The First strike

The tensions between Locotopians and Innovians were ancient, so people were not surprised that a millennium party, no matter how huge, was not enough to clear them away. None the less, the early departure of the Innovian delegation seemed ominous. Many celebrants chose to party like it was 999 and tried to ignore the steady stream of Locotopian reinforcements gathering as inconspicuously as possible. It couldn't be that one of the worlds most beautiful cities and most happening hot spot was about to become its first battlefield.

From his position on the beach the commander of the Innovian Armada knew very well that it was; so, quite reasonably, he ordered all Innovian citizens to evacuate the city and refused to grant any leave. Regardless of the reason soldiers do not enjoy missing parties, that was especially true of the camel muckers.

Now, everyone knows that camels are the beasts named after the famous Innovian Camel Archers who ride them. But not everybody realizes how large they are, the Innovian soldiers do though. Finally getting tired of ruining their boots in the large steaming biscuits deposited by these big animals, the officer corps decided to form a squad of camel muckers to remove the wastes from camp. Moral quickly improved in every unit, except the camel muckers.

Using a shovel similar to a pizza peel, the muckers hoist the manure onto A-carts, hence the moniker of “A-team” for those so employed. The A-cart is reminiscent of a wheelbarrow although flat and pointed like a capitol letter A. Once full the cart and its cargo are hauled away to be dumped and forgotten.

Few volunteers could be found to accompany the army on a dangerous invasion, risking death or dismemberment for low pay and no thanks in order that camel dung should not muddy soldiers’ boots, but the positions had to be filled. At the last minute a radical scheme was adopted. Convicted soldiers awaiting execution or facing very long prison sentences where offered a chance to clear their records by serving as camel muckers for the invasion force. Six men took the offer. Working bare foot like camel muckers always have (camel muckers don’t like to ruin their boots either you know) they took to calling themselves The Dirty Dozen.

Anyway back to my story: The soldiers were upset that they couldn’t attend the millennium party, soldiers don’t like to miss parties, especially soldiers that are also convicted felons being used as slave labor in the most unpleasant, thankless job that I could make up.

So that evening The Dirty Dozen fashioned their work into a model of the city, quickly made a plan that was just crazy enough to work, developed a catchy song that would help them remember said plan, then quietly set out to crash the biggest party ever…

The incredible exploits of that night are already well known so I’ll spare you the details, but when they returned to camp the next morning hauling a large section of millennium cake on their A-carts, many Innovian soldiers called it the first strike of the war and hailed Hogan Hannibal Kelly and his A-team as heroes.

The celebrating didn’t last all that long though. The carts and the men handling the prize were as filthy as usual. Few were willing to tastes any of the fouled cake so it was simply dumped and the soldiers got back to work preparing for their assault.

Feel free to post your own people's "Stories of Bravery and Such."

It would be easier to that if we knew what the battle logs said ;)

It would be easier to that if we knew what the battle logs said ;)

There's nothing about battle logs in the rules, but I think we should introduce them as you can't see the opponents battles when you open the save.

You can see what happened simply by clicking alt+tab and clicking combat log- course that means only the people involved can see.

In the year 1000, Locopatamian fishermen spotted Innovian galleys sailing down the coast towards their village. These fishermen lived far from the center of the empire, indeed they hardly even though of themselves as belonging to the empire anymore. However, even they could see that these were no ordinary exploring galleys. These galleys were filled with soldiers, and painted in the colors of war!

They knew an alarm must be sounded. Their messenger galloped at full speed towards the splendid city of B&O, a city almost too magnificent for these backward villagers to comprehend. Even as fast as he went, he was barely in time. The Locopotamian Empire was only able to muster a few reinforcements before the Innovian fleet landed on the beaches near B&O. However, due to the actions of that courageous messenger, those few may be enough to hold the city.

With the hostilities about to commence, the soldiers were happy in their barracks. Though they knew their deaths might not be far off, they were determined to sell their lives dearly in the service of their country.

Even peasants flocked to the defence of the city. Though they could only wield clubs, they knew anything would be a help in holding off the enemy.

As these preparations were made, a call for peace was heard. The Locopotamian Government was supportive of this, as it would prevent unnecessary bloodshed. However, the time before the first battle is too short. Locopotamia will endeavour for peace, but it looks as though some bloods will be shed before talks can even be started.

Battle of B and O
The Locopatamians assembled a much larger force than the Innovian commander had expected, but the battle was to be decided not by the number of troops on either side but by the volume of fire they could launch. The first hit was scored by Innovia when a large piece of Millennium cake splattered into the orderly ranks of longbowmen assembled in front of the city. The Locopatamian response was swift and accurate. They rained arrows down on the catapult crews arranged just outside the forests edge. Each machine launched a massive stone that wrecked a terrible toll, but few of the terrifying machines managed a second shot.

Once they were fully engaged the Innovian commander sprung his trap. A company of camel archers swept down from the hills firing into the bowmen’s exposed flank while Innovian archers taking advantage of the higher ground added their fire from beyond range. The Locopatamians, caught in this deadly crossfire, fell where they stood.

The battle from this point was a slaughter that spread panic among the remaining citizens of B and O. A few peasants and axemen distinguished themselves by their resolve, but the tides of professional mace-weilding soldiers supported by artillery and was far too powerful. The Innovian’s celebrated their victory by pillaging and burning the city.

Locopotamian loses: 12,000 soldiers 630,000? civilians
Innovian dead: 9,000 soldiers

Battle of the Tundra
Mean while far to the north a band of pastoralist went about their nomadic life as they had done for centuries. Their reasons for withdrawing from civilized society were unknown to the Innovian solders manning the bleak and barren northern territories, but in light of their fate they could be guessed at. All the Innovians knew about these reclusive people was that they had descended from Locopatamian explorers generations ago and so their allegiance was suspect. It is likely that they had not received news of the outbreak of war because when a company of Innovian axemen found them they were wholly unprepared. The soldiers made good use of their surprise. The anachronistic band was quickly dispatched.

Locopotamian losses 1,000

Is this an acceptable format for combat reports?

Since there is an ingame combat log, I don't think any reports are neccesary.

It's fun to read though!

Indeed what dave said, c3c logs were pretty much

tnt immortal (4/4) attacks doughnut MW (1/4)
immortal loses MW promotes

Also you dont HAVE to show each team the results just the loco team in this instance. Of course though its fun to read! :)

in my PBEM's it's usually

Tubby's Stupidity Army kills Tubbys will to survive flawlessly.
A great idiot is born!

Great read!... It would be nice if you all could keep it up, but certainly not required.

Yeah - I remember reading TNT's battlelogs. So tragic it was comic.

Great read :clap:

The world mourns the loss of the Great Wonders of B & O.

I met a traveller from a Loco land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is B & O, Great City of Cities:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

with apologies to Percy Shelley

Great story gentlemen. This adds a lot to the game.


btw Tubby you crack me up.

The Locopatamian counter-attack caught the Innovians unprepared. It would have been a disaster if not for the quick thinking of the camel brigade. Against all odds they charged their foes to buy time for the bulk of the wounded invasion force to retreat.

Charge of the Camel Brigade
Ali, Sheriff Tennyson

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Camel Brigade!
"Charge for the bows!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

"Forward, the Camel Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Catapults to right of them,
Catapults to left of them,
Catapults in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with stone and arrow,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their lances bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
lancing the archers there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the dust and smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Buddhist and Indian
Reel'd from the lance thrust
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Catapult to right of them,
Catapult to left of them,
Catapult behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with stone and arrow,
While camel and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Camel Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Is anyone else waiting for something along the lines of 'THIS! IS! SP...LOCO!'

SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS LOCO!

Great writing! Keep it up!

My I point you to the Stories of Bravery and such (http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=219239) thread to give us foreigners an idea about the damage being done to both of you :DDoes this mean that Innovia might be updating "us foreigners" on their war anytime soon? :mischief:

If there's something to tell, we tell you
I can only hope that things important enough for an update will happen soon :D

And then it happened ...

