Hamlet
Mar 21, 2003, 07:49 AM
Emperor Blair makes historic address
Emperor Blair is set to address his subjects tonight, according to The Imperial Ministry of Englightenment.
"Emperor Blair realises that his subjects need comfort, and information as to why Emperor Blair is making this utterly justified course of action.", said a ministry insider.
Emperor Blair has come under criticsm since his decision to go ahead with the war against The Iraqi Communist Nazi Empire in an effort to remove the regime of Mr Saddam Hussein of Baghdad, The Destroyer of Worlds, and source of all the world's ills.
No proof so far
UN inspectors for morals had been investigating Emperor Blair for month, but found no evidence of any morals or principles that could be used to any devestating effect on the British political system.
Mr Hands Wringing, The Chief UN Morals Inspector said that his team found no principles or morals in the posession of Emperor Blair during their search.
"Emperor Blair's political career up to this point has been marked by it's complete lack of any moral direction, rather Emperor Blair has simply been guided by populism and opinion polls. We find any claims that Emperor Blair is taking a moral stance here unsubtantiated by our search of him and our analysis of everything he has ever done in life up to this point.", said Mr Wringing.
Emperor Blair's decision to go ahead with the war in light of the report was criticsed by many within The Imperial Government, including Mrs Claire Fat and Noggin Cook; Mr Cook resigned on Monday.
Saddam must be disarmed
However, Emperor Blair insisted that he would press ahead.
"One feels that Saddam Hussein is an evil butcher, tyrant, and so Does George, therefore he must be disarmed.", said Emperor Blair.
Emperor Blair rejected claims that there had been a distinct lack of evidence that Mr Hussein of Baghdad was a threat to international security.
"Look, we know that this man has weapons of mass destruction, because me made a report saying he has. Mr Hussein is definetley a threat to his own people, though this is not the reason we are going to war, but there's no other real reason at the moment, so I'll talk about his use of WMD's on his own people in the 80's for bit."
Everyone was said to have been amazed by Emperor Blair's performance. "He reminds me of Empress Thatcher when she launched her crusade against everyone that though differently about politics and economics from her in the 80's", said one Telegraph journalist.
Turbulent times
There was a wholesale split in Europe over the issue. President Jaqcues Bribrac of France said "This is all poorly concieved, because it has been initiated by The US. The UN would be completely wrong to support a war under such circumstances, and The UN must be given full trust an support as an insitution when it isn't used by The US. Besides, Mr Hussein has assured me that my $100,000 will be coming shortly. Now where's my fee?"
Mr Crush, The US President from Backwards, Texas, was defiant; "We must combat the international forces of turrism with all our power. We must never let the bad guys get away with it. We must preserve international security because we can, and we will. Mr Badman Insane is definetley a bad guy, and he looks like he hasn't got many friend at the moment, so Mr Badman, watch your ass. Make no mistake about it, Badman Insane will be disarmed."
Domestic Support and Criticsm of The War
A man further to the right than Emperor Blair, Mr Iain Something-Whatsisface, said he supported the war so long as it was opposed by France and Germany, and invovled British soldiers shooting foreigners.
"Anyone who has any misgivings about the action is probably a pervert and deviant, and is the same sort of person who tried to sell this country down the river of Nazism" said Mr Something-Whatsisface.
Unconfirmed reports indicate Mr Iain-Something-Whatsisface is leader of The Conservative Party and Leader of The Opposition, although the rumors were hotly denied by just about every senior figure within the Conservative Party.
"Iain was elected leader by mistake." said Mr Fatty Clarke, a senior figure within the tobacco industry.
A man from Scotland called Chuckie Bum said something but nobody can remember what it was.
Something I wrote for another online forum. I thought it would be nice if you chaps and chapesses had the benefit of it also. :cool:
Emperor Blair is set to address his subjects tonight, according to The Imperial Ministry of Englightenment.
"Emperor Blair realises that his subjects need comfort, and information as to why Emperor Blair is making this utterly justified course of action.", said a ministry insider.
Emperor Blair has come under criticsm since his decision to go ahead with the war against The Iraqi Communist Nazi Empire in an effort to remove the regime of Mr Saddam Hussein of Baghdad, The Destroyer of Worlds, and source of all the world's ills.
No proof so far
UN inspectors for morals had been investigating Emperor Blair for month, but found no evidence of any morals or principles that could be used to any devestating effect on the British political system.
Mr Hands Wringing, The Chief UN Morals Inspector said that his team found no principles or morals in the posession of Emperor Blair during their search.
"Emperor Blair's political career up to this point has been marked by it's complete lack of any moral direction, rather Emperor Blair has simply been guided by populism and opinion polls. We find any claims that Emperor Blair is taking a moral stance here unsubtantiated by our search of him and our analysis of everything he has ever done in life up to this point.", said Mr Wringing.
Emperor Blair's decision to go ahead with the war in light of the report was criticsed by many within The Imperial Government, including Mrs Claire Fat and Noggin Cook; Mr Cook resigned on Monday.
Saddam must be disarmed
However, Emperor Blair insisted that he would press ahead.
"One feels that Saddam Hussein is an evil butcher, tyrant, and so Does George, therefore he must be disarmed.", said Emperor Blair.
Emperor Blair rejected claims that there had been a distinct lack of evidence that Mr Hussein of Baghdad was a threat to international security.
"Look, we know that this man has weapons of mass destruction, because me made a report saying he has. Mr Hussein is definetley a threat to his own people, though this is not the reason we are going to war, but there's no other real reason at the moment, so I'll talk about his use of WMD's on his own people in the 80's for bit."
Everyone was said to have been amazed by Emperor Blair's performance. "He reminds me of Empress Thatcher when she launched her crusade against everyone that though differently about politics and economics from her in the 80's", said one Telegraph journalist.
Turbulent times
There was a wholesale split in Europe over the issue. President Jaqcues Bribrac of France said "This is all poorly concieved, because it has been initiated by The US. The UN would be completely wrong to support a war under such circumstances, and The UN must be given full trust an support as an insitution when it isn't used by The US. Besides, Mr Hussein has assured me that my $100,000 will be coming shortly. Now where's my fee?"
Mr Crush, The US President from Backwards, Texas, was defiant; "We must combat the international forces of turrism with all our power. We must never let the bad guys get away with it. We must preserve international security because we can, and we will. Mr Badman Insane is definetley a bad guy, and he looks like he hasn't got many friend at the moment, so Mr Badman, watch your ass. Make no mistake about it, Badman Insane will be disarmed."
Domestic Support and Criticsm of The War
A man further to the right than Emperor Blair, Mr Iain Something-Whatsisface, said he supported the war so long as it was opposed by France and Germany, and invovled British soldiers shooting foreigners.
"Anyone who has any misgivings about the action is probably a pervert and deviant, and is the same sort of person who tried to sell this country down the river of Nazism" said Mr Something-Whatsisface.
Unconfirmed reports indicate Mr Iain-Something-Whatsisface is leader of The Conservative Party and Leader of The Opposition, although the rumors were hotly denied by just about every senior figure within the Conservative Party.
"Iain was elected leader by mistake." said Mr Fatty Clarke, a senior figure within the tobacco industry.
A man from Scotland called Chuckie Bum said something but nobody can remember what it was.
Something I wrote for another online forum. I thought it would be nice if you chaps and chapesses had the benefit of it also. :cool: