Inspired by a remark by sharpe in a different thread, what is your favourite clever insult?
Like sharpe's example: "I'll be sober in the morning but you will still be ugly."

:D

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=90152

there's already a thread like this in the H&J forum. ;)

Argh! I never visit that forum...

Well I guess this thread's days are numbered... I can feel the mods circling around the carcass like vultures preparing for a feast of helpless bits.

Nah, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for the Churchillian twist - those are more crude and unintelligent.

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"! You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!
Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

You need the trumph on that:
Now go away before I taunt you a second time!

Hello stuffy English k-nig-ots and Arthur King who has the brains of a duck you know. How you English say again, I unplug my nose in your general direction, you sons of a window dresser. So you think you could out-clever us French folk with all your knees-bent dancing about silly behaviour. I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom wipers.

:lol: A classic...

Don't worry about my thread in H&J. :nya: :nya:
It is already dying.
Besides, there are more people to do this in OT that H&J. :(

Nah, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for the Churchillian twist - those are more crude and unintelligent.

He has some great ones. Anyone have a list anywhere of all his jokes?

"Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I’d poison your tea!”

“Madame if you were my wife, I would drink it.”

Winston Churchill

Nothing will beat newfangle's, "Why can't busses hit people like you more often?"

Simple and to the point.

At a diner in France, during Pirates and Privateers time.
English ambassador to Surcouf (famous French privateer): "You French fight only for gold, we fight for honor".
Surcouf answer "A man fight the best for what he lacks the most"

If their liberal:

Why don't you go back to communist russia, comrade, Oh Wait, it collapsed!!!!

If their conservative:

Why don't you go back to the Spanish Inquisition, fascist, Oh Wait, reason killed it!!!!

"You look like someone set fire to your face and put it out with a cricket bat"

(note I make no claim for the exact wording of these being right, but they're near enough)

Upon being told by De Gaulle that the French thought of De Gaulle as the new Joan of Arc Churchill reminded him that the British had to burn the last one at the stake :lol:

Wellington was snubbed by French (former) Imperial officers when they turned away from him at the Congress of Vienna. An Austrian diplomatically appologised for their behaviour, to which Wellington replied:

"That's quite alright my lady, I've seen their backs before" :lol:

A member of the opposition was once giving an especially long speech in the house of commons when he stopped for a moment:

MP: Mr speaker I stop now because I believe that the Prime Minister has fallen asleep!
Churchill: No, but I wish I was :lol:

Not an insult by Churchill as such, rather an appropriate comment on Hitler. When asked why he would support and praise Stalin and communist Russia's efforts after being it's most vocal pre-war opponent, Churchill replied that "If Hitler invaded hell, I would make at least a favourable reference to the Devil in the house of commons" :D

edit: Silly Joan of Arc Mistake :blush:

"If a fart I am, then your face must be the place, from whence I came!" - Blackadder

(apologies for the rude language - it was in context)

"If music is the food of love, then you are giving me indigestion" An ex girlfriend commenting on my lamentable serenading qualities.

"I've tried to look at things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my @$$."

------------------------------

At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!

To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time."

Ribbentropp was disliked by his colleagues for having assumed the "Von" in his name by having persuaded an honoured relative to adopt him. He also put on pretentious manners. For this, he was nicknamed "Von RibbenSnob"

von Ribbentrop was an unusually pathetic idiot even by NSDAP standards. It's rumoured that the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact was called so rather than after the real initiators because they could never agreed on calling it the Stalin-Hitler or Hitler-Stalin Pact - OTOH, they agreed that Molotov certainly deserved going before Ribbentrop.

Ribbentropp was disliked by his colleagues for having assumed the "Von" in his name by having persuaded an honoured relative to adopt him. He also put on pretentious manners. For this, he was nicknamed "Von RibbenSnob"

German WW2 top brass had a secret name for Hitler too!

Adolf used to fly into rages, rip down curtains and roll on the floor.

For these antics, the generals gave him the name: Carpet Biter!

