We all (?) know that Civilization has been created and developed by Sid Meier first and several companies afterwards. But what would have been the result if Civilization would have been created by others? Let's take a look...

- Bullfrog: you can modify the terrain near your Populous tribe and make everybody happy, but nothing really progresses after that. You can be best friends with a barbarian bear nearby, though. Your settlers are plenty and upkeep free.

- Maxis: you watch your monitor twiddling thumbs for 7 hours as your Similization evolves from bacteria. It's the late modern era when they start demanding attention, and how!

- Nintendo: Somehow Stalin will be in a crucial role in this Super Civio game. He bounces through the enemy territory into their capital where the AI leader awaits, and not so pleased.

- Sony: Every leader has big eyes, small mouth. Every patch is promised to be Final. Your units will become quite experienced in a fancy ways.

- id Software: You can only build marines in deserted military complexes. Relationships with AI civilizations will be Doomed. And you can find Civ quick run videos from the net.

- Microsoft: It looks like you're creating a rifleman! Your Capitalization is big but the cultural border leaks barbarians badly. Blue ocean scenario is a killer!

- Jeff Minter: Llamas!

More to come. ? :rolleyes: feel free to improve!

Blizzard- Every unit will look like an orc or elf
Sierra- TIM(The Incredible machine game)
JoWood- You must lie and trick your opponent with leader "The Nasty Neighbor"

Shiny: You start with a set number of units, and have to kill enemy units to build more units. To win you need to suicide one of your own units in the capital city of the enemy. Only available improvement is obelisk. You can paradrop all over the map, but watch out for heat-seeking missiles.

Lionhead Studios: You can't give your units orders, they all behave more or less randomly. You can order your cities to build buildings, but they might not do it. Sometimes they build on their own. No hammers are produced, all improvements must be built by chop-rushing.

Apple : The game does not change but it comes in a nice silver and gold shiny plastic case and it costs twice as much!

Konami: Entering up up down down left right left right b a gives you 2,000,000 gold and a "Vic Viper" hero unit.

Obsidian: Great Game up until the modern age, at which point leaders inexplicably dissappear and the game ends after a five minute chat with Darth Victoria.

Square Enix: Leaders have much better personality and your troops can be upgrades by spending hours fighting random brabarians. Game always end fighting neo-uber-Montezuma in some kind of vorpal plane.

EA Sports: CivIV is exactly the same as CivIII, excepts with an updated soundtrack and new commentators.

the creative assembly: Flaming pigs and Screeching women will be frequently used units by players.
Namco:your units will step on small circles and eat them, earning you victory points.

EA Sports: CivIV is exactly the same as CivIII, excepts with an updated soundtrack and new commentators.
I think EA Sports comes from Electronic Arts Sports, so civ would have been created by EA Games not EA Sports.

Bethesda Softworks: After you create a unit, you take control of that unit at the first-and-third-persons and upgrade them by battling other units, or die.

Tiger Electronics: You would select to be one of two civilizations though it would be advertised as 24. Your civilization will have a maximum of three B&W units the size of a pinhead projected over a static map that never changes and you'd run out of batteries before reaching the Middle Ages.

Capcom: In the modern age your cities might suffer from zombie infestations and your only choice is to nuke it to stop it from spreading.

Hasbro: You must employ little people who work big machines to build your cities, and to save your people from various disasters.

Knowledge Adventure: Learn from talking animals, pre-teens, and machines as you build your society to be the ultimate in education.

Linux: Bake the game even MORE bare-bones, make it free, and let everyone who cares have the chance to change the game in amazingly new ways (Much more beyond FFH)

AOL: Make a horrible mess, market it as the New Beginning, and swindle all the hapless people you can in order to drive all competition out.

Chuck Norris: He would beat Satan up until the Devil writes the code for Civ 4.

Chuck Norris: He would beat Satan up until the Devil writes the code for Civ 4.
:lol: :lol:

Will Wright: More llamas! And about a dozen expansion packs!

Lucas art + petroglyph= expansionist looking ame with many maps and only two nations- empire and rebels
Lucas art + pandemic= Star wars Galactic conquest with FPS battles

What if God made Civilization? :hmm:

Oh, wait... :p

What if God made Civilization? :hmm:


The Arabs would always get tundra starts.

The Arabs would always get tundra starts.

Depends which god :mischief:
the arabs beleive in god too

Rockstar: Immigrants from rival civs would cause gang violence.

Hideo Kojima: Throughout the game you have to watch hundreds of 5-10 minute cut scenes explaining the back-story. The most powerful unit is a lone spy that is capable of destroying entire armies without being seen.

WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.

Joss Whedon: The civilizations that are led by females are always the most powerful.

What if God made Civilization? :hmm:
There would be huge debates over how long it took to make the game: six hours, or some odd number of months/years.

WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.


:lol:

PETA: Harvesting sheep would cause an international incident.

Stanley Kubrick: When you try and click retire all you here is "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Zhang Yimou: The same, excepts with vastly improved, gravity defying attack animations.

Sega: victory point locations replaced by chaos emeralds.

What about J.R.R. Tolkien or Gary Gygax? Oh wait... I forgot Jack Chick.

Stanley Kubrick: When you try and click retire all you here is "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Or: Twenty turns after the Manhattan Project is finished, all of your Civ's bombers are launched on a massive attack against the largets enemy Civ. Their commander says something about defending his 'Precious Bodily Fluids.'

These are great! Keep them coming!

I can't think of anything good enough to add, but i request a Canadian one please.

Also I am in the middle of getting to starting my homework.

What about J.R.R. Tolkien or Gary Gygax? Oh wait... I forgot Jack Chick.

Jack Chick: There is no option in the beginning to make the world 3/4/5 billion years old, the only setting is "6000 years". Also, building the ToE makes every citizen unhappy, maxes out corruption/waste, and destroys all your military units. Also, the non-European/non-Christian civs are all evil and seek to destroy any Christian civ in the game all the time. Plus the opening movie warns that playing any game not made by Chick turns you into a Satan-worshipper, and you go to hell.

EA games: Civ 4 had 2000 TV spots, all showing only CGI pre-rendered scenes, It is posted on billboards, Bus-sides, and more. It costs $69.99 US, but when you buy it, it is exactly the same as Civ 3 with the exception that you now have a new option for slavery: there is normal whipping, which speeds up production like usual, and there is: 'video game producer slavery' which is the same except for rushing buildings, it costs hundreds of thousands to help along, and when built, it simply gives the same bonus as the prerequisite building. (like to build a castle simply gives another small defense bonus, no culture) Also, no patches are ever released.

That isn't funny. :\

Nintendo: You guide Mario through your empire to your neighbouring empires to defeat Bowser Tank in each land. After you defeat all Bowser Tanks, you capture the Princess and win.

Blizzard: Add liberal amounts of humor, amazingly evil heros, and some things that look like walking bags of meat. Enjoy!

(Oh, and it would have a liberal dosage of kick-arse too)

Blizzard: They promise the moon, and deliver uranus....

WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.
WWE: First you will hear the entrance music of each competitor (this might actually take longer that the actual battle), along with this you will either hear boos or cheers according to how the WWE wrote each character, whether they be a heel or a face. Also you might occasion have an outside oppenent interrupt the match causing you to lose the fight and thus stop you from being the World Champion.

:smug: Cavedog (http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=84982) :smug:

Team 17: Rather than spears, swords, arrows, and guns, your combat units use sheep, holy hand grenades, and old ladies as weapons.

Koei: During regicide games your leader has a tendancy to run head first in legions of men proclaiming is might. Warlord units carry fans, not swords.

3drealms: Civ forever

Quentin Tarentino: Swordsmen would spend fifteen minutes discussing each other's life stories before engaging in a long, flashy battle filled with gravity-defying stunts.

Bethesda (again):
Civ 1 would be pretty good, but lack graphics and total freedom to do what ever you want. Also the land surronuding your cities will be infinite.
Civ 2 would be superior to any other game, with freedom, nudity, sex and moral ambiguity combined with lots of story and a good lore.
Civ 3 will have flashier graphics. MUCH flashier graphics. But many features will be dropped as the deves didn't have time to impliment them. They promise they will be in the next itteration of the game.
Civ 4 will be gared towards getting new players and getting lots of money at the expense of older players. War Elephants will be dropped, since honestly, who ever used them? Also, your cities will be restircted to the spots that the computer choses for you. You will be able to see combat in a sort of Rome: Total war way. Also, they will charge you for updates.

Peter Jackson: The movie for the space race victory at the end of the game would be 45 minutes long.

Peter Jackson: The movie for the space race victory at the end of the game would be 45 minutes long.

Actually, that sounds quite good...

Peter Jackson: The movie for the space race victory at the end of the game would be 45 minutes long.

He'd make a cameo as one of the warriors. :p

M. Night Shyalaman: Just when you're about to win, a plot twist hits and your nation ends up completely destroyed. :crazyeye:

Team 17: Rather than spears, swords, arrows, and guns, your combat units use sheep, holy hand grenades, and old ladies as weapons.

Now I am getting really curious about these companies...

Now I am getting really curious about these companies...
:eek: How could you not know who team17 are ??? :eek:

:eek: How could you not know who team17 are ??? :eek:

I have never played Worms. I will this summer sometime.

Obsidian: Great Game up until the modern age, at which point leaders inexplicably dissappear and the game ends after a five minute chat with Darth Victoria.

:lol: Exactly


I HATE how they ruined KOTOR2!!!! :mad:

Civ 4 will be gared towards getting new players and getting lots of money at the expense of older players. Isn't it so already?

:lol: Exactly


I HATE how they ruined KOTOR2!!!! :mad:

Thanks, now I can guess at how the game ends before I even play it!

Thanks, now I can guess at how the game ends before I even play it!

Most anticlimactic ending to an otherwise great game, ever. If they had been allowed to finish making the game it would have been incredible rather than merely awesome.

Square-Enix:

You have amazing touching dialogue, storyline, and cutscenes. But the game is released in Japan one year before it ships to the U.S. :cry:

And you have additional Features if you buy it in the U.S. (Final fantasy 7 for example)

Me: :spear: would never happen, and the Jaguar in civ 4 would be useful, as would the F-15 in civ 3. The Japenese would be able to choose between using the Samerai and the Kamakazie. The U.S. could choose between using the F-15 and the Navy Seals. Three new civs would be added, Canada, Hungary, and The Philipiens.

John Carpenter: Every battle would be very dark, gorry, or drawn out for nearly six minutes. The critics would hate it initially, but it would bcomes a cult favorite a few years later.

:lol: Exactly


I HATE how they ruined KOTOR2!!!! :mad:

KOTOR2 is one of my absolute favorite games of all time (course, I've never played the first :p)

---------------

Perfection: Is there any unit that isn't a Giant Death Robot?

Richard Garriott: you can actually bake bread, and you gain in techs\population\cities only through following the Virtues of Truth, Love and Courage. You could manipulate damn near everything in earlier games, but when it went 3D the world shrunk, massive anomalies crept in and gameplay got shot to hell.

Nanotech - Tiny Death Robots

Perfection: Is there any unit that isn't a Giant Death Robot?I made it quite clear in the thread that there isn't.

Disney-All the untis would be replaced by cute little animals with big eyes and when a battle happens wat would happen is one touches the defending unit and he falls over and runs away.

Disney-All the untis would be replaced by cute little animals with big eyes and when a battle happens wat would happen is one touches the defending unit and he falls over and runs away.
Don't forget the singing.

... oh, the singing...

The directors of teen sex comedies: Whenever you made peace with a country with a female leader, she would then take off all her clothes; enemy units would be defeated in the end by pushing them into a lake.

The directors of teen sex comedies: Whenever you made peace with a country with a female leader, she would then take off all her clothes; enemy units would be defeated in the end by pushing them into a lake.

And of course when you win, all the enemy units would give you a slow clap.

Yu Suzuki: To progress in the game you must talk to everyone, including all your units, units from other civilisations, citizens of your cities and from other cities, and collect random objects. To can eat food and drink water, but it's does nothing except reduce your gold. The weather will constantly change, and battles will either be similar to Virtua Fighter or involve pressing buttons in a sequence. There are probably a few minigames somewhere.

Criterion: All combat would have 200% more sparks.
Bungie: Civ2 would end in 1000 AD, and you's have to wait for Civ3 for to get to the end.
Ubisoft: Civ 4 would be released for consoles, with the Xbox version almost as good as the PC version, but the PS2 and Gamecube versions look and play like Civ3.
Free Radical: Monkey and Zombie units.
Reflections: Make it exactly like *insert most popular strategy game besides Civ4 here* only half as good.
Insomniac or Naughty Dog: Make a bunch of super awesome games then sell the license to the crappiest company they find and go do something else.

Valu-Soft: Riddled with bugs and horrible gameplay. Also with some sort of spearman looking like Shaka dancing wildly around a broken tank just as a bombers bombs him to kingdom-come.

Blizzard- Every unit will look like an orc or elf
Sierra- TIM(The Incredible machine game)
JoWood- You must lie and trick your opponent with leader "The Nasty Neighbor"
blizzard units dont always look like elves or orcs go play warcraft 3 or starcraft u see a big difference in looks between the races u described unless u r that race! (the race thing only works for warcraft not starcraft) :p

Apple: Would patent CIV as a wireless game, and then make it a computer game. They would make two "special" versions of the game, both related to Bono. They would make one where everything is black and red, and another where everything is a different shade of RED. Also, they would keep the features mainly the same from CIV 1 - 4, adding ONE new feature each time, and being exactly 1.5 steps ahead of Microsoft.

Pat Robertson: England, France, Rome, Greece, Russia, US, Germany, Spain, and Portugal would be in locked wars with Egypt, Arabia, and Ottoman Empire. Any American fascist/communist leader would be assassinated immediately.

Monty Python: Holy Hand Grenades, Old Ladies, and Rabid Moose (plural?) would attack people. Also, Spanish units could never be seen moving, as "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION".

Criterion: All combat would have 200% more sparks.
Bungie: Civ2 would end in 1000 AD, and you's have to wait for Civ3 for to get to the end.


Bungie: Earth map style/shape - Halo

EA: There will be new Civ every year and every year we will play another clone of Civ3 with different interface

Ubi Soft: The worst possible use of a really cool liscence, but will still sell because of the liscence but anger the fans to the point where they will never spend money of their crap again.

John Romero: Will make bold promises, but deliver a game a couple years late and 3 years behind the tech curve that will win "Coaster of the Year"

Ensemble Studios: All editions of Civ would focus on a single string of eras and cut off right when the tech would be just getting good.

Goerge Lucas: Would have intenst fight sequences, Horrible dialogue, and your enemies would speak with a british accent

You could manipulate damn near everything in earlier games, but when it went 3D the world shrunk, massive anomalies crept in and gameplay got shot to hell.
Isn't that how it IS nowadays? :p

Me: Civ 3 and 4 cancelled, focusing on improving Civ2 and it's siblings (mge, tot, etc), patching bugs and removing any and most (if not all) limits, since everyone (from my perspective, at least) have supercomputers able to render 2048 cities and 3 million units nowadays :P

Sega: Would probably make their own console to play the game, but it turns out to be so crappy, they end up selling the game rights to all other console makers(Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft) and dedicate only to make games.

