1) Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
2) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
3) So, uh, you on the take, or what?
4) Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
5) Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.


How many can you think of?

6) Oink, oink, oink! (especially not to a fat cop)

'Is it because Im black?'
'Is there a poblem ostifer'?
'catch me if you can'

http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/9472/adultswimvideo124380776.jpg

I thought you had to be phisicly fit to be a cop....

True story:
Friend of mine is out driving at night and is pulled over. The officer asks him, "Anything to drink?"
He answers: "I'll have a bottle of scotch and maybe a rum."
...Or something like that. In any event, the officer was not happy.

"What seems to be the officer problem?"

"I'm doing your wife."

Theres no blood in my alcohol system, occifer

Here's one:

Do you have a daughter?
(If he says yes)
I thought the name sounded familiar.

"I'll get my ID, could you hold my beer?"

"A, B, C, D... nehn, neh mehnen O,P"

"I'll give you a doughnut if you let me go."

Say this real slow, in a creepy voice:

There is nothing in the trunk... no guns... dead bodies... nothing...

1) Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job1

BTDT.

Scene: San Mateo Bridge in California. Speed limit: 55.

It was the first great summer day of the new year. Temp about 75. I took the top section off the car so I could enjoy the ride to work.

I was feeling frisky from it being such a great day, so I put the hammer down just as I was going under the Foster City overpass. I usually waited until I am on the bridge proper because cops like to hang out on top and catch unwary speeders. (Foreshadowing)

I hit maybe 90 or so by the time I got to the first bridge section. Traffic is light so I proceeded to accelerate to 110 or so as I went into the 3-lane-to-2-lane section at the end of the elevated section over the boat channel.

I had to pass a huge semi gravel truck on the right where the left lane ends because he was doing 85+ in the left lane. Slower traffic keep right, dude!

About halfway over the bridge, I see a tiny black and white dot in the background slowly gaining ground on me. So I decide to get off the gas and coast to a slower speed to keep the brake lights from coming on.

A CHP in a 5.0 Mustang pulls up next to me and gets on his PA system.

"Huff. Huff. Huff." (He can't catch his breath!)

"Pull over when we get off the bridge Huff. Huff. Huff."

"And leave about 300 feet behind you."

I wave at him to show I understood.

He stays right alongside me instead of pulling behind me as usual. He thinks I may decide to run for it!

I get over the bridge and pull over as he told me to do. He parks behind me, gets out of his car, and starts to walk in the opposite direction.

The gravel truck pulls in right behind him! He got both of us!

Given that he had to have told the gravel truck driver the same thing over his PA, he must have hit at least 140 coming after me...

The cop finally finishes giving the gravel truck driver his ticket and comes back to my car.

"How fast do you think you were going?"

I know he didn't have a chance to clock me...

"85?"

"Hmmm. OK. 85 it is."

"Your wife says hi" ?

"**** off."

"I'll buy you a hooker if you let me go"

"tickle fight!!!!!"

Want some beer?

I was speeding because i thought you were going to shoot me

"It was like that when I got here"

"I'm an EMT transporting a patient to the hospital."

"I am proud of my African heritage"

Let's make love right here right now.

I'm not drunk. I'm very tired and sleepy after pulling two all-nighters... I can barely focus on the road. But I'm not drunk!

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

To a female cop:
"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

To a female cop:
"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
Yeeah, cuz she's probably fat. :(

Yeeah, cuz she's probably fat. :(

:lol:

Hey, what do you say I just buy you a dozen donuts and we just call this thing even? :p

(If you are a guy)

If I take my shirt off, will the ticket go away?

Hang on a sec. My registration is in the glove box, behind the booze.

When the officer gets to your car (before he/she speaks):

You have the right to remain silent!

~~OR~~

Now that you are on foot I can easily get away (hit the gas)!

"You'll never catch me, I have cheats!" (search for Grand Theft Awesome on youtube for the reference, [profanity warning])

"Is it true that most guys who are cops took the job because they found the paperwork for a job hanging on the back of garbage trucks too hard?"

"No, I'm not drunk, I'm just high."

Of course I have a gun on me, hear let me show you.

I just bought a t-shirt like this topic.

Some of the good ones:

"I know where you live"

"Thanks for just giving me a warning officer. That's what the cop who pulled me over yesterday did too."

"If you were on Cops, I'd swear they'd cancel the show"

"You're lucky this car needs some repairs, or you'd never have caught me".

"Oops, I gave you the wrong license"

"Oops, I gave you the wrong license"

Best one yet :)

"I have boots of escaping!" :)

I thought you had to be phisicly fit to be a cop....

You need to score 5.9 on a bleep test, and even the fattest lads at the school where I work get 6 at least.

tcvDsiNMmI0

What's that? (I can't see it)

It's Adam Buxton doing a self-censored rap to NWAs **** the police. It's very amusing.

EDIT: google "Help the police adam buxton youtube"

Was very amusing at first. Started to get boring after watching it for about 30 seconds though, since it was pretty much the same thing over and over again.

Just plain insulting the guy works as well.


"You're fat"


"You suck"
ect.

(After he/she asks for your ID). What, the fake one or the real one?

Is this crack fake?

Can I borrow your car?

does this bomb vest make me look fat?

"Give me a ticket and I'll sue yo A$$!"

Crack? Oh, no, that's uh... Sugar. Yeah, Sugar. Here, try some!