Q How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Send her into a circle room and tell her to pee in the corner.

Have you heard of the expression'A penney for your thoughts'?
Well, you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts and you get change back.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are about o be executed.
The redhead goes up.
Executioner: Ready, Aim, Any last words?
Redhead:Hurricane!
And she runs a way.
Brunette up.
Executioner; Ready aim Any last words
Brunette:tornado!
And she runs away.
Now the blonde goes up.
Executioner:Ready aim any last words?
Blonde: (thinking of natural disasters)
FIRE!!!!!
http://mysmilies.creativesell.net/contrib/anym/behead.gif bye bye blondie!

Post your BEST blonde jokes.
(keep em clean)

A blond is in her car knitting while driving on the highway. A cop on a motorcycle drives next to her and seeing her doing this shouts, "PULL OVER!"
She replies, "NO, SCARF!"

another:
A blond and 2 brunettes are running from the cops and run into an abandoned farmhouse. They find 3 bags and jump into one each. The cops come in and they check the bags. A cop kicks the first with a brunette, and she goes, "ROOF!"
The cops says it's just a stupid dog. He kicks the next bag with the other brunette and she goes, "MEOW!"
The cop says it's just a stupid cat. He kicks the bag with the blond in it and she goes,
"POTATOES!"

Another:
A smart brunette, an average redhead and a dumb blond were in a car going down a hill wehn the brakeline broke. The brunette tried to fixed the brakes somehow. The redhead yelled out the window for help. Then the blond looks down the street and says, "Hey, don't worry, there's a stop sign at the bottom!"

Another:
2 brunettes and a blond ran into a forest while running from the cops. They each run up a tree. The cops start shaking the trees, and shake one with a brunette. The brunette makes an owl sound. They shake another with the other brunette, and she makes a bear sound. They shake the one the blond is in, and she goes, "MOOOOOO!!!!"

:lol:

A blond gets a makeover and dyes her hair brown. Feeling good she goes for a drive in the country.
Not long she sees a sheppard out with the flock. She stops and asks the boy; "I have always wanted a sheep! Can I have one?"
"No, you can't.", replies the boy.
"Well, if I guess how many you have, can I have one?"
The boy realizes she will never guess how many there are and lets her guess.
"Um, uh. I say 5,492!"
The boy is flabbergasted! That's how many he has and tells the lady to take her pick.
The lady goes over, picks up the animal and starts carrying it back to the car.
The boy then yells, "If I guess your origional hair color, can I have my dog back?!"

Blondness: Nature's Encryption Device. No batteries required.

Look at my sig :D

Q: What does a blonde say when she finds out she is pregnant?

A: "I hope it's mine"

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing out all the 3's, E's, and W's.

A blonde goes to a doctor:
_ Doctor I have a special diarrhoea!
_ Well really?
_ Yeah, a brain diarrhoea...
_ How that a brain diarrhoea?
_ Hum, each time I have an idea it's just a shi**ty idea...

Q How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Send her into a circle room and tell her to pee in the corner.

Q:How does a blond confuse u?

A:tells u she did it

How do you kill a blond?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

The only one I remember, not a very good one though...

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

and a punny one...

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"

The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."

"Comfortable?" the guy questions.

"Yes, you see she reads slow."

A blonde carrying a pig comes to the bar.
The bar tender looks at them and asks, "Where the hell did you get that dumb animal?"

"I won her in a raffle, replied the pig.:lol:

A blonde coyote got stuck in a trap. She chewed off three of her legs, but could'nt get out.

A favorite among counterstrike players

What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?


RUN! She has a grenade in her mouth!

Originally posted by Lefty Scaevola
A favorite among counterstrike players

What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?


RUN! She has a grenade in her mouth!

What if she thows a grenade at you?

Pull the pin out and thow it back!

This thread should be attached to the poll I did in off topic ´´blondes or brunettes´´

:lol: :lol: :lol:

One day a blonde goes and buys a brand new convertable at the local car dealership. She arrives home, parks her new car and heads inside. A few minutes pass and the blonde notices a huge storm heading her way. She calls the car dealership and says "I have two problems." "What are they the dealer?" the dealer replies. "First, I left the hood down on my car and there is a storm coming. And second, I locked my keys in the car"

Here is some short ones:

Q)What do you call a group of blondes standing in a circle?
A)A dope ring

Q)What do you call a group of blondes standing ear to ear?
A)A wind tunnel

Q)If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a building at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
A)The brunette, because the blonde would have to ask for directions

Q)How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A)First they have to find it

A redhead, brunette, and blonde get stuck on a desert island. In the distance they can see another island and there is wood to make a boat and food to eat. They all decide to try to swim to the island. The redhead jumps in the water first, and swims to the island. The brunette jumps in the water second, and swims to the island. The blonde swims half way there, gets tired, and swims back.

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

A ventriloquist was making fun of blondes with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry blonde stood up and yelled, "I resent that!"

The ventriloquist started apologizing to the blonde.