Soviet Russia: Reverse engineer rival's game, and you don't build civilizations... civilizations build you!
Sony: Make the ultimate in civilization building experiences, but at twice the cost of rivals and plagued with delays and shortages.

Paradox Interactive: 10,000 leader heads, all using a total of 6 trait combinations :P

Soviet Russia: Reverse engineer rival's game, and you don't build civilizations... civilizations build you!

Soviet Russia: Commisioned by the Communist government, ComradeConquer fails after Sid Meier dies in an "accident" and his closest associate steals all the credit. Unfortunately, only he knew how to work the computer and there are still lines for the first patch. Don't dare protest or the police may send you to "tech support".

Hey, we need something more creative here!

SpongeBob SquarePants: You could build cities only underwater, and units are just big soap bubbles.

:mischief:

The Logic Factory (http://www.logicfactory.com/games_ascendancy.htm): games are excellent, except for the AI. Enemy civs build only granaries, factories and libraries, and produce only warriors and settlers.
21 civs to chose from, each with one special ability.
Only 21 unit graphics, but units are fully customisable (but the stupid AIs still only make warriors and settlers).
Tech tree rather shorter than Civ, but same concept.
Goodie huts very few and far between, but all contain scrolls of ancient wisdom - but have to be collected by building a city by them.
Can trade maps and techs, but only like-for-like.
Simplified diplomacy: only alliance, peace and war.
You need to keep building several city improvements to allow population growth

The Logic Factory (http://www.logicfactory.com/games_ascendancy.htm): games are excellent, except for the AI.
<snip>
Ascendancy! :D

Ascendancy! :D

Yup! Do I get more geek points? :mischief: Ascendancy was the first strategy game I ever played. We keep an ancient computer with Windows 95 going, JUST for running old favourites like Ascendancy that won't even work with compatability mode in XP.

Games Workshop: Civ3 Warhammer mod ;)

Zimbabwe: The game would be released 10 years late and they'd only have 20 copies for sale. If you manage to build anything successful, the government takes it away and gives it to "war veterans."

Monty Python: Holy Hand Grenades, Old Ladies, and Rabid Moose (plural?) would attack people. Also, Spanish units could never be seen moving, as "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION".

In addition, you can kill all knights by saying "IT" or by purchasing them shruberies (accomplished by clearing a forest)

^^

And Frenchmen would insult you like this:

"Your father was a hamster and your mother smells like elder berries!"

SSI: You can choose weaponry and training for every single soldier in every unit you build. There would be at least 1000 unit types and 5000 weapons systems to choose. The map would consist of hexagons instead of squares.

American Idol: CFC posters have to vote for the victor of every game.
Survivor: The other Civilizations can vote you out of the game.
Medal of Honor: Can only play the same war with the same people over and over again.
Hillary Clinton: Everything in the game has something to do with Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Hillary Clinton. Has Barbarian Tribes named after the women Bill has cheated with.

Microsoft : The game is released full of bugs. The users have to send in the bug reports when they chance upon one and then Microsoft will try to fix it. When u turn off the game, the game will ask u to patch and then restart without consent closing all ur other programs. Millions of "add-ons" will be released later where the users have to pay for something they should be getting in the initial release.

Russel T. Davis: Modern civilisations will always be better and look more sleaker than the classics. There will be some 'cock & bull' story about how the classic civilizations became modern.

nvidia: gamplay would be imbalanced some units would be completly useless and it would be so short it isnt worth buying. Graphics are great: low graphics settings are the same as high on any other game

Frank Herbert: There is one source of oil on the entire planet. You threaten to nuke the one oil to take over the world.

Arthur C. Clarke: Your initial city is on a monolith and, instead of going to Alpha Centauri, you build a spaceship to fly to Jupiter.

Isaac Asimov: The game would end in the year 2050, not because you retire, but because of an eclipse of the sun.

Philip K. Dick : You play as Greece and build the Oracle of Delphi. You ask the Oracle three times who will win the Game. The first time you are told that you will win, the second time that you will lose, and the third time that you will win. You lose the game.

ASCII gurus: Civilizations are C's with different colours. Leaderheads are big @'s.

Xerxes: Sparta will not exist, no one will ever hear of such a civilisation. No mention in the parchment and all the scribe couldnt talk. The world never knew Sparta existed.

NESers: Each turn, you would do diplomacy, and write orders. You would then send them to the computer Mod. Massive fun, but for the computer to update so you can play the next turn can take anytime from a week to a few months. Expect the Computer Mod occasiosionaly has to deal with real life, and the game sometimes sleeps, or the other computers lack intrest and the game is shut down

Girls Gone Wild ::: All the Leaderheads would be hot chicks (No Catherine the Great for Russia, maybe Regent Sophia but Im not sure) would be completly topless and the terrain would all be Maimi Beach at Springbreak. Wars would be Hooter Fights :) and your treasury would likely be 0, guess why!!!

Gamefreak - Gotta catch all the UU's! Great Persons are legendaries. :p

The Wachowski Brothers : You're convicted that ur life and the whole world around you is just a game of Civilisation. Played by a no lifer, emo, Asperger kid nicknamed "God".

Chads: Civilization is in your house. Improvements are such stuff like HDTVs or Halo. Great People are hot chicks. Wonders are 'great' improvements, like new kitchen, softball field, or fancy restaurant trip. Enemies are people who want to steal your chicks. Allies: Friends who fight back at enemies. Victory: Get all the chicks or eliminate the enemy/enemy's home(s).

Swedishguy: You will have Knubb as State Religion and Random Persian will be the UU of Persia!

Fox: There will be Republican-biased election news, covering up Republican slip-ups/scandals.

Smilie: :viking: :spear: :deadhorse:
The Brady Bunch: All wars would be resolved peacefully within the course of a half-hour. The Civilization theme music will be stuck in your head for 30+ years after play.

Swedishguy: You will have Knubb as State Religion and Random Persian will be the UU of Persia!

ARRG! Worn-out inside joke overdose... the pain... the... pain... *chokes*

Okay, how about...

...

George R. R. Martin. You know you want it.

New civilizations get created and destroyed every few turns, you have to deftly manage your advisors and councils by playing them against each other, while still managing to not tick them off enough to assassinate you. You units have a 20% chance to turn against you and join the barbarian state each turn.

Also, watch out for zombies from the northern wastes, dragons from the far east, and midgets with crossbows back home.

NESers: Each turn, you would do diplomacy, and write orders. You would then send them to the computer Mod. Massive fun, but for the computer to update so you can play the next turn can take anytime from a week to a few months. Expect the Computer Mod occasiosionaly has to deal with real life, and the game sometimes sleeps, or the other computers lack intrest and the game is shut down

NESers: The game allows a few leaders to join, and then mercilessly flames anyone else in the vicinity.

Broderbund: You are ACME agents, trying to defend priceless artifacts/monuments/cities from Carmen Sandiego, an invisible, invincible, and almost impossible to catch. You'll also need to prevent VILE agents from stealing the stuff, but they are easy to spot and catch.

ingen: would be all about site B, Isla Nubar, a rich John Hammand, and bunches of dinos, blah blah blah.http://forums.civfanatics.com/uploads/114499/120px-InGen_Logo.png oh and some electric fences.

NESers: The game allows a few leaders to join, and then mercilessly flames anyone else in the vicinity.
Hmm? What did I ever do to you?

Capcom: Every civilization would have it's own type of terrain and enemies that go with the theme. You must jump and shoot through the terrain and enemies controlling your leader and finally battle the enemy leader. After you win, you'll get his/her powers that are probably effective against some other civilization. After you've almost conguered the whole map, your last adversary hops into a flying saucer and flies into his/her fortress of doom. Then begins the end game for world conquest.

Disney Interactive: Civilization would be an "action" game.

Microsoft: Game crashes every 5 minutes, so they release a patch, then the game crashes only every 2 minutes...:D
Cyan: Complex system of interlocked puzzles as well as an odd book shaped resourse...
Apple: Awesome gameplay, great graphics, but not a lot of people play it...

The Ninja :ninja:

Microsoft: (Extra) You need to buy it through Microsoft points, leaving you with extra which you don't know what to do with, since all extra content is more than what you have/can afford.

Lionhead: You win the game by chucking Fire at giant monkeys
Maxis: Today is the release date of expansion #90 and it costs €60 but next week will only cost €20.
Bebo: You post comments on your citizens profiles instead of the city screen then post another comment when you realise there is no : lol : smiley

Valve Software: We'll release it tomorrow, next week, next month, next...when we're bloody ready, alright?

Infogrames interactive: ICS! :badjoke:

(this company was already/only posted once)

3D Realms: we won't be here discussing this.

EA Games: We've bought the exclusive rights to using the names and likenesses of real life civilizations in video games for the next 10 years. Bwahahaha!

Infogrames interactive: ICS! :badjoke:

:lol: I thought it was funny.

THC: The game would be exactly the same.

Perfection: You are in CFC and engage in spam-wars. The ultimate unit is Perfection. You cannot beat him, unless you also have Perfection.

Gamefreaks: The units will keep on repeating its name when you click it, with varying emotional expression. "Wor-ker?" "Wooorkeeer!" "Work-Work-Worker!"

Monolith Productions: Units will disintegrate as they walk, occasionally going slow-mo when in combat. Also, there will be blood.

Namco: Yoshimitsu will be in the game. Seriously.

Blizzard: There will be a massive countdown for the release of the next civ game, to no ones surprise.

Sierra: There will be no diplomacy.
Ubisoft: There will be no diplomacy, and you will have tactical combat.
Viva Media: It will be time based, not turn based.

BBC: Everytime an aquaduct is built, there would be neccasary zoom in to fly around the aquaduct. Kenneth Clark would then wisper why civilisation is so great.

Blizzard: (again) We'd probably have bonus civs like Azeroth and The Orcish Horde.

Soviet Russia: (they owned Tetris at some point, y'know) The game will be composed of Russian Reversals all the way.

