View Full Version : Indian and Chinese movies


Knight-Dragon
Apr 10, 2002, 02:44 AM
You can probably relate to it better, if you've actually seen such movies. :D

Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa)unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

4. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

5. A large group of goondoos can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the heroine.

6. Enemies shooting the hero will always miss but every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will kill an opponent.

7. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and joins them in the dance.

8. The heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.

9. If the hero start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.

10. It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fighting - the enemies will wait patiently to attack him one by one by moving around in a threatening manner until he has knocked out his current opponent then the next one will follow up.

11. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.

12. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are no problem! My God!, Get Out! Shut-up! Impossible!, Please forgive me!


Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies

1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declare dead.

3. When an old man is dying after being attacked by villains, while lying down he will ask the hero (kneeling beside him) to take care of his beautiful daughter (who will be crying).

4. When fighting with the enemy, instead of hitting each other,the villain and the hero will choose to hit each other's palm and stone there for sometime before pushing each other away.....and one of them will spill blood out of his mouth.

5. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.

6. When saying goodbye to other skilled fighters, they will cover their right fist with their left palm and jumping out of camera screen (assuming you know they actually fly off into the sky).

7. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

8. The inn is such an up-to-date information-centre that when having lunch at the inn, you can always overhear gossips of latest news on what's happening in the pugilistic-world. And usually the gossips come from a few goons at the next table.

9. Assasins seem to have some kind of agency for employments - they always wear the same standard uniform , black cloth all over revealing only the eyes.

10. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.

11. It's easy to immobilize someone - just touch someone with your fore finger and middle finger anywhere on his body and he will not move...but he still can curse and swear.

12. To cure an immobilization, just anyhow tap your fingers all over his body again.

13. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.

14. People like to pass short messages on paper with flying darts to show off their darting skills.

15. When committing suicide, people are so lazy that they choose to hit the forehead with their own palm.

16. The villains have some kind of strange habit that they like to stay in a secret underground compartment just behind the walls of their room....usually opened up by turning a small statue.

17. When chasing someone, people tend to shout at the runner and order him to stop...as if he will obey.

18. Nobel's invention of explosives in 1866 is in fact useless. Highly skilled people in the pugilistic world during ancient times already know how to cause explosions with barehands.

19. Highly skilled villains have the power to destroy rocks,but do not have the power to kill the hero.

20. Two highly skilled person are so nervous in their duel that they keep talking and criticizing each other before they actually start the fight.

21. People in the pugilistic world are so free that they don't have to work. They attend gatherings, meetings everytime and nose around other people's matter.

Simon Darkshade
Apr 10, 2002, 05:23 AM
:lol: Very amusing and true, particularly the Indian stuff. There was an amusing segment on this type of "analysis" of Indian films on the British comedy program "Goodness Gracious Me" along similar lines.

Globber
Apr 13, 2002, 12:17 PM
6. Enemies shooting the hero will always miss but every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will kill an opponent.

This is what I like to call the Stormtrooper effect: The more opponents shooting at a protaganist, the worse they will miss; evne if they do hit him, it will be a superficial flesh wound.

PS: Not a black knight flesh wound...

Wolfe Tone
Apr 13, 2002, 03:23 PM
Originally posted by Knight-Dragon

6. Enemies shooting the hero will always miss but every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will kill an opponent.


Much like the A-Team also LOL

Dell19
Apr 14, 2002, 05:44 AM
All films tend to use this function if there are any fights...Since films tend to focus on a few charactors and they cannot afford for any of them to die, so they don't...

allhailIndia
Apr 15, 2002, 04:43 AM
Brilliant!

At last somebody understands the vile crap we get served on our theatres.

I found the Chinese movies funny as well:goodjob: :rotfl: :rotfl:

animepornstar
Apr 15, 2002, 07:54 AM
Originally posted by Knight-Dragon

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declare dead.
the best example is in "the killer" when a wounded man manage to follow the the bad guys with the car, but when the hero meets him in the hospital he dies after revealing the bad guy´s hide out.
Originally posted by Knight-Dragon

7. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

not correct. the heroes in "twin warriors" and "iron monkey" had to work for money.

Zwelgje
Apr 15, 2002, 09:42 AM
Originally posted by Wolfe Tone


Much like the A-Team also LOL

I thought in Commando it was Arnold Schwarzenegger who was being fired on by about 20 people at the same time but he wasn't wounded and killed all of them in one round of fire......:lol:

philippe
Apr 15, 2002, 02:19 PM
what there also is in the movie the chick in the movie will always
1)the chick will be fuc ked by the hero
2)nice romantic kiss in the end
or a combination of both
look at all movies there is always a chick that is lost and the chick is always in love with the hero and the hero would like to fuc k the chick so they fuc k each other in the end.what a cliche

Ohwell
Apr 15, 2002, 02:56 PM
Hey Knight Dragon those were pretty funny :lol: