In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(Really???)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(I'm glad they cleared that up...)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

. We have a Wall of Stupidity at my office. Tommorrow, after reviewing the details, I will post you my favarite article therefrom "Man shoots self is foot, three times". from West Virginia, naturally.

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Gauis Mucius Scaevola
Older, richer, and wiser than you.

Thanks for a good laugh TF- whats even funnier is that someone probably did one of the things that the products warn you about. In this modern world where everyone is supposed to be "educated", it's amazing the stupid stuff you read in the news every day. There are lots of book smart people out there who have the common sense of a rock.

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Have you ever thought about your soul and can it be saved?
Or perhaps you think that when you're dead you just stay in your grave.

News Flash from Memphis,TN!
5th baby this year died from heat stroke after being left in their daycare van during the day! http://forums.civfanatics.com/eek.gif
Now that's stupid!

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A.K.A Gregorius_Luxius
http://civfanatics.com Staff and forum moderator

News Headline Bloopers

1. INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES

2 SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERTS SAY

3. POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

4. DRUNKS GET NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

5. IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

6. PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

7. PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

8. BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

9. TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

10. CLINTON WINS BUDGET; MORE LIES AHEAD

11. PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

12. MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

13. JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

14. STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE

15. TWO SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER

16. WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

17. IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

18. COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

19. MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

20. NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP.

21. ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACE

22. LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF

23. TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

note: found these funny news headlines in Apolyton's off-topic forum.

[This message has been edited by Thunderfall (edited October 30, 2000).]

West Virginia. wire report
Man shoots foot three times

. A man accidentally shot himself in the right foot while cleaning each of three handguns, police said. the 38 year old man was drinking beer Wednesday morning when he decided to clean his guns, according to a reposrt filed by Mecer County sheriff's deputy L R Catron.
. His .32 caliber handgun went off, but it "didn't hurt" so he finished, then began cleaning his .380 pistol, which also went off.
. That bullet "stung a little, but not too bad". The man finished cleaning the .380 and then pulled out his .357, only to shoot himself a third time.
. The man finally called an ambulance. Catron said the man man told him the .357 shot "really hurt, because the bullet was a hollow point". http://forums.civfanatics.com/eek.gif

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Gauis Mucius Scaevola
Older, richer, and wiser than you.

[This message has been edited by Lefty Scaevola (edited October 30, 2000).]

now you guys realize why they have to put stupid things on labels right? so idiots cant sue (is that how you spell it?lol) them for not warning them. like the lady who sued mcdonalds a while back after she spilled coffee while she was driving. now they put WARNING: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT or something like that. some people will do anything for money. and the no purchase necessary one: you mail in for it you dont steal it...

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the best *&%$#@ chess player around here

isnt ti ironic that stupidities is spelled stupidies? http://forums.civfanatics.com/wink.gif

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the best *&%$#@ chess player around here

oh, so maybe I should return that item! uh?!? :0

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-PaleHorse76

I read an article once where a old lady backed over her husbund in her car.

apparenty her husband had a back problem and could not get up so the old lady instead of calling for help, she ties one end of a rope around her husband and the other end to the back of the car to try and pull him
but she put the car in reverse and http://forums.civfanatics.com/eek.gif

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VANILLA CUBE
the great

[This message has been edited by vanillacube (edited November 03, 2000).]

maybe it was intentional.... http://forums.civfanatics.com/rolleyes.gif

If it was intentional SHE GOT AWAY WITH IT!!!!

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VANILLA CUBE
the great

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(Really???)

Peanuts aren't nuts.

Originally posted by Lord Bradmont:
Peanuts aren't nuts.

then what are they I thought they were nuts?


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VANILLA CUBE
the great

. Peanuts are legumes related to beans, notice how they come in a pod like shell.

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Gauis Mucius Scaevola
Older, richer, and wiser than you.

The warning on that particular brand of peanuts is there for a simple reason. Most people think peanuts are nuts, so companies that sell nuts are expected to sell peanuts as well. This particular company probably uses the same equipment for packaging the peanuts that they use for packaging the nuts they sell. For that reason, the contamination of nuts could have gotten into the peanuts, and people who are allergic to nuts and KNOW that peanuts are not nuts would actually find this information extremely valuable.

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Civilization I Master of masters
Webmaster of Civilization I Fanatics Center (http://www.civfanatics.com/civ1/)

How many people are allergic to nuts and know that peanuts are beans?5?

. Actually peanuts are a very common, and often sever, and not rarely life threatening allgery

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Gauis Mucius Scaevola
Older, richer, and wiser than you.

My point is that people who have severe allergies tend to know a lot about the food to which they are allergic. People who are allergic to nuts but not peanuts, or the opposite, peanuts but not nuts, would definitely know that peanuts are not nuts.

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Civilization I Master of masters
Webmaster of Civilization I Fanatics Center (http://www.civfanatics.com/civ1/)

Originally posted by TTG:
My point is that people who have severe allergies tend to know a lot about the food to which they are allergic

So are you allergic to nuts?


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VANILLA CUBE
the great

No, I'm just a guy who knows stuff... what's the word...
Nerd, that's it. But, I'm a civ nerd... http://forums.civfanatics.com/smile.gif

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http://www.civfanatics.com/civ1/units/mbimg/militia.gif http://www.civfanatics.com/civ1/units/mbimg/phalanx.gif
Civilization I Master of masters
Webmaster of Civilization I Fanatics Center (http://www.civfanatics.com/civ1/)

thank God that I am not allergic to anything. http://forums.civfanatics.com/smile.gif

My nose is always stuffy I think I'm allergic to oxygen

I'm allergic to the people foolish enough to need these labels.

HOSPITALS CUT IN EMPLOYEES

Here's a story I've heared on tv.

A man, somewhere in the USA, wanted to commit suicide. He jumped from the 10th floor, but somewhere on the way there was a savetynet. So he wouldn't have died. But on the 9th floor, an old man and woman lived. They had a lot of fights, and when they had, the man took his gun from the wall and shot his wife (there was no ammo in the gun) and said: I wish you were dead! These two old people, where the parents of the guy wo wanted to commit suicide.
He didn't want to go alone to hell (he commits suicide), so he put a bullet in the gun. So if his parents fight again, his father will shoot his mother down. But! His father wasn't really a good shot, and at the moment he jumped down, his father fired his gun again, but the bullet didn't hit the mother. It flew right out of the window and through the chest of the guy who jumped down.

It's a bit compicated story, but pretty wierd and sick too.

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Concordia res parvae crescunt.