Electronic Arts - We will be on Civ 7 now.

AimeeAndBeatles: All you would see is a bunch of units bouncing around the screen :D

(PM me if you want to know what I really mean. it's funny)

The Sorry I haven't got a clue team: All the cities will be replaced by the names of London tube stations and the game ends when Mornington Crescent is built. The music is by Colin Sewell.

Flagship Studios: London will be scary.

Firaxis licensing the Unreal 3 engine: They will be strongly tempted to replace all scenery with gothic cyberpunk urban ruins. Each and every military unit must a bulky superhuman covered head to toe in power armor (except for the head), superwomen units, however, will only require bikini armor.

GSC: Just pray that you never have a nuclear meltdown: there will be creatures, artifacts and any military units deployed to the area will be wiped out by S.T.A.L.K.E.R.'s.

John Lennon: There would never be war. ;)

Paul McCartney: Instead of barbarians, there would be evil one-legged women that ransack your treasury and make off with half your gold.

Continuing the Beatles theme...

George Harrison: India wins
Ringo Starr: Railroad requires the fat controller to build Thomas the Tank Engine units

Microprose: Everyone remembers how great Civ1 and Civ2 were, but nobody plays them. In Civ3 the Governor can't be turned off and it builds stuff nobody would ever want. All the players hope that the next patch will fix this, even though the last dozen patches didn't.

SI Games, the guys who made Championship Manager and Football Manager series: New version every year, this year it will be Civilization 2008. Previously it was Civilizations, but after a fight with Eidos they had to change the name. Humongous database, and bunch of weird bugs.

Atari: The game will be full of DBZ character riding rollercoasters.

The Dutch: We could defeat Germany in soccer.

Hideo Kojima: Every civilization is cloned just so they can appear in a sequal as the hand of another civilization. Metal Gear replaces ICBM.

Uwe Boll: It has nothing to do with the video games,,,, while it is one.

Rock Star Games: You would get sued for playing it.

Ubisoft: The units won't have a neck, arms or legs.

Adobe: Nobody would get it.

Unix: It just won't work.

White Stripes: Every time a beat is made someone moves

The Internets: It wouldn't be a game, it can't be! It's a series of tubes!

King Leonidas: The greeks can build holes in their cities and when the Persians invade, you kick them down in.

France: Human player always controls the French, which always get owned by every sort of military, including barbarians and mere warriors, and occasionally roaming workers. French military have the special ability to surrender to everyone like non-combat units, including themselves, immigration, culture expansion. Every kind of industry will refuse to work because there's city unhappiness "We strike against everything!", yet they produce their finest material, White Flag. Also, France and Germany always start close to each other. That close...

The USA: It keeps referring the USA as "the World" in every circumstance. Other Civs will be labeled equally as "Rest of World". US Military units will defeat everyone and everyone that get across their way, except in jungles, and lately, in deserts. Has an itch for invading countries that are distant from its homecountry. Also, USA cities have negative culture value.

Germany: German civ always shares boundaries with France, which is German citizens' main source of happiness and fun, and main vacation place for German military. In times of war, everyone hates Germany.

Italy: In the Italian civ a change of goverment happens every turn. People blame the government for everything - more specifically, whenever something usual happens, i.e. weather change, government collapsing, or France getting owned, while they don't care if their civ has not a proper military, a proper industry, proper lines of transportation. It manages in some way to be a - somewhat - Great Power in the late period of the game, but no one cares. Italy will also join the - supposed- winning side in a war, and swaps sides quite frequently, but luckily for her no one cares. All other civs behave as usual.

Poland: Everyone forgets about Poland, Germany finds it accidentally in 1939, then everyone forgets, then Russia finds it accidentally in 1945, then it's left into oblivion for the rest of time.

Russia: The Russian civ controls 50% of world space, the USA control the other 50, every other civ is vassal of the former or of the latter. Occasionally, a war would start...
Also, the Russian leader is really immortal. Whenever one leader dies, they just hibernate him, appoint another leader and claim that the first one is still alive from the dawn of humankind.

*One year bump* :p


Ubisoft: The units won't have a neck, arms or legs.


And the enemies are mad bunnies and just scream "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!".

Travelers' Tales: There would be hundreds of units, but they would all just be reskinnings of three different types. When a civilization is destroyed, it will return immediately, with a slight deficit in production that can be easily repaired. Also, the graphics would be strangely blocky...

Square Enix: Every time a unit moves we see a 30 minute, unskippable cutscene about the unit's motives for moving that turn: Love triangles, lust for revenge, love triangles, metrosexual tenancies, love triangles, sadness over home town's destruction, love triangles, something to do with crystals, love triangles, emotional bonds with Disney characters, and love triangles. Unfortunately, each time the unit moved, you'd have to watch the cutscene, no matter how many times you'd seen it before.

Douglas MacArthur: Units would not have to obey orders, and would frequently do the exact opposite.

A Beka Books: The leader for the Americans would be Ronald Reagan. Religion would play a huge role in the games but there would be only be three types: Heathenism, Distorted Christianity, and their specific brand of Protestantism. The game would begin in 3000 B.C., because any earlier would deny the global flood which, of course, is an indisputable historical fact. Also, the math behind everything would be unnecessarily complicated.