The blonde looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"

One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

Why cant blondes make ice cubes?
Because they dont have the recipie!

Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road and the sign said Disneyland left...
So they turned around and went home.

A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

There were five blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff.
But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people.
The brunette said, "Save yourselves. I'll let go."
Impressed by her sacrifice, all of the blondes clapped...

One day a blonde went into a department store.
She said to the owner, "Can I buy that T.V.?"
The owner replies, "No, you're a blonde".
Next day the blonde comes into the same shop with black hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"
The shop keeper says "No, you're a blonde."
Next day the blonde comes in with pink hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"
The owner says, "No, you're a blonde."
Then the blonde goes, "How do you know I'm blonde?"
He replies, "Because it's a microwave."

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100. 99 to peel the M&M's and one to mix the batter!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

One day a blonde walked into a store. She sees a metal cylinder and asks the salesperson what it is. He tells her "it is a Thermos." "What does it do?" the blonde asks. "It keeps hot objects hot and cold objects cold.' So the blonde buys the Thermos.
The next day, she brings the Thermos to work and her boss, who is also blonde, asks the same questions as before with the same answer. After, the boss asks "What do you have in there?" The blonde says "Three popsicles and two cups of coffee."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sure on a posting spree, eh Beaver?

How did you guess ;)

Q. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?

A. Artificial intelligence.

Here's the best blonde joke in the world:

Click here (http://nice.purrsia.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=21&t=001088)

Enjoy :D

:lol:
:lol:
:lol
:rofl:
:rofl:

Good job spudley, although i gave up at the site u gave me

:aargh::aargh::aargh:
ALL THESE LINKS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!

:rotfl:
That's pretty funny.

don't know if you guys heard of this one before:

A blonde goes to work one day crying because she finds out her mom has just died.
Her boss asks her, "What's wrong? why are you crying?"
she replies, "i just found out that my mom passed away." the boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. a few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes into her office and sees her crying hysterically.
he asks again: "why are you crying?"
she answers: "my sister called saying that her mom died too."

Originally posted by Eastern Knight
don't know if you guys heard of this one before:

A blonde goes to work one day crying because she finds out her mom has just died.
Her boss asks her, "What's wrong? why are you crying?"
she replies, "i just found out that my mom passed away." the boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. a few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes into her office and sees her crying hysterically.
he asks again: "why are you crying?"
she answers: "my sister called saying that her mom died too."

It was posted earlier, in this thread (post 21). Still funny though :)

A young little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mom and says:

'Mommy, today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! That's good,innit?'

'Yes darling, very good.'

'Is that because I'm blonde?'

'Yes darling, it's because you're blonde.'

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: 'mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K ! That's good,innit?'

'Yes darling, very good.'

'Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?'

'Yes darling it's because you're blonde.'

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: 'mommy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!'

She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D breasts at her mom. 'Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?'

'No darling, it's because you're 25.'

okay, then how about this one:

A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.

"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer.

The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"

The blondes of the world decided they would televise a experiment to prove blondes were intelligent.

Many blondes arrived at the event and the hostess picked one out and said "okay, what is 2 + 3". The blonde answered "Ummm seven."

The audience were dissapointed and deciding they wanted the stereotypes to end chanted "Give her another go, give her another go."

The host was hesitant but decided getting someone else out would look bad so said "Alright, whats 1 + 2". The blonde thought a minute and responded "Errr, four."

Again the audience chanted "Give her another go, give her another go."

The host was absolutely terrified of how bad things were going and so asked the easiest question they could "Please tell me, what is 1 + 1."

The blonde Ummed and Ahhed about five minutes before saying "Thats two isn't it."

SUCCESS thought the host untill she heard the crowd yelling "Give her another go, give her another go."

Define eternity:

Four blonds at a four-way stop.

So this blond walks into a computer store. . .

"I need to know where to buy a curtain for my computer."

"Wha..?" says the salesman.

"Yes, a curtain for my computer."

"Well, they don't make curtains. Why would you need a curtain for your computer?"

"Duh! I have Windows!"

There are 3 mothers, one brunnette, one redhead, and a blonde.

They all decide to look through thier duaghters purses. The Brunnette pulls out a pack of cigarrettes and exclaims: "My Daughter smokes! I cant belive m daughter smokes!"

Then the redhead pulls out a beer bottle and exlaims: "My Daughter drinks! I cant belive m daughter drinks!"

The Blonde mother pulls out some condoms and exclaims: "I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

:lol::lol::lol:

Two blondes kept getting their drinks mixed up. First they tried not adding ice to one drink, but they both wanted ice. Then they tried only using one straw, but they both wnted a straw. Finally one had an inspiration. They measured the height of the cups. Sure enough the red one was half an inch shorter than the green one.

A blonde's daughter come home from the doctor with the news that she is expecting. The blonde asks her daughter, "Are you sure its yours?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go into a bar. The redhead asks for and MGD, and gets a Miller Genuine Draft. The brunette asks for JD neat, and gets Jack Daniels with no ice. The blondes aks for a "15". The bartender has served blondes before and gives her a 7 and 7.

