WARNING: this is a slightly humorous thread, at least, one would hope. Therefore if your satire gland is impaired please do not read any further. Headaches, weight gain, and even fatalities may result.

So everyone's wondering, "If WMD wasn't the answer, why DID we invade Iraq?" Yes we know Saddam was a brutal dictator and was overfond of croissants, but what was the REAL reason? :p

Let's do some group brainstorming here! Contribute your own theories. But remember, they have to be wacky and in a Letterman Top Ten format...

My own top 10 [you don't have to contribute 10 ;)]:

David Letterman's Top 10
REASONS WE INVADED IRAQ

No I'm not David Letterman. Please don't sue me for copyright infringement! Pretty please?

1. The French said not to. In sexy breathy voices! You know what that means...
2. The final decision to invade was reached by a 2/3 majority of the voices in Attorney General Ashcroft's head.
3. Saddam uses a Mac.
4. Oil! Oil, you fool! YEEEEEAAARGH!
5. It wasn't really an invasion, just a bad Hollywood action movie gone way over budget. Happens every year.
6. It was a slow news day! Whattaya gonna do?
7. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
8. Osama 911 Saddam! Osama 911 Saddam! Osama...
9. Iraq was about to implement universal healthcare.
10. We couldn't wait to use our new moustache-seeking missile!

11. To protect the freedoms of an oppressed people...

I see Perfection's satire gland is dead. ;)

12. so we could kill the british and blame it on friendly fire.
13. to test out our cool new military gadgets

14. Palace parties.

1.Because it was there.
2.Because it was still there a bit later on.
3.Because it was persistently and willfuly there and- dammit- how much of that sort of **** are we supposed to take?
4.I don't believe it- its still there!

Because he tried to kill my pappy!

15. Who cares? The important thing is, with all those dudes over in Iraq, it just means more babes for us here at home! And Bush lowered my taxes too! Gotta love this guy!

15. for reasourses, not oil, but dirt, rocks, and scrubby grass all vital to our industrial economy (also the reason we invaded afganistan.)

Ahem. You have to do this in Top 10 format, which means you need to propose 10 at a time numbered 1-10. (or 10-1, Lettermen goes from larger to smaller).

16. Because the Germans disagreed for once on a war, and we just had to take advantage of that chance.

bah! a humerous thread needs no rules!

We invaded Iraq because Saddam had gotten copies of Bush's SAT scores!:p

because sadaam messed with texas

From the less inspired to the craziest my poor brain was able to find : :)


17. Because a President needs outside ennemies to get elected.

18. Because he wanted to help the EU to find a reason to build up its own military.

19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.

20. Because Saddam is the secret son of Eva B. and Adolf H.

21. Because there's no oil on Mars.

22. Because, from a Texan, attacking Mexico would sound too gross.

23. Because it was a way to fight gays since Saddam is Chirac's secret lover.

24. Because Bush wanted to get some purebred arabic horses free for his ranch.

25. Because he wanted to support the cigarette industry with images of GI's smoking camels.

26. Because we're actually in the Matrix and it's a diversion from the architect to avoid us to find it out.

17. it was on the axis of evil, next target for invasion: Dick Cheney.

17. He was being unpatriotic.
18. He voted for Gore.
19. You mean...that WASN'T Jacque Chirac? Oops...

Originally posted by Marla_Singer
[B]
19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.


Nice reference! :thumbsup: (Unless I'm mistaken.

D'oh, got to renumber.

Originally posted by Marla_Singer

19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.

IF you mean the Whine Industry then you are correct.

Edit: Damn format.

1. Let's put this in biblical terms. Saddam will play Moses, since he looks like Moses with the beard. Bush will play God, since God came to Moses in terms of a burning Bush. Saddam's sons would be the people Moses led.
**God told Moses to bring his people out of Babylon to a land of Enduring Freedom. Moses said no, so God smight him. Now God's people will have eight days worth of oil instead of just one.

:D Stratego funny :goodjob: :king:

#110 Civilisation 3: Conquests wasn't out :confused: what's a guy to do?

And the best of them all:

- He got bored.

Because the US hadn't had a war for, oooh, months....

Well, it was round about the tenth anniversary of the first time, and it just sort of snowballed from there...

It was part of Saddam's new reality show, Joe Dictator...

