Fill in your own... Apparently, I dont know how to make these jokes, so... yeah...

How many Civ players would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A trick question/answer:

An infinite number as the light fitting is the bayonet type, the most prevalent type in this region :)

How many Irishmen would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to hold the bulb, plus 1000 to turn the building round.

Originally posted by Pariah
How many Irishmen would it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to hold the bulb, plus 1000 to turn the building round.
This reminds of a similar joke you can use to knock any group's intelligence:
How many whatevers does it take to paint a building?
Three. One to hold the spray can and two to shake the building up and down...

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Irrelevent. Racists have always been in the dark.

How many Forty-Twoists does it take to change a lightbulb? (I'm pretty sure nobody here knows what a Forty-Twoist is, so if you didn't get the joke, PM me.)

Nobody knows. An unknown number of people arguing the subject, for then praying, meditating, etc. to get an answer, fail, argue why they failed, all in the dark. In the end the mother of one of them changes it.

How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two, but don't ask me how they get in there.... :crazyeye:

How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but the whole Collective would be aware of it.

How many computer geeks does it take to change that famous lightbulb?

None. My screen provides all the light I need.

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=57599

Google search for lightbulb jokes. (http://www.google.com/search?q=lightbulb+jokes&btnG=Google+Search&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8)

My favorites(from this source) (http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html) :

Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to insist that the bulb was lit when the
screwing began.
A: Nine-four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures
of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the
new bulb to let the room stay dark.

Q: How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before
it was lit up.

(from this source) (http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html)

How many Californians does it take...?
- 1 to change the bulb, and 4 more to share the experience.

How many Oregonians does it take...?
- 1 to change the bulb, and 5 to keep away the Californians who have come to share the experience.

This is Star Fox joke, so unless you play Star Fox you won't get it.

Q-How many Slippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A-2. One to change, another to be chased by the bad guys.

(I find it funny)

How many bums do it take to screw in a light-bulb?

7,000. 4,000 to save up the money to by the lightbuild. 2,000 to decide how to screw in the light bulb. 999 to be lazy and take credit for the others work. 1 to point out they have no light to screw the light-bulb into.

How many nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, another to shoot the first one and take credit for it.

Q: How many Yu-gi-oh characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? (For those that don't know, yu-gi-oh is a stupid anime show)

A: 6. One to actually screw in the lightbulb, 1 to explain the history of the light bulb, and 4 more to cheer the first one on.

Q: How many Dragonball characters (another stupid anime show) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes him 5 damn episodes.

Q: How many Cardcaptor Sakura (It's not that stupid) characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, because they're smart. :p

these are worse than knock knock jokes

How many people doesit taketo screw in a lightbulb?
1




:rolleyes:

Q: How many Dragonball characters (another stupid anime show) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes him 5 damn episodes.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
The only place where a couple of minutes lasts a couple of hours.

A twist on the joke:
How many lightbulbs does it take for my younger brother to finally screw in one successfully?

How many NCOs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3
1 to lead the operation, 1 to be his 2IC (2nd in command), and one to do the actual work.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

3. 1 to change the bulb, and 2 to blame the Democrats for the previous bulb burning out.


How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

89. 1 representative from each special-interest group.


How many moderates does it take to change a light bulb?

Infinity. They're afraid to turn it to the left or right. :crazyeye:

"How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

hehehe, screw.

How many policemen.....
9
1 stands on a table holding a lighbulb.
4 walk around the table in a cirle, holding it, and turning it in one direction
4 others walk around the table in the opposite direction so that the one in the middle doesn't feel dizzy.
(i'm bad in translating jokes :( )

Someone came up with this joke before I thought of it:

Q: How many games machine programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: One, but he needs the seal of approval from Nintendo before he can put his light-bulb in THEIR socket.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

how many men does it take to screw a lightbulb???

only 1, cuz men will screw n e thing

How many wolves does it take to change a lightbulb?
12: 1 to turn it off, 1 to unscrew it, 1 to insert the new one, 1 to take the old one away, and 8 to look at the new bulb work.

How many hunters does it take to change a bulb?
One, but first he has to steal it from the wolves, and when a wolf tries to take it back, the hunter kills it, claiming that the bulb was his.

How many dyslexics does it change to take a lightbulb?

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb.

1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

8 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

2 to point out spelling or grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

5 to flame the spell checkers.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...

...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp."

1 know-it-all who claims he was in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

5 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum

7 to ask why the light bulb needed changing in the first place.

4 to explain how light bulbs burn out.

1 to say "it was Clinton's fault."

9 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post corrected URLs.

3 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too."

2 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

5 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three."

4 to suggest that posters request a light bulb FAQ.

2 to ask "what is an FAQ?"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

6 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs."

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Topic closed? :D
I've read this one a long time ago.
and it is "light bulb" .... :)

How many Irishmen would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to hold the bulb, plus 1000 to turn the building round.


I heard that it went "it takes 15: 1 to hold the lightbulb and 14 to drink until the room starts spinning"

Q: How many hardcore Civvers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. The light from my screen is enough. (<-- posted that before, but in a different guise)
A2: 1, but he/she's from OT.

Edit: Removed the "Lightbulbs don't exist in Civ" thing

Q: How many hardcore Civvers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. Lightbulbs don't exist in Civ.

Obviously, you've never researched sceintific method! :p

You mean Electronics? :p

You mean Electronics? :p
Ahem, are we all forgetting that Civ1 reserch was measured in lightbulbs? :rolleyes:

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask how they got there.

;)

YNCS... That was... GENIUS

Q. How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


A. Wanna go ride bikes?

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.

How many Soviets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5

1 to steal an AMerican bulb,
1 to re-design it into a new Russian Bulb,
1 to die heroicly in an accident while changing the bulb,
1 to ensure that the project remains a secret from the evil capitalists,
and 1 to execute everyone involved in "operation lightbulb," and deny it's existance.

How many chickens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2

1 to screw in the lightbulb
and 1 to get to the other side

Perhaps a little obscure, but . . .

How many University of Notre Dame students does it take?
5
2 to form an intramural light bulb-changing league, and 3 to sit around watching and getting drunk.

How many Mormons does it take?
7
1 to conduct the music, 2 to give talks about changing light bulbs, 3 to bring refreshments, and 1 to change it.

How many lawyers does it takes to change a lightbulb?

6

One to sue the company who made the lightbulb for letting it burn out.

One to defend the company.

One to watch the back of the guy changing the lightbulb and to sue him since he doesn't do it fast enough.

One to defend the guy.

One to sue anybody who thinks this is way too much fuss just for changing one stupid lightbulb.

One to sue anybody who laughs at this joke.

The Person: LOOL!

Longasc, watch out, there's a lawyer around that corner! :)

Longasc, watch out, there's a lawyer around that corner! :)
Ya know, Leftie's a retired lawyer... so's my uncle, who i influenced to lurk the fora
THat joke was hilarious.... it really was http://forums.civfanatics.com/images/icons/icon15.gif

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2: 1 to screw it almost all the way in, and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many MicroSoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

- Bill Gates to give the order,
- 3 or more executives to countersign, copy, lose, redraft and pass on the order,
- a dozen middle managers to figure out which bulb need changing,
- 10 workmen to set up the ladder and accident-cleanup kits, then isolate said bulb and socket from the mains, in accordance with the safety laws,
- 2 corporate lawyers to advise the managers on a possible defence in case the man doing the job is injured and sues MicroSoft,
- a single workman to climb the ladder, unscrew the bulb and install the replacement...
- untold thousands of software engineers to design a utilities-management system which will automatically identify defective lightbulbs anywhere in a giant office block, and secretly feed bulbs excess current to hasten their failure, thereby forcing consumers to buy MORE and MORE bulbs from Bill Gates' new lightbulb manufacturing division.

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to for each.

How many FBI agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION.

Q: How many longtime Civilization players does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he keeps on insisting on one more turn.

How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.


How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.


How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.


How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.


How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.


How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ve are asking ze qeestions here!


How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.


How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.


I'll post some more if I can think of any...

A few thousand lightbulb jokes:
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html

How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
Anymore? They didn't have any to start with.

How many aliens does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to try to figure out how it's done, one breathing the first one in its back make it hurry up, one to abduct anybody who comes too close, and one to protect their flying saucer so that the local kids won't steal it.

A few thousand lightbulb jokes:
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html


hmmmm......eyrei-as in a certain mod?

Considering it was spelt "eyrie", and not "Eyrei", not likely.

How many Soviets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5

1 to steal an AMerican bulb,
1 to re-design it into a new Russian Bulb,
1 to die heroicly in an accident while changing the bulb,
1 to ensure that the project remains a secret from the evil capitalists,
and 1 to execute everyone involved in "operation lightbulb," and deny it's existance.

Thats so stereotypical. I mean US did nuke Japan and we were afraid that if we won the space race Americans would be sore losers and nuke us.

Thats so stereotypical. I mean US did nuke Japan and we were afraid that if we won the space race Americans would be sore losers and nuke us.

Actually, the 'stealing a bulb' part was taken from a certain 'Soviet' bomber that was actually an American one that was stolen and then perfectly copied. The rudder pedals even still had the name of the original manufacturer on them!

And, of course, the one who dies installing it is a reference to K-19.

* How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb? Thirteen - One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.

* How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.

* How many Boston College students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Seven - one to change the lightbulb and six to throw a party because they didn't screw it in upside down this time.