Our story begins on a warm evening in May in the year 1090AD. The Royal Negotiator, Killercane, has delivered a letter to our fearless Leader HRM Whomp. The letter contains Aloha's response to the Pifflenatress' latest offer of peace and friendship. "This is not going well" is all that was said of the matter.

Later that same year, another Aloha letter was delivered to the Royal Negotiator. The citizens of Aloha have declined our offer of friendship. The people of Aloha have no interest in peace. These are sad times, indeed.

Following the new year's celebration that welcomed the year 1100AD, Her Lovelyness the Pifflenatress commanded the presence of His Royal Modship Whomp. She commanded that defenses be readied to repel the Aloha invasion. "When shall this invasion come" queried HRM Whomp, "How shall we prepare?" And then she spoke: "The best defense is a great offense"(TM)(C)1100AD She issued orders that the forces of Piffle shall board their ships and pre-empt this Aloha invasion.

HRM Whomp delivered the word of the Pifflenatress. The warmongering Hawaiians were to be attacked in the year 1100AD. The defenses were to be shored and an armada was to sail. An armada the likes noone of Sirian had ever seen.

And then it happened! A truly amazing thing! The light shown down! And the people of Piffle became enlightened!

What if they gave a war and nobody came? That's right! The peace-loving people of Piffle refused to wage war! Truly this was a time of enlightenment! Our poet laureate Tubby Rower wrote his now classic Ode to Aloha Whats that smell.

The year 1110AD was a truly wonderful year to be alive. The joy! The celebration! Tubby's Ode to Aloha inspired poets from all across the empire. Our Royal negotiator wrote a particularly beautiful poem where he urged all to "climb the purple tree" and to just "dance, DANCE, DAnceeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee". Truly we were all inspired.

And then it happened! A truly inspired idea! "Why not export our enlightenment to the wonderful Hawaiians?" suggested Kickbooti. Truly this was the Age of Aquarius! An age of love, light, and humanity --- which we would share with our Hawaiian brethren.

Let the Sun shine in! Everyone was so happy and the singing so joyous as our ambassador's embarked on their voyage of light. Let the sun shine in!

But on the morning of June 5th 1120AD, the sun was not shining. The channel was covered in fog. Visibility was so poor that you couldn't even see the flowers in your own hand! There was no way for our ships to cross the channel.

On the morning of June 6th 1120AD, the weather in the channel was improving. The ships raised anchor amid the promise of sunshine ahead. The singing continued "Anchors Aweigh my boys, Anchors Aweigh ..." But it did not last. The weather did not improve ... it got worse. The fog was so bad ... almost black it was.

And then it happened ... tragedy! One of our ships collided with a Hawaiian Galley off the coast of Kia Ora. There was minimal damage to our ship, but Aloha's Galley went down fast. The brave crew of our ships scrambled to save the lives of those Hawaiians that may have been on board the Galley. What a relief! Aloha's boat was empty! Nobody had to die in this tragic accident.

The fog cleared as the Aloha coastline was sited. Joyous times! Our ambassadors of goodwill mounted their horses and rode ashore to greet the wonderful people of Aloha. To tell them of the joy of enlightment. To our surprise, the Hawaiians were not interested in love or light or humanity. When our ambassadors started singing and spreading out the flowers, the Aloha response was to begin throwing axe's and other weapons at them.

It seems Her Lovelyness the Pifflenatress was correct. The people of Aloha were interested only in war, hate, and violence.

And then it happened! A truly amazing site! The peace-loving people of Piffle refused to surrender! They continued to sing and pass out flowers. Aquarius! Let the Sun shine in! It was so beautiful. It is difficult to hold back the tears of joy. The light shown down. The people of Kia Ora had become enlightened!

It was truly wonderful to watch as the people of Kia Ora joined with Piffle's ambassador's of goodwill. Campfires were built upon the beaches of Kia Ora. Everybody joined hands and sang Kum Ba Yah. Truly inspiring! The love ... the peace ... Truly magical.

