After my fairly disasterous attempt by creating a thread about guidos in the OT forum I thouroughly thought about a topic on which we could all agree upon: The awesomeness of Chuck Norris. He is mentioned in nearly every sacred scripture around the world (but you gotta believe if you wanna see the patterns, though:lol:) and is foresseen by every major prophet since around Abe's time. Or do you think differently?, reasoning of your opinion would be nice too.

Carlos seems like a nice guy, though i find his views on evolution and homosexuality quite disturbing. But i doubt thats a proper topic for a H&J thread :p

So...

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

So far, there seems to be a positive general impression about Chuck, as far as I can see it in the poll. But who the f*ck voted for the 3rd opinion? Free speech my ass!

01
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take . .. .. .. . from anybody.
10
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
:lol::lol::lol:

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

The most stupid thing ever done by a man was telling to Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicking isn't the best way of kicking people. No witnesses were left to tell what happened after that.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his balls, as hair can't grow on steel.

Happy New Year 2005! [party]

^^ :lol:

for internet memes:

http://xkcd.com/286/

There are constantly 6 Chuck Norris doubles scattered around the world guarding the world peace. In the unlikely occurence that one of them dies, there is held a top-secret-tournament in the Himalaya to choose the next guy for this task. Just the man who wins in the disciplines jackhammer-throwing, bull-riding and walking through molten titanium gets the job.
Recording a typical Chuck Norris in slowmotion reveals that first he rapes his victim in the butt, then is seen smoking a cigarette with Jesus and just after that is roundhouse kicking the guy in the face.
There was a who-got-the-most-testicles-contest attended by Chuck Norris and Mike Tyson. Chuck Norris won by five.
If Chuck Norris would be a jew, then all the conspiracies about Jewish world domination would be 100% truth.
Children fear the darkness, because they can't see if Chuck Norris is approaching them or not.
Chuck Norris knows where Waldo is.
Chuck Norris is the alleged son of an ancient Chinese master of all kinds of martial arts and the Holy Mary. A man who has been showing doubt about that story got answered by Chuck Norris who roundhouse kicked that guy to ashes.

The most stupid thing ever done by a man was telling to Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicking isn't the best way of kicking people. No witnesses were left to tell what happened after that.

i like the "this is considered as the single most stupid thing ever done in the history of mankind by most historians" ending more. :)

Chuck Norris beats rock, paper and scissors.

Chuck Norris's middle name is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sucks balls harder than Paris Hilton.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat Skittles, he tastes the rainbow.

I thought the First Rule of Chuck Norris was you don't talk about Chuck Norris..?

I thought the First Rule of Chuck Norris was you don't talk about Chuck Norris..?
That's Fight Club.

Chuck Norris sucks balls harder than Paris Hilton.

Now I gotcha! You voted for the 3rd opinion! I have my eyes on your back, kid!

@holy king: Ich konnte mich nicht an das richtige Ende erinnern! (For all non-germanspeakers:This is pure evil, racist, hateloaded slander!!:rolleyes:)

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

That's my fav:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Atheists don't believe in Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris rose Jesus from the dead.

Chuck norris is actually the Messiah, but eternal salvation and bliss just sounded too . .. .. .. .. . for him, and even God can't force Chuck to do anything he doesn't want.

Unfortunately, I cannot link the series of videos Chuck Norris in Oblivion here, on account of the vulgar language rule.

"Phil Collins broke another Genesis!"

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris blows you!
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris eats poo!
Chuck Norris can't have sex, his balls keep getting in the way:p
All your base, are belong to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris isn't an ordinary washed up martial arts actor, Chuck Norris is a washed up martial arts actor who has internet memes which are almost as popular as lolcats.
When Chuck Norris does a push up he pushes the Earth down, when Stephen Seagal does a push up people die.
Chuck Norris failed once, Chuck Norris promised never to challenge a black man again.

All 100% original to me, some kinda suck, others I think are funny troll if you must but at least I didn't copy and paste all of mine!

All 100% original to me, some kinda suck, others I think are funny troll if you must but at least I didn't copy and paste all of mine!

You can't make up a Chuck Norris fact. The two I posted were ones I thought up myself but, after Googling, found to already exist.

All Chuck Norris facts that can ever exist already exist, somewhere. God made them all on the seventh day, but He didn't get that detail put in the Bible because He thought people wouldn't believe it.

Chuck Norris told God not to put these in the Bible, because he was concerned that everyone in the world would simply drop dead in fear, and then he would have no one to roundhouse kick.

There is a reason that they call them Chuck Norris facts. Those are 100% truth!!

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/chuck-norris-living-room.jpg

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/chuck-norris-living-room.jpg
http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/chuck-norris-living-room.jpg
use the image tags...

I won't let this thread die!
A shaven Chuck Norris would look nothing different since behind his beard is just another one.

No, this thread will die. Chuck Norris doesn't like people spreading rumors about him. Expect a roundhouse kick soon.

Mike Huckabee actually won the 08 presidential election. Chuck Norris endorsed him, how could he lose?

It is imposible for Chuck Norris to sneak up on people because of the clanging sound from his brass b@lls!

