Well it all started out peacefully. I'm playing the French with a slight alteration. I changed them to Religious/Industrious. I just didn't want to play Egypt. Parts were posted elsewhere. But it's a good story.

The known map looks kind of like North America/Central America/South America except South America is about the size of Africa with the Arabian Peninsula and Near East (Iraq/Iran/Pakistan) attached to the west. I'll refer to them in these terms for this thread. The jungle in South America is about the size of the Amazon. Huge.

I occupied North America all the way to where Panama would be. That's where I ran into the English. I did some recon work and discovered a huge number of spice resources on the east coast of South America, so I ferried a settler, 2 regular pikemen, and a worker down and set up shop. Built my temple, walls, and started on a harbor. This is Bordeaux.

I met the Romans and Persians at sea. The Greeks on an island. We traded techs, and I bought several. All were annoyed with me

My Panama Canal city, Amiens, expanded and lo and behold the Persians were caught inside, along with the English. The Persians leave. I guess they remembered the last two games. The English and I made a trade, then they kept violating territory.

The English went immediately to Bordeaux where they camped for a turn. So I asked them to leave and they declared war. Persia, Rome, and Greece immediately became polite. I later found out why. I imagine the entire war started out something like this (Holy Grail for you who haven't seen it -- ;) ):

My future GL, Captain Napoleon, greets them politely: "Allo? Who is eet?"

Talk ensues....

ELIZABETH: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
FRENCH GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a!
ELIZABETH: Well, what are you, then?
FRENCH GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly queen-a?!
GALAHAD: What are you doing in England?
FRENCH GUARD: Mind your own business!
ELIZABETH: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
FRENCH GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Elizabeth Queen, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
GALAHAD: What a strange person.
ELIZABETH: Now look here, my good man--
FRENCH GUARD: "I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
ELIZABETH: "Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"
FRENCH GUARD: "No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

By this time I had two galleys with a total of only 4 veteran musketeers unloading in the city. The situation rapidly deteriorated and after losing 8 swordsmen and longbowmen they turned around and left. I got a great leader out of that battle.

A holy crusade ensued. Jungle warfare. 750 AD. Musketeers were awesome in the Jungle. Then I got Chivalry and the knights started flowing. I got to a point and noticed a couple of English cities named Dariush Kabir and Londonium. Hmmm. Their location and the cultural rating of the English told me they weren't cultural assimilations, hence Xerses and Caesar gloating.

England made one final stand at London, where they threw everything they had at me. Longbowmen do not stand up well against attacking knights, but they are painful on the attack. After their defeat at the battle of London, Elizabeth requested an audience. I refused. My entire empire went into WLTSD. The English Empire collapsed like a house of cards. I defeated them in 1060 AD.

I was tempted to let them stay on an island that could only support a size 2 city. Nah. I beheaded the evil English Queen, and every one of her former cities went into WLTSD!