One of my favorite pastimes.

1 speak in a thick russian accent
2 act extremely old and repeatedly say "what?"
to pollsters
3 act like a communist

Even though I already have a thread, "100 ways to annoy people" (you might have seen it), I guess phone solicitors are the most fun to annoy, so I guess this deserves its own thread. :)

4. Talk with them normally for a while, then out of nowhere, say in a high-pitched voice, "I ride the short bus to school!"
5. Ask if they're Pizza Hut. When they say no, say, "Okay, I'd like a pepperoni pizza."
6. Say, "Yeah, about that... Can you give me your number, and I'll call you back when you're eating dinner, okay?" They'll probably say, "I'm not allowed to do that." Say, "Oh, you don't like people annoying you with stupid phone calls while you're in the middle of doing something?" "Ummm..." "Well, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!" Then hang up.
7. Answer his/her questions with meows. If he/she gets mad at you, hiss and hang up.
8. When they ask for someone, say in a soft feminine voice, "Please hold," and then start humming the Flinstones theme song. Then, in a deep voice, say, "I'm... um... not here right now, please... um... call me later."
9. Make sure your house, office, whatever is perfectly quiet while talking with the person, and every once in a while shout, "Stop making all that damn racket, you motherf*ckin children!"

10. As you talk to them, gradually move the phone farther from your mouth. They'll hardly be able to hear you, then just before you hang up bring it back and yell goodbye at the top of your lungs.

11. Ask to speak to their manager. Most places they have to do it, and you can have all sorts of fun.

12. If you want to be a phone solicitor, www.sprintrelayonline.com, and I'm not going to say anymore :flamedevi

13. Ask them if you can call them back because you are busy.

14. Ask them if they are satisfied with their life.

15. Walk with your cordless to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and then say they should hold on for a moment.

16. When they dial, let it ring several times, then pick it up. Act like an answering machine ("Hi, we can't come to the phone right now...) and then press a number for a second.

17. Drop the phone down the stairs and scream.

18. When you pick up, press 911. Then yell "Hello I have an emergency!" When they say they are a telemarketer, yell back, "GET THE HELL OF THE PHONE MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!" :D

Sorry, but I thought this deserved its own thread

19. wait until the telemarketer is done talking (which may be a while), the scream at the top of your lungs "F*** OFF"

20. Sit through their speech, grunt when needed, and when they're done...tell them you really weren't paying attention, and ask them if they could start over.

21. Question EVERYTHING. The person's name. The company name. If they're really calling for you. What they're offering. Who's offering it. If they're offering it to you. How much it costs. Who gets the money. Who's paying for it, and so forth.

22. Crank the radio, pretend you're at a party just answering some guy's phone, and keep yelling "What?" at everything they say.

23. Act as if everything they're saying is some kind of secret code for some (wink wink nudge nudge) shady dealings that you're in on.

24. Sound as excited as possible, thank them profusely for calling, tell them how lonely you are and you're soooo glad they're just friendly enough to call strangers, and get to know your new 'friend'

25. Pick up the phone, and before they really get into their speech, ask if they're from the Psychic Network. You've got problems, they're psychic, they should know to call you and help, right?

26. When they're almost done their pitch, say "Hello ... yeah I'm sorry I had to put the phone down to rescue the cat from the aligator, what were you saying?" Repeat as many times as possible with different excuses each time.

27. If offered a credit card, say "yeah my dog's been dying to get one, can you hold on a second." Works even better if you can get the dog to bark into the phone after.

28. If offered a credit card with a low transfer rate, say "Great let me get all my cards." Put the phone down and see how long it takes them to hang up. It ties up your phone line for a little while, but it also ties them up, wasting their time as well.

29. If it's someone collecting for a charity, let them explain the virtues of the charity and then say: "Wow that sounds like worthy cause, how much have you given?" If they actually have given something to the charity, follow it up with "how much of my donation goes to the charity itself, and how much goes to you guys?" If the charity doesn't get 100%, say "Well I'll just give directly to the charity and cut out the middle man. Bye"

30. Similar to 28, but applies in all situations. Let them start their talk and just when they get going, say "Can you hold on a second", put the phone down and walk away for about 5 minutes. If you're lucky, they'll still be there when you come back...you get them going again and then repeat the process.

Actually uncommishioned telemarketers like having the phone put down, it's a good time for a break.

31. Get a conferance call going between you them, and their largest competitor.

32. cuss at them until they hang up

33. wait for them to finish thier speech, then ask if it comes with fries

34. Mumble jibberish so that the cannot understand you, if they ask you to speak up Yell into the phone

35. Pretend that you were waiting for a call and pretend to start rambling on to your closest friend about nothing, and then when they speak, go, "AAHHH! STALKER! SOMEONE CALL 911!"