:D

Goebbels was referred to as "The Poisoned Dwarf".

German WW2 top brass had a secret name for Hitler too!

Adolf used to fly into rages, rip down curtains and roll on the floor.

For these antics, the generals gave him the name: Carpet Biter!

:D

That is seriously distrubing since Carpet Biter is very similar to .... (Well I dont wanna be banned)

I forget where I heard this, however it was describing an attractive blonde: "She has a soul without malice with a head uncluttered with brains."

That is seriously distrubing since Carpet Biter is very similar to .... (Well I dont wanna be banned)
Took me a minute, but I got it. Good one:lol:

they should throw your mother in jail becuase you are born! ;) (smart isn't it?)

"I have an idea" or "I just had a thought"
Well get it out before it dies of loneliness.

Wow, you're just like a real man. Only with a smaller ****.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just pretending you're not here.

I'm sorry were you saying something? I was having a riveting conversation with the wall.

Good job. I guess we'll keep you around another week.

Good job. I'll go buy you a nice bag of ants.

Every one of them used by me. Often, daily, with many more that I can't remeber but I'm sure that friends, family, co-workers, and employees could remind me about if I cared to asked them.

Captain Sarcasm strikes again.

My 2 cents

He'd make a lovely corpse - (Martin Chuzzlewit, Chapter 25)

I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. - Groucho Marx

'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are nothing.' - Bill Shankly

Pardon my English but,

Shut up! If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart! :p
I wish I could this from your point of view, but, I can't stick my head that far up my ass! :p
Your living proof that man-kind can live without a brain. :p
I know, they stink.

I know, they stink.
Well you should stop farting then! ;)

"You can TALK?!?!"

"Don't feel so bad, not all living creatures have brains"

Wow, your a medical mirracle, the world's first livind brain donor.

Seen on another message board - 'You clearly don't have the common sense that God gave to a small bar of soap.'

British Labour politican Denis Healy to his Conservative opposite number, Sir Geoffrey Howe - 'Being attacked by him is rather like being savaged by a dead sheep.'

These not by me:

Are you aware that you're a pathetic freak? Or are you just completely oblivious to reality.

Yo momma's so old, she watches PBS.

I refuse to enter into a battle of wits with you - its against my moral code to attack an unarmed person.

You've got the brain of a four year old boy; and I bet he was glad to get rid of it

If you're going say something that stupid you could at least fake a stroke.

Yo momma's so ugly she made an onion cry.

You're proof that every good gene pool has a shallow end.

If clues were shoes, you'd go barefoot.

Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.

Yo momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Had you, perchance, been the owner of a viable braincell, you might have aspired to something other than felching the bottom of the food chain.

The closest you'll ever come to a brain storm is a light drizzle.

Your incompetence is an inspiration to idiots everywhere.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

Your train of thought has derailed.

A couple I once saw, supposedly taken from career appraisals of Royal Navy officers

'This young lady suffers from delusions of adequacy'

'His men would follow him anywhere, mainly out of curiosity.'

Said of another Royal Naval officer:

"His presence here is depriving some village of an idiot."

One of the best insults I've ever come across was a comment about Detroit, Michigan:

"Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter." (Note to Britons: This would be like describing Bolton as Wolverhampton without the glitter.)

its mrrats!!!

its mrrats!!!

Dude? What's up with you and MrRats? :rolleyes: :(

Hmm....
I am getting popular!!!

Hmm....
I am getting popular!!!

Yeah, just in the bad way.
Dude? What is up with you and useless?

Hey I dont know, it started in the "duck and cover" thread!!

I saw that. Something about double posting? :confused:

Ya, how can all this start from double posting?

i decided to delete it after thinking about it

edit-deletion of it

I don't think that joke will be well looked upon.

I don't think that joke will be well looked upon.
Huge understatement. Despite being over the top, it is not even funny.

I heard this one on the radio earlier today (about a film):

'Drew Barrymore's singing is so bad that deaf people refuse to watch her lips move'