You know the rules and so do I!

Example:

"I wish I had a million dollars"

"Granted, it's in Monopoly money"

Rules:

-Please don't make excessively long wishes or twists, they are highly annoying. At the very least, don't do this very often.
-Thou shalt not flame, troll, or spam.
-Do not do something that you know others will find annoying.
-Don't make the same wish or use the same twist repetitively, it gets annoying after a while.
-This game is meant to be fun. Please don't do things that will make it not fun for other people.
-If you break these rules repetitively, THEY will find you!

I wish I could come up with a better title...

Granted, but It's so awesome no one can click on it.

I wish to understand the secret of 42, without having to turn into a mouse.

Granted. You do not, however, learn the secret of 41.

I wish firestorm had come up with his own example wish instead of copying mine.

Granted. It sucks.

I wish subscribing was always done by posting in a thread.

I wish subscribing was always done by posting in a thread.

Granted. It's on by default.

I wish the work week was two days and the weekend was five days.

{This reminds me when I was a DM in my DnD campaign and players made stupid requests when using the wish spell.}

Granted, but then your salary would be 40% as well..

I wish i had enough money to buy anything i want.

Granted. You happen to be on that universe where you can withdraw lots of money from a machine. Oh and you happen to win the lottery. Guess where that takes you? (Cookie if you get the reference)

I wish for my Sims 2 CD to be in pristine condition.

Granted. No computer can run it.

I wish I felt like writing up long, detailed posts.

Granted, but you find that you have created such a detailed post you can't stop typing. You die of dehydration, still typing onwards.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

granted, you lose your other senses (including sense of humor!:eek::mwaha:)

I wish my English teacher didn't make the rough draft for our research paper due on Friday!

Granted, he makes it due on Thursday. :mwaha:

I wish I could walk on molten lava and magma without any ill effects on account of the heat.

Granted. You still die from the fumes and the lack of air.

I wish to be able to breathe in space (like Batman)

Granted. You breathe in some toxic materials exuded from a satellite.

I wish for more tax cuts.

Granted, none of them reduce your taxes.

I wish for a tax cut that reduced my taxes.

Granted. Inflation rises. Your money is worthless.

I wish to have a plasma cannon that uses plasma from a plasma screen TV.

Granted. It's weak. What did you expect?

I wish cut taxes.

Granted, the genie doesn't understand your grammar and cuts your tax form in half.

I wish I had a BFS (Big Freakin' Sword).

Granted. It's really big and you can't lift it.

I wish to have a Limit Break.

Granted. It takes 6.022x10^24 years of constant charging to activate it.

I wish I wouldn't forget to type certain words.

Granted, now you type certain words that shouldn't be there there.

I wish I was strong enough to lift and use my Big Freakin' Sword.

Granted. However, you're killed by the guy with a BFG (Big Freakin' Gun)

I wish to be the guy with the BFG.

Granted. Game balancing issues state you have to forfeit all movement.

I wish I had nuclear-capable bombers stationed in the Azores.

Granted. They don't have nukes.

I wish that stuff would happen that doesn't affect me at all.

Granted. War, famine and corruption. Oh, but you're living on Mars, so all that won't affect you. Got any air?

I wish to live on Mars with Stuck in Pi.

Granted, you can't breathe CO2, unlike him. Death by asphyxiation is fun!

I wish to be able to breathe anything.

Granted. You decide to breathe lava. You die.

I wish for a laser and laser-deflecting armor.

Granted. You are killed by bullets.

I wish to return back to Earth. Mars isn't a very nice place to live.

Granted, you're still dead.

I wish I had a cotton ball that could morph into anything at my whim, and my whim alone, and it cannot break, be stolen, be teleported to Alpha Centauri, be locked in a safe with a combination I don't know, and it cannot get a mind of its own, and it does not morph back into a cotton ball after a time limit or power exependiture, and nothing arbitrary and unrelated will happen as a result of this wish.

Granted. Nothing arbitrary or unrelated will ever happen again. You get very bored.

I wish for a blueberry cheesecake.

Granted, Its the size of a pinhead

I wish to have to learn a less than 450 word latin checklist

Granted. However, no one uses Latin or even learns it any more. Nice going learning it.

I wish my project plan to be completed

Granted, it was the project plan to fight Chuck Norris. You cease to exist when you get within a mile's range of him.

I wish to be impervious to all diseases.

Granted. Unfortunantely, falling off the Empire State Building still hurts.

I wish I could survive anything.

Granted. However, no one else does and you're left alone for all eternity. But at least you can survive it right?

I wish for my assignment to be finished.

It is finished but in latin, look who has the power now :P

I wish it would snow again

Granted, it snows one 1/16th of an inch.

I wish for 1 foot of snow.

Granted, it's in the past, randomly appearing in the middle of the Arabian Desert right in front of Muhammad as he was preaching Islam. The snow conveniently lands on his hand, and all people there believe it is a miracle, as the the snow melts and turns into water, which saves a random child from thirst. Due to this miracle, Islam takes off much more quickly, and soon nearly all of Europe, the Middle East, India, Central Asia and most of Africa north of the Equator is Muslim. Forwarding to 1776,the British Caliphate is attempting to put down a Christian rebellion in its far off colonies in Al-merica, the name for the Americas here (Yes, I stink at names). In the battle, general Ali Washington is shot in the head and dies, and the rebellion is crushed. To show its power, the British Caliphate orders public execution all over the continent, alienating its allies, of which the most important is the French Sultan. Angered by the killings, and realizing the Caliphate's weakness, the British Isles are invaded, but then some ultimate being gets pissed off at me writing too long and screwing up history and smites some random person. You.

I wish I could have thought of a better ending.

Woah Mythmonster, that was awesome! :goodjob:
Pity about the ending though :(

Granted. It involves several years of executions and then when it comes to Choxorn, he soon becomes leader of the Caliphate and leads it to a new victory. Oh and you are killed by him for trying to kill him.

I wish wish twists were more awesome.

Granted, but they are all written in a code that you cannot decipher

I wish I could fly

Granted, only two feet off the ground.

Oh, and my air force shoots you down.

I wish that I, now being the Caliph, could kill Stylesrj.

Granted, but the aforementioned Christian rebellion in Al-Merica has thrived while you were out being all caliph-like, and they now declare independence. To further up it in your face, they appoint a pope, and declare a crusade upon all heathen nations. Christians all around the globe, seeing opportunities now to be able to rule themselves, overthrow and hang the various Muslim leaders. You just happen the be the first one.

I wish I could do one-handed push-ups.

Granted. The hand you do it on is broken.

I wish for quiche.

Granted. It's made from people bacon. And the eggs... you don't want to know.

I wish for some Schmeat.

Granted. It has a non-schmeat hot dog that must be eaten to get to the schmeat.

I wish for a laser.

granted, you become a shoop wooper so you can fire your laser after charging it by saying
"imma chargin mah lazar"
"IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR"

I wish they would hurry up and announce CivV

Granted. However, the graphics are so bad that you lose faith and burn all your copies of Civ and never play a Civ game again.

I wish to have the limited edition version of Halo Wars.

granted its so limited it contains the menu screen only

I wish for a never endind weekend

Granted, "never ended", so it already happened.

I wish for a never ending weakend.

Granted. No one works because of the lack of education and soon the economy goes down the gurgler. Oh and you're kicked out of your home and forced to live on the streets.

I wish for a delicious lie cake!

Granted. The cake is a lie.

I wish I had more excuses to say that phrase.

Granted, they always involve cakes you would have eaten.

I wish the cake was not a lie.

Granted. It tastes like crap though.

I wish to not have divided by zero.

Granted. You saved the world, but you don't get the cheerleader!

I wish to have saved the cheerleader and the world!

Granted, saving the cheerleader required not saving the bus full of kids. Think of children, you monster! :(

I wish to have saved the world, the cheerleader, the kids, and anyone else who might have died.