But all of the love may have been too much for some of the stone cold Aloha hearts. Some of Kia Ora's Axemen became overwrought over the war crimes that they had committed. Some of the confessions of what they had done to this race of people called "barbarians" was horrific. The Piffle ambassadors were shocked and stunned. Such violence, such hate.

And then it happened ... tragedy! The soldiers of Kia Ora began to commit suicide! The ambassadors of goodwill were so shocked, they just stood there, powerless to stop the Hawaiians from killing themselves. But the Piffles knew that this wasn't right. They had to act! And ACT they did! An impromptu play was started on the spot. Right there on the beaches of Kia Ora. It was called Hair and was billed as a tribal love-rock musical.

And it worked! Many of the Workers and civilians of Kia Ora were saved. But the stone cold hearts of Aloha's soldiers ... it just was not to be. They had done too much ... seen too much. The stories of what they did with tie-dye and the farm animals .... well, our ambassadors have pledged to keep their secret and will reveal no more.

And then it happened ... the fire! As the sun set on a day that had held such promise of joy, love, and light ... it happened. The soldiers of Kia Ora set the city ablaze! They began to pillage and burn their own city! The Piffle ambassadors got as many of Kia Ora's workers and civilians aboard ship. Sadly, only a fraction of the citizenry could be saved.

The fire burned all night. It burned so bright and with such intensity that it turned night into day all across the Piffle empire. The citizens of Piffle everywhere morned the loss of life that was Aloha. By dawn's early light ... it could be seen ... that nothing remained of that city.

Our poet laureate noted to us that the word Aloha is a greeting meaning Hi. Sadly, on this day, the word takes on a new meaning: bye.

Aloha, Kia Ora! :wavey:

truly inspiring story of love, peace, and carnal knowledge of the fine Hawaiian women

At was a chilly night when the A.S. Meleager docked in Aloha Port. As Foreign Minister Robi D came down the gang plank he was greeted by GeorgeOP who had a carriage ready to whisk them away.

George- “How did it go?”
Robi- “Not so good”

Both were quite for the rest of the trip.

The streets themselves were alive with activity and colour, for it was Alohan Proclamation week and celebrations were being held across the nation.
The two men soon arrived at the OP’s Restaurant and bar where government officials and other notable citizens had gathered for the festivities.

When they entered the table went quite and all eyes turned to them. The President was first to speak.

BCLG- “Did Piffle agree to anything?”
Robi- “No, they are playing hard ball, I think they are still sore over the whole dyes issue”

Robi’s plate of rice and pork kebabs arrived and then he continued. He dug in eagerly as lets face it ship food isn’t exactly great, and then he continued.

Robi- “I still think we can get a deal but its going to take time, they are setting the bar deliberately too high at the moment so…”
Robboo- “…we wait? I don’t like it. Especially with that occult lurking around to our East”
Kuningas- “I don’t like it either, those Leader worshippers are completely loco, it would be a lot better for us if Piffle would sign up to the security agreement”
There were nods of approval all around the table.
George- “Don’t even get me started on the weirdo programs they are broadcasting, have you seen the latest one with all those women mud wrestling each other just so they can worship the leader personally”
Kuningas- “Don’t mind that one actually” said with a smile on his face. Not that it surprised anyone in the room as he was flanked by two beautiful “worshippers” of his own.
BCLG- “Anyway there is much we can do now about it all so let get on with the celebrations”

Little did they know, Piffle’s evil plans were about to unfold in Kia Ora.
Not long after Robi had left Piffle’s war machine had swung into action and Galleons loaded with troops and weapons had set sail for Alohan waters.

In Kia Ora itself the people busy celebrating like it was 1999. The atmosphere was relaxed and even the soldiers were taking a night off. It wasn’t until the Galleons had virtually gotten to shore that anyone noticed them. Even then they were not sure what to make of them.
“Maybe our neighbours have come to ask us to turn the music down” joked one man which was greeted with laughs all around.

Then seemingly out of nowhere a huge rock crashed into the newly opened Cajun Chowder restaurant. Bits and piece rained down onto the street injuring many people. This was followed by another and another. Panic broke out as men, women and children went in all direction in an attempt to escape the carnage.

