muppet
Mar 19, 2003, 08:02 PM
OK. It might not be really funny - but I'm trying!
A comparative study of America and "Junior"
Many in the world think of Canada as America Junior. Some more affectionately than others. What exactly do these two countries have in common that warrants the label "Junior"? This is the first of a two part cross-border analysis that will begin with the life of Junior.
Analysis of Canada's National Anthem indicates that Canada is the "True NORTH, STRONG and FREE."
Believe me, Canada is the True NORTH. Canadians have a tradition of ice-fishing, a tradition of catching fish that dwell in frozen lakes during the winter months because even animals are smart enough migrate south.
They say that the Canada-US border is the largest unmilitarized border in the world. That is an American lie. Just ask Canadians how quickly the guns come out whenever they try to migrate south for the winter. I swear, animals are treated better than Canadians - no wonder they have an inferiority complex.
Canada is a technolgically advanced society. Everyone else in the world dives in 'wet-suits'. Canadians have access to advanced Scuba diving technology: dry-suits. Originally developed for American Navy Seals - such is the harshness of the Canadian winter. Canada's scuba program is unique to the True North, the only diving specialty is ice-diving, taught almost exclusively in Canada - a sport involving cutting a hole in a frozen lake and diving in... voluntarily! Ice fishing is beginning to feel rather summery.
And we've all seen the hollywood portrayal of a Russian soldier shot by his superiors because he turned the engine off and allowed his military transport to freeze over. Cars have a nasty habit of not starting in arctic conditions. Canadians have a similar tradition. Canadian Universities have power cords right next to every parking spot. If a Canadian university student forgets to stick the plug into his car the whole school knows about it, and every professor will give said student a tongue lashing for the remainder of the year. Americans might laugh, but an electric powered car heater is cheaper than keeping the engine running all day.
Let there be no doubt how STRONG Canadians really are - it takes a strong man to be a Canadian. Really. Canada is the second largest country in the world (or somewhere there abouts), with a meager 30 million population. Canada is mostly wilderness - it is true and no offence is intended, but the metropolitan Tokyo area alone houses 30 million people! Canadians shovel two tons of snow every second day, wrestle with polar bears on the way to work daily, and the nearest convenience store is a convenient 10 mile trek through Canada's vast wilderness of grizzlies, bison, and the occassional immigrant lion.
No one can deny the FREE-ness of Canadian society. Any uninsured immigrant, or illegal alien will attest to their unrestricted access to premium Canadian health care - even if paying Canadians have to wait in line. It doesn't even seem to bother Canadians to wait in line for medical care when the cause of the immigrant family's emergency is an immigrant pet cat with excess stomach gas. Did I ever tell you about how culturally tolerant and diverse Canadians are?
Canada is proud of its world renown system of free social welfare. More efficient than any other branch of government in Canada, or even the rest of the world for that matter. If the communists had known about Canada we wouldn't have had a chance in the cold war! Like a finely tuned machine, Canada welfare checks arrive in the mail for all those not working. No embarassing welfare line-up, no food stamps, nor direct payments to landlords, creditors, or educational institutions - just cold hard cash to the welfare recipient to be spent in any manner he sees fit. Fail to attend a job skills training seminar? Forget to attend college after government subsidies? Ten months or ten years without work? Don't want to use food stamps? Don't worry, the check is free every month - no one ever has to know. Canada: The True North Strong and Free.
Next installment -
America: Home of the Brave and Land of the Free!
A comparative study of America and "Junior"
Many in the world think of Canada as America Junior. Some more affectionately than others. What exactly do these two countries have in common that warrants the label "Junior"? This is the first of a two part cross-border analysis that will begin with the life of Junior.
Analysis of Canada's National Anthem indicates that Canada is the "True NORTH, STRONG and FREE."
Believe me, Canada is the True NORTH. Canadians have a tradition of ice-fishing, a tradition of catching fish that dwell in frozen lakes during the winter months because even animals are smart enough migrate south.
They say that the Canada-US border is the largest unmilitarized border in the world. That is an American lie. Just ask Canadians how quickly the guns come out whenever they try to migrate south for the winter. I swear, animals are treated better than Canadians - no wonder they have an inferiority complex.
Canada is a technolgically advanced society. Everyone else in the world dives in 'wet-suits'. Canadians have access to advanced Scuba diving technology: dry-suits. Originally developed for American Navy Seals - such is the harshness of the Canadian winter. Canada's scuba program is unique to the True North, the only diving specialty is ice-diving, taught almost exclusively in Canada - a sport involving cutting a hole in a frozen lake and diving in... voluntarily! Ice fishing is beginning to feel rather summery.
And we've all seen the hollywood portrayal of a Russian soldier shot by his superiors because he turned the engine off and allowed his military transport to freeze over. Cars have a nasty habit of not starting in arctic conditions. Canadians have a similar tradition. Canadian Universities have power cords right next to every parking spot. If a Canadian university student forgets to stick the plug into his car the whole school knows about it, and every professor will give said student a tongue lashing for the remainder of the year. Americans might laugh, but an electric powered car heater is cheaper than keeping the engine running all day.
Let there be no doubt how STRONG Canadians really are - it takes a strong man to be a Canadian. Really. Canada is the second largest country in the world (or somewhere there abouts), with a meager 30 million population. Canada is mostly wilderness - it is true and no offence is intended, but the metropolitan Tokyo area alone houses 30 million people! Canadians shovel two tons of snow every second day, wrestle with polar bears on the way to work daily, and the nearest convenience store is a convenient 10 mile trek through Canada's vast wilderness of grizzlies, bison, and the occassional immigrant lion.
No one can deny the FREE-ness of Canadian society. Any uninsured immigrant, or illegal alien will attest to their unrestricted access to premium Canadian health care - even if paying Canadians have to wait in line. It doesn't even seem to bother Canadians to wait in line for medical care when the cause of the immigrant family's emergency is an immigrant pet cat with excess stomach gas. Did I ever tell you about how culturally tolerant and diverse Canadians are?
Canada is proud of its world renown system of free social welfare. More efficient than any other branch of government in Canada, or even the rest of the world for that matter. If the communists had known about Canada we wouldn't have had a chance in the cold war! Like a finely tuned machine, Canada welfare checks arrive in the mail for all those not working. No embarassing welfare line-up, no food stamps, nor direct payments to landlords, creditors, or educational institutions - just cold hard cash to the welfare recipient to be spent in any manner he sees fit. Fail to attend a job skills training seminar? Forget to attend college after government subsidies? Ten months or ten years without work? Don't want to use food stamps? Don't worry, the check is free every month - no one ever has to know. Canada: The True North Strong and Free.
Next installment -
America: Home of the Brave and Land of the Free!