Granted, they all hate you as it was mass suicide

I wish I was less tired

Granted, you're now not tired at all. Your soul lets go of its earthly connections and floats away. Away... Free as a breeze on the meadow.

I wish to be impervious to all diseases, as well as having unbreakable bones.

Granted, you die of blood loss as they try to find your DNA and fail.

I wish that I can have another wish. :p

Granted, you then wish for a large building to fall on your head. You die from squishedness.

I wish to not die from squishedness.

Granted. You die of old age. While on fire.

I wish to be killed and my soul sent to the lowest level of Hell for all eternity. (Hah! Negatively twist that one!)

Granted, you enjoy the lowest level of hell too much, so you are sent to the second-lowest level, which you don't enjoy.

I wish to reign in hell.

Granted. You get stuck in meetings all day with Angels trying to make sure that no lawyers go the heaven, and no priests go the hell.

I wish for an alcoholic drink.

Granted. It's loaded. You die from alcohol poisoning.

I wish to be able to eat anything I want without getting any ill effects from it, and without getting fat or gaining weight from it. (perhaps have the food portalled to another dimension for that)

You're able to eat anything, but when you throw it away...
http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d28/NSrellif/GarbageDay.jpg

I wish every day was...
http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d28/NSrellif/GarbageDay.jpg

Granted, every day that guy kills you.

I wish firestorm would stop taking this so seriously. :p

granted, you realize I'm actually gangleri2001 under a 2nd account!

I wish I had a fully functional digital camera

Granted. He stops taking it so seriously when he realises that his wish wasn't granted because it violated the two-post rule.

I wish to have a theoretically digital camera.

Granted, it theoretically kills you.

I wish for more good weather.

Granted. It's on the other side of the world.

I wish this thread was more active.

Granted, Hi

I wish I could do the legendary 2 turn checkmate again (I actually did it...)

Granted, only against complete idiots.

I wish for more time.

Granted. When it kicks in, you're old, in pain and wishing for death.

I wish I had a higher Post Count .

Granted. Most of it is useless posts, and the community ignores you.

I wish I had no sicknesses.

Granted, you are forever cured of sickness. Unfortunatly it kills your family and friends.

I wish for more great music!

Granted. It's considered great over in Qrrrbirrlbel, but not here. You are forced to chew your own legs off to escape it.

I wish to be 50ft high, wearing powered armour and carrying a minigun. To hell with the square-cube law!

Granted. A single artillery shell knocks you over. Stylesrj has fallen and can't get up.

I wish my dog had a pile of bones.

Granted, there yours.

I wish for more original twists.

Granted, everyone takes too long to think of them.

I wish for more music on my iTunes.

Granted, but they are all music from the middle ages

I wish there were more fish

Granted, welcome your new fish overlords.:mwaha:

I wish I had something to do.

Granted, have fun dodging the fish overlords:splat:

I wish for less bugs

Granted, Minesweeper on your computer is now completely bug-free!

I wish I had no pain or harm.

Granted, but you're a quadreplegic.

I wish I had a good degree.

Granted, you have 72 degree weather nearby you.

I wish it was 72 degrees Farenheit and sunny here.

Granted, it also attracts the zombie swarm wanting a relaxing vacation and a snack.

I wish for no zombies

Granted. There are vampires instead.

I wish I had a stake to kill them with.

Granted, but the magic genie accidentally gives you very rare steak instead.

I wish for more sun

Granted, it gives you skin cancer.

I wish for a cure for cancer.

Granted, that cure is death

I wish for world peace

Granted, but it lasts for only like, a second before the ailiens invade earth. At least humans aren't at war with each other anymore

I wish for more ailien creatures (benevolent too!)

Granted, "ailiens" are annoying as hell.

I wish for benevolent alien creatures.

Granted. It's illegal Mexican immigrants who only want to provide for their families.

I wish more people posted here.

Granted. Their combined IQ < Sarah Palin's.

I wish it was Friday.

Granted, you lose out on 4 days of pay.

