From the WordPerfect Help Desk

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That is hilarious. I have had my own bad experiences with talking to computer technicians and the like over the phone.

:lol: Gee, I wonder why he got fired

:lol: That's pretty funny!

You gotta admit that the caller probably was too stupid to own a computer, but you just can't tell that to the person who you called you asking for assistance.

Personally, I think the employee is too stupid to own a computer since he can't seem to figure out why he got fired.

Seen it. Did'nt think it was true though;)

Arrogance of computer geeks is always funny ;)

From http://www.dbooth.net/internerd/ts.shtm :


Notice: NEW TECH SUPPORT FEES BY INCIDENT: All future Tech Support requests will be charged according to the following Fees Chart:

* Calling me with a question - $10
* Calling me with a stupid question - $20
* Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $30
* Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description - $200 + punitive damages
* Questions received via phone without first trying help desk - $10
* Questions where answer is in the user's manual - $100
* Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once - $100
* Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow - $200
* Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $5/step
* Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile+gas
* If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem - $45/hr
* If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $50/hr
* If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr
* If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that I'm currently working on - $70/hr
* If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday - $75/hr
* If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never actually did fix - $85/hr
* If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn't work - $95/hr
* If you're bugging me while there's someone else in the room who could have done it for you - $150/hr
* Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone - $1500
* Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. - $1700
* Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home - $500
* Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do - $150
* Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do - $300
* Not telling all of your co-workers about it - $850
* Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive - $50
* AFTER I order your replacement hard drive - $250
* Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad - $25
* Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees - $35
* Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50
* Fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge - $35
* Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button - $250
* Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on - $200
* Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet transciver back in - $375
* Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentially yanked out on Friday afternoon when the 'real' sys-admin has just left for a two week vacation - $400
* Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in - $50
* Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there - $10
* Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server - $500
* Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger - $25
* Changing memory partitions without informing me first - $50
* Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first - $100 per program
* Technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour (regardless of whether I know the program or not )
* Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of keyboard
* Spilling coke on monitor - $50 plus cost of monitor
* Spilling coke on CPU - $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
* Leaving a machine without logging off first- $10 per hour
* Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve - $50 plus cost of shirt sleeve, and Coke used to provide spit
* Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus - $25
* Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me to do!" - $40
* Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind." - $35 (including discount for polite apology)
* Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software - $25
* Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests - $45
* Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line - $55
* Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response - $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
* Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points - $15
* If I made the sign - $45
* If I made the sign with handwritten letters - $90
* If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the front of the monitor - $75
* Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Internet Explorer/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem - $25
* Reporting it more than once - $50
* Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support's inability to solve problem - $200
* Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help - $100/hour
* Dealing with computer hobbiests - $125/hour
* Questioning the other prices on the list - $50

:lol: That's funny! But I don't see why one should get fired for saying that if the other person deserves it.

LOL. how could someone be so stupid.

Didn't TF post this in the Nonsense Tavern?