i think you get the general idea; post a god-awful pun.
complain about it a bit. or something.
mine: hairapy. hair and therapy. it was in a shampoo ad and made my blood boil. >:(

not sure how long such a thread will last, but what the hell.

i think you get the general idea; post a god-awful pun.
mine: hairapy. hair and therapy. it was in a shampoo ad and made my blood boil. >:(

not sure how long such a thread will last, but what the hell.

I thought that was a portmanteau, and not a pun?

But I remember a carmaker doing a terrible campaign with nothing but portmanteau. Will try to find it.

A thread about the great god Pun


(really, not that bad; in this case bad actually, which makes it not that bad again though) :)

portmanteau

Whats that in english?

Ah, the pun. I excel at puns, but the timing is everything, as with every other form of humor. And as far as puns go, the worse it is, the better. People love me because my puns make them groan. :D

portmanteau

Whats that in english?
portmanteau (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portemanteau)

portmanteau

Whats that in english?

That IS the English word :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau

The French word is porte-manteaux.

I thought that was a portmanteau, and not a pun?
oh, youre right there. well, i mean dreadful wordplay in general.

I HATE POORLY DELIVERD PUNS!!!

They ruin many otherwise perfectly fine TV shows.

old kings never die; they just get throne away.

Heres an even worse one:

"Why are pirates so popular? They just arrrrr."

Can you make one even worse then that? ;)

In the recent (1993) version of Lord of the Flies, Piggy is called miss Piggy!

Ever tried Lord of the Flies sized fries?

For Hamburger Hill,
General must muster his men:
So, he mustard them.

I don't think anyone can beat the following:

This is a pun-tastic thread!

I have no problem with puns unless they're followed by "(pun not intended)" or "(pun intended)". Oh god I hate that.

A snail goes into a Nissan dealer to by a "Z" car (350ZX, used to be 240Z, 260Z, 280Z), but he has one request: he needs the "Z" turned around and made into an "S" for "Snail." The dealer agrees and makes the changes. As the snail races out of the lot in his new vehicle, the dealer says to his assistant, "Look at that S car go."

What do you call someone who insults cars?

Car-berater.

I have no problem with puns unless they're followed by "(pun not intended)" or "(pun intended)". Oh god I hate that.

Once I sent in ten puns to Reader's Digest to see if any of them would get into the Humor section. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

This thread isn't very punny

What did Time do with The Rastafari man? They were having a romantick dinna' together. [holds for laughs]

My semiconductor professor didn't like my joke :(

Why is chili a good p-type semiconductor?

It has a high frijole concentration!

Don't drink and drive, infact don't even putt (works best on a golf course)

I was dining in a restaurant with 1 of my friend nickname Zoossh

and i passed to him his drink, " Zoossh, ur juice is here." It was the poor joke of the day.

A snail goes into a Nissan dealer to by a "Z" car (350ZX, used to be 240Z, 260Z, 280Z), but he has one request: he needs the "Z" turned around and made into an "S" for "Snail." The dealer agrees and makes the changes. As the snail races out of the lot in his new vehicle, the dealer says to his assistant, "Look at that S car go."
:lol:Once I sent in ten puns to Reader's Digest to see if any of them would get into the Humor section. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
:lol:
This thread isn't very punny

Though a pun, it is officially banished from pun-hood by the Official Council of Pun Judges.

No Pun Judges can prevent me from using that pun!

(stolen from Isaac Asimov) Euclid's geometry isn't the plain truth, just the plane truth.

The pun is mightier than the sword

See the Lame Joke thread.

A bunch of them. (http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=060518)

I almost majored in English literature while in college, and I was simply dismayed at the falsities that the professors would teach their students when it came to puns. Almost every one of them would say that Shakespeare was a master of puns and that his plays were great examples of puns but it's not true! Puns are plays on words. Shakespeare's plays are on stages.

ah ah ahhh

I almost majored in English literature while in college, and I was simply dismayed at the falsities that the professors would teach their students when it came to puns. Almost every one of them would say that Shakespeare was a master of puns and that his plays were great examples of puns but it's not true! Puns are plays on words. Shakespeare's plays are on stages.

It took me 4 times through to get this. :blush:

Incongruous: Where bills are passed.

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned.

At the tire shop: "We skid you not!"

Terrible, just plain terrible. (http://nerdparadise.com/math/puns/primerib/)

Terrible, just plain terrible. (http://nerdparadise.com/math/puns/primerib/)

:twitch:



.
..

A doctor walked into a bar across from Cedar Sinai Hospital still wearing his surgical greens and a stethoscope around his neck. As he sat at the bar he noticed that there was a pile of toys next to the cash register. "What are those?" he asked. The bartender said "Those are wind-up toys for the customers to play with. Would you like one? The mouse is my favorite." "OK, let me try the mouse, and bring me a drink. I'll have a ummmm... let's see... what would be good?" "How about my specialty? If you can guess what it is, the first one is free," the bartender offered. "OK, fine!" the doctor replied, winding up the toy mouse. When the toy was put on the bar it began to run in circles. Every time the mouse completed a loop it stopped, sat up and wiggled its nose. Then it quickly ran back around the circle in the other direction.
Meanwhile, a couple were arguing at the other end of the bar over another one of the toys. It was a clock that played different songs, depending on where the hands were pointed. The guy said to the woman "Mary, you always grab that one before I get here just because you know it's my favorite! Let me have it!" and she said "Don't be stupid, Juan, you never liked this clock until I started playing with it!"
Meanwhile the mouse continued spinning madly on the bar, as the bartender approached with a cocktail glass filled with a frothy green liquid. "That mouse is amazing," the doctor said, "it's been running for almost five minutes and it hasn't slowed down yet!" "I know, that's why it is my favorite, but I guess it will run down soon. Here's your drink. Taste it. What do you think it is?"
The doctor sniffed the glass, noting the distinctive aroma of rum, and saw that there were brown flecks floating on top. He sipped it apprehensively as the fight in the corner escalated. "I have had it with you, Mary! I'm leaving!" the guy yelled, as he started for the door. "OK, there's rum and lime juice in it," the doctor ventured, "and I think those brown specks are ground up walnuts." The mouse began to slow slightly, as the woman in the corner screamed "You want the damn thing, you can have it!" She threw the clock toward the door as the doctor's face brightened, and he said, "I know! I've got it! It's a walnut daiquiri!"
"Nope, but you're close," the bartender said as the clock struck Juan, and the mouse ran down, "It's a hickory daiquiri doc!"

:twitch:

:scared: :cringe:

Ever heard of the famous weevil? Well he had a brother, yeah a brother. They grew up together. One of them became famous, and that's why you've heard of him. The other one is a farmer in Nebraska.
The latter was known as the lesser of two weevils.

OK, time to bring out the big guns:

A farmer had a horse that had a very long mane, and he had a problem with songbirds building nests in it. He tried everything to keep the birds out, but couldn't get rid of the problem.

A local veterinarian told him to put some baker's yeast into the horse's feed, and that would cause an certain subtle odor in the horse's hair that would keep the birds away. He tried it and it worked perfectly. He asked the vet where he came up with that remedy, and the vet told him it's common knowledge:

Yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.

Did you know that the French peasantry revolted in 1789 mainly because the aristocracy was revolting?

About not being able to come up with anymore puns:
"I was caught with my puns down."

A doctor walked into a bar across from Cedar Sinai Hospital still wearing his surgical greens and a stethoscope around his neck. As he sat at the bar he noticed that there was a pile of toys next to the cash register. "What are those?" he asked. The bartender said "Those are wind-up toys for the customers to play with. Would you like one? The mouse is my favorite." "OK, let me try the mouse, and bring me a drink. I'll have a ummmm... let's see... what would be good?" "How about my specialty? If you can guess what it is, the first one is free," the bartender offered. "OK, fine!" the doctor replied, winding up the toy mouse. When the toy was put on the bar it began to run in circles. Every time the mouse completed a loop it stopped, sat up and wiggled its nose. Then it quickly ran back around the circle in the other direction.
Meanwhile, a couple were arguing at the other end of the bar over another one of the toys. It was a clock that played different songs, depending on where the hands were pointed. The guy said to the woman "Mary, you always grab that one before I get here just because you know it's my favorite! Let me have it!" and she said "Don't be stupid, Juan, you never liked this clock until I started playing with it!"
Meanwhile the mouse continued spinning madly on the bar, as the bartender approached with a cocktail glass filled with a frothy green liquid. "That mouse is amazing," the doctor said, "it's been running for almost five minutes and it hasn't slowed down yet!" "I know, that's why it is my favorite, but I guess it will run down soon. Here's your drink. Taste it. What do you think it is?"
The doctor sniffed the glass, noting the distinctive aroma of rum, and saw that there were brown flecks floating on top. He sipped it apprehensively as the fight in the corner escalated. "I have had it with you, Mary! I'm leaving!" the guy yelled, as he started for the door. "OK, there's rum and lime juice in it," the doctor ventured, "and I think those brown specks are ground up walnuts." The mouse began to slow slightly, as the woman in the corner screamed "You want the damn thing, you can have it!" She threw the clock toward the door as the doctor's face brightened, and he said, "I know! I've got it! It's a walnut daiquiri!"
"Nope, but you're close," the bartender said as the clock struck Juan, and the mouse ran down, "It's a hickory daiquiri doc!"

:twitch:

oh my, lolololol .... thats bad.... :lol:

A doctor walked into a bar across from Cedar Sinai Hospital still wearing his surgical greens and a stethoscope around his neck. As he sat at the bar he noticed that there was a pile of toys next to the cash register. "What are those?" he asked. The bartender said "Those are wind-up toys for the customers to play with. Would you like one? The mouse is my favorite." "OK, let me try the mouse, and bring me a drink. I'll have a ummmm... let's see... what would be good?" "How about my specialty? If you can guess what it is, the first one is free," the bartender offered. "OK, fine!" the doctor replied, winding up the toy mouse. When the toy was put on the bar it began to run in circles. Every time the mouse completed a loop it stopped, sat up and wiggled its nose. Then it quickly ran back around the circle in the other direction.
Meanwhile, a couple were arguing at the other end of the bar over another one of the toys. It was a clock that played different songs, depending on where the hands were pointed. The guy said to the woman "Mary, you always grab that one before I get here just because you know it's my favorite! Let me have it!" and she said "Don't be stupid, Juan, you never liked this clock until I started playing with it!"
Meanwhile the mouse continued spinning madly on the bar, as the bartender approached with a cocktail glass filled with a frothy green liquid. "That mouse is amazing," the doctor said, "it's been running for almost five minutes and it hasn't slowed down yet!" "I know, that's why it is my favorite, but I guess it will run down soon. Here's your drink. Taste it. What do you think it is?"
The doctor sniffed the glass, noting the distinctive aroma of rum, and saw that there were brown flecks floating on top. He sipped it apprehensively as the fight in the corner escalated. "I have had it with you, Mary! I'm leaving!" the guy yelled, as he started for the door. "OK, there's rum and lime juice in it," the doctor ventured, "and I think those brown specks are ground up walnuts." The mouse began to slow slightly, as the woman in the corner screamed "You want the damn thing, you can have it!" She threw the clock toward the door as the doctor's face brightened, and he said, "I know! I've got it! It's a walnut daiquiri!"
"Nope, but you're close," the bartender said as the clock struck Juan, and the mouse ran down, "It's a hickory daiquiri doc!"

:twitch:
I get the feeling that you need to have grown up with english as your first language for this to make sense? It seems like it could be a nursery rhyme.

"clock struck Juan" is "clearly clock struck one"

Can anyone explain?

pboily: Good guess! It's an old English nursery rhyme. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hickory_Dickory_Dock

Yep, it's based on that nursery rhyme. It's one of the great tragedies of my life that I can never tell that joke to anyone, because I don't know how to pronounce the word 'daiquiri'. (No-one tell me, I want to angst some more. Oh, misery.)

Keeping this on-topic, another nursery-rhyme-based pun from Rinkworks Really Bad Jokes (http://www.rinkworks.com/jokes/):

There was a chicken farmer who lived in a village in China. One year, his chickens were afflicted with a strange blight that caused them to lose their feathers. The farmer was deeply concerned about this, because winter was coming, and, if the chickens had no feathers, they would freeze to death.

So, the farmer decided to consult the two wisest men in the land. First, he visited Mr. Hing, the renowned scholar. Mr. Hing leafed through all his agricultural and medicinal texts and pored over books and scrolls well into the night. Finally, he returned to the farmer and told him that, if he crushed the leaves of a gum tree into powder, made it into tea, and fed it to his chickens, they would be cured.

The farmer then went to Mr. Ming, the great seer. Mr. Ming cast stones, read tea leaves, and poked through entrails until finally he came up with the answer: "As surely as gum causes a shoe to stick to the ground, tea made from gum leaves will cause feathers to stick to chickens."

Now the farmer was ecstatic. The two wisest men in the land had given him exactly the same prescription. So, as soon as he returned home, he took some gum leaves and made tea from them. He mixed this with the chicken feed and fed it to his chickens. But it didn't work. The chickens continued to lose their feathers, and, with the onset of winter, they all froze.

The moral of this story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."

Back when Roy Rogers was alive, his wife, Dale Evans, bought him a new pair of cowboy boots. When she brought them home, though, he was taking a nap, so she left them on the porch. Just then a mountain lion came by and ate them. Dale was so mad she hopped on her horse, tracked down the mountain lion and killed it. She brought carcass back and threw it on the porch and said,

:culture:"Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?":culture:

Back when Roy Rogers was alive, his wife, Dale Evans, bought him a new pair of cowboy boots. When she brought them home, though, he was taking a nap, so she left them on the porch. Just then a mountain lion came by and ate them. Dale was so mad she hopped on her horse, tracked down the mountain lion and killed it. She brought carcass back and threw it on the porch and said,

:culture:"Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?":culture:
:hmm:. i don't get it.

For non-Americans, that is a pun off of the song title, "Pardon me, boys, is that the Chattanooga Choo-Choo?"

Puns only work in a context.. a thread such as this wouldnt work.. :(

Most of these "puns" are merely poor jokes.

the word polictaly correct is not polictaly correct

(doing about the depression in history)
"this is despessing"

The first one's more ironic than puntastic.

Ghandi spent most of his time barefoot leading to terrible callouses . he was very weak due to how little he ate and his poor diet often resulted in bad breath .

result..................(God this is bad)

a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis !!

Why did you need to bump this when there's an identically-themed thread on the same page?

Is there such a thing as a good pun?

Why did you need to bump this when there's an identically-themed thread on the same page?

this thread "horrible puns"

other thread "jokes with no puns"

Yep, it's based on that nursery rhyme. It's one of the great tragedies of my life that I can never tell that joke to anyone, because I don't know how to pronounce the word 'daiquiri'. (No-one tell me, I want to angst some more. Oh, misery.)

It should not be too hard to say it, since it looks almost like it sounds.

A frog was bored with his life and went to the bank to get assistance in redecorating his home. The receptionist met hm and asked for collateral.

"I'm sorry, Miss Wack," said the frog. "All I have is this small dolphin statue."

"Call me Patti." She says as she calls to her boss for conformation.

The banker enters the room and looks at the items and says....

It's a knick-knack Patti Wack, give the frog a loan.:mischief:

It should not be too hard to say it, since it looks almost like it sounds.

That post was from over three years ago: I have since learned how to pronounce 'daiquiri'. 'Dakkery' doesn't work very well for that particular pun, but apparently 'dykkery' is also acceptable. So that's that three-year-old loose end tied up. :lol:

I would be remis if I didn't mention Dave Gorman's Pun Street. (http://www.absoluteradio.co.uk/djs_shows/shows/dave_gorman/features/pun_street.html?s=2)

what happened when the wheel was invented?



there was a revolution

Q. when did the clam stop exercising


A.when his mussels were sore :p

:groan:

The telegraph operator who accidentally sent the same message twice was remorseful.

The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup.

The history of cheese is full of holes, but it's interesting in its own whey.

last one:Birds don't mind fowl weather in fact they usually find it just ducky.

The telegraph operator who accidentally sent the same message twice was remorseful.

The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup.

The history of cheese is full of holes, but it's interesting in its own whey.

last one:Birds don't mind fowl weather in fact they usually find it just ducky.

You could've put all these in one post, ya know?

I am trying to get to 30 posts

That is called spamming. Don't do it, the mods hate it.

actually I did not think about it when I was posting them

I think spamming would be coming here and posting a link to your own rather large collection of Webster's Rejects (http://rejects.mopjockey.com), unless it was mostly puns. If you get a log-in request, just hit cancel and try again, it's a google screwup.

A couple of favorites:

Integer math: it's all so pointless
Loading the dishwasher: getting your wife drunk
Progress: the opposite of Congress
Quadruple bypass: missing the highway off-ramp four times in a row
Three square meals a day: waffles, brownies, TV dinners

what kind of cheese is not yours "nacho cheese"

I had an out of body experience and I was beside myself.

Did you hear about the guy that was in a horrible accident and lost the entire left side of his body?

He's all right now.

Did I post the jump rope joke here?

nevermind, skip it.

This thread is so punny.

I have a couple of sci miami puns for ya.

He said he'd die when pigs fly.
well it looks like.....swine flew
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!

We found the guy who tried to defend himself with a broken pencil!
Well it looks like his defences were....pointless.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!

http://captchacomics.com/images/10221-202635-812.jpg

That comic doesn't make sense. How could she have been raped if the rapist wasn't there when he commited the crime?

More importantly, why is the guy already wearing sunglasses when he pulls out a new pair?

That's part of the joke :p (both those things)
1) It's a contrived way of getting the captcha into the punch line (so contrived that it's amusing)
2) That's a long running meme (CSI guy putting glasses over his glasses)

That's part of the joke :p (both those things)
1) It's a contrived way of getting the captcha into the punch line (so contrived that it's amusing)
2) That's a long running meme (CSI guy putting glasses over his glasses)

But, even more importantly, it made me laugh. :lol:

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

“If you're intent on hunting deer, make sure you have a game plan.”

So this guy is out hunting and he comes across a woman sunbathing in the nude. After admiring her for a moment, he asks, "Hey, are you game?"

She looks him over and says, "Sure, I'm game."

So he shot her.

And then had sex with her - very clever!

And then had sex with her - very clever!
They put up less of a fight that way.

I'm drawn to art.