A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that read £50.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first ... that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes he says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room, and waited for it to say something. The bird carefully looked around the room, then it looked at her and said, "New house ... new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the parrot looked at both of them, and said, "New house ... new madam ... new hookers."
The girls were at first a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the whole situation.
She then began to think about how to explain this to Keith, her husband. Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. Before he had time to close the door, the bird took one look at him and said, "Hi Keith."

:lol: Good one!

Pls post something more substantive than smiley-only responses. Thanks.

That was an excellent joke. While it was a little long, it was still excellent, and maybe would have been exceeded by an oral presentation. The two lines before the punch line ("New Madam" and "New Hookers") created the perfect number of 3 jokes in total, the third being the punch line. While I was a little confused at the original pricing of the bird - 50 pounds to me seems like a fair price for an animal, but I'm not British - such aspects of a joke are irrelevant, and are often changed in the morphing history of such jokes. In fact, the original price may have been wholly different then the said price in this retelling of said joke.

Overall I'd find the joke top of the line. Its only shortcoming is that it is too dirty to be told to children but not dirty enough to be classified as a dirty joke. Therefore it falls in the odd gray area of semi-dirty joke.

[How's that XIII? :p :lol:]

yes what cgannon (whoms post werent deleted) said amd with sugar on top and stuff.... But I do think that 50£ is a bit steep for a bird...
The end was pretty good but i was disturbed by the "When her two teenage daughters returned from school the parrot looked at both of them, and said, New house ... new madam ... new hookers." are there so many teenage girls in brothels nowdays? What has the world gone to? What can we do to stop the trend? Is it the money spending by teenage girls that make them go to such drastic moves like prostituting theirselves? Most tenage girls are underage also! And I bet that the last owners dindn't have a licence to do such things as they did, and that is a growing problem, especcially in Asia but also in Europe and the States but its a bad thing that middleaged men goes from Europe and america to Asia for a bit of underage flesh and what about......


I think my first post was better

Original post:
:rotfl:

Liked that better

Very funny, guys; are you looking for an all-expense unpaid holiday to beyond the confines of CFC (and no return ticket for the duration) for some time? :hammer: :p

The Humor/Jokes forum is not an excuse to spam smiley-only posts. Maybe asking for a PCR will be easier... :evil:

While I don't like to disrespect the site authority (I like being able to post :mischief: ), what's wrong with only saying ":rotfl:" in the Humor and Jokes forum (especially when it's a really good joke)? What else are you supposed to say? Are you supposed to say nothing? Then all the joke threads would just be pushed on down the forum page. Or is "Good one" considered better than ":lol:" for some reason?

Would you prefer the 'Perfection manoevur' then to take place in Humor/Jokes? By a few posters everyday?

Then you'll get all the fun from digging thru mountains of :lol: before finding the joke itself... :p

If you have nothing better to add than :lol: then don't say anything. Keeps the forum in good order, for everybody's easy viewing. ;)

@cgannon64: that 2nd post of yours made me laugh more than the joke!

That reminds me of a funny picture (I wouldn't dare to post of course) of a couple having fun on bed, while the parrot is yelling "oh yeah Roger, come on Robert, deeper Brad, etc..." :D

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is "Do you have a condom?" and Donald says "No".
Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex but suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk. Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms.

The clerk says "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald. The clerk asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?" and Donald says, "NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF PERVERT?"

hurricane your joke is well... disturbing

BUT FUNNY :goodjob: :lol::rotfl::lol:

very funny, btw, this is the humor and jokes forum in the imortal words of Bose [i'm pretty sure that's who it is], "lighten up, it's only an internet forum"

Originally posted by XIII
Would you prefer the 'Perfection manoevur' then to take place in Humor/Jokes? By a few posters everyday?

Then you'll get all the fun from digging thru mountains of :lol: before finding the joke itself... :p

If you have nothing better to add than :lol: then don't say anything. Keeps the forum in good order, for everybody's easy viewing. ;) Hee hee, I remember the "Perfection Manuever", got me banned for a week it did! But heck it was worth seeing an entire page with "last post by Perfection" on it.

Good times, good times. :p

A related joke that kept on being repeated in a UK FM radio station in 2002:

A middle-aged man travelling to London from the provinces thought he's have some well deserved "relaxation" in his hotel room and rang an escort service. Rubbing his hands in anticipation when the receptionist announced the arrival of the escort, he opened the door when the knock came:

"Susan!"
"Dad."

:lol: that was a great one.

:lol: Very funny

What's the Perfection manuever?

Originally posted by Lord Draegon
What's the Perfection manuever?

Presumably posting smilie responses till he had an entire page in the sub-forum that showed his dogtag as the 'last poster'.


Better to have a generic, written response and copy & paste it to every single thread :D

1st and 3rd were best. A pity the "Perfection Maneuver" is already used.

And before I forget:

:lol:

A man stops a woman in the street and asks, 'would you have sex with me for £1000000?' The woman thinks for a while and at length responds, 'Yes, yes I would.' 'Right,' the man says, 'How about for £10? 'No I would not!,' replies the woman. 'What sort of woman do you think I am?' 'We've already established what sort of woman you are;' says the man, 'now we're just haggling over the price.'

now THAT is funny! :lol:

I bet that guy got a kick in the groin. :lol:

A man approaches what looks like a woman of the night and asks,"Would you accept $10,000?"

Yes," says the woman.

"OK," he says "Now will you accept $10?"

"Of course not," she says "what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"Well, having found out what kind of woman you are," he says "I'm just trying to fix the price."

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a
park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

:lol:

Though it is a bit disturbed with the 22 year old man and an old lady. How old are we talking here?

Achinz is exactly the same as John Bull's but with with different words. I prefer John Bull's.

OK to make amends, another one:

Four insurance companies decide to amalgamate into one super company and they ask the Heraldry Guild to design a company crest that would reflect each of the constituent companies.

The finished work is finally displayed to the directors and showed a shield with 4 quardrants. Each of these showed a double bed occupied by a couple.

"What's this?" asks the Chairman. "How does this show the identity of the original companies?"

"Quite simple," was the reply. "The first quarter shows a man in bed with his wife. That's Legal and General.

"The second quarter shows a man in bed with his fiancee. That's Mutual Trust.

"The third quarter shows a man in bed with his secretary. That's Employers Liability.

"The fourth quarter shows a man in bed with a prostitute. That's Commercial Union."