I wish for a fish on a dish.

Damn you, Chox!
Granted, it's skewers you onto a shish kabob.

I wish homework was banned with no increase in schoolwork or school hours.(for what, the 15th time? My wishes are so unoriginal)

You crossposted. :p

Oh, really? Didn't notice! :rolleyes:

Granted. Everybody in the United States becomes complete idiots and the country falls apart.

I wish to know the meaning of life.

Granted, 42

I wish to survive

Granted. Everyone else dies, and the world is destroyed. You are on your own forever.

I wish I was asleep right now.

Granted, you fall asleep and never wake up while in a continual nightmare.

I wish my farts smelled minty fresh.

Granted. Your burps, on the other hand...

I wish all of my bodily functions smelled minty fresh.

Granted, now mint is the new bodily odor

I wish for moar, moar, and moar startfishes

Granted, but they eat your face.

I wish for, this thread to never end.

Granted, but you must endure every twist!!!!!!!

I wish I could of thought of a better twist for that one.

Granted, you turn into M. Night Shyamalan (what a twist!)

I wish I was more creative.

Granted, but it wrecks your brain in a pile of goo splattered against a train that was incoming at 1504 miles per hour while singing this (http://beatcrave.com/2009-02-09/the-most-unwanted-song-scientifically-composed/)

I wish I had a better evil laugh

Granted, it sounds so much like Villian X's evil laugh that he and the Villian's Union sue you.

I wish I got some of the money from this lawsuit.

Granted but it is money from the game of life where you played a lawyer

I wish my poetry wasn't too long to be posted

Granted. You write poems that are three words long.

I wish I was a ninja genie.

Granted. You write poems that are three words long.

I wish I was a ninja genie.

Granted, you are stuck in a ninja lamp, that no one can find, for eternity.

I wish the sky was green.

Granted. You are forced to live in a bottle which nobody finds.

I wish I was the genie of this thread.

Granted, you are quickly overworked and die of exhaustion.

I wish for intergalactic peace!

Granted, galaxy is invaded by some other galaxy.

I wish for peace in the multiverse!

Granted, but invaders from another dimension destroy us.

I wish that I had a heart

Granted, it prevents you from making any sort of living (nobody is competely ethical)

I wish for a better computer.

Granted, it has a whole extra byte (bite?) of RAM!

I wish that it was already summer.

Granted, but school's not out yet.

I wish it was June 21st.

Granted. They put the school you missed during summer.

I wish it was June 21st and there was no school over summer and i was just as smart.

Granted, the world becomes Communist

I wish I owned Firaxis

Granted, hordes of angry people storm your house because you just can't make a good civ V.

I wish I owned a real AI

Granted, but it turns into a monster robot and kills you.

I wish, that I could enter neverwinter nights 2 as the main character.

oops double post please delete this

Granted, they get enslaved instead.

I wish I was a evil overmind of a parasitic infestation with aims of annhiliating all sentient life in this galazy, and actually succeed.

@lopaz: How do you make a double post more than a day after the original?

Granted, but some people from the galaxy escaped, got some people from another galaxy, and killed you all.

I wish I was one of the survivors.

Granted. You then die in the initial assault.

I wish I had a small spice grinder.

Granted, but the spores from the zombie overmind was actually in there. It infects your food and you become a zombie, then proceeding to infect the other galaxy as well.


I wish I had a machine shotgun with infinite ammo to destroy this zombies

Granted. Upon death they become shotgun immune vampires.

I wish the email function on my cell phone worked.

Granted, now nothing else does.

I wish to have more brains (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?choxorn) in my stomach, as I am hungry.

Granted, you are zombie minion of me trying to take over the galzxy. You were sacrificed at the front line as a nameless grunt.

I wish I were smart now :p

Granted, YOU ARE NOW THE SMARTEST PERSON EVER! oh, now you aren't...

I wish I hadn't posted in this thread...

Granted, you are now trapped in the infinite time loop which teleports you to the time microsecond before you pressed the "Post Quick Reply" button. Have fun :p.

