I am down to one other civ before a conquest victory. I have a huge stack ready to roll but I can't attack. I have open borders so I have to declare war in the communication window but she refuses to talk. Is this a glitch in the game or is there something I'm missing here?

I believe you can hold down the Alt button while you select her to declare war even when she refuses to see you.

(That might be why it says that at the bottom of the window that details your relations at the left side of the screen :p)

Looking at that picture, and from my own expirience, I can't help thinking the Lurchip mifgt be a bit over-powered.

If I am not mistaken then any indirect damage, like Ring of Flames, is considered an hostile act, but can be applied nevertheless.

That means that you need to do damage to the Elves somehow and you are in war....

But I really dont know which damage except Ring of Flames is untargetted.
The most types of damaging spells require you to specify a target and that can not be done if the target is friendly to you.