That last one may have confused you, but anyone who's been to Christian school will know exactly what I'm talking about.

DMA Design - You must use a combination of eight different skills to guide the 60 people of your civilization through the maze to a safe house. After you lead your civ through ten mazes they reach the ark in the center of the continent which they use to escape. (They didn't like the coastal start on Pangaea - maybe they didn't get any seafood :() Three of the 12 civs get a sequel but the rest are left behind. Your people ascend to the next dimension but grow obese.
EDIT: Turns out it wasn't Pangaea - it was Terra. However, when they set out for the new world, they found the third world (islands) instead :p

Clover Studios - Civilization is epic and groundbreaking in many ways, but there will never be a sequel. You kill enemy units by drawing lines through them on the strategy layer.

Insomniac Games - Every sequel has a completely new set of units, but they all do the same thing. However, after you have played through the game once you can use units from the previous game. Bolts, nuts and screws are universal currency.

this must be among the unfunniest threads ever made in this forum... :lol:

^
Well, if you don't like it, do you really need to post? Besides, I thought mine was pretty funny...

Same here. I wouldn't have posted if I didn't think it was funny, why did you?

Then again, I'm not sure that it was funny enough to warrant a one year bump... :dunno:

^
Probably not, but since it's alive, you might as well post.

Ford: Civilization wont sell because of its high gas consumption.

Westwood: Workers mine ore hills to build tanks which roll across the battlefield until you build more than the other player and win.

LucasArts: A Civ game tends to be the same every time, but you don't care. It's so entertaining to take a Civ to Act Two and enter the Insult Sword-Fighting contest again.

TellTale Games: At long last, a new Civ is released after being cancelled by LucasArts. Everyone else is loving it, but you're not sure if you like it. Ten dollars for a two-hour scenario?

Cyan Worlds: The last "real" Civ was ten years ago. Civ 3 and 4 were made by third-party developers. The "Civu: Eras Beyond Civ" MMO is never advertised and thrown into the $5 bin. Sid claims they can make it sell, despite it not selling the first three times.

MECC: Two words: Tech Muncher.

Microsoft . Everyone buys one only to find out that he must constantly pay for something called "Uprades" , to make it work. Eventually civilization decides to format the system rather than another hour of agony.

Hello I'm new to Civfanatics but not to the game.
Anywho what if Civilization was created by George Bush.....

There would be frequent mispellings and mispronunciations. Not to mention where the advisor (advisor=Karl Rove) does all the work. All the player does is make the world a worse place then when their Civ was first created.

Infinity Ward- The game would take about 3 minutes to complete but would be one heck of a blast.

EA: Instead of 2 expansion packs you will get:
CIV IV City Stuff
CIV IV Leader Stuff
CIV IV Civilization Stuff
CIV IV Unit Stuff
CIV IV Religion Stuff
CIV IV Army Stuff
CIV IV Wonder Stuff
CIV IV Great People Stuff
CIV IV Culture Stuff
CIV IV Diplomatic Stuff
CIV IV Alpha Centauri Stuff
CIV IV Conquest Stuff
CIV IV Domination Stuff
CIV IV Ancient Stuff
CIV IV Classical Stuff
CIV IV Medieval Stuff
CIV IV Renaissance Stuff
CIV IV Idustrial Stuff
CIV IV Modern Stuff
They will all cost $30 to get them on launch day and if you do get it, you get a game filled with glitchs and bugs taking longer then a month to release a patch.

I lol'd. :lol:

And nice bump! :p

EA: Instead of 2 expansion packs you will get:
CIV IV City Stuff
CIV IV Leader Stuff
CIV IV Civilization Stuff
CIV IV Unit Stuff
CIV IV Religion Stuff
CIV IV Army Stuff
CIV IV Wonder Stuff
CIV IV Great People Stuff
CIV IV Culture Stuff
CIV IV Diplomatic Stuff
CIV IV Alpha Centauri Stuff
CIV IV Conquest Stuff
CIV IV Domination Stuff
CIV IV Ancient Stuff
CIV IV Classical Stuff
CIV IV Medieval Stuff
CIV IV Renaissance Stuff
CIV IV Idustrial Stuff
CIV IV Modern Stuff
They will all cost $30 to get them on launch day and if you do get it, you get a game filled with glitchs and bugs taking longer then a month to release a patch.

You forgot CIV IV Improvements Stuff!

Civ IV Scenario Stuff?

Insomniac: All your enemies come in mass, but are weak, while EVERY ONE OF YOUR UNITS has an extremely overpowered gun of some sort, even the workers and settlers.

Naughty Dog: Each proceeding Civ game will explain details that the previous game left out, sucking in every gamer that comes across it, but blows it all off by making Civ IV into a racing game.

Disney Interactive: Everyone will be fully detailed, with feet twice the size of their bodies, and all vehicles made out of blocks.

Nazi Germany: Everyone is blonde, and has muscular graphics. There will be no such thing as religion, and the game always ends by Germany taking over most of the planet, and the leader commits suicide, letting the allies win.