The soldiers in town realised what was happening and started to scramble to the posts to get their gear on and ready for battle. They already knew the battle was lost but they wanted to slow down the invaders as much as possible to give a chance for the citizen’s to escape. Many men of the town joined them.

The battle itself was all to brief and one sided, many of our soldiers were cut down before they could even reach the armoury by the throng of macemen and cavalry that came pouring out of the boats. Those that did fought valiantly to the last, ensuring that some civilians escaped the mayhem. The soldiers of Piffle were without mercy that night, anyone that got caught in there sights was mowed down, and once the people were out of the way the buildings of Kia Ora took the brunt of their naked aggression. By daybreak the fighting was done and the town was just a shell of its former self.

At 6am that morning in Aloha GeorgeOP, somewhat hung over from the previous night was running up the palace steps as fast as he could. Once inside summoned the president.
BCLG- “What on Sirian is going on, what’s this all about”
“Piffle…attacked…Kia Ora…Galleons!” said George as he tried to catch his breathe.
President BCLG went numb for a second, Aloha was now at war.
BCLG- “When?”
George- “Sometime last night, don’t know exactly, details are still sketchy”
BCLG- “And Kia Ora?”
George- “Lost I’m afraid, took them by surprise”
The President then turned to his assistant Gandhi Rules
BCLG- “Send out a full alert and get the ministers down here ASAP”
Gandhi Rules just nodded and ran into the next room.

Kia Ora was lost but the battle has just begun…

I am heavy of heart by the misunderstanding communicated in this thread. The Piffles love peace and light. We are dedicated to the good the true and the beautiful.

So distressed am I that I will bypass discussion in my team's forum and announce that I will loby for an ambassador of good will that NOBODY can argue represents the highest embodyment of virtue, goodness and love.

See details at
http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=160988

Peace out, y'all!

Episode 2:
Dramamine and Frog Legs

The dawn light broke over the beautiful white sand beaches of Kia Ora. The smoldering embers were all that remained of the once great city. It was with heavy hearts that Piffle's Ambassadors of Goodwill decided to depart these shores. Such carnage, such violence, it was all beyond the understanding of the peace-loving people of Piffle. How could any ritualistic code of honor require the deaths of so many innocent civilians? It is one thing for Aloha's soldiers to want to atone for their many sins. But to force the same upon the general population? Clearly the peace-loving people of Piffle had much to learn about their neighbors of Aloha.

The voyage back across the channel really wasn't very long. But to the saved Hawaiians, it seemed an eternity. For some odd reason, they were not upset over the loss of their homes, their shops, nor even their city. As the ships approached the shores of Piffle, the Aloha civilians became almost giddy with joy.

Meanwhile in Piffle, news that not everyone from Kia Ora had perished spread quickly throughout the realm. Quite a large throng of people gathered by the harbor docks to greet their Kia Ora neighbors. This would be the first time that any of them had ever met someone from Aloha. The Hawaiians would be greeted like noone before! With bands, and music, and singing! With confetti and ticker tape flying! With love and light, in the only fashion that the peace-loving people of Piffle knew how to greet a visitor. And as those innocent Aloha civilians of Kia Ora came down the gang planks, you could see the joy on their faces! You could also see the relief! Relief because this would be the very first time that any of them had ever set foot on free soil. "FFFRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM" cried the happy Hawaiians! As they kissed this ground that Sirian had made.

The excited Piffles gathered around their new found friends. They were anxious to know of life in this exotic land called Aloha. One of the elders of Kia Ora, an elderly man named Bob, began to recant tales of Hawaiian life. But the tales were not of an exotic land, they were of ... of ... a ... Actually noone could figure out what in the name of Sirian that Bob was talking about. You see Bob's mumbling accent was rather difficult to understand. Fortunately his friend Neal was able to translate.

No, the story that Bob and Neal told of Aloha life was no picnic. They described gruelling days spent in endless farm fields. And evenings filled with a back-breaking, blood-soaked whip. The Aloha life was one of slavery, it seems. Slavery for everyone. Everyone, that is, except those fortunate few members of the government. "Ndbr tvrt gubnet afl frog" said Bob. "Never trust a Government Official" translated Neal.

