Okay, you all know how to play, right? You Grant the previous poster's wish in a way that twists it around somehow, then make your own wish to be twisted!

Example:

"I wish I had a million dollars"

"Granted, it's in Monopoly money"

Rules:

-Please don't make excessively long wishes or twists, they are highly annoying. At the very least, don't do this very often.
-Thou shalt not flame, troll, or spam.
-Do not do something that you know others will find annoying. This means you, Stylesrj.
-Don't make the same wish or use the same twist repetitively, it gets annoying after a while.
-This game is meant to be fun. Please don't do things that will make it not fun for other people.
-If you break these rules repetitavely, I'll have to [Monty Burns] RELEASE TEH MODS.[/Monty Burns]

Okay, that's about it. Have fun!

I wish I had a tasty, non-poisoned Apple Pie.

Granted. You HAD the pie, now you don't

I wish I can has cheeseburger?

Granted, there is now the possibility of you having a cheeseburger.

I wish a logically impossible action would happen.

Granted, a banana is blue. This is illogical, because bananas are yellow. Not quite what you were hoping for.

@Styles: Past tense grants are technically breaking the "Dont be annoying" rule, you know. ;)

I wish to add to my first post the rule "Don't make past tense wish grants" with an explanation of what they are.

Granted, you are needed as part of a sacrifice to accomplish it (Sorry, that's just my first ever twist on a new thread)

I wish that 4th of July Fireworks were even awesomer.

(NOTE: For something to be logically impossible it must be self-contradictory for it to happen. I'll let that one pass, but it wasn't refuted)

Granted- the past is altered so they used to be even awesomer.

I wish for a logically impossible action to happen.

Granted. Oranges are now purple with pink polka dots.

I wish to be rich and famous!

Something being the wrong color isn't even near logically impossible. Plus it's not an action.

As to your wish: Granted. You're Tom Cruise.

I wish that this thread will be the best in all of cyberspace!

Granted. This is as good as it gets. The standard for internet quality plummets so much that nobody bothers using it anymore. And then people listen to the radio again! Yay!

I wish people would listen to the radio again, like they used to in the olden days.

Unfourtunately, the quality of radio skydives.

I wish somebody would actually figure out a way of getting around the problem of my first wish and making an appopriate counterpost, and use it.

Well if an Orange is coloured purple, it makes no logical sense, because it isn't an orange then, it's purple.

Granted. Quantum Singularities are logically proven to be impossible, but only in theory, like everything. Everything is a theory!

I wish people would accept the Counter Theory (everything is done with counters, you know, those little plastic buttons in different colours)

Something can, without logical contradiction, be called an orange without being the colour orange.

Granted, but they wil never accept YOU!



I wish that a spoon was stuck in George W. Bush's coccyx

Nothing wrong about my own acceptance kill fire, as long as my theory is out there and people accept that, then I'm happy

Granted, but they wil never accept YOU!



I wish that a spoon was stuck in George W. Bush's coccyx

Granted, it's also stuck on your shoulder.

I wish a smelly pair of socks.

Granted. They smell so bad you pass out and die.

I wish for my leg to no longer feel tired.

Granted. It now feels depressed, and hops you off a tall building.

I wish for seven flawless blue crystals, laid out in a line across a white tablecloth, with the smallest on the left and the largest on the right.

Granted. They are combustable with oxygen, so they explode and kill you.

I wish I had an X-wing fighter.

Granted. You try blowing a up a death star with it, when the Borg Cube destroys it.

I wish to Rickroll Choxorn.

Granted, but trashcat is not impressed.

I wish I could impress trashcat.

granted, trashcat is amused by your self-mutilation

I wish I had the biggest balls of them all.

Granted. They're so big, you can't move anywhere. And then someone kicks you in that area and it REALLY hurts, so much you wish you were dead.

I wish to have bionic eyes.

Double Post not-FTW

Granted. The yearly maintainance cost is around $500,000.

I wish I don't ever have to sleep.

Granted, you are given an overdose of anesthesia because you won't fall asleep and die.

I wish for the power at my house to never go out.

Granted, it doesn't go out, but it is reduced to 1 watt for the entire house. That's not out, right?

