View Full Version : Human Stupidities in a Court Room!


Raven1er
Sep 01, 2002, 09:50 AM
These are things people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters. How did they keep from laughing while
these were all taking place?
===

Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and
I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send
her a few bucks myself."
______________________________________________

Q.What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year
______________________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something you've forgotten?
______________________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
______________________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said
to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________________

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
______________________________________________

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
______________________________________________

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to
school for it.
______________________________________________

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant,
were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she
got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
_______________________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?
A: Would you repeat that question, please?
_______________________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
_______________________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
_______________________________________________

Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: I resent that question.
_______________________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
_______________________________________________

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
_______________________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
_______________________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
_______________________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition that I sent to
your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_______________________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
_______________________________________________

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
_______________________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him.
_______________________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
_______________________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.

WillJ
Sep 01, 2002, 10:04 AM
:lol: :rotfl: :lol: Good ones! I think I've heard a couple of them before.

Suppersalmon
Sep 01, 2002, 11:30 AM
LOL LOL BIG LOL

Wolfe Tone
Sep 01, 2002, 12:11 PM
Some of those things sound like what a blood-suck... I mean lawyer would say

K-Man
Sep 01, 2002, 04:30 PM
A friend sent me those a while ago, but still very funny. The last one makes me crack up every time I read it!:lol:

onejayhawk
Sep 01, 2002, 09:13 PM
Q: Doctor did you examine the victim?
A: Yes. I ... Lengthy list of procedures
Q: Did you take his pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you examine for respiration?
A: No
Q: Did you perform any test to determine if the victim was still alive?
A: No
Q: So it is possible that the victim was still alive when you examined him?
A: No
Q: Since you did not perform any tests todetermine if the victim was alive, how can you know if he was in act dead?
A: Because his brain was in a jar of formaldehyde on my desk
Q: But it is possible that he was still alive?
A: I suppose he could have been practicing law somewhere

Panda
Sep 02, 2002, 03:08 AM
Hehe, nothing like stupid people to make your day :goodjob:

HotDog Fish
Sep 02, 2002, 06:09 AM
These are great, I think I'll send them to a couple of my friends!

BCLG100
Sep 02, 2002, 06:32 AM
lol i like the birthday one

G-Man
Sep 02, 2002, 07:06 AM
Weren't they here before? Still funny though :goodjob:

Raven1er
Sep 06, 2002, 09:46 PM
I like the Susan-Cathy one ;)

Senoj
Sep 08, 2002, 02:07 AM
The Human Race is Doomed thru stupidity!!!!

Raven1er
Sep 14, 2002, 10:08 PM
bah

Obssesed Nuker
Sep 25, 2002, 10:49 AM
Heres one. "Do you promise too tell the truth just the truth and nothing but the truth""Now before we go into that your honaor let me tell you why I stole the car"Needless too say the case was finished in record time. :lol:

gerryandersson
Sep 26, 2002, 12:41 PM
Cool :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: