what is the funniest joke,phrase,situation ect. you have ever heard,been in ect.?:D if this post gets any replies then ill tell a few of mine

There's a joke thread in the humor forum, I suggest you check it out.

I would guess lots of people have already posted their favourite jokes here (http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22052) ;)

Dammit, DeLorimier beat me to it. Well, at least I provided a link :D

Ven ist das nunstruck git un slotermayer?

Ja! Beierhund das oder de flipperwalt gersputt.

Mine is still, "What is brown and sticky?"











A stick.


:ack:

Err... Here's an exceptionally funny joke:

A newbie walks into a bar.
He sits down and notices a sign that says "Guess right and win a drink" He sees a line of shotglasses and says to the bartender, "Hey, they're scotch right?"
Bartender says "Wrong! Four Rum."

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Ok, maybe not that funny.

Crap joke.

Two fish in a tank. One says: "how do you fire the gun in this thing?"

Beer contains a substance that makes you want to drink more beer.


Yeah whats that?


Beer

One of the funniest I can think of at the moment is from the movie "Baseketball" where they go see the kid after his operation. There is just something about it that makes me laugh every single time.

As for a joke, well, I find this one pretty funny.

"I believe you have a daughter."
"Yes, Henretta."
"Did he? That must have been painful."

MrPresident...

Your signature is even more fun to read!!! :goodjob: :lol:

dangledongle...

"You've got some chocolate round your mouth"
"Er, yeah, I've just been eating some mousse"

"Mmmm, thats good adultery"

Apu Nahasaheemapetilan

I always like the blonde jokes about trying to drown a fish.... There are quite a few of them out there.

Si Osama...
porque Os mata?

:lol::lol::lol:

too bad it has no meaning if translated :(

I already started a thread on this.
I called it:
'What is the funniest thing youvee ever heard?'

Originally posted by Zcylen
Si Osama...
porque Os mata?

:lol::lol::lol:

too bad it has no meaning if translated :(

Is that a play on Spanish words?

Originally posted by napoleon526
Ven ist das nunstruck git un slotermayer?

Ja! Beierhund das oder de flipperwalt gersputt.


Arrrgh! Delete this post! It is against the UN non-proliferation treaty - If you fail to comply you will be facing "serious consequences"!!!

:eek:

Originally posted by John Smith
Arrrgh! Delete this post! It is against the UN non-proliferation treaty - If you fail to comply you will be facing "serious consequences"!!!

:eek:
Actually, I think it's the Geneva Convention that forbids joke warfare. :D

Mine is still this one:

Bloke walks into the doctor with a carrot up his nose and a piece of colliflower in his ear. "What's wrong with me?" asks the bloke. The doctor answers "Your not eating properly"

Originally posted by Bose
Mine is still this one:

Bloke walks into the doctor with a carrot up his nose and a piece of colliflower in his ear. "What's wrong with me?" asks the bloke. The doctor answers "Your not eating properly"
:lol:

Reminds me of the movie "Airplane," where Striker's admits he has a drinking problem, and to prove it, he tosses his glass of alcohol over his shoulder.

So there is this penguin driving his car down the freeway, when all of a sudden, his oil light starts flashing. He pulls over to the side of the road and pops the hood. Sure enough, there is oil all over the place.

He gets back in his car and drives to a local service station. The mechanic is busy and will be able to get to the penguin's car in about an hour.

Seeing that he has some time to kill, the Penguin decides to take a stroll on the beach. At the beach, he spots an ice-cream stand. Being a penguin, there is nothing he loves more than ice-cream. he orders the largest tub of vanilla and proceeds to eat it all.

When he returns to the service station, he notices the mechanic has finished with his car.

"What was the problem?" asks the penguin.
"It looks like you blew a seal." said the mechanic.
"No, no!" the penguin stammers, "it's just ice cream!".

Originally posted by Strider
I always like the blonde jokes about trying to drown a fish.... There are quite a few of them out there.

well, do you know how to drown a fish?

Figgis: Beethoven,.Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, Panties ...I'm sorry ... Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live for ever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker - thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser - kurstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -ein -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache - auuber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker-kalbsfleisch -mittler -aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm We start with an interview with his only surviving relative Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern.....(fades out)

(Cut to old man sitting blanketed, in wheel-chair, as he speaks, intercut with shot of interviewer nodding and looking interested.)

Karl: Oh ja. When I first met Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dingle -dangle -dongle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker - thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser - kurstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -ein -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mitz -weimache - auuber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker-kalbsfleisch -mittler -aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, he was with his wife, Sarah Gambolputty de von...

Interviewer: (as he speaks intercut with shots of Karl nodding and trying to look interested) Yes, if I may just cut in on you there, Herr Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dingle -dangle -dongle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker - thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser - kurstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -ein -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mitz -weimache - auuber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker-kalbsfleisch -mittler -aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

(No response. He shakes the old man, then gets up ad listens to his heart. Realizing with exasperation that his intewiwee has died, he starts digging a grave. Cut back to presenter.)

Figgis: A tribute to Johann Gambolputty...

(Cut to Viking)

Viking: ... de yon Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter ...

(Cut to weedy man in pullover with National Health specs.)

Man:... crasscrenbon-fficd-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle ...

(Cut to a knight in armour.)

Knight in Armour: ... dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher...

(Cut to a succession of animated characters.)

Mona Lisa: ... apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic...

Lon Chaney: ....grander-knorty-spelltinkle.

Policeman: ... grandlich ...

Pig: ... grumblemeyer ...

Policeman: ... spelterwasser...

Boar: ... kurstlich-himbleeisen ...

Botticelli Lover: ... bahnwagen-gutenabend ..

Medieval Couple: . .. bitte-ein-nürmburger.

Family Group: ... bratwurstle...

Doctor: ... gerspurten ...

Bishop & Saint: ... mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut...

Two Dancers: ... gumberaber-schönendanker...

Three Naked Ladies: ... kalbsfieisch...

Cricket Team: ... mittler-aucher...

Policemen: ... von Hautkopf...

Figgis: ... of Ulm.

Originally posted by CivCube


Is that a play on Spanish words?

yeah, :)

it goes something like this :
Os ama ( in the ol' spanish means "he loves you") and
os mata (in the ol' spanish means "he kills you")

if he loves you
why he kills you?

a very simple joke but it really sounds funny in spanish
:D

My current fave is Randy the Rooster.

So the farmer, he has some chickens. He decides that he wants to breed these chickens, so get goes shopping for a rooster. The first rooster he finds is $200. The farmer say, "I don't want to spend that much." Well, the salesman convinces him to buy it.

So the farmer takes Randy home, and says, "Well, here they are. Take your time, pace yourself."

Randy goes shooting out of the chicken carrier, and nails every chicken in the coop. Chickens are cackling, feathers are flying, it's a real mess.

The farmer goes running in there, "Randy, stop!"

Randy goes flying out the chicken coop, sees some ducks down by the pond. WHAM! He nails all them. Then he sees some geese flying overhead, he takes off after them.

"Randy, Randy," the farmer cries, "Please slow down, you'll kill yourself!"

Needless to say, Randy doesn't stop. No bird is safe from Randy. . . . Finally, the farmer gives up, and goes to bed.

Sure enough, the next morning, there's Randy laying in the middle of the field, with vultures flying overhead. The farmer cries out "Oh Randy! Why didn't you pace yourself. . .looks what's happened!."

Randy opens an eye, looks at the farmer, looks at the vultures, and says, "Shh! They're getting closer!"