J

Originally posted by onejayhawk
Two blondes kept getting their drinks mixed up. First they tried not adding ice to one drink, but they both wanted ice. Then they tried only using one straw, but they both wnted a straw. Finally one had an inspiration. They measured the height of the cups. Sure enough the red one was half an inch shorter than the green one.

LOL, I once saw the same joke but the blondes trying to tell their horses apart until they found out the brown one was shorter than the black one.

Originally posted by onejayhawk
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go into a bar. The redhead asks for and MGD, and gets a Miller Genuine Draft. The brunette asks for JD neat, and gets Jack Daniels with no ice. The blondes aks for a "15". The bartender has served blondes before and gives her a 7 and 7.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
:worship:

OMG! I damn near snotted pepsi all over my computer screen!

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

they've posted that one many times here already

The blonde tank commander sent his tank squadron against the Macedonian spearmen

Heh heh...just made one up:

How do you spot a blonde driver?










When she kills an automatic! :lol:

Two blondes are going back to their car after a days worth of shopping only to find out that their keys are locked in. So one of the blondes decides to try and pick the lock. After several minutes of trying, the other blonde look up at the sky and says: "Could you please hurry. It's about to rain, and I left the car top down."

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan; so, the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but, we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "The airport wanted to charge me two hundred dollars to store my car. Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Been reading Snopes?

http://www.snopes.com/humor/question/requests2.asp

Bumping season, The Unpronouncable? ;)

I don't really like Blonde jokes. Having said that, here is a Blonde joke for you all to enjoy:


Blonde: Hello, Joe.

Joe: Why, hello, Blonde. Say, I have come to a certain conclusion about you.

Blonde: Please elaborate.

Joe: You see, it has come to my attention that you are stupid.

Blonde: Stupid?

Joe: Quite Stupid.

Blonde: To what extent am I stupid?

Joe: If I were to make some sort of scale which read from one to ten, wherein "one" represented very little stupidity and "ten" represented a great deal of stupidity, and I measured your stupidity on this scale, I daresay you would register an eleven.

Blonde: But eleven is outside the bounds set when you created your scale.

Joe: Indeed. This is because you are so stupid that you exceed any attempts to quantify your stupidity.

Blonde: I see.

That's weird. It shouldn't be funny at all, but I still chuckle when I read it. Stupid anti-jokes...

On that note:

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: N+1. 1 to change the light bulb, and N to act in a stereotypical manner befitting blondes.

Here's one:
http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/2210/stupidpc5.png

What's X exactly? Are you sure it's a rectangle?

There are 3 mothers, one brunnette, one redhead, and a blonde.

They all decide to look through thier duaghters purses. The Brunnette pulls out a pack of cigarrettes and exclaims: "My Daughter smokes! I cant belive m daughter smokes!"

Then the redhead pulls out a beer bottle and exlaims: "My Daughter drinks! I cant belive m daughter drinks!"

The Blonde mother pulls out some condoms and exclaims: "I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

:lol::lol::lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

here is my contribution, :D

Ques: What do u have when u have 20 blondes standing side by side, ear to ear ?
Ans: A wind tunnel.

"Into the left ear, out from the right one"?

What's X exactly? Are you sure it's a rectangle?

I just made up the numbers yes it is a rectangle. Are you a blonde?:joke:

Hadrean, here's a better version of the same joke plus some others: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=178082&highlight=math

Here's the best blonde joke in the world:

Click here (http://nice.purrsia.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=21&t=001088)

Enjoy :D
I got up skylines, but where doe's it end?
Yes, I know, it doesn't, but where's the next link?

A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

I just made up the numbers yes it is a rectangle. Are you a blonde?:joke:

I can't be blonde since I'm a Chinese, a typical far-easterner with black hair. Well, after doing numerous puzzling questions, I decided not to believe anything not explicit indicated. If you don't tell me that the angles are 90 degree ones, I won't believe that it's a rectangle. Seeing is not believing.

In Oregon, an astronomy teacher asked the class which was closer, the Moon or Florida, she called on the blonde and the blonde replied, "The moon of course! Can you see florida from here?"

HAHA... :lol:

I did laugh at that anti-joke story... pathetic me... :(

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

I got up skylines, but where doe's it end?
Yes, I know, it doesn't, but where's the next link?
Well go down to post 21 and you will get the next link, but that appears to be the last win since you cannot get the one after it, since it is being redone that forum.

"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

ROFL!!!!!!

What do you call a person who is Blonde in the summer, and Brunnete in the winter? Bi-Polar.

I can't be blonde since I'm a Chinese, a typical far-easterner with black hair.
Where I work, "blonde" isn't really used to indicate hair color. Two of the women delight in the chance to call each other "Filipino blonde".


For my own contribution to the thread, I offer an oldie but a goodie:

Two blondes walk into a bar.
The brunette ducked. (alternately, "You'd think one of them would have seen it.")