I wish I was an octopus Overlord

Granted, but the octopi are unhappy with you and revolt.

I wish to have my bipolar disease gone.

granted, along with the rest of you.
i wish i had infinity dollars

Granted, but with the huge amount of inflation that occurs, you poorer now than you were before you made the wish.

I wish I could speak with animals.

Granted, all you hear is the fact that they want to eat you. And they don't talk a lot about other subjects.

I wish I could mind control people

Granted. You are limited to controlling them for a nanosecond.

I wish I had some MEMS technology.

Granted. You are now the posesser of Meaningless Everyday Megaphone Sactioned Technology

I wish for increased sound potential on my MP3 speakers.

Granted, 1 extra decibel of sound is added to it.

I wish to have the coolest gun in the universe.

Granted, it's so cold it freezes solid.

I wish I had a jacuzzi.

Granted, but it blows up.

I wish I had another wish.

Granted. Wait for at least two posts.

I wish I had more time to work with in a day.

Granted, but it's spent wishing away the horrible twist I'm about to think up.

I wish it was Saturday

Sorry crosspost.

Granted, you get a whole extra jiffy!

I wish to die by being boiled, breaded, and eaten with barbecue sauce.

Granted, and shockingly, there is no twist here that will shock you. Haha.

I wish there was a twist to above statement

Granted. It's your spine.

I wish I could enter Fallout 3 as the main character.

Granted, you die a painful death.

I wish to have the last slice of pizza.

Granted, no one wanted to eat it because it had mold on it. It turned out that it brought about all signs of death upon you, but you could still hear and feel things. They later autopsied you to find out how you died and there, you died a painful death.

I wish I didn't get flamed after writing above statement :p

Granted. You're banned for potentially starting a flame war.

I wish to have the Nuclear Anomaly perk.

Granted, but since I your wish fairy has no clue what that is you get nothing

I wish, for my ideals to be used to unite humanity

Granted, but since I your wish fairy has no clue what that is you get nothing

The Nuclear Anomaly Perk means that if I get reduced to 20HP, I go off in a nuclear explosion that heals myself. Oh and it causes a lot of damage to my enemies and allies. It does more damage if I'm highly irradiated though.

Alright then, granted, you go down to 21 HP, and then a mega-attack hits you and kills you.

As to Lopaz:

Granted, humanity kills you.

I wish I had more time.

Granted. SS-18 ICBM is on you in a jiffy and kills you for stealing his jiffy.

I wish to have the Puppies! perk (if Dogmeat, the dog dies, a puppy takes his place... how adorable...)

Granted. Dogmeat can't do anything as a puppy, and if he dies, your karma goes down to -10000 and every single person in the Capital Wasteland will stop talking to you and attack you. Yes, even the evil characters.

I wish I had another Xbox Live Gold subscription.

Yes, but the Guardians of Xbox notice that you have used forbidden arts and strike you with the banhammer.

I wish I could trap people inside a room with no doors while I could teleport in and out at will

Granted, everyone climbs out the window.

Granted. Because you didn't wish for anything, you die.

Granted. Dogmeat can't do anything as a puppy, and if he dies, your karma goes down to -10000 and every single person in the Capital Wasteland will stop talking to you and attack you. Yes, even the evil characters.

Cool, more XP! Oh wait, I probably maxed out with Nuclear Anomaly. Why does that perk suck? Meh, might as well leave the puppy outside the Vault...

I wish the Nuclear Anomaly Perk took effect at 20% of your HP, not at 20HP.

Yes, but the Guardians of Xbox notice that you have used forbidden arts and strike you with the banhammer.


Yes? What the hell is this crap? :mad:

Granted, everyone climbs out the window.

Your wish is invisible.

Cool, more XP!

Not helpful if the entire world is out to kill you.


I wish the Nuclear Anomaly Perk took effect at 20% of your HP, not at 20HP.

Granted, your HP are so low that 20 HP was higher.

I wish I had 1,000,000,000 XP.