Pandemic: Oh my unit fell through the floor again, and the AI is in the glitch!


(Pandemic makes really glitching games, *cough*SWBFII*cough*)

You forgot CIV IV Improvements Stuff!

LOL, I guess i did.

me: it wouldn't be done yet.

thelastone: there would be a polish civ. And no russian, and no german one.

Al Gore- you automatically lose if you build a factory, coal plant, forge, airport, Florida, or research assembly line first

Game Freak- You're goal is to complete the Civdex, by meeting varios civilivations throughout the game.

Company that made Guitar Hero- The game comes with a "warrior club controller", and you use it to control all warriors. Upon copleting bronze working, you had to buy a "axe controller", at twice the proce of the game. The same rule applies to every new unit you research, but the more :hammers: a unit costs, the more the controller.

*doesn't feel like reading back if it's already been done*

Epic: Uses Civ Revolution as the model for Civ 5. Civ 5 flops on the PC. Epic blames piracy and declares PC gaming dead.

Westwood: Workers mine ore hills to build tanks which roll across the battlefield until you build more than the other player and win.

What about hordes of useless infantry and not so great heroes?

Created by Tank Guy#3: The American civ would be the all powerful, no chance in hell of beating us civ. No religious buildings or technologies. There would also be a new result of remaining in a war for a long time: war giddiness. Where the people get happier, production vastly increases, and workers can actually terraform again!!!

Al Gore: Global warming's effects would be so serious that when you build a forge, it turns surrounding tiles to dessert
Michael Jackson: all leaderheads would be replaced with pictures of little boys... oh! and all units would moonwalk:lol:

Al Gore: Global warming's effects would be so serious that when you build a forge, it turns surrounding tiles to dessert

(bolface mine)

Mmmmm....tiles made completely of cake....would produce +100000000000000 food.

Anyhoo,

Will Wright: Would make many new concepts and an overall good game, but then would release approximately 10,000 expansion packs.

(bolface mine)

Mmmmm....tiles made completely of cake....would produce +100000000000000 food.

Anyhoo,

Will Wright: Would make many new concepts and an overall good game, but then would release approximately 10,000 expansion packs.
desert (i always get them confused):lol:

EA games: You never get to see what the game is actually like until you play it. All the pictures on the box and on the adverts are just pre-rendered exciting-looking scenes full of units and leaders that don't even exist in the game, all in super-fine quality with HDI lighting and volumetric air.

Bioware: You have to conquer four other civs to win, then take over another fifth, where you discover that Montezuma is building his SoDs with the help of some kind of ancient technology, which you have to destroy (surprise surprise) at the end of the game. If you do nice, ethical things you get light side points, and get to run democracy. If you raze too many cities you get dark side points and are rewarded by unlocking fascism.

Lucas Arts:
You can only move one unit per turn, and when you attack another unit it goes into and FPS mode where you have to run around as one of the soldiers whacking people over the head with your mace. If you whack enough enemies, you get a leader bonus, where you get to run around as your leader, then get shot and killed straight away.

Bungie: They would make Civ 1, and it would be really popular and everybody would love them. Thinking that since they are already the best they don't have to bother any more, they will make two awful sequels. Luckily for them everybody will think the sequels are the best thing since sliced bread, because if the first game was so good, how could the new ones be bad?

LIVE! LIVVEE! LIIIIIVVVVEEEEEE!

Games Workshop: Every civilization game would cost several hundred dollars and the prices would be raised every year.

Hidekaz Himaruya: See Axis Powers Hetalia.

James Joyce: Every piece of written word is written in a mishmash of 5 dozen languages and the soundtrack consists solely of Irish folk music put through so many Audacity filters that it's unrecognizable.

National Socialist Party: You can only play as Germany and you immediately DOW every civ you meet.

Richard Dawkins: Absolutely no religion related buildings or techs whatsoever.

René Goscinny:
- The Celts are allowed to have only one city (OCC or not and whether controlled by human or AI), but nobody can conquer it. Also, privateers are afraid of them.
- The only message that the Ottoman leader gets from his advisors is: "I want to become Caliph instead of the Caliph".
- The American leaders sometimes say that their crime rate has dropped significantly thanks to some "poor lonesome cowboy".

Jagex: The game is free, but you have to pay to go beyond the Ancient Age and get all the civilizations.
Treyarch: The same as a game made by a different company, but worse, and also there's zombies.
Harmonix: You need to buy more controllers for the game, and you can also buy even more controllers to actually do things like fight with a sword.
Zynga: The game is somehow even more addictive than it currently is, and it's also a lot shorter.

Harmonix: ...you can also buy even more controllers to actually do things like fight with a sword.


I would love to have that! :D

Bohemia Interactive: The début title Civilization is a masterpiece of its genre and remains unequalled for five years. A special version of the game engine is sold to national armed forces worldwide. Sequels have better physics and graphics, but due to a falling out with the publisher the franchise is renamed; the publisher creates spinoffs under the original title on a different engine with a more "mainstream" atmosphere. Despite being ten years old, it still has a vibrant modding community that continues to exploit the hell out of the game engine.

The last sentence is true with the game as it is now.