I wish I had a pizza, that was not poisoned, would not hurt me in any way, would not make me sick, would taste good to me, and does not have anchovies.

Granted, Fatso.

I wish I had some delicious raisins!

Granted, they're poisoned with a poison that tastes delicious!

I wish to never gain or lose weight.

Granted. However, you're morbidly overweight and can't even get out of the house. No matter how hard you try, you can't lose the weight. Then you die from heart attacks

I wish no one in the world is anorexic or overweight

No more Sumo :(

I wish the person granting my wish has a nice day.

Granted, thank you very much. :)

I wish for that to somehow be bad for Perfection.

Granted. Giant Death Robots turn him into a Giant Death Robot. It's bad for Perfection, because he's no longer human, but it's a minor thing. But it is a great advantage for him too.

I wish to have a euphoric day.

Granted, but somehow, YOU GOT RICKROLLED!
http://static.stickam.com/media/video/converted/1737/9488/2/6b9e3007-17c4-11dc-963e-3fec773ac911.flv.jpg

I wish to know the meaning of being Rickrolled.

Granted. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Roll)

I wish I could write a top-selling novel!

Granted, its top-selling because its a death threat to every leader in the world. You get completely and utterly destroyed.

I wish for all red ants and mosquitoes to die.

Granted.

I wish I could think of twists.

Granted. But you forget them just before you post them which eventually drives you insane.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Granted. You're drowsy.

I wish to Rick Roll choxorn

Granted. He just clicks out of the window, moves on with his life. Not really that funny at all.


I wish I could control the weather.

Granted. So can everyone else. No big deal.

I wish I was friends with Sektor from Mortal Kombat.

Granted. Unfortunately you can't control the wether, and it headbutts you into a pile of manure. Laughter ensues.

I wish for knowledge of all words in existence!

Granted. You know the forbidden words of ultimate destruction and you accidentally say them, therefore killing you.

I wish military bases in Sim City 2000 would develop properly

Granted, they develop into the real world and kill you.

I wish to zap Stylesrj with a Lightning Bolt (I can control the weather, can't I?)

Granted, but it hits you first.

I wish my brothers didn't play on the Wii 24/7.

Granted. Now they play with their wee 24/7, which is much, much worse. :(

I wish for a baker's dozen of flags, 5' by 3', all coloured olive green, and some metal poles upon which to hang them.

Granted. A baker's dozen though is considered to be -13, so you're owed those flags to the genie.

I wish to be the genie

Granted. Unfortunately you can't control the wether, and it headbutts you into a pile of manure. Laughter ensues.

What headbutts me? Sektor or the weather? :confused:

Granted. However, you're not the genie of this thread, you're one of those other genies who comes out of the lamp. No one ever finds your lamp, so you're trapped in it for the rest of eternity.

I wish I had a rocket launcher, and I would not kill or hurt myself with it.

Granted, it breaks apart.

I wish that I could never get sick.

Granted. You enrage the doctors in your area because you never have to see them and they lynch you.

I wish for an awesome Mafia game to start!

Granted. The Mafia take over your neighborhood and introduces you to the game of "sleeping with the fishes."

I wish I had the internet on my cellphone.

Granted. However the screen is too small for you to look at and you really can't do anything else with the phone. When you try and figure it out, it breaks :(

I wish mobile phones went back to simplicity of just being able to call up people. (none of this crap of cameras, internet and TXT messages which are ruining the English language)

Granted, unfortunately, they're also the heavy cell phones of the 80s (I think that's it)

I wish for modern cell phones to have nothing but calling, camera, and limited texting, as in maybe 100 messages a month.

granted, everyone is a crappy luddite like yourself

I wish that grantor of my wish would burn in helll for all eternity while I watch in smug satisfaction in heaven sorrounded by all types of beauty.

Granted. However, it turns out to be a false hell which is much worse than what I'm in.

I wish Photobucket isn't annoying me

Granted, now Ebaumsworld is annoying you.

I wish for a shrubery.

Granted, I don't know what the hell shrubes are but I garuntee you they're not shrubs.

I wish for delicious baby.

Granted. You're given veal and PETA kills you.

I wish for the headquarters and members of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the Animal Liberation Front and all those people and banks who support them to be destroyed

Granted, they are nuked...

...while you are standing right next to them.

I wish I was the one who fired said nuke.

Granted. The exhaust from the nuke launching fries you. Roast choxorn anyone?

I wish I had a brand new PS3 that works perfectly!

Granted, but it gets stolen.

I wish I could come up with more original twists.

Granted. They're so original, the Ancient Greeks kill you to preserve the original 40 or so stories.

I wish for a cunning plan by Baldrick to work!

granted, now all you need is the controller and games, 400 bucks please!

I wish for a puppy. :love:

Granted. It dies from neglect and PETA comes to your house and lynches you.

I wish for my wish to go bad.

Granted. It goes bad and smells really horrible. You then go and save a few kittens (which is a good outcome)

I wish for every species of fly in the world to be extinct

Granted. Now there are no dragonflies, and they are super cool and I'm sure they help the ecosystem somehow, and this throws off the entire planet, ending the world.

I wish my SOOOOOOOUUUUUULL GLLLLOOOOOWWWEDD!!!

Granted, it would glow, if you had one :(

I wish everyone on Earth were sad :(

Granted :(

I wish everyone on the Earth was happy. :)

I HATE DOUBLE POSTS!!! :mad:

Granted. But, humanity already is pretty sad (And by sad, I mean the "OMG, that's sad, dude" kind of sad) you just wasted a wish.

EDIT: X-post

Granted, your wish is granted, reversing sepamu's but doing nothing else. So two wishes clashed and resulted in nothing.

I w15h t0 Ru13z th3 1n73rn375.

Granted. It's just like winning the Special Olympics.

I wish to be able to throw items at people and kill them, like in Dwarf Fortress (flies piercing hearts, water piecing lungs, throwing a shoe at an arm and lopping it off)

The Internet sucks now, thanks a lot, buttface.

Edit: While tying your shoes during a bumpy bus ride you accidentally decapitate yourself.

I wish that I had the words sexiest nostrils.

Granted. Zsa Zsa Gabor becomes so jealous she kills you.

I wish I had MOAR HUNEY ROASTID PENUTS MNYAAHH!

Granted. They're so delicious and poisonous you explode in a pile of gore.

I wish for moar pr0n on teh internets

Granted, it's that stupid anime wierdo porn :(

I wish for the sun to shine forever!

Granted. Oceans and rivers dry up. Once green grasslands turn to barren wastelands with no life. Soon, wars erupt over the resources becoming rarer and rarer. Finally, the entire earth is turned to a desert, scattered communities of humans killing one another for the smallest amount of water.

I wish for a hamburger.

Granted. However, you quickly realize that your wish was wasted when it could have been used to procure a far superior bacon swiss cheeseburger!


I wish I could do that arm pulse wave dance.

Granted. Your arms fall off and you have herpes.

I wish for that Jack Chick comic artist to drop dead and have all his works destroyed.

Granted. His fans find out, capture you, and throw you into a giant tank full of fire ants.

I wish Bruce Lee would come back from the dead and kick Chuck Norris' @$$ in front of thousands of people.

Granted, but Chuck Norris doesn't even notice him, then when he finds out kills him with one finger. Wondering who sent him, he finds out wished for it and roundhouse kicks you and everything you know into oblivion.

I wish I could have contacts that would not damage me in any way.

Granted. However, they destroy the entire world, making you the last man on earth. Oh look, a library!
Then the contacts run around and desert you and give you a pair of glasses.

I wish to be able to speak Braille

Stylesrj, your twists rarely make any sense.

Granted, your days are filled with telling people things like "Two dots, with another dot below them, but slightly to the left" and it takes an extremely long time to say anything to anyone.

I wish for a single paperclip.

Wish granted. You accidentally paper clip your face to your crotch and you have to walk around with everyone staring at you all day.

I wish for a pet taco that poops ice cream.

Granted. However, the ice cream lands on the floor and you have to lick it off the ground, which is dirty. Then George W. Bush eats the taco, because tacos rule!

I wish for moar Robot Chicken

Granted, your house always mysteriously loses power whenever it's on, and then regains power when it's not on.