* How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change the bulb and three to check his math homework.

* How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chair lift back to school, and one to screw it in.

* How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

* How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.

* How many CMU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call MIT to see how they did it, one to screw it in, and one to take the credit.

* How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six - one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

* How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - Hanover doesn't have electricity. OR - Twenty. One to hold the lightbulb in place and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

* How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

* How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

* How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole frat - but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.

* How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four - one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.

* How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

* How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

* How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer code that controls the wall switch.

* How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - she calls a Smithie to do it.

* How many NYU students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to call the NYU technician (who never arrives), one to actually do it, and another to write in the school newspaper decrying NYU bureaucracy.

* How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

* How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one - but he gets six credits for it.

* How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

* How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks.

* How many Santa Clara University students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get press for changing their lightbulbs.

* How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

* How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb? One - all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.

* How many Stanford students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, dude.

How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.

* How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change it and one to say loudly that he did it as good as any Ivy League student.

* How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven - one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.

* How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb? Wesleyan's boycotting GE ...you know, military-industrial complex and all that.

* How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole student body - when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.

* How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None - New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

One - He stands up, holding the lightbulb, and waits for the whole world to turn around him.

How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

2 304, and 33 764 872 dollars; at least according the Department of Public Works.

How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many computer programers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm sorry, but that's proprietary information.

How many Xerox Company managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the Vice President that everything possible is being done to remedy the unfortunate situation, and the other to screw the light bulb into a faucet.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!

How many soul fans does it take to change a light bulb

Three. One to change it and the other two to talk about how they preferred the original.

Q: How many Ohioans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't know for sure, they're still counting.

This is for star wars fans ;)

How many Correllians would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, u can't see them cheat at Sabacc in the dark!

How many French people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4
1 to run around screaming
1 to build a defensvie barrier facing away from it
1 to surrender to the light bulb
and another to call the Americans to come screw it in for them.

No offence to French.

How many Objectivists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. It is neither rational or reasonable to procreate in a small glass orb. Ayn Rand wrote in one of her brilliant essays A Moritorium on Sex in Glass Orbs, "Procreation is a by-product of productive work, not its goal. A sexual couple is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to procreate in a light bulb".

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to doubt the existence of the bulb, and one to
question the need to change it since we are all destined to
die anyway.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial
one of their subordinates to actually change it.

How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?

None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?

How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

- None. The invisible hand does it.

- None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for
illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the
lightbulb lighting up again."

- None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting
brighter !!!

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they only screw the poor.

How many mystery writers does it take4 to screw in a lighbbulb?
2. 1 to screw it 3/4 of the way in, and one to give it a final twist at the end.

How many freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to screw in the lightbulb and 1 to hold the penis....I mean ladder

(*) How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?

10,000.
10,000?
Yeah man, it's in the f-ing contract!


(*) How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer A: None, they assign the job to a Gastarbeiter!
Answer B: 'Ve azk here ze Kwestienz!'

i maybe really dumb can some one tell me how to up load my flags to this thread

wrong thread sorry

Carlos: Gatzarbeiter?

@nonconformist
Gastarbeiter = foreign worker ("guest worker" if directly translated).


How many clones would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but you need a huge laboratory and millions in investment to invent cloning technology. Not to mention the time needed to fend off angry christians.


How many monkeys would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1000, but they need to invent lightbulbs first.

How many cardinals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter, they won't do anything until they see a sign from god.

-or-

They won't, because God is clearly punishing the lightbulb for some sin.

Carlos: Gatzarbeiter?


see theperson's post:
Germany at a time in the 60s had overemployment: there were e.g. not enough workers to build raods as fast as necessary. Thus our enlightened government invited 'guest workers' from mostly Italy, later also Spain and Turkey, to come work in Germany for a few years. Surprise surprise, they stayed for decades and their kid grew up here. And wanted to stay...... No wonder my home town has 19% inhabitants w/o a German passport and another 12 who were born off parents without a German passport. We have become an immigration country long ago.

Being rather uneducated, usually, and lacking good knowledge (or any knowledge) of German, the Gastarbeiter usually found 'lowly' jobs - thus the joke!

How many popes does it take to screw a light bulb?

One, and 15 others to take his name in honor of the great deed...

One, but the bulb must have performed a miracle...

One, and ordained by God the bulb will stay screwed forever...

A sort of related joke (I got this one from CSI):

When a regular guy sees a lightbulb go out, he changes it.

When a Catholic sees a lightbulb go out, he ask 'why? what have I done?'.

Q: How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to screw it in, and one not to screw it in, thus maintaining the balance between the forces of nature.

How many crazy people does it take to scre in a light bulb?

80 kajillion. 1 to screw it in, and the other not-1 people to argue about how kajillion isn't a real number term