36. Every time they pause for a response, quote Timmy.

37. Put on a different voice or accent every time you speak.

38. All of a sudden, take the phone away from your mouth and yell "Billy!! How many times do I have to tell you not to play with guns in the house?... No, don't point it at your brother while he's on the bloody carpet".

Don't mean to be a spoil sport, but the people that actually do this **** get blacklisted, and get put into lists to get called at annoying hours, ie dinner time.

And you only make yourselves look like complete morons. The telemarketer hear too much bull**** over the phone, and one more idiot doesn't make a difference.

/insider tip
/ruiner of fun

39. Once somebody called asking for my father, so I started sobbing and yelled "He died in a car crash this morning! What kind of a sick joke is this?"

40. Somebody called trying to sell me carpet cleaner. I asked them in an evil voice: "Does it get out blood?!?!" When they said it did, I asked: "What about GOAT blood? What about CHICKEN blood?"

I just had one call me. I quickly brought up Steven Lynch's "Taxi Driver", and played the end for her, then hung up. Got a good laugh.

Wow. I actually have perfection posting on my thread!:D

41. Say "OHMYGOD! Are you serious!" after every sentence

42. Sing every word at the top of your lungs

43. Repeat every word they say

44. Play a heavy metal song with lots of swearing instead of speaking

45. Rap the answer to all of their questions.
46. Say out of nowhere, "Oh my God, no, I will not make out with you!"
47. Repeat all of their questions before answering. For example:

"Are you interested in switching credit cards?"
"Hmm, am I interested in switching credit cards? Nah, I guess not."
"Well, we have an exciting new offer. Would you like to hear?"
"Hmm, you have an exciting new offer? Would I like to hear? Okay, I guess so."

48. Ask them if they saw certain television shows last night.
49. Say "like" all the time. Example:

"So I'm, like, not, like, interested in your, like, offer. But, like, if you, like, gave me a better, like, reward, than I would, like, maybe accept the, like, deal."

50. In the middle of the conversation, whisper, "I hear stupid people..."

51. Impersonate movie characters

52. Reply to everything with "uno, dos, tres"

53. Speak in foriegn languages

54: Here's one that will DEFINANTLY get the telmarketer to hang up and never call back: ANY time one calls say: "This is the sixth time you have called me today. I'm a lawyer, and I'm sueing you personally. Give me your name and I.D."
:lol:

55: Ask them for every single detail, and when they're finally finished, say "Nope, not interseted", and then hang up.

56: When you pick up the phone, pretend you're a phone sex operator... "You're talking to Candy, and I'm wearing nothing but..." :groucho:

57. In your best game show voice, answer the phone with, "CONGRATULATIONS, you are the one millionth telemarketer to call me! To redeem your award, please SHUT THE F*CK UP AND STOP CALLING ME!"

Originally posted by Fanatix
Wow. I actually have perfection posting on my thread!:D You're unworthy

58. Get your cat to speak to them

Shokan I do all sorts of stuff and they don't call me at meals now. they simply rarely call.

54. put two phones together so they talk to them self (left them tlaking for 3 hours like that once)

55. listen to there sells pitch and then say "thats nice I like the idea will you give me your credit card number to buy with."

56. 55 but tell them they have to talk to yuor parents instead of asking for their credit card.

sorry, my thing loaded page two up blank so my number where wrong

40 and 57 are the best so far.

62 Try to sell them some double glazing

63 Ask if they would be interested in joining your church

64 Hello, hello, hello is anybody there.

65 I'm sorry I appear to have dialed the wrong number.

66 Tell them to "hold on" while you go get your credit card number. But really just leave and go do something else. They'll hang up eventually...

54. say to them in a evil voice "I don't have any friends will you be my friend?"

oops i ment 67 not 54

68. Have a very loud conversation with yourself during the telemarketer's sales pitch.

69. Act retarded on the phone. "Duh, hello, da, how are da, you?"

70. Stutter alot. "HHhhhell...lll...l..ooo. Hhh.....owwww ar....r..r.e ya...ya....ya...you?"

71 make fax answer phone
then the telemarketer obviously gets to hear that really annoying screaching noise or make modem answer in fax mode

72 pick up the phone and hang up quickly.

73Act like a telemarketer yourself

74. Pick up the phone and say, "Al Gore here!!"

75. Once they get through their speil, ask if they want to send money to the cause of your choice. i. e., the Irish Caesar vacation fund.

76. Act overly enthusiastic about everything they say:
Wow! I can get 5.9 percent! Really?! You don't even know me, do you?! That's an incredible offer! How could I possibly pass that one up?! You're amazing, just incredible! Wow! 5.9 percent!