I wish for this thread's twists to make some more sense.

Granted. Unfortunately, pickles only swim in the light of a full moon.

I wish for a bowlful of sherbet saucers, and some sort of bowler hat.

Granted. They're alien sherbet saucers and they wear some sort of bowler hat.
They kill you.

I wish to have an image of the Cookie Monster talking about the Conservative Party

Granted. You brain explodes from the funniness.

I wish I had a cheese burger that is superior to all other burgers.

Granted. However, you later realize that wish could have been used to procure a far superior plate of fried chicken, with seasoned salt and honey mustard! And Dr. Pepper on the side! Oh, what a loss.

I wish I had seventeen frisbees.

Granted, sixteen of them are chewed up by dogs.

I wish to RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

Granted. You release the hounds but you must listen to "Who let the dogs out?" woof woof woof. (listening to this once is bad enough punishment)

I wish it was always 70 degrees and breezy outside my house.

Granted. It is 1000 degrees and raining inside your house.


I wish I could solve a Rubiks cube.

Granted, NERD!!

I wish for a tall glass of ice-cold lemonade.

(@Bigfoot: That's kinda impossible- if it was 1,000 degrees, the water would be in the form of steam, and hence would not fall)

But anyway...

Granted, it's so cold that you freeze the moment the lemonade touches your mouth.

I wish I could defy the laws of physics.

Granted. It is now 1000 degrees and raining.


I wish I could defy the laws of REASON!

Granted. But the Laws of Physics stop you and you're sentenced to black hole by the Physics Court.

I wish it to be 20 degrees Celsius all day for a month, starting now

Granted, but unfortunately, a large vein of a special mineral that is highly explosive only at 20 degrees Celsius is discovered right next to your home and explodes.

I wish Soulcalibur 4 (or Soul Calibur 4 depending on how you call it) was out right now.

Granted, it's also sold out of every store in Texas before you can get to them.

I wish I had a twenty-dollar bill.

Granted. Canadian dollars.

I wish to own a thermonuclear warhead

Granted. You accidentally launch it at Antarctica and create devastating floods world wide. When the world finds out it was you, they rope you and your family to cars and drag your bloody body through the streets.

I wish for a Death Star with a giant superlaser.

Granted, it is right now aiming at you.

I wish for eternal youth, wisedom and happiness. Without getting my head exploded.

Granted. Your youth only brings you angst, your wisdom only alows you to correct the word "wisedom", and your happiness is only brought by addictive anti depressants, which kill you.

I wish all cicadas in the world were dead.

Granted. Now the Japanese security systems fail and you are lynched

I wish for a taco! A delicious taco, endorsed by George W. Bush!

Granted, it's completely awesome and you spiral into depression knowing you will never again know anything as awesome.

I wish I could do cartwheels.

Granted, you can't do them well.

I wish for the most random thing possible!

Granted. You get ice cream raining on your head! You die of overkill! Yay!

I wish to get the Katana in Halo 3 without Xbox Live

Granted. Video game coolness does not equal real life coolness. LOLWuT K.


I wish I could invent something really cool.

Granted. The ghost of Thomas Edison kills you out of jealousy.

I wish to command an army of cyborgs.

Granted. However a robot army comes in and kills you.

I wish to be Kane from Command & Conquer

Granted, you die.

I wish I had a REAL katana, and that I would not hurt myself with it.

Kane can die, but he always returns, which is awesome :lol:

Fine, edited. :p

You hurt those you love with it




































I wish to make even more obnoxious posts in this thread without moderator intervention.

Granted. Thunderfall intervenes. Oh snap!

I wish to enjoy my sandwich

Granted. However, after you enjoy it, you find out it contained parasitic worms that will slowly eat your intestines leading to a painful death.

I wish I had the power to blow things up with my mind.

Granted, you accidentally envision yourself blowing up and do.

I wish I could do cartwheels well.

Granted. You can fix the wheels of horse-drawn carts very well, but guess what...

NO ONE USES THEM!!!

I wish to be ruler of the universe

Granted, you cartwheel off a cliff.

I wish for godzilla to stamp all over a very small rock.

Yay, crossposts!

The crossposts cross your heart and make you die.


