ybbor
May 23, 2006, 04:22 PM
DEAN REASSURES DEMOCRATS: ‘WE WILL FIND A WAY TO SCREW THIS UP’
DNC Chief Determined to Uphold Losing Tradition
Amid a growing belief that there is no way the Democrats can blow the 2006 midterm elections, Democratic National Committee chief Howard Dean sought today to reassure the party faithful that the party was “doing everything in its power” to uphold its losing tradition.
At a top-level summit called “Defeat: 2006” being held in Boston, the former Vermont Governor gave a rousing speech to concerned Democrats, bringing his audience to his feet by vowing, “I can assure each and every one of you, we will find a way to screw this up.”
With President Bush’s approval rating below thirty percent and key Republican members of Congress the targets of ethics probes, many Democrats have been worried that their historic role as losers and sad sacks might come to an abrupt end this November, a fear Mr. Dean attempted to quell today.
“Folks, let’s not forget, we’re Democrats,” Mr. Dean said. “If there’s a way to lose, we will find it.”
Carol Foyler, a longtime Democrat from Bethesda, Maryland who attended the summit, said that she had been worried that the Democrats might somehow pull out a victory in 2006, but added, “Just knowing that Howard Dean is in charge makes me feel much more confident about losing.”
Elsewhere, after a study by the Georgetown School of Medicine said that millions of dollars are wasted on unnecessary medical tests, the American Medical Association said that there might be something wrong with the author of the study and he should come in for a checkup immediately.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1398
DNC Chief Determined to Uphold Losing Tradition
Amid a growing belief that there is no way the Democrats can blow the 2006 midterm elections, Democratic National Committee chief Howard Dean sought today to reassure the party faithful that the party was “doing everything in its power” to uphold its losing tradition.
At a top-level summit called “Defeat: 2006” being held in Boston, the former Vermont Governor gave a rousing speech to concerned Democrats, bringing his audience to his feet by vowing, “I can assure each and every one of you, we will find a way to screw this up.”
With President Bush’s approval rating below thirty percent and key Republican members of Congress the targets of ethics probes, many Democrats have been worried that their historic role as losers and sad sacks might come to an abrupt end this November, a fear Mr. Dean attempted to quell today.
“Folks, let’s not forget, we’re Democrats,” Mr. Dean said. “If there’s a way to lose, we will find it.”
Carol Foyler, a longtime Democrat from Bethesda, Maryland who attended the summit, said that she had been worried that the Democrats might somehow pull out a victory in 2006, but added, “Just knowing that Howard Dean is in charge makes me feel much more confident about losing.”
Elsewhere, after a study by the Georgetown School of Medicine said that millions of dollars are wasted on unnecessary medical tests, the American Medical Association said that there might be something wrong with the author of the study and he should come in for a checkup immediately.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1398