View Full Version : 100 Cheesiest Jokes


Tsunami23
Aug 16, 2004, 09:30 PM
Start the list from Number 1........

NewbieHere
Aug 16, 2004, 09:41 PM
1. Ok, there was this guy who calls himself "Tsunami23", and he started a post called "100 Cheesiest Jokes", and guess what? This is the first one.

Tsunami23
Aug 16, 2004, 09:42 PM
2. Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!!!!!


I do not call myself Tsunami23, I AM Tsunami23

Perfection
Aug 16, 2004, 09:46 PM
3. What did the cheese say to the other cheese?

Cheese! (It was getting its picture taken)

Gnarfflinger
Aug 16, 2004, 11:35 PM
3. What did the cheese say to the other cheese?

Cheese! (It was getting its picture taken)

That's Gouda! :rolleyes:

Perfection
Aug 16, 2004, 11:49 PM
4. Q. What do you call cheese that you don't own?

A. Nacho cheese!

stratego
Aug 17, 2004, 01:20 AM
5. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asked "Do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate replied "Yeearh, it's driving me nuts"

Perfection
Aug 17, 2004, 01:58 AM
6. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

LLXerxes
Aug 17, 2004, 07:28 AM
7.
Waddya get when you cross a guy and a jacket?
A guy in a jacke :rolleyes:

Perfection
Aug 17, 2004, 02:03 PM
8. Q: Why is swiss cheese served at church?

A: Because it's holey!

~Corsair#01~
Aug 17, 2004, 02:46 PM
(You'll never get cheesier than this...)
DUCK!
http://danny.oz.au/travel/new-zealand/p/1891-duck.jpg

Amenhotep7
Aug 17, 2004, 02:48 PM
10. What did Batman tell Robin before he they got into the Batmobile?

Get into the Batmobile, Robin!

philippe
Aug 17, 2004, 04:11 PM
an Guy walked into a bar and said ouch...

Wolfe Tone
Aug 17, 2004, 04:40 PM
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall

Dam

Perfection
Aug 17, 2004, 04:42 PM
12. Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

The Omega
Aug 17, 2004, 04:59 PM
13. Cheese!!!!!!!!!

LLXerxes
Aug 17, 2004, 04:59 PM
13. Yo moma so fat, she sat on a couch and she was fat. :rolleyes:

Tsunami23
Aug 17, 2004, 05:26 PM
14. Yo mama is so stupid, she sat on a couch, and she was stupid.

LLXerxes
Aug 17, 2004, 05:27 PM
15-Yo moma so fat, she went bungie jumping off abirdge, and went straight to :satan:

Tsunami23
Aug 17, 2004, 05:30 PM
16. Yo moma is so stupid, she went bungie jumping off a bridge, but jumped off the wrong way.

Gogf
Aug 17, 2004, 06:06 PM
17. Yo mama so stupid, you contributed to the spam in this thread ;).
18. What did the boy say when he walked into an antique store? What's new?

Tsunami23
Aug 17, 2004, 06:35 PM
19. Where does the Turtle go to fuel up? The Shell Station!

Syterion
Aug 17, 2004, 07:50 PM
20. What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot? A walkie-talkie!

21. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decaffienated!

22. What's brown and sticky? A stick!

Gnarfflinger
Aug 17, 2004, 10:10 PM
23. A guy walks in to a morgue and asks the coroner "Who's dying to see you today?"

Perfection
Aug 17, 2004, 10:36 PM
24. Q: What's yellow and cheesy?

A: Cheese!

LLXerxes
Aug 18, 2004, 07:07 AM
25-What do you getwhen you cross a city laborer and a mine?
An extra shild! :rolleyes:

Perfection
Aug 18, 2004, 09:54 AM
26. My brother Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.

"What's the difference?" Sean asked.

"Hello?" replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The COLOR is different!"

The Person
Aug 18, 2004, 04:01 PM
Some of these jokes were actually good! I've even bookmarked this thread, as the first one on this forum to receive this honor.

And here's my contribution:

27:
Q: What did the cheese say to the other cheese?

A: Nothing! Cheese can't speak!

28:
Q: How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach?

A: One! Then your stomach isn't empty anymore!

29:
Q: What's the difference between a crocodile?

A: It can neither use a bike.

30:
There was a man who fell over. How? He fell over. (Just to continue the list of best jokes on this thread.)

Perfection
Aug 18, 2004, 04:44 PM
31: Q: What did the cheese say right before being shredded

A: I feel grate!