I wish I could cross dimensions at will!

Granted, you enter a dimension full of man eating spiders and you get captured and eaten before you are able to escape.

I wish to have x-ray vision :scan:

(I know that was a crosspost, I left it the way it was because it was funny)

Granted, the world appears as black with some white stuff here and there, like people's skeletons. It's really not as great as you thought.

I wish for a doughnut.

Granted. Its filled with poison.

I wish there was a naked woman in this room.

Granted, its your mom.

I wish to never be hungry or thirsty and never have a need for food and drink.

Granted. But you can never have sex either(even with yourself).

I wish I didn't have to upgrade my effing computer every six months.

Granted, you have to do it every 2 seconds now and you can never leave the room when you need to upgrade it.




I wish that people would stop making wishes that were so easy to twist.

Granted, now they are so hard to twist no one can twist them.

I wish for AGSOAUDASODSAGDIABSDIASBCYSBCYSIX dbsaydbasyfvteifbuovbobyvbeybybyeetyag and a taco.

Granted, but the AGSOAUDASODSAGDIABSDIASBCYSBCYSIX dbsaydbasyfvteifbuovbobyvbeybybyeetyag is an advanced alien species' most prized possession and they kill you.

I wish I could cartwheel well and not get hurt.

Granted. Gymnastics is for LOOOOOSERS!!!!


I wish I was an origami paper crane, but indestructible. And I can talk 'n stuff.

Granted. However, you cannot move, so you're a talking, stationary, indestructible crane for all eternity.

I wish to be ruler of the universe.

Granted, you once again cartwheel of a cliff.

I wish I had.

You wish you had periods? Granted, weirdo.

I wish I had the worlds largest collection of something/

Granted. You have the world's largest collection of live venomous snakes. Naturally, you get bitten and die.

I wish they would play The Imperial March at the next presidential inauguration ceremony.

Granted. But then someone Rickrolls it while you're cheering.

I wish to own a TARDIS

Granted, it breaks and you are trapped in the 1500's. Have fun with the Spanish Inquisition!

I wish I could expect the Spanish Inquisition!

Granted. Your TARDIS (Terrifically Awesome Radically Destructive Ionic Shotgun) misfires and kills you.

I wish that a TARDIS really was a terrifically awesome radically destructive ionic shotgun.

Granted. It crossposts and fires on yourself, killing you

I wish to cross the streams!

Granted. You die of cancer when you get to the other side.

I wish for a long range weapon that could kill people without leaving evidence.

Granted, so does everyone else.

I wish I had a giant beard like the guys in ZZ Top.

Granted. You're a dwarf and there's a flaming item. Quick! Pick it up!

I wish to throw nobles into a chasm

Granted, you accidentally fall in after doing so.

I wish Stylesrj would stop referencing Dwarf Fortress.

Granted. He references lazerz 'n stuff even more to fill the gap.

I wish the world was pyramidal.

Granted. You're at the bottom though and I'm at the top as ruler.

I wish the world to not be a pyramid, but more like a trapezium

Granted. The trapezium collapses and becomes a rectangle.

I wish for a delicious piece of nonpoisonous and safe-to-eat pie.

Granted. It is presented to you by having it smashed in your face.

I wish I could incorporate the word "shebangabang" into my everyday vocabulary.

Granted. Women around the world start hating you and you're lynched by angry feminists

I wish SimCopter would work on my computer and not crash

Granted. However, a RealCopter smashes into your house and destroys your computer in addition to causing massive damage to your roof and bedroom.

I wish George W. Bush would get pied in the face.

Granted, he thinks it's delichous.

I wish that the next iPhone will have many useful functions on it, without any negative concequences.

Granted. It now can brush your teeth, without negative consequences. But you still have to take it to Apple if the battery runs out

I wish to be good at Photoshop

Granted. None of your shops are funny. In fact, they are UN-funny.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted, fishboy.

I wish I had a nice cold glass of milk (that isn't poisoned, spoiled, or stolen)!

Granted. Its so cold its frozen solid.

I wish I had a war elephant as a pet.

Granted. It stomps on you by accident.