It is imposible for Chuck Norris to sneak up on people because of the clanging sound from his brass b@lls!

Therefore he usually uses ultra-awesome ninja stealth techniques to get to his victim.

Chuck Norris is quite clearly Barack Obama in disguise. No one has ever noticed this before?

Chuck Norris eats bees and not honey.
Somebody once asked Chuck Norris how he gonna defend the borders of the United States of America. He answered: "Two words: Chuck Norris.".
Whenever Chuck Norris grins, God kills a puppy.

Chuck Norris is quite clearly Barack Obama in disguise. No one has ever noticed this before?

:hmm: I havn't seen them in the same place at the same time.

Jesus was Chuck Norris in disguise, as far as I know.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is the messiah. He made the Romans put Jesus on the cross because he was too awesome to die.

A typical breakfast of Chuck Norris contains rusty nails, a broken light bulb and hydrochloric acid to spice it up.

If you make it Hydrofluoric acid you have the complete Norris Breakfast. Seriously look it up if you don't know what that is.

@ I did, but found "hydrochloric acid" to be the correct one.
P.S.:What does it actually matter?

There is no one who doesn't like Chuck Norris, well, no one who hasn't regretted not liking him, at least.

@ I did, but found "hydrochloric acid" to be the correct one.
P.S.:What does it actually matter?

It matters since he is cheating death every time he has breakfast.

It matters since he is cheating death every time he has breakfast.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death; he wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris is Death,the Grim Reaper gave his position to him.

Chuck Norris is Death,the Grim Reaper gave his position to him.

Correction: Chuck Norris killed death and took the position.

Correction: Chuck Norris killed death and took the position.
Correction: Chuck Norris killed logic before the creation of time, invented a time machine, granted himself immortality by the means of a black hole generator, made himself Master of all Living, created several parallel universes...are you still following me?

If in a strange method of ripping the space-time continuum two Chuck Norrises were created and fought each other, Chuck Norris would always win.

There are no Tornadoes,Chuck Norris hates trailer parks.

The movie Godzilla is about Chuck Norris's visit to Tokyo.

If in a strange method of ripping the space-time continuum two Chuck Norrises were created and fought each other, Chuck Norris would always win.
Why is the only reply I can think of on this claim "Big Deal!"? :p

Chuck Norris created Winnie the Pooh.

Chuck Norris is the only man alive who watched through the whole movie "2 girls, 1 cup"...twice!

Chuck Norris is the only man alive who watched through the whole movie "2 girls, 1 cup"...twice!

Then round house kicked his computer, killing both girls.

Chuck Norris is the only man alive who watched through the whole movie "2 girls, 1 cup"...twice!

And then re-enacted it, with WINNIE THE POOH!

And then re-enacted it, with WINNIE THE POOH!
To be honest, this gave me the idea for the 2 girls, 1 cup-reference...:mischief:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice.

http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/Chuck_Norris_is_Muhammed.jpg

http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/8063/0/Chuck_Norris_and_Mr_T.ashx

Chuck Norris was the 4rth wise man and gave Jesus the gift of Beard,Jesus wore it proadly until the day he died.the other 3 wisemen conspired to keep Chuck Nborris out of the Bible.they later died of Roundhouse kick related deaths.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the earth down.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the earth down.

When Chuck Norris sees this repost, bad things will happen.:evil:

When Chuck Norris necromances, the date of the last post automatically changes to 3 seconds before Chuck Norris's post.

http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/Chuck_Norris_is_Muhammed.jpg

This is the real reason Muslims prohibit public depictions of Muhammed.

because they fear roundhouse kick related deaths?


anyway, someone once told chuck norris that the roundhouse kick isnt really the most effective way to kick people. this is considered as the single most stupid mistake ever by most historians.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
(Reportedly, he heard this, and used it to segue into a YEC rant.)

Chuck Norris once beat Medusa in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris turned Medusa into stone.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris has already to infinity,twice.

The movie Godzilla is based around Chuck Norris's visit to Tokyo.

When Mike Huckabee used Chuck Norris in a campaign ad, the awesomeness difference between them was so great that it overwhelmed Huckabee's brain and caused him to lose.

When Mike Huckabee used Chuck Norris in a campaign ad, the awesomeness difference between them was so great that it overwhelmed Huckabee's brain and caused him to lose.
So he should pray he endorses someone else for the 2012 run.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.

The main goal of the mahattan project was to harrness the power of the chuck norris roundhouse kick. They failed miserably.

Chuck Norris had a paper route when he was a kid.

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/c5/Ville-aftermath.jpg

There were no survivors.

I'm Chuck Norris. Go on, prove me wrong! :smug:

Chuck Norris doesn't have to say he is Chuck Norris. He just is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

The Bogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with a goldfish

I'm Chuck Norris. Go on, prove me wrong! :smug:

I have not been roundhouse kicked through my computer screen.

Yes you have, but it erased your memory of it.

Yes you have, but it erased your memory of it.

Nope, I would be dead...unless Im in heaven right now...

Some kids wear Superman PJs,Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs.

Nope, I would be dead...unless Im in heaven right now...

Chuck Norris does not obey the laws of logic - logic obeys chuck norris.

One I heard awhile back:

God wanted ten days to create the world - Chuck Norris gave him seven.

Nope, I would be dead...unless Im in heaven right now...
Oops, it seems I have forgotten you...
Chuck Norris always checks his lists twice!

Chuck Norris can protect a store from robbery with his own image alone. (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3308615.html)

Chuck Norris is the definition of awesome.

Chuck Norris is the definition of awesome.
No, awesome is the definition of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris kicks people, they do not die. They are completely removed from the space-time continuum.

Do you remember Frank, the person who founded the world "Chuck Norris sucks" foundation? Neither do I.

Chuck Norris is always on topic.

An antimatter Chuck Norris would just destroy matter.

Lays is going out of business because it lost the bet with Chuck Norris.

I didn't copy and paste any of these.

There ain't a Ctrl button on Chuck Norris's keyboard,He's always in control.

Chuck Norris' computer never gives him 'you do not have permission to...' after the first time.

Anyone post this yet? :mischief:

http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/celebrity-pictures-bruce-lee-reason-chuck.jpg

Why do we have two Chuck Norris threads?

Why do we have two Chuck Norris threads?

Because Chuck Norris is too awesome to be represented by just one thread.

Personally I'm getting sick of Chuck Norris jokes.

Personally I'm getting sick of Chuck Norris jokes.
And yet here you are. :crazyeye:

Chuck Norris once had an eye contest with himself at the mirror and won.

Chuck Norris beats children. :sad:

Chuck Norris has more posts than Perfection.

Chuck Norris has more posts than Perfection + every other member on the site, multiplied by an impossibly high number to comprehend and to the power of infinity. Plus, they're all invisible.

60 Chuck Norris facts. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuxoB7pC-0s&NR=1)

60 Chuck Norris facts. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuxoB7pC-0s&NR=1)

Eh only a couple good ones.

http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/296/633768476887181510thela.jpg

Evidently Chuck Norris threads can't die, either.

Well I found that just browsing the web, so I had to post it. :D

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex,
unless the woman is dead!

Chuck Norris once vomited on a rock.
It became castle Greyskull!

Chuck Norris's thread will never die!

http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/celebrity-pictures-chuck-norris-5-dollars.jpg?w=436&h=648

Chuck Norris....doesn't like Chuck Norris jokes.

Chuck Norris went to Burger King and asked for a Big Mac. He got one.

Chuck Norris....doesn't like Chuck Norris jokes.

So who cares what Chuck Norris thi.*x[ <Carrier lost>

Chuck Norris can chucknoriz anybodyz ass before u say Chuck Norris.

When God is tired and ask Chuck to take care of the creation Chuck ties up his right hand and does the needful.

So far, there seems to be a positive general impression about Chuck, as far as I can see it in the poll. But who the f*ck voted for the 3rd opinion? Free speech my ass!

I woted for no. 3 just becouse it is a joke tread otherwise I am ofcourse awere that He deserves 1100 % on no.1

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists.

See post 19 of this thread, since that one looked familiar.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of anything, fear is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norries threads never go away. :D

You've heard of the fist behind the beard but did you know that instead of a tongue Chuck Norris has a sword! talk about a sharp tongue!

Chuck Norris' favorite tea is Texas.

im 17 and i didnt know about Chuck Norris till last year and my friends and i all agree that his that lame we didnt even bother making jokes about him after discovering who he was

im 17 and i didnt know about Chuck Norris till last year and my friends and i all agree that his that lame we didnt even bother making jokes about him after discovering who he was

http://huzzahandjubilation.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/facepalm.jpg

Dude, it's ahoviking, you can't help but love the guy for it!

http://huzzahandjubilation.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/facepalm.jpg

definitely a facepalm moment

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!

Top 3 Causes of Death in the United States: 1) Heart Disease 2) Cancer 3) Chuck Norris

Why is the universe so FREAKING huge? Because Chuck Norris.

definitely a facepalm moment

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!

Top 3 Causes of Death in the United States: 1) Heart Disease 2) Cancer 3) Chuck Norris

Why is the universe so FREAKING huge? Because Chuck Norris.

It would be, but it's Ahoviking.

It would be, but it's Ahoviking.

???

Anywayz, someone is freaking out about the "epic wars" and "revolutions" :crazyeye:

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/62/bruceuz.jpg

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/5944/brucepwns.gif

???
Whatever he says is comically ridiculous.

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/5944/brucepwns.gif

What that doesn't show us is afterward Chuck rising back up and kills him with the Jedi Mind Trick.

This is what he can play and he does not even need a piano to play this.
BW2Czu58UbQ

Chuck Norris doesn't kill people he doesn't like, it's much more profitable to scare them into doing things for him... HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS:eek::cry::eek::(:cry::eek::confused: :confused: :confused::eek::eek:!!!

This is what he can play and he does not even need a piano to play this.
BW2Czu58UbQ

Damn...

Well you really need to about ten people to play that, if you really can.

The Universal Constant is not at the speed of light, it is the Speed of Chuck.

I saw Chuck cross the finish line before the race started once, and he won.