77. Answer the phone by saying:

"Domino's, Tom speaking. Would you like to try our cheesy bread today?"

They will continue on with their sales pitch believe it or not. :confused:

78. say something off topic like, "I am m@sterb@ting right now please call back later."

79. Just don't say anything
(works especially well on a cordless phone)

80. Pretend the telemarketer is God and ask him/her questions about life and existance

81. "Why do you always call me when you want me to do something? How come you never call just to say hello?" Taken from DR Strangelove, best done when acting like drunks.

82. Ask if their country has running water.
83. Ask if they have phone service.
84. Ask his/her name. If he says, for example, "Wendel Levy," say, "Oh my gosh! The Wendel Levy?"
85. When they start talking, say in a snotty accent, "Jeeves, release the hounds!"
86. Try to convince them to buy a product of yours.
87. Say "yes" all the time. Example:

"Hello, we have an exciting new offer! Join J&H phone service now, and get 20% off all night and weekend calls!"
"Yes."
"Excuse me?"
"Ohhh, yeeeesss."
"Would you like to switch over to J&H?"
"Uh-huh, yes. Oh, yes. YEEESSS!"
"Are you okay?"
"YEEESSSSSS."
"So you are interested in our offer."
"Oooh, baby, yes!"
*click*

88. "Do you speak German?" If they say yes, "Are you a Nazi? No? Can you teach me to speak German?"

89. Run a tracer to their company and hire a bunch of thugs to beat up the Telemarketing department

90. Send an electrical shockwave through the phone line

91. Ask the telemarketer to marry you when he/she was only talking for 5 minutes

92. Ask them to please hold, and then put your phone next to a cassete player playing the same "Chipmunks" tune over and over and for good measure electronically raise it by an octave

93. Say random things about your life, such as your address, your birthday, etc.

94. Ask them if Tim Wall is there. When they respond 'no', ask them if there are any Walls there. When they respond 'no' ask them what is holding the roof up.

But what if there is a Tim Wall?

Then ask to talk to him.

Then ask if his fridge is running

And if he says "yes" then say "Go catch it"

Then ask if this is a pohne-sex hotline

Originally posted by Perfection
Then ask if this is a pohne-sex hotline And if they say no, ask why not.

95. Tell them your phone's been disconected.
96. Say that you have a joke for them. Start telling them some story, making it up as you go along, and laughing here and there, then after about ten minutes say you forgot the punchline.
97. "Are you gellin'? *pause* Gellin' like a melon?"
98. Answer with, "HellluhluhluhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
99. "Are you a member of the Klu Klux Klan? No? Hah, that's what they all say... RACIST BIGOT!"

And... Drumroll please...

100. "If there were a phoneline emoticon for 'shut the hell up' I'd be using it right about now."

95. Tell them your phone's been disconected.
Right...and you picked it up.

Originally posted by hbdragon88
Right...and you picked it up. :confused: Um, that's the point...

101 - Two words: Show Tunes. Quick, easy, annoying.

Now that we have at least 100 ways, I'd like to say something. I am a phone solicitor.

Now that we have at least 100 ways, I'd like to say something. I am a phone solicitor.

Haw Haw!

Originally posted by Fanatix
Now that we have at least 100 ways, I'd like to say something. I am a phone solicitor. I'm sorry, I can't talk to you anymore. My, um, Internet's been disconnected.

;)

102: If it's a female, just ask her out, and say women never call you, and then begin a sobbing story about that you never knew true love and such :)

Originally posted by WillJ
6. Say, "Yeah, about that... Can you give me your number, and I'll call you back when you're eating dinner, okay?" They'll probably say, "I'm not allowed to do that." Say, "Oh, you don't like people annoying you with stupid phone calls while you're in the middle of doing something?" "Ummm..." "Well, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!" Then hang up.


I tried that.. he began too give me his addreess!

Tell them that you called a pay phone and that because the pay phone was ringing, you had to pick it up. Then tell him that you're in a hurry to get to the supermarket before the rush-hour shopping traffic starts.

Quote pi to the 100th decimal place

What, you mean 24765756367587574.958547.i858575858400040? :eek:

Tell them you are fro
m some foreign made up country (e.g yugoslamov) "If you do not stop calling me at this number I shall send forth my armies and kick your ASS!!!!!!"
Did this and it worked :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ask, in very halting, accented English (or whatever the language spoken where you are): "Can you please tell more slowly? I am only in this country for few months and the English she are not too good today." Keep asking for repeats and explanations of all but the most simple words. Be apologetic about it, keep mumbling in a foreign language (or gibberish, if you don't speak a foreign language), and drag the conversation out.