I wish War Elephants in Dwarf Fortress are not easily killed by Goblin Hammer Lords

Granted, TOO MUCH DWARF FORTRESS! Genie rips out one of your testicles and prevents you from doing another Dwarf Fortress reference ever again.


I wish that Chux0r4ms wasnt banned from every online game.

Granted, "Chux0r4ms" doesn't exist, hence he is already banned, as he does not exist and therefore cannot play.

I wish that had been a better twist.

Granted. It involved overruling the Dwarf Fortress No references rule and it included hammers, elephants and schools of vicious carp.

I wish Carp to be as deadly as the ones in Dwarf Fortress and I'm not affected by it (I don't live near a river or lake)

Freakin' crosspost. Grumble grumble.

Granted, right? :confused:

I wish to be playing Spore right now.

Granted, it really isn't that great. Oh, and I time travel backwards and prevent Dwarf Fortress from ever being created. It never existed, got it?

I wish Dwarf Fortress really did never exist.

Granted, instead a new game called Gnome Fortress is released that is identical to Dwarf Fortress.

I wish to have minty-fresh breath forever.

Granted. However, your body odor remains pungent and repulsive.

I wish I had every Jazz album ever recorded.

Granted. However, you're living in Nazi Germany in 1941... and the Brownshirts just found out about your collection...

I wish to enjoy my delicious sandwich

Granted. You're on Death Row and it's your last meal.


I wish for many different delicious nutritious Frito-Lay products!

Granted, but you can taste the nutrition, and as we all know, nutrition is bitter.

I wish uttering the word "nooblet" caused death.

Granted. Guess what the first death is? YOU!!

I wish to have an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

Granted. You are trapped inside the Apeture Science Test Chamber as well, and YOU CAN'T WIN!!

I wish for a wishy washy wishing washing machine.

Granted. You also live in Wales and practice witchcraft.

I wish that Welshy witchy washer's wishy washy wishing washing machine would wash my wishy washy washing Welshy witch!

Granted. Afterwards, the alliteration police comes after you and executes you at the electric chair.

I wish for a slurpee.

Granted. It is a dirt-flavored slurpee.

I wish I just got back from the sandwich pasta-dish de-boned-fish make-a-wish dig-a-ditch filthy rich tent pole pitch.

Car Talk, anyone?

Granted, but you get run over by a truck on the way home.

I wish to smell good forever.

Granted. To you, you smell good, but to everyone else, you stink.

I wish to have infinite Internet bandwidth

Granted, everybody else has it and you were the last one to get it.

I wish for a low-energy-consuming replicator.

Granted. You can only replicate Tom Jones albums.

I wish for unrivaled alliteration ablilities!

Granted. Gertie the Great Goat of Goadville gains great Germanic... IMMA FIRIN' MAI LAZER!!
You're now deader than dogs doing dumb deeds crossing designated roads

I wish that twist has more alliteration

Granted. Gregory Goodman goes ga-ga giving gripes to glamorous Gabrielle, his gorgeous girlfriend, gaining glittering gold and getting a great green garden. Good God!

I wish for a Pokémon pencil!

Granted, it's an actual pokemon that also serves as a pencil. Oh, and it might hurt you when you sharpen it.

I wish I could fart in the face of death.

Granted. The earth then returns the favor.

I wish I was a manatee!!!!

Granted. You get hit by a motor boat.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, you get hit by a plane.

I wish to be magnetized!

Granted, you get hit by a skyscaper.

I wish to not get hit by anything!

Granted. You eat some chocolate, and then you say: "My, that's a poor quality chocolate." And a general malaise spreads throughout your entire subconsious mind.

I wish I was a member of a modern stone-age family.

Granted. You're Fred Flintstone and when you brake with your car, your legs are burned off by the friction.

I wish for a tasty doughnut

Granted. You get a big, yummy, insect jelly filled donut.

I wish to be able to speak and understand every language in the world.

Granted. No one bothers to talk to you or listen to you.

I wish I had a pet rock.

Granted. You spent $50 on it and then it gets stolen.

I wish to make a "Jump to Conclusions" Mat

Granted. It sucks just as much as it did in the movie.

I wish to set the building on fire...

Granted, it is put out without causing much damage.