While government officials would feast on delicacies such as Pork Kabobs, the average Aloha peasant was lucky to receive a ration of rice gruel. More often than not, millet was the only sustance of Aloha's citizenry. "Ndbr tvrt gubnet afl frog" repeated Bob.

At that very moment, a young Hawaiian woman stepped forward. "You should heed thier warning, they speak only the truth" she said in an eerily voice. "My name is Onesta Verita and I was enroute to Allegra before you saved me" she said. "The government officials," shaking her head, "they cannot be trusted."

"I work in the foreign office. I know what they are up to. Their offers of peace and trade were only a ruse" she continued, "Meant to trick you and solace your fears."

We explained to the Aloha survivors how overjoyed we were to receive Aloha's offer of trade. We readily agreed to anything they proposed. But rather than consummating the trade, they said "nevermind". What is Aloha up to? To propose a trade and then decline? Most confusing it was.

But not confusing to all, no siree. Some Piffles had heard of a strange land called Kiss, where they knew of such knavery. "Yep, already got that T-Shirt," His Royal Modship was heard to comment.

Onesta Verita nodded her understanding. "But, that is only the half of it," she continued, "The new President has hatched a diabolical pl...." but she was stopped. Stopped by this horrible screeching noise.

"Where is that coming from" someone asked? And then it became all too clear. It was comming in off the wind from Aloha. An entire nation was screaming in agonizing pain across the channel. The people of Aloha were being incessantly and cruelly whipped to death.

An unending, agonizing pain! This was too much for the peace-loving people of Piffle to bear. Something must be done. Calls for another musical were heard from the crowd. No, no, not even a summer musical spectacular would be enough. Not this time.

The people of Aloha must be saved! Saved at all cost!

To wit, the Piffle navy set sail. They were going to rescue as many innocent Hawaiians as possible from the Aloha tyranny. No one, but NO ONE, else would die this day! Viva La Libertad! Viva La Libertad!

As the naval vessels departed, Onesta Verita was seen running down the long pier. "Wait! Wait!" she cried. "There is something you must first know ...." but ... it was too late. The ships had already sailed ...


TO BE CONTINUED ....

In a brief ceremony on an uninhabited island in the Gulf of Pennsylvania the Innovatopian war came to a sudden end. Innovia’s chief negotiator Carter Burke apologized for the invasion calling it “A bad call.”

Especially with that occult lurking around to our East

Burn! :lol:


Really great stories here everyone! Fantastic reading. :clap:

the Innovatopian war came to a sudden end.
:wow:

Are hopes for peace truly reborn?

Episode 3:
Prologue of a Sidekick

Not many people are aware of this, but Chuck Norris was actually born in Piffle. He was born in 940AD in a small hamlet outside of Balderdash. As a small lad growing up in Piffle, Chuck was a very inquisitive boy. Constantly exploring, constantly learning. He was a very curious lad. He also had a pet monkey and a yellow hat, but that's a different story.

Now contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris did not invent the roundhouse kick. While it is true that Chuck is a master of the manuever, it is only a myth that he was the first. No, the truth is Chuck learned this kick, and many other kicks, from the master that taught him. Kickbooti, that world-famous Piffle, was the one that taught Chuck how to roundhouse kick.

"Young Chuck was a joy to train," Kickbooti once commented. Yes, Young Chuck was an attentive student, always curious and ready to learn. Our poet laureate recalls a story from Chuck's childhood:

Back in those days, 'Booti used to work the lads pretty hard. But during one of the rest breaks, a young Chuck Norris came up to me. "Excuse me, Mr Rower", said young Chuck. I will never forget what he said to me. "Why do the peace-loving people of Piffle love peace so much?" asked young Chuck.

At that moment, I knew Chuck's talent would be used only for good!

"Wonderful question, lad," I said to Chuck. "You see, peace is one of the three P's of life. The three P's define what it means to be a civilized people and give meaning to life," I explained to him.

"Peace, Piffle, and Beer!"

Young Chuck nodded his head in understanding. But he was still young and truly did not yet understand. "Beer doesn't begin with a P, Mr Rower" he said to me.

"No, but it does en.... " and unfortunately I was interrupted before I could finish, when Kickbooti called an end to the break.

But as a young Chuck Norris grew into a man, the man that he is today, he did grasp an understanding of the three P's of life. And today, Chuck Norris loves peace just as much as all of the peace-loving people of Piffle. An embodyment of virtue and goodness, he truly is of Piffle!


Ahhhh, but enough reminiscing by this faithful scribe. For the hour crosses high noon. Lager Time! And I have a ship to catch up to ... if our epic tale is to have a conclusion ...


To Peace, Piffle, and :beer:

Well, I was to humble to reveal that I was indeed the genesis of Chuck Norris. But now that the information is out there, I still don't want you to treat me any differently.

Besides, the astounding power of the roundhouse kick is nothing compared to the writing of Conroe. Good job! (smilies are broken - how does that happen)?

Are hopes for peace truly reborn?

Indeed, Innovia has now withdrawn from our lands. We look forward to being able to rebuild our civilization from safe from the Camel Archer menace. We hold no further menace towards Innovia. We believe the mistakes they made in the war have been greatly repaid by their fair offer of peace.

The troops came home to an unexpected welcome, they were pelted with tomatoes, bananas and even watermelons. Sadly that was the best part of Gallagher’s show. The troops applauded politely; after all it was nice of him to give a free show to the returning soldiers. He even stayed behind afterwards to help hand out discharge papers, even the dishonorable ones.

But six soldiers didn’t get to have fruits and vegetables thrown on them. The A-Team were not soldiers, but convicts. At least they were until a courier met them at the dock and handed them a stack of pardons excusing them for their various crimes. He nervously asked for a receipt and then hurried away. It was not the welcome they expected.

-- From the End of Turn 201 --

The acrid smoke of spent gunpowder wafted across the battlefield, mixing with the early morning mists rolling out from Mycenia Bay. As the first rays of sunlight began to pierce the double grey of mist and smoke, they illuminated a scene the battle weary men of Cannon Regiment Four could scarcely believe.

Regiment Four, or the "Head's Up" men, had been selected to lead the vanguard of the assault on the Loco fortress city of Mycenian. In what seemed like a lifetime ago, but had really just been the previous day, The Heads Up men moved to within 100 yards of Mycenian's walls. There in the shadow of the austere walls ringing the city as if they were a part of the hill itself, the Cannon Men were in position to inflict massive damage to every longbow and Musketman who would defy The Leader. It was a hopelessly defenseless position, and the Heads Up men all knew they had but one job… inflict as much damage as possible before certain death fell upon them. With the blessings of The Leader, they'd do enough damage to open the gates for the elite Cavalry divisions waiting just over the hill for the attack later that day.

So it was with no small surprise that this morning Colonel Suhpmem found himself alive and surrounded by his own cannon men – and not in the company of the angels. After he and his surviving men stared at each other for a few moments in quiet shock that slowly faded into triumphant grins, the Head's Up men cast their eyes back to the top of the hill that had sheltered them for the night…

A steady easterly breeze was blowing the fog of war and smell of battle out to sea… and that same wind was now unfurling the proud flag of Epsilon, high over the city of Mycenian.

Victory belonged to The Leader.



Addenda:

Memo:
Official Foreign Office Summary of the Recent Events Surrounding Mycenian
For Immediate Release

Wherefore, let it be known:
Loco had imposed its will on the once free city of Mycenae. When the people of Dune applied to become part of the Empire of The Leader, they told us horrifying stories of how Loco was treating their brethren. We were compelled to act out of a sense of shared humanity. Until Loco dissolves it's military, The Leader will continue to liberate the wretched Locopotomanians.

Statement prepared by: Scion Peter Grimes
Initial Approval: Follower Semirg Retep
Office of Oversight Approval: High Follower Wal Neger
Foreign Ministry Approval: Servant General_W
By the Blessings of The Leader, may he live forever.