountains outside Oban. A horseman kills an Incan warrior. No Nub's have been engaged so far.
630 and Laphroaig is razed, grump, grump...:cry:
Revenge comes upon the Incans in 570 when we capture Tiwanaku. It is immediately renamed Laphroaig II. :beer:
Things are looking well, but we're falling behind in techs...
510BC our first military great leader, Harry Belafonte, is afoot. He gets the honour killing a swordsman outside Laphroaig II. Now, the question was if we should march on towards the Incan capitol or have some peace and harmony. The tech situation was slipping out of hand and we could pointy stick some from Parachute for peace. While pondering this question, our army slowly marched off south.

Haha. Kill, horsemen, kill! :hammer:

:goodjob:

Too bad elite horseman are only useful for spawning military great leaders. And once they do, then there is no point in putting them in the army they have (potentially) created for it would be too weak. What will you put in the army that you will use to conquer the world and make the game basically pointless in every future war since it is too easy to win against the stupid AI?

Woops! I ranted, again....

Fill the army with mercenaries! :evil: :devil:

ahh, the good ol' days of the wild bunch.

you might reawaken that (or a similar) thread.
might be a LOT of fun.

[hint, hint]
you want to do it. you know you do.
[nodge, nodge]
wink, wink. say no more....

good going too :thumbup:
the rat has become a splinter! :worship:

:bump:
Progress? :D

I'll have to put this on ice for a while. Mum died last week plus me and g/f have just opened a toy shop, so a lot of stuff to handle. Another bummer is that I hit random on mapsize and this is a biggie which makes it uncertain my pc will be able to cut it...we'll see.

My condolences to you. May her soul rest in peace, and best of luck to you and your future business.

On another note, did you try checking F10 and the space race? You can find out how many other civs there are that way, and deduce how big the map is from that.

My condolences to you.Yes, of course. :(
Take care Daghdha, you have our support, however much that is worth...

:sad: My wishes are with you always Daghie boy.