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Old Jan 09, 2012, 06:12 PM   #21
brandon.herren
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The reason, was because he was too lazy to build the improvement
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Old Jan 09, 2012, 06:33 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by brandon.herren View Post
The reason, was because he was too lazy to build the improvement
Or a possible side effect of microcephaly?
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Old Jan 15, 2012, 02:28 PM   #23
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subbed.
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Old Jan 16, 2012, 05:58 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dumanios View Post
Dumanios: To help you in your quests for world domination, I have selected a suitable adviser.
Gorbachev: Fine, bring him in, what's the worst that could happen.
[Doors open]
Peter: Oh God.
Gorbachev: You've got to be kidding me.
Elder: Who's he?
Warriors: Who that guy?
???: Are you guys ready for some CRUSADES!?
Peter, Gorbachev, and the Elder: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lenin: We should attack Frederick!
Peter: He's not on this map.
Lenin: Then we'll take the crusades to Greece and that wimp, Alexander!
Gorbachev: Greece doesn't exist.
Lenin: What about that salad-eater, Caesar!
Peter: Actually, he does exist on this map.
Lenin: Yippee, now we kill him, right?
I cracked up laughing when I read this.
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Old Jan 17, 2012, 02:08 PM   #25
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Chapter 4: Another one bites the dust.

Lenin: Now we attack France!
Peter: You mean Celtia.
Lenin: Sh-shut up.



???: I am Marpesia, Queen of the Amazons. The Gods are on our side in our quest for vengeance. Are you?
Peter: Well, you look like a nice one.
Marpesia: <----Peter.
Lenin:
Gorbachev:
Peter: OH GOD, I'M HAVING BAD MEMORIES OF CATHERINE, SOMEONE HELP ME!
???: You called?
Peter:
Link to video.

Catherine: Anyway, we'll have peace.
Marpesia: Good, I'm out of ammo, anyway.
Lenin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Catherine: What are you doing here?
Gorbachev: It's like a family reunion!
Catherine: [glares]
Gorbachev:
Elder: Brennus has a stack with an archer, a warrior, and a settler! Um, where's King Peter?
[Marpesia runs away]
Catherine: What.
Lenin and Gorbachev: He went to take a vacation.
Elder: Anyway, due to the laws of kingdom, if Peter is unable to attend, the other leaders are all the leaders. I wasn't expecting a fourth leader, though.
Horseman Captain: We'll have a vote. Who votes to attack Brennus?

Catherine and Lenin voted yes, Gorbachev votes no.

Horseman Captain: For the glory of the council!
[Horseman leaves, Brennus arrives]

Brennus: What am I doin' here?
Lenin: The Crusades are coming to you!
Catherine and Brennus:





1 Horseman and 6 Chariots vs. 2 Archers and 2 Workers. Next turn a Work Boat reinforces Bibracte.

Horseman Captain: Take 'em!






After Bibracte was taken, Brennus was found dead, but not by his own hand, nor by Russian forces. The dealer of the kill sat upon a throne. The throne had diamonds upon it. The throne had rubies upon it. The throne had pearls upon it. The throne menaced with spikes of platinum.



All of the Russians:
Victoria: you peasants think that intimidates me? You'll be next!
[Victoria and her flying throne leave]
Catherine: I'm outta here.
[Catherine leaves in the opposite direction]
???: You two. I am Boadica.
Lenin: Hi!
Boadica: That demon killed my husband. For that, she must die.
Lenin: As soon as we can, we'll destroy her.
Elder: We need more strength to exorcise her from this realm!
Horseman Captain: I know where to go!

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Old Jan 17, 2012, 03:51 PM   #26
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Oh no it's evil Victoria!
*throws holy water*
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Old Jan 18, 2012, 05:49 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaxWar View Post
Oh no it's evil Victoria!
*throws holy water*
*Does the same.*
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Old Jan 18, 2012, 06:28 PM   #28
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*Does the same.*
*laughs as the holy water fails, then begins to run; yelling "FIRE"!*
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Old Jan 18, 2012, 06:49 PM   #29
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Aaarghh!! It must be regular water!! Mansa ripped us off!!
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Old Jan 18, 2012, 07:38 PM   #30
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Pshhh Holy water is awesome, although it won't make bad things melt it does have some neat properties.
Mansa Musa probably didn't believe in holy water, it's not a Muslim doctrine iirc

EDIT haha I just reread what I typed and said, "I will ruthlessly point out the tiny historical inaccuracies in all things-- ALL THINGS!!!!!"
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Old Jan 19, 2012, 06:13 PM   #31
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Chapter 5: The Return of the King

Lenin: When do we invade Caesar?
Boadica: It'll be more difficult, since that man in a dress has multiple cities.
Gorbachev: It saddens me that war is the only solution to this problem.
Elder: Guess what?
Lenin: You have something to make our soldiers better?
Elder: We discovered a metal that could be used to make weapons of war near Moscow!
Lenin: Excellent!
Celtic Elder: Aye, n' we found some a this metal near Bibracte, as well!



Elder: A group of settlers have left Moscow and are heading south!





Lenin: My armies say they find men armed with axes!
Gorbachev: The Romans have axemen?! What else have they got?



Army: Charge!







Lenin: Take that, girly man!
Horseman Captain: Sir, we found a man claiming to be Julius Caesar!
"Julius Caesar": I am not Julius Caesar! I am theCaesar!
Lenin: What's the difference?
???: WAIT!
Lenin and Gorbachev: Hey, the king's back!
Peter:
Boadica:
Peter:
Boadicea:
Peter:
theCaesar: What?
Peter: Let him live, I did some research, and he leads the resistance against the new emperor.
Lenin and Gorbachev: Who?
Peter: They call him ... Caligula. Anyway, the Romans are persecuting geeks to the southeast, we must help the poor geeks!
Gorbachev: They're called Greeks, not geeks.
Peter: We still must help them!





???: Thank you for aiding us in our quest for freedom from Caligula.
Peter: You welcome, leader of the geeks!
???: I AM CHRISTOS, LEADER OF THE GREEKS, NOT THE GEEKS!
Peter: Oh.
Messenger: Milord, we found the Romans sending one group of elite soldiers to Spalatum!



Lenin: Evacuate the armies!
Peter: Send a bunch of Greek peasants to delay them!
Boadica: WEREN'T YOU JUST ALL ABOUT SAVING THEM?!



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Old Jan 19, 2012, 06:32 PM   #32
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Maybe I should be more nationalist, it would get me in more stories...

The Epic Empire is the best! The Epic Empire Rules All! The Epic Empire Is More Epic Than You!

Anyway, great update.
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Old Jan 19, 2012, 10:08 PM   #33
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The Praetorians of DOOM!!!! Oh well, Lenin will find a way! Great Update
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Old Jan 19, 2012, 10:26 PM   #34
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Today's program feature:
The Epic combat of destiny!
The Demonic cow queen from the north is challenged by a group of Psychos with AKs,
All the while a bunch of Praetorian of Doom are abusing some unsuspecting workers who were caught scheming a putsch on the Roman Empire.
All of this taking place in the picturesque landscape of 650 BC Europe.
Who will come out on top?
We will know in the NEXT episode!!
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!
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Old Jan 20, 2012, 10:07 AM   #35
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The Celts are dead, MaxWar.
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Old Jan 20, 2012, 10:18 AM   #36
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<Psychos with AKs> Who told you we were Celts!?!
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Old Jan 20, 2012, 05:17 PM   #37
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Um... DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN
It's like Bruce Wayne humming na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-BATMAN!
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Old Jan 27, 2012, 04:23 PM   #38
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Chapter 6: Caligula dies.

Greek Peasant: Wow, that was intense.
Greek Peasant 2: Yeah, good thing we lived.
Peter: WHAT, YOU PEASANTS LIVED?!



Greek Peasants: Yep!
Lenin: Kill the Legion!





???: Help! There are Romans near Moscow!
Peter: What?! Medvedev, how did this happen?
Medvedev: Even worse, Moscow's defenseless!
Peter, Lenin, Gorbachev, theCaesar, Christos, and Boadica: WHAT?!
Geronimo: Oops.
Lenin: Hi great general, why are there no defenders in Moscow?
Geronimo: Oops.



Geronimo: By the way, my army is at Rome.
Lenin:
Caligula: Ha, you'll never win! My most trusted senator is a better general!
Incititus: Nay!
[Incititus trots off, with Caligula following]
Lenin: We'll show him! ATTAAACK!












Caligula: WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE! I AM HEIR TO THE GODS!
theCaesar: I have returned!
Caligula: At least you'll defend your country? Right?
theCaesar:
Caligula: Et tu? Then fall, Caligula.
[Caligula dies]
Christos:
The Army: <- Rome.
???: Greetings, mighty warrior. I am Hamilcar Barca.
Lenin: I am Vladimir Lenin.
Peter: I am Peter, King of the Russian Empire.
Hamilcar: I am the King of the Carthaginians. Do not disturb me, and I shall not disturb you.
Peter: Eh-
Medvedev: Let there be peace in our time!
Hamilcar: The Heavens have truly blessed this meeting, Peter.
[Hamilcar leaves]



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Old Jan 27, 2012, 04:43 PM   #39
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WHAT!! those Preats spared you workers?? That is... moving...
Who ever said games did not have feelings?
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Old Jan 27, 2012, 04:45 PM   #40
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Isaac Asimov I think.
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