You know how it is when you have a pile of fancy weapons, and a bit of time on your hands...

5. To mush military to little to do.
4. The only way to get thous southern citizens to go abroad.
3. To mush Spam from Saddam
2. Any good action needs a sequel!
1. Iraq, ops my mistake, I ment IRAN

1. Because there's nothin like the smell of crispy, blood-soaked things in the morning.:mischief:

Practise for when a real threat shows up, perhaps....

10) Because he relished the oppurtunity to use WDMs of his own, but, well, gee, his own troops conquered the country far too quickly.

9) It was only a joke... some people just have no sense of humour at all.

8) The joke was on Tony Blaire... he went to war for no reason at all. Mwuhahaha.

7) Because Afghanistan had already been done.

6) Because Bush had decided to leave Korea for next year.

5) Because he wanted to show up his old man

4) Because he wanted to prove once and for all that his guns were better than Saddam's guns.

3) Oh, you guys meant Iran? With an N? Ah well, only one country off.

2) Because the U.S. got in on the colonisation game a century too late. Well, better late than never...

1) Because Saddam was having so much trouble killing all his own people, called Bush for reinforcements to help.

edit: Sorry, vonork, I missed your post first time around - i had the same idea on 3 :)

Threads, with humor content, shld be in Humor forum. :rolleyes: Moved...

My Top Ten(definitely not as good as Pontiuth's)

10. Negotiation times were over.

9. Saddam might have given oil to the French.

8. The Iraqi people need a country with destroyed infrastructure, no government, no electricity or necessities.

7. Setting an example for those upstart Frenchmen.

6. Bush was getting angry with people making fun of his stupididty, took it out on Iraq.

5. War is a great stress reliever when the economy is down.

4. Gotta have those SUV's.

3. Bush Administration had to milk 9/11 for all it was worth.

2. Bush wanted to let Bush Sr. Meet his best friend Saddam one more time.

1. Why? Why Not?

10- That is where the dart landed when I threw it

9- Just for the fun of it

8- Me and Saddam had a bet, whoevers country could beat the others in the war win

7- Hilarious footage of Saddam getting examined

6- I don't know why we went in either, ask Rumsfeld

5- So that we could completly surround Iran. Up next: Turkmenistan

4- The troops could use a vacation to someplace warm

3- That catchy song, Come to Iraq, we've got lions. What? You mean that is supposed to be Kenya? Oops, my mistake.

2- Bush is a nut

1- The French kept calling it Irak, I just had to find out for myself.

- Laura had a headache three nights in a row. :eek:

- Because Crawford Texas just wasn't hot and dusty enough.

- He didn't want to spend another Thanksgiving with his Mom and Dad.

- "Hey, it'll be a snap. There's no caves to hide in, so we'll mop everything up realy quick."

- Donald Rumsfeld: "The Iraqis are afraid of our Modern Armor." (Civ3 reference)

- "The Democrats couldn't possibly run on an anti-democracy platform."

- To get Howard Dean as his opponent.

- "With 25 million people, just think of all the electoral votes they'll get. And they'll all love me!"

- He thought that statue of Saddam was really tacky and it had to go.

- To make the world forget about how bad Ariel Sharon is. ;) j/k of course.

- To export the Montreal Expos to Baghdad.

- To make up for Reagan's accidental click of "We give Chemical Weapons Tech to Iraq as a gesture of our goodwill". Another Civ3 reference.

- Just to see if Chirac's face would explode.

- To do something that Clinton wasn't man enough to do.

- To see how big a noise the MOAB really makes.

- To win a Nobel Peace Prize. ( he was nominated, though)

- To get rid of those pesky sanctions, so all the Iraqi kids can wear Nikes and drink Cokes. And work for 15 cents an hour making those products.

- He was tired of all the adoration.

- He thought the Republican Guard was some US troops being held hostage by Saddam.

-China was catching up in histograph....had to get some more territory and resources.(Civ3)
-Just wanted to piss off the French AND make them feel impotent.;)
-Texaco and Amoco shares were dropping
-Al Qaeda did'nt have enough reasons to flame up Middle East opinion
-All those American jobs going to India and China...needed to get some heat off that.

one word:Aliens

edit:Iwasn't in a craetive mood so I forgot to put the whole thing, but here it is The aliens wanted some laughs