While Greece hangs in limbo as I wait to get to my other computer on 3/18, I need to refresh my mind... It is time for a story. The days roll by like barrels on a 19th-century wharf and I must type of my glories as... Rome! It was a long time ago, I think last summer, but I'll try...

...In 4000 B.C. (of course, I have no idea what B.C. means), I ascended to the throne of a small nomadic tribe on the banks of the Houtchawakee River. My first act as chief was to commence the construction of my first city - Rome. Of course, this was an easy task, but it was entirely unprecedented. When my first citizens covered their thatch huts with mud from the Mighty Houtchawakee, I knew that good things were coming. Life would be fun.
My second act as leader was to rename that blasted river. It then acquired its new and lasting name, the Nickmandleriver. Since my people were nomads, they still wanted to expand, and so I let them. Within 1000 years, I had several cities across the surrounding grasslands, as well as mighty warriors spreading out in search of enemies to conquer. In 2800, I found one: Babylon. I swiftly let them know that I didn't appreciate their presence, and took one of their 2 cities. They were scared out of their inferior Babylonian minds and succumbed to my wrath. I had become a conqueror.

As I stood over the newly-constructed city of Saltpeterica in the earliest parts of A.D., I knew that my empire was the greatest on Earth (now named Rome's Planet). I had contact with the quaking Aztecs to the North, Egyptians to the Northwest, Persians to the West, Greeks to the far West, and with the Iroquois and Zulu on the Northeastern island. I had decided to overtake the Aztecs first, they being the closest to my hordes of horsemen. Montezuma had become too pompous over the years, demanding gold and techs in a never-ending spree. Each time, I refused; each time, he backed down. I was ready and he was not when my 20 horsemen started taking over his 5 cities.
When my initial drive faded, I had to practice a most loathesome form of battle, stack-style warfare. I'd put at least 1 leigonary in each stack, along with numerous longbowmen. I'd build up for several turns and attack, with great casualties. The tide eventually turned in my favor, and the Aztecs had a new king. They would not be the last.

Egypt, my third ill-suited neighbor, lay 25 turns to the Northwest - a good distance. When the Aztec war ended, however, they were the next in line. Cleopatra wasn't too uppity, but she had chariots and let me know it. For that reason, on Babylonian Victory Day, 1100 A.D., I sent her an 'eviction notice'. The ensuing war was slow. Even my champion legionaries found it tough to hold on to their captured ground. A mountain range split Egypt roughly in two-thirds, and I was stuck with the rotten third. Then, things changed.
1200 A.D.: CAVALRY. My strategic instincts told me, "3 movement, 6 attack, 3 defense! These things are the key!" Indeed, they were, and they unlocked the mountains for me. Unfortunately, I ran into the scariest thing on the face of Rome's Planet: an Egyptian army of two spearmen and a war chariot! The battle was fierce, but determines Egypt's bloody end. By Aztec Victory Day 1300, I sent the doomed Cleo a message: Warm up the throne for me.

My next victims were Persia and Greece, heavily entwined. In these mercifully short wars, I made good use of my new cannons and ironclad. The hoplites seemed confused as the shells fell around them. By the year 1500, my entire empire was networked with railroads. It was time to take on the isolated Iroquois and Zulu. I quickly demanded a city form each. The Iroquois, recognizing my unlimited ant ultimate power, readily donated some seaside property. The Zulu, on the other hand, declared a most imprudent war. I landed 8 cavalry on their shores and took three cities.
Perhaps it was bad strategy on my part... By the next turn, all of my cavalry had been killed by impis and my 3 cities were retaken. Even my galleons were bombarded by catapults. I needed a beachhead.
On the homefront, my cities began to have names like Sum, Es, Est, Sumus, Estis, and Sunt. Then, the other tenses of the verb To Be in Latin: Eramus and such. These names gradually evolver into French...

See here: (http://nickmandler.tk)
After my first boatload of 4 infantry arrived in Zululand, the war went well. Zimbabwe fell in just three turns. At home, it was 1875, and my scientists had just discovered flight. It was time for Shaka to pay for his subordination. 8 turns later, Mpondo was being watered with a new kind of rain, so to speak. Leaflets dropped behind the Zulu cultural borders spoke of the glories of the Roman empire.
Soon, I had dropped enough paper to fill un Nickmandler Sound. The Zulus were no more by 1900, except for one puppet city so that I could run up my score. The only civ left was Hiawatha's 30-city, culture-rich spitoon of a civ. I airlifted 16 tanks to the city that they had given me. The fun was about to begin.

EXCITING AND REALLY PREDICTABLE CONCLUSION TOMORROW!

or not...