Not helpful if the entire world is out to kill you.

Yes it is. If you can destroy Deathclaws, Enclave soldiers and Super Mutant Behemoths without losing much HP... well you could probably take on the whole world, except for those invincible characters... but you can knock them unconscious, take a Stealth Boy or Stealth Armour and run!

I have no idea what you guys are talking about :p

And that was an inside joke ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L__Y6l3W97w

Granted, but since I don't know who was the last one to wish, everyone on this thread gets killed.

I wish my Spanish project was finished or a lot easier.

Granted. It's a lot easier by a little bit. But then your teacher slams on a million more add-ons, and you'll never get it done in time. You fail Spanish. While not bad now, Mexico takes over and rules the US (somehow) and orders imprisonment for those who failed Spanish. You're then taken away at night by the police and left in a gaol cell for a few years. During this time you plan an escape tunnel and break out of prison with a couple of your buddies. You flee to Canada which is holding out Mexican military forces and rule and lie low for several years. Mexico finally annexes Canada and you're forced to flee to England. However, on your way to England, the plane crashes and you and a friend have to survive on a desert island with little food and water. You're rescued by a cruise ship passing by a day cannibalising your friend. The ship arrives in England and you enjoy a peaceful life until old age, when you suffer a heart attack and die.
All for failing Spanish. Yeah, that's fate for you!

I wish to make more twists like that.

Granted, everyone hates reading that much text and they kill you.

I wish for twists that didn't involve the wisher's death.

Granted, but the twist that wish caused makes you laugh so much that you die, which just went against your wish and caused massive reality failure that results in tiny brain of mine go poof.

I wish I could find a better profile picture (That might be hard though :p)

Granted. Osama Bin Laden made it with a subliminal message. You get shot by the FBI.

I wish I had an untwistable wish.

Granted. See above post for your untwistable wish

I wish I could see more twists (That is not any part of my body or anything around me for 100 lightyears (unless you mean it figuratively)) in this thread.

The above broke the two post rule and will therefore not be counted

Oops :p sorry guys!

Granted. The wish is so untwistable that it violates the laws of physics or something. Gravity kills you.

I wish to have fire stick to shoot in space canoe.

Granted. I assumed you wanted a fire stick in your canoe. The canoe burns. So do you.

I wish the next wishes were actually decipherable.

Granted, it's decipherable, but only if you have a way to translate from Croatian.

Želim ovaj tekst je na engleskom jeziku.

(Uhhh... Choxorn, do you really expect us to go for the trouble of activating our Babelfishes? :p)

No, Mr. Seon, I expect you to die use Google Translate.

It says I want this text to be in English... no wish in it :p

Damn it... I typed in "I wish this text was in English", and it gives me that. :p

Granted. It's now in English, so now the wish makes no sense?

I wish for world peace (can't go wrong right?)

Granted, It's peaceful because everyone's dead.

I wish I was charismatic.

Granted, but you are so charismatic that you are too charismatic. Some random person kills you because he thinks you're Hitler incarnate.

I wish I got a 100 on all my exams.

EDIT: x-post

Granted, but they used the wrong answer keys

I wish I had the answere keyes (THE CORRECT ONES) for my exam and get away with it forever.

Granted. You get away with it, but get a job as mirror licker.

I wish i had unliminited time.

Double x-posted Dragonson :p

What? :confused:

Ah, you fixed your wish/grants. But What is a mirror licker? :p

Granted. You have unlimited time. However, you can't use it when you die of old age.

I wish to be rich and famous (can't go wrong right?)

Granted, someone kills you for no reason.

I wish I was the person that killed Stylesrj, and that I now get all of his money.

Granted. You kill him and take his money, but then you buy insureance and loose all your money.

I wish i were a insureance salesman.

Granted. you get stoned by an angry job people you had ripped off... I mean sold insurance to.

I wish for a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter, 100% unpoisinous and Guaranteed (By god) to be unchokeable.

Granted. It was guaranteeed by God, but not by any other deity, and so you choke on it.

I wish to be nigh-unkillable.

Granted. So you're chopped up into little pieces and while you're still alive, you're in great pain.

I wish to outsource everything.

Granted. You outscore everything, but then everyone becomes jealus and kill you.

I wish i had a genie lamp with no genie inside. In fact it should be completely empty. I think i change it to that i just want a lamp that look like the ones with genies in.

Granted. Since it is completely empty, it collapses.

I wish for a report.

Granted, it's a report on your death.

I wish to have a BFC (Big freaking Chicken).

Granted. It crushes you when it is summoned.

I wish for a full suit of Daedric Armour.

Granted. You get the armor for yur charecter in Oblivion. Then your computer crashes and you forgot to save.

I wish the multiplayer mods for oblivion would work...

Granted, you computer no longer will play oblivion.

I wish for a gravity gun.

Granted, but it folded into a singularity, thus destroying the universe.

I wish sick kids would make realistic wishes.

Granted. You get into trouble with the media, like the Chaser. And because you're not deliberately trying to be funny, well everyone hates you.

I wish people would lighten up and not take the Chaser too seriously.

Granted. They take SNL too seriously.

I wish all reality TV was gone.

Granted, but so is the rest of the TV programs, the internet, and movies. The good thing is that all those annoying commercials and televangelists are gone too.

I wish that I had a zombie army under my command

Granted. However, someone else has an even bigger one and beats your zombie army easily.

I wish to kill a mockingbird

Granted. Clean it up.

I wish I had some research papers that I authored.

Granted. They are all believable lies. The mobs push you off a cliff.

I wish I had unlimited moneys.

Granted, but it spawns in your pocket. It turns out, your pocket doesn't have unlimited room...

I wish my zombie army could pwn the armies of Seon and whoever pwned Seon's army, and my army would not be pwned by an even bigger army.

Granted. It gets owned by a nuke.

I wish that I got all 100 out of 100 on my finals.

Granted, but you failed the coursefor cheating.

I wish for more Hamstas

Granted, but it spawns in your pocket. It turns out, your pocket doesn't have unlimited room...


Easy, just turn it upside down.

I leave what happens at that point up to your imagination. You don't seem to have much of one if you use that easy cop-out. :p

Granted. You got a lot of little rodents, because the genie was one of those literal sorts.

I wish for a white pony.

Granted. It falls into a puddle of black paint.

I wish for a research grant.

Granted. It's $-1

I wish I had infinity dollars in a place with unlimited room.

Granted. You get infinite dollars, but inside a black hole.

I wish this wish is untwistable.

Granted, but it is bendable. You are bent into the shape of a pretzel.

I wish to have infinite pretzels.

Granted. They crush you.

I wish for a research grant, enough to cover my expenses.

Granted, but the grant isn't for you.

I wish for a wish.

Granted. You wasted a wish.

I wish to have the power to make wishes and get them granted (like in D&D)

Granted. They cost a ton of experience points.

I wish I understood what the next person would say.

G-R-A-N-T-E-D. I--S-L-O-W--T-A-L-K--N-O-W

I wish I could ascend (Star Gate)

Granted. Ascension isn't what it is cracked up to be.

I wish to have a stuffed moose head hanging precariously falling over my favourite chair, so when I go to sit down, some assassin can sneak into the crawlspace above and loosen the moose head, killing me when it lands on my head.

Granted. The assassin rigs the gas stove instead, and that's how you die.

I wish the Olympics would recognize waterboarding as a sport.

Granted, but you somehow die. Something about a sudden tsunami sweeping across the stadium or something.

I wish for the next person who posts in this thread to get a sudden influx of diarrehea.

Granted, I happen to be directly above you at the time.

I wish Seon can never clean that. :mwaha:

Granted. He does rub it off on you.

I wish for a PowerSauce bar.

Granted. It's just apple cores and rice paper. Oh and you fall off a mountain, as Homer already took the dead body sled...

I wish to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with... a herring!