Chukchi Husky
Aug 18, 2004, 06:11 PM
32: Q: What do you find in the Cheddar Gorge caves?

A: Cheddar cheese!

Perfection
Aug 19, 2004, 08:29 PM
33: I once had a dream where I was eating this huge slice of cheese...

...and when I woke up my blanket was gone!

LLXerxes
Aug 19, 2004, 08:36 PM
34-
What's yellow and tastes like cheese, and is caled cheese? :rolleyes:
Cheese!

35- What word is always pronounced 'wrong'?

Wrong!

Perfection
Aug 19, 2004, 09:50 PM
36 Q: What food is the saddest?

A: Bleu Cheese!

BCLG100
Aug 20, 2004, 06:38 AM
i couldnt be bothered to check but

'whats brown and sticky?'
'a stick'

'What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying infront of your doorstep'
'Matt'

okay that one wasnt mine, my friend told me that one.

Lord Paul
Aug 21, 2004, 02:14 PM
what did one lion say to the other lion?

ROAR!

LLXerxes
Aug 21, 2004, 04:38 PM
40. What's yellow?
The color yellow!

Chukchi Husky
Aug 21, 2004, 05:08 PM
This is the cheesiest cheesy cheese that ever did cheese the cheesiness of cheesy cheeses (How many times can you fit cheese into one sentence?)

LLXerxes
Aug 21, 2004, 05:13 PM
This is the cheesiest cheesy cheese that ever did cheese the cheesiness of cheesy cheeses (How many times can you fit cheese into one sentence?)
42. You can't fit cheese into a sentence! haha... :rolleyes:

Lord Paul
Aug 21, 2004, 09:41 PM
17. What did one lion say to the other lion?

ROAR!

Perfection
Aug 22, 2004, 01:47 PM
43. Q: What kind of milk does Swiss cheese come from?

A: Hole Milk!

kulade
Aug 22, 2004, 01:58 PM
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears red she looks like the Kulade man!
(One mobilize told me) :p:D

LLXerxes
Aug 22, 2004, 02:08 PM
45-oh yeah? well yo moma is that kulade man :rolleyes: (I didn't come up with that)

kulade
Aug 22, 2004, 02:42 PM
<crickets>...that was the lamest joke yet on this thread...

Chukchi Husky
Aug 22, 2004, 02:46 PM
How do you get 2 whales in a car?
Cross the Severn bridge
(2 whales is pronounced the same as "to Wales")

BCLG100
Aug 22, 2004, 04:39 PM
@chuckhi oh really ;) :rolleyes:

what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
gifted

LLXerxes
Aug 22, 2004, 04:57 PM
48-
How to you get anelephant into Safeway?
Hint: Take the E out of Safe and the F out of way...

Tsunami23
Aug 22, 2004, 05:36 PM
17. What did one lion say to the other lion?

ROAR!


For some reason I burst out laughing on this one.

49. What did the chicken say to the man?
Nothing, chickens can't speak!

Tsunami23
Aug 22, 2004, 05:37 PM
<crickets>...that was the lamest joke yet on this thread...


I second that.

That was so dumb, it made me laugh :p

Chukchi Husky
Aug 22, 2004, 05:41 PM
3 pieces of strings walk into a pub
The first string asks for a beer, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here"
The second string asks for a beer, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here"
The third string asks for a beer, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here", and the string replys "No I'm Knot".

LLXerxes
Aug 22, 2004, 05:41 PM
I second that.

That was so dumb, it made me laugh :p
That's kinda the point of the thread. :p

51-
What was 6 afraid of 7?
'Cause 7-8-9 :rolleyes:

52-Why was 7 afraid of 8?
'Cause 8 was had a gun! :rolleyes:

The Omega
Aug 22, 2004, 08:59 PM
52-Why was 7 afraid of 8?
'Cause 8 was had a gun! :rolleyes:

What the?!?!?!!? :twitch:

Perfection
Aug 22, 2004, 09:12 PM
53 So a nun in a sunday school looks at Johnny's bible picture. It's a cemetary and he sees a hunk of cheddar and a hunk of swiss floating in mid-air"

She says "What on earth is that"

To which the Johnny replies, "it's cheeses rising from the grave!"

Yaniv
Aug 23, 2004, 02:43 PM
54: A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke?"

Chukchi Husky
Aug 23, 2004, 02:45 PM
What goes "ha ha bonk"?
A man laughing his head off.