If they ask where you are from, give them the name of a real but obscure country (Paraquay, Botswana or Bhutan, for example) so they can't get you into a conversation about that.

Or say Canada ;)

I'm not really a phone solicitor, just messin' with you

say everything really slowly for 5 mins( if they're on for that long )
then talk chipmunk style
:viking:

:viking:

:viking:

scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! and then say I finaly got this phone working to call someone off this island to come rescue me and i don't have enough battery power for another call. then tell him where your at and tell him to hurry cause you ran out of food and you are all going to have to resort to canabilism, if there are people in the room with you have them start scream and pretending to kill you.

Try this (http://www.callcentrevoice.com/ccv/ccvthread.asp?forumid=6&threadid=2295)

:lol: That's hillarious. :lol:

ammatures..........the "i dont speak english" or "my parents are not home" will work.

Originally posted by Penguin Glory
Try this (http://www.callcentrevoice.com/ccv/ccvthread.asp?forumid=6&threadid=2295) :lol:

If AT&T calls you:

You: Hello?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.
You: Oh, OK. Say, I have Alzhiemers, so I might forget stuff. Is that okay?
AT&T: Uh, sure, I guess...
You: You guess what?
AT&T: That it's okay that you have Alzhiemers.
You: Why wouldn't it be?
AT&T: Never mind.
You: Who is this?
AT&T: AT&T.
You: Oh, that's right. You're a phone company, right?
AT&T: Yes, that's right.
You: But I don't really need more than one phone.
AT&T: Of course. But I'm calling about...
You: Hello?
AT&T: Yes?
You: Who are you? Speak up, boy!
AT&T: Is this a joke?
You: Is what a joke?
AT&T: What you're doing to me.
You: What have I been doing?
AT&T: Um, *pause*... You recently discontinued your calling plan with us. Would you like to renew it?
You: What calling plan?
AT&T: Well, *explains calling plan*
You: No, thanks.
AT&T: Why not?
You: Why not what? *to person in the background* Honey, can you wait a minute? I'm talking with Bellsouth!
AT&T: AT&T.
You: What about AT&T?
AT&T: We're AT&T, not Bellsouth.
You: Is this George?
*click*

Wipe their seed from the earth...

Originally posted by Fanatix


53. Speak in foriegn languages

I prefer Russian for this purpose. Unfortunately, they don't call anymore!!! :(

Originally posted by Bose
Quote pi to the 100th decimal place

Sad to say, I've actually done that before (to the 150th decimal place)

pretend to be gollum. be like "yes precious, we hates him, we hates the telemarketer" if the telemarketer says "excuse me" say "i'm trying to have a conversation!" etc.

Here's what I do now, I just act like I'm interested but whenever they say start to say something I give them a beep from the phone pad. Then deny hearing such noise

Don't mean to be a spoil sport, but the people that actually do this **** get blacklisted, and get put into lists to get called at annoying hours, ie dinner time.

And you only make yourselves look like complete morons. The telemarketer hear too much bull**** over the phone, and one more idiot doesn't make a difference.

/insider tip
/ruiner of fun

but it's so much fun. maybe the callers are getting a little laugh, too. they do doubt could use one with a sucka** job like that.

Shout "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" at the top of your lungs.

Speak entirely in Esperanto.

Get a sheet of paper, start crinkling it, and then shout that you're losing reception.

117. Tell him that you're watching him and he should check the children.

118.
Tell them You don't have a phone

119. Speak in an Indian accent.

120. Read from the Quran

121. Call them 8 years later.

Ask them who they want to speak to. Then tell them they died yesterday and why are they tormenting you? You might (not a guarantee) get taken off their list.

My only good one was when the credit cards were offering their protection plans to make the minimum payments if you became disabled. When I got the call, my answer was, "Let me get this straight. You want me to pay you so I have the peace of mind of knowing you're protected if I become disabled and go bankrupt. I know it's a great deal for you . . ."

122: Take the phone to the computer, go to this youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrmPehlHK3w), and turn it as loud as possible/as loud as you can before your ears start to hurt. Continue phone conversation as if nothing is unusual.

123. Hold them on the phone for as long as possible. When they ask for the man of the household or something like that tell them to wait and then set the phone down for 5 minutes. Pick it up afterwards and tell them to wait a minute. Repeat several times until they hang up.

124 just ask them if they have this checkbox that says "don't call this person ever again".
If so, let them check it and hang up.

125.Tell them your sister's phone number and say they should call her instead

126. Breathe heavily but say nothing.

127: Say "look. I've been forced to hide from Candleja-" and then end the call.

128. Tell him you went to BU