Granted. The tree falls on you. You die a slow and painful death as the weight of the tree slowly crush your VERY vital organs (:mischief:), and have to smell fish grease until you die.

I wish for some rice.

Granted. I'm currently outsourcing my wish-granting work to some Asian country. I believe they have trouble with R's and L's. Oh well, you get what you pay for.

I wish TV dinners were equal to gourmet restaurant meals.

Granted. This was made by bringing all food down to the level of TV dinners.

I wish I had unlimited money, and could access however much of it I want, wherever I want.

Granted, everyone else has unlimited money plus one.

I wish for infinity plus one everything.

Granted. You get the infinity plus one deaths first.

I wish I was able to model chaotic systems accurately.

Granted. However, a lawful system comes in and smites the Chaotic. A war between order and chaos breaks out, killing thousands of people. Oh and since you're the chaotic ringleader, by law, public execution...

I wish to have a sniper rifle and a flamethrower... no reason.

Granted. You have them... Up your ***.

I wish for a herring in my hands

Granted. It's 40 times it's normal size. It crushes you.

I wish I had unlimited money, and could access however much of it I want, wherever I want and nobody else did.

Granted. However:

http://eur.news1.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/xp/afpji/20090101/090101201438.xyzksdy30_a-zimbabwe-bank-noteb.jpg

I wish to have a cold turkey sandwich. I don't want any old turkeys, or zombie turkeys or any sort of dangerous monster turkey...

Granted. Other ingrediants include your optical nerves, your sensory array located inside your mouth, and your liver.

I wish to break the laws of physics and make myself superpowerful immortal.

Granted. However:

http://eur.news1.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/xp/afpji/20090101/090101201438.xyzksdy30_a-zimbabwe-bank-noteb.jpg

It's still worth something.

It's still worth something.

Yes, it's useful as toilet paper :)
But still, not what you wanted eh? But then again, everyone has unlimited amounts of it too... damn...

Granted. Other ingrediants include your optical nerves, your sensory array located inside your mouth, and your liver.

I wish to break the laws of physics and make myself superpowerful immortal.

Granted, the physics police hunt you down for breaking the laws of physics. They arrest you and put you in an extradimensional prison.

I wish I could break the laws of physics without getting caught.

Granted, you break the one where blood can't flow through your skin. You die.

I wish to never have to shave.

Granted. You're given a full beard and you're forced to like it. Now you don't ever have to shave :)

I wish to have The Terrible Shotgun

Granted. A raider shoots you with it, then buries you with it.

I wish I had a copy of Fallout 3.

Granted. You have a copy of three lbs. of nuclear fallout.

I wish I had a time machine.

Granted, but it just got lost in the River of Time with you still on it, which is impossible because you never willboarded it in the first place but you willhave. :crazyeye:

I wish I could control time.

Granted, you accidentally create a paradox that threatens to destroy the universe. Instead of that, the universe corrects the paradox by removing you from existance.

I wish I could control time without any paradoxes being created.

Granted. The only possibly way to do that is to limit your control to one-way. You can only go forward. You accidentally steer yourself to teh end of teh world.

I wish I had an awesom compooper.

Granted. It's so awesome it sprouts lasers and destroys Humanity...
Then you realise it can't play Crysis... Damn!

I wish to have Crysis...

Granted, but you randomly die because I can't think of a better twist.

I wish Stylesrj's wishes were understandable.

Granted, they're also untwistable.

I wish I was king of the universe.

Granted, but you are a weak ruler so the universe breaks up into trillions of factions, and the original empire becomes about the size of Palau. You don't even have an entire planet to yourself, ha!

I wish I had an eyepatch!

Granted, you don't have any eyes.

I wish to have perfect vision.

Granted, it's so perfect, that you can see the intestines of a giant snake that swallowed you, and it's not pretty. You die a slow and horrifying death.

I wish to see the Webmaster

Granted. You must cross the Green Circuitboard Road... oh and you have to listen to little munchkins everywhere. You can't handle it and go kill yourself.

I wish to have a lolipop from the Lolipop Guild