LLXerxes
Aug 23, 2004, 02:51 PM
What the?!?!?!!? :twitch:
Seeing your reaction to that was priceless :goodjob:

56-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side :rolleyes:

57-
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause it was playing tag with the chicken! :rolleyes:

Tsunami23
Aug 23, 2004, 05:12 PM
44: A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke?"

lol, thats funny

Paradigne
Aug 26, 2004, 02:06 PM
58 - What do you call a fly with no wings????


A WALK

Mise
Aug 26, 2004, 03:05 PM
59 - What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?
A dot.

60 - What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea. (pronounced: No Eye Deer)

61 - What do you call a deer with eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!

62 - What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and a chainsaw in its back?
Still bloody no idea!!!!

63 - What do you call a sheep with no legs and no head?
A cloud.

64 - Two fish are swiming in their tank. One says to the other, "So.... do you know how to drive this thing?"

65 - Knock, knock
Who's there?
-Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt who?
-Umm... that's the end of the joke.
Huh?
-Well it would be pretty funny if Brad Pitt knocked on your door!

66 - Two pieces of cheese are sitting in the fridge. One says to the other, "Man, I am so wasted."

67 - What did the German policeman say to his belly button?
"You're under a vest."

LLXerxes
Aug 26, 2004, 03:28 PM
:lol: that last was sowird I laughed :)
68-
Why did the pigcross the road?
I dunno, go ask him

sir_schwick
Aug 26, 2004, 04:30 PM
69 - A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

70 - What do you call two ducks?
A paradux.

Dabomb18359
Aug 26, 2004, 05:13 PM
Your mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

my friend told me that

Hawk996V
Nov 22, 2010, 01:37 AM
Two cannibals are sitting around a campfire eating a comedian. One looks at the other and says: "Does this taste funny to you?"




A pirate walks into a bar with a huge ships wheel for a belt buckle. The bar tender says: "that must be really heavy".. to which the pirate replies: "its driving me nuts.... aargh"


Both of these still make me laugh...

Arakhor
Nov 26, 2010, 03:59 AM
A man walks into a psychiatrist's surgery, naked except for cling-film shorts.

"Doctor, I need help!" he says. The psychiatrist agrees.
"I can clearly see you're nuts."

Dumanios
Nov 27, 2010, 01:11 PM
A man walks into a bar and says "ouch."

Icekommander
Nov 27, 2010, 10:26 PM
What do you get when you combine a pig with a bush? A hedgehog.

What do you get when you combine a pig with a tree? A porcupine.

What did the doctor say to the guy who claimed he was a tepee on Monday, and declared himself a wigwam the next? "Relax buddy, your too tense"

Lord Baal
Nov 30, 2010, 06:28 PM
A man walked into a doctor's surgery and said: "Help me doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!"

The doctor replied: "Pull yourself together man!"

---

Why did the two homosexual spiders split?

They kept getting at each other's flies.

---

What do you call a Jew with a convertible?

A Jew with a convertible. What are you, some kind of racist?

Fr8monkey
Dec 02, 2010, 02:41 AM
Why do College girls wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm!

Veritass
Dec 02, 2010, 10:11 AM
That reminded me of these:

Vulgar and sexual content, infraction, deleted

Darsnan
Jan 25, 2011, 05:09 AM
And now, something from the Engineering side of the house:

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, 'What' s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'

The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. The group fell silent.

The priest said, 'That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. '
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'

The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool

Darsnan
Feb 11, 2011, 07:41 AM
And in honor of the upcoming Valentine's Day:

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a beautiful young girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a
Kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl...."

D

rugbyLEAGUEfan
Mar 25, 2011, 03:04 AM
What do you call a woman with 2 steaks ,2 prawns and 6 sausages on her head ?

Barbie

What do you call a dog with no legs ?

Anything you want , it's still not gonna come when you call

Dendrow
Apr 11, 2011, 05:22 AM
2. Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!!!!!


I do not call myself Tsunami23, I AM Tsunami23

What inspired your name?

readmyusername
Apr 16, 2011, 11:48 PM
what did the sushi say 2 the bee?




wassabee

Kennigit
Apr 17, 2011, 12:25 AM
snipping this out actually to put in other thread

salty mud
Apr 20, 2011, 12:14 PM
Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley.

One was assaulted.

El Bogus
Apr 20, 2011, 07:13 PM
...peanut.

Optical
Apr 20, 2011, 08:28 PM
:lol: That never gets old. So cheesy, and yet so funny.

contre
Apr 20, 2011, 11:32 PM
http://forums.civfanatics.com/member.php?u=60761

west india man
Sep 20, 2011, 05:39 PM
Eating clocks is time consuming.