The Adventure of one Hannibal Barca

Well I sure haven't played Civ in a while, but then again I'm sure that doesn't matter to you because I never really post here much in the first place.

BUT...

I'm going to change that, and I'm going to do it by posting my first screenshot run of CIV IV. I'm a noob though, so be warned.
Settings
Prince Difficulty
Custom Continents
Number of Continents: Random
Temprate
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Hannibal: Oh come on you guys! Do we really have to build a city?
Chief Advisor: Yes sir, it is imperative to our survival!
Hannibal: Come on Bro, let's not exaggerate here, is being a Nomad really that bad? Come on, remember the time we almost got killed by that Bear? Wasn't that so much fun?
Chief Advisor: No! I lost a kidnney from that whole fiasco, now look at this sir, I plan we settle...


Chief Advisor:here.
Hannibal: Son of Baal... look at all those Clams... Screw this Nomadic BS I want my Clam dinner!
Chief Advisor: Excellent! Now what should we do. Teach our People how to hunt I think.
Hannibal: What the Hell? Weren't we just nomads about Two Seconds ago? How in Baal's name can we not hunt!
Chief Advisor: Just roll with it sir.
Hannibal: Whatever, by the way Warriors, go out and see just what's the scene around here.


Warriors: AH DUH SIR WE FOUND SOME HUTS AND TOOK ALL THEIR MONEY.
Hannibal: Excellent! How did the Villagers handle it.
Warriors: WELL WE KILLED ALL THE MEN
Hannibal:...
Warriors BURNED ALL THE HUTS
Hannibal:...
Warriors: AND THE WOMEN, WELL WE...
Hannibal:Stop. Just...don't tell me anymore.


Chief Advisor: Sir, we've just trained our first professional workers!
Hannibal: Wonderful! Tell them to begin working non-stop on some mines.


Warriors: AH DAH THIS WIERDO WANTS TO TALK TO YOU SIR
Hannibal: Oh Baal. You.
Montezuma: Have we met before?
Hannibal: Nah, just call it leader's intuition.
Montezuma: No matter, let us slaughter Fifty Thousand Slaves to celebrate this occasion!
Hannibal: I don't even think I have Fifty Thousand Slaves, besides, I like the two I have.
Montezuma: You dare defy me AND the holy rites of Vishu?
Hannibal: You AND your ultra-convoluded Religion can get the hell out of my tent, I'm no zealot like you!


Warriors: AND WE FOUND SOME VILLAGERS...
Hannibal: Seriously guys, I don't want to know.
Warriors: THEY TAUGHT US HOW TO LAY BRICKS
Hannibal: Oh. I guess that's cool then.


Chief Advisor: Sir! We've just learned how to make baby animals!
Hannibal: What? My people didn't know how babies were made? I could have given a demonstation on how to make a baby Human! What sort of backwards nation am I running?!


Hannibal: That SOB gets THREE CLAMS? AND HORSES?!
Chief Advisor: We should get a Horse, I love Horses.
Hannibal: Ever eat Horse? It's tasty.
Chief Advisor: Look who's not right in the head now.


Hannibal: Whatever, lets see what's going on at the Homefront.
Chief Advisor: Well sir, the first ships just set out to bring back your first Clam Dinner.
Hannibal: Oh hell yes, I've been waiting so long for the suculent taste of Clam to enter my mouth.
Chief Advisor: Also...


Chief Advisor: Some people have banded together with the insane idea of building a second city...
Hannibal: Let them go, but tell them if they don't come back with Horses then I'll personally see to their Slaughter.
Chief Advisor: What should we work on next?
Hannibal: I have an idea, how about we start putting up these giant stones to help tell what time of year it is!
Chief Advisor: I don't think it's such a good idea to build that no-
Hannibal: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN'T DO
Chief Advisor: But I'm your Chief Ad-
Hannibal: SHUT UP I'M THE CHIEFTAIN I DO WHAT I WANT.


Hannibal: Congratulation, you are now offically the first Slaves of the land!
Workers: We weren't slaves before?
Hannibal: Oh no you were slaves before, but now you're official Slaves.
Workers: Wonderful.


Hannibal: I had better get so many Horses from you people.
Chief Advisor: SIR! It's...It's....It's Complete.


Hannibal: HAHAH I've done it! I have organized these Stones in a quasi-useful manner! The world shall be in awe of my stone prowess for centuries!
Chief Advisor: A Clam Dinner to celebrate sir?
Hannibal: OH MY GOD! Advisor!
Chief Advisor: Yes? Is something wrong?!
Hannibal: I now know who we are, this Clam Dinner, it has revelaed to me the truth. It has revealed to me the one true god. I now know just who we are...


Hannibal: We're God's chosen people.
Chief Advisor: Lord! The visions came to me too! Tell the citizens, they need to know that there'll be some changes made...


END OF PART I

Go Israel!!

Chief Advisor: It seems that we've trapped one of Montezuma's scouts sir.
Hannibal: What?! What do you mean? I never said go to war with him!
Chief Advisor: No, no, no sir. Look!
Hannibal: Oh, looks like Ol' Monty's Scouts are as stupid as he is.


Chief Advisor: It seems the people of Carthage have begun to embrace the new faith.
Hannibal: Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! I'll have no worshiping of Baal in my empire!
Chief Advisor: Um, but we also have some bad news Sir...


Hannibal: What do you mean I can't keep constructing the Great Wall?
Chief Advisor: Well sir, it seems somebody else has already built one of their own.
Hannibal: So? Who cares, we're more than halfway done on it, and I'm sure mine looks better than theirs anyway.
Chief Advisor: We...we...we just can't do that sir.
Hannibal: Whatever, just get some settlers together and build me a new city.


Hannibal: FINALLY! Now we can smash the Zealot.
Chief Advisor: But doesn't Montezuma have Horses too?
Hannibal: Didn't you ever read your as of yet non-existant History Books? The Aztecs were too scared of Horses to try and tame them.


Chief Advisor: It seems our Settlers want to live next to these Strange Orange rocks sir.
Hannibal: Fine whatever, just send some slaves over to see just what those rocks are about. Wait, hold on, I'm getting a feeling...


Hannibal: Do we have any Iron in our borders per chance?
Chief Advisor: What, pray tell, is an Iron?
Hannibal: It's sort of a shiny greyish mineral, have you seen it?
Chief Advisor: No, but why are you asking?
Hannibal: Well our People just learned to mold it.
Chief Advisor: How on Earth could they know how to work with it if we've never seen it before?!
Hannibal: Look I just know, alright? Call it Leader's Intuition.


Chief Advisor: I've just recieved word that the Oracle has been built in a distant land, and Confusicanism has been founded.
Hannibal: What? What the hell are those things?!
Chief Advisor: Things we should have made a beeline for Sir.
Hannibal: Now I have no clue what YOU'RE blabbering about!
Chief Advisor: Just call it adivsor's intuition.


Chief Advisor: The scouts have reported seeing that Iron thing you were talking about in Montezuma's borders.
Hannibal: WHAT?! You've got to be Kidding me! Monty has Iron, and all we have is Copper? Whatever. His score is way too low to know how to utilize it anyway.
Chief Advisor: What was that?
Hannibal: Nothing, just some leader babble. The point is we got to get moving on the project of killing him.


Hannibal: Well, at least we have this thing.
Chief Advisor: What exactly is an Artemis anyway?
Hannibal: Beats me, but I'm pretty sure this Temple is going to be a lot less useful than my circle of rocks.


Chief Advisor: Also we have this.
Hannibal: Oh...I guess that's pretty cool. Why did we not research this sooner?

Nice semi-humorous story, but I prefer more serious ones or Sis-style ones over these types. (I hope Yoshi isn't reading this! )

Mosher said:

Nice semi-humorous story, but I prefer more serious ones or Sis-style ones over these types. (I hope Yoshi isn't reading this! )

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I actually was debating wether to do this humorously or not at the start, but I think I'm going to save a serious tale for when I do an RFC run. (The only problem is, its a lot harder to be funny then it is to be serious.)

Oh, looks like Ol' Monty's Scouts are as stupid as he is.

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Words can't describe how much that was funny.

Chief Advisor: Sir, Barbarians are threatening the Capital! What are we going to do?
Hannibal: So? I'm not worried about it.
Chief Advisor: What? You're not even a little scared?
Hannibal: Nope...


Hannibal: We got Chariots.
Chief Advisor: I suppose we finally put those Horses to good use, eh Sir?
Hannibal: Heh, heh, we sure did, though I feel we could get even more out of them. What else is on the agenda for today?


Chief Advisor: Well, it seems a few settlers got together and found that Iron that you were rambling