I wish I had a jar of dirt.

Granted. Davy Jone's heart is in it and a bunch of pirates kill you for it.

I wish I had a jar of marmalade.

Granted. Davy Jone's heart is in it and a bunch of pirates kill you for it. :lol:

I wish to have a jar of red Swingline staplers

Granted. However, someone else gets a jar of superior Staples™ One-Touch staplers and uses them to shoot you full of staples. Since your puny swingline staplers cannot shoot staples at high velocities, you are pwned.

I wish for a shotgun that shoots mini-nukes instead of pellets.

At least the Swingline does not lock-up, unlike the Bostons

I wish for a shotgun that shoots mini-nukes instead of pellets.

Granted. You shoot your eye out.

I wish to achieve nirvana.

Granted. You get a CD that says Nirvana on it, but you don't go anywhere.

I wish for a mudkip.

Granted, you get a kip that is made of mud. Wait, what the hell is a kip?

I wish to know what a kip is.

Granted. Kip is Napoleon Dynamite's brother, and he's been chatting online with babes... all day.

I wish for a highly organized network of message-carrying pidgeons that I can use when the government loses control and all networks of communication go down.

Granted. It's the currency of Laos. After figuring this out, you are branded a Laotian Commie for your knowledge and you get the chair.

I wish that chair was comfy!

EDIT: crosspost.

Granted. I shoot the pigeons and eat them. Yummy.

I wish for a delicious plump-breasted speckly pigeon

Granted. Guess what? It has bird flu!

I wish for a pepsi.

Granted. You Could've Had a V8!

I wish for a Klondike Bar!

Granted. But only after you stood on one leg and killed someone with a fish.

I wish for a red herring

Granted, it leads you into a cement mixer.

I wish I had an ice cream cone, that wouldn't melt until it entered my mouth, and the ice cream would not fall out of the cone.

Granted. The ice cream is too cold and it hurts your teeth.

I wish to be a god. :worship: :jesus: :worship:

Granted. Your the god of red herrings. You can now chop down trees

I wish to be a pot, so I can call the kettle black.

Granted, racist :mad:

I wish for a two-headed quarter!

Granted. You now have a quarter with an eagle on one side and an aroused nude George Washington on the other side.

I wish this statement was true: "This statement is a lie."

Granted. The cake happens to be a lie too and I eated it.

I wish for a cookie.

Granted, it is a chips ahoy dog-biscut-style one. Not very tasty.

I wish to be a star!
_/\_ I also wish to have drawn that star better.
\ /
/__\

Granted, but you go supernova.

I wish to not have a headache or any form of pain..

Granted. However, you die of that disease that does not cause pain.

I wish for a delicious fish

Granted, it's raw. I hope you like your fish with a nice side of salmonella poisoning.

I wish for a cooked, delicious fish on a dish.

Granted. You choke on a bone and suffocate.

I wish for a cooked, delicious fish on a dish and to eat it without choking.

Granted. You leave behind a pile of bones which some dwarves build a crossbow out of. Then they use it to kill you.

I wish to be one of those Dwarf Fortress elves

Granted, the game crashes and since you wasn't saved, you will disappear.

I wish for enlightment.

Granted, you get enlightment, or a light turned on. However, you do not get enlightenment.

I wish this keyboard was not screwy.

Granted. Now your monitor is screwy, and you can't even see that your keyboard is now fixed! Ha, ha!

I wish for the best miniature golf expirience humanly possible.

Granted. You're a golf ball.

I wish to be the guy with the golf club

Granted, you hit yourself with it.

I wish to be the best mini golf and normal golf player ever.

Granted. The other golfers decide it's no fun playing with you and don't show up, destroying the proffessional golf industry, you never make any money, and die lonley and penniless.

I wish I had complete tax exemption.

@Styles: I said humanly possible.

Granted, your head is impaled upon a stick by a mob angry at you for this.

I wish to impale Stylesrj's head upon a stick.

Frig I can't turn that one around. :(

I cans!

Granted, choxy. At the impalement ceremony, you drive the stake into the ground, and strike oil! It fountains out of the ground and spills all over everything. And then, one of the torch-bearers accidentally sets everyone on fire, including you.

