Taliesin
Dec 13, 2006, 06:05 AM
GENERAL ETIQUETTE IN AUSTRALIA:
[Feel free to substitute "The North," "Sweden," "Alberta," or another appropriate target of your choice.]
(Or, if you wish, import directly into The Rules of Being A Man. :mischief: )
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your Ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN Ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of
finger foods, and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your
jewellery
DATING:
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say
11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the
man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have
proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a cummerbund and
a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer, too.
[Feel free to substitute "The North," "Sweden," "Alberta," or another appropriate target of your choice.]
(Or, if you wish, import directly into The Rules of Being A Man. :mischief: )
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your Ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN Ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of
finger foods, and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your
jewellery
DATING:
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say
11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the
man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have
proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a cummerbund and
a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer, too.