I wish Barrack Obama would adopt James Brown's "Funky President" as his theme song.

Granted. It makes him win the election and you are upset, because you don't like Obama for some reason.

I wish to be President of the United States of America

Granted, you're assassinated moments after the inauguration ceremony.

I wish to have wicked nunchuck skills.

Granted, they're lethal skills and you accidentaly kill your own mother. That's the danger of weapons.

I wish for enlightenment.

Granted. A door opens and all you get is an entrenching tool (Obtain a cookie if you know what game that is from)

I wish for a cool weapon

Granted. Unfortunately, you have to kill yourself to use it.

I wish for a talking dog.

Granted. A door opens and all you get is an entrenching tool (Obtain a cookie if you know what game that is from)

Medal of Honor: Rising Sun. I demand my cookie immediatley.


Wish Granted. He says every word as though it started with the letter R.

I wish for mad frisbee skillz yo.

Granted, no one is really impressed.

I wish I had untold riches, and nobody would be harmed as a result of this wish. And the riches are not counterfeited, stolen, or in a non-US currency. And they are not somewhere I cannot access them.

Granted. However, no one uses United States Currency any more. The Euro came into the US and made your money worthless and you didn't have warning as it was so sudden.

I wish for a cookie to give to Bigfoot

Granted, its an oatmeal cookie! :vomit:

I wish to extremely tech savvy like one of those guys that hacks the security systems and such in action movies.

Granted. However, the CIA immediately discovers some of your more...illegal...adventures. And you are sent to jail for tax evasion. I don't know why it's always tax evasion that does you in, but, hey. It was good enough for Al Capone.

I wish that my extended essay were finished.

Granted. You get an F and you're forced to clean septic tanks to feed your drug habit.

I wish to be one of those commanders from Supreme Commander, complete with the ACU suit

Granted. But the ACU suit malfunctions and you get electrocuted.

I wish to revive this thread!

Granted, it still sucks.

I wish that this thread didn't suck.

Granted, but now you suffer from a 1 time side effect from making wishes so now you always have diarrhea at the worst of times like when you are sitting down in a chair or you are on a date, and you can never go into the bathroom until you have crapped your pants.



I wish I was teh 1337 spek uber h4x0r.

Granted, but the genie doesn't understand you and teleports you to the bottom of a well.

I wish kill fire will never escape that well.

Granted. But you're down there too, stuck with him.

I wish to be at the edge of the well to laugh at the two, but unable to fall in the well or be put into the well under any circumstances

Granted. All's well that ends well! :cool:

I wish you well on your whaling trip to Wales

Granted, WTF BOOM!


I wish that Stylesrj was stuck in a box which was in a hole in the wall in the well me and choxorn were in and he could not escape the box. (hes not in the well, hes in the ground 1 millimeter next to the floor of the well)

accidental post. Stupid lag!

Granted, but you double post and it is just so LOL.

I wish school didn't have to start soon. :(

GRANTED.

I wish I was out of the well.

Granted. You're now floating in space. You're free of all wells, including gravity wells.
You die in space.

I wish Dwarf Fortress to be the best game in the universe

Granted. But every game that is better than Dwarf Fortress is destroyed and the only game left in the world is Dwarf Fortress (since there were no games that were not better than Dwarf Fortress). Every gamer in the world is of course pissed off at this and they kidnap you and torture you to death.

I wish for an ice cream cone!

http://jeffatwood.typepad.com/atwoodzoo/images/menu_ice_cream_cone.jpg

Granted. It's just a digital picture of one. Not very tasty.

I wish for the ultimate flavor sensation!!

Granted, it makes your head explode.


I wish that I was out of the well, in some safe area on earth completely unharmed, and I would not fall back into that well or any other well.

Granted. The well falls into you. :crazyeye:

I wish I wish I had a fish so tasty SWEEEET!!!

Granted. It's a pufferfish with all the poison.

I wish to have infinite bandwidth for my internet

Granted, but the operator only allows you 2 mbps, which they think is the real fast connection.

I wish for a great Rayman game to come out on stores, now.

Granted, but all the stores selling them are in hell.



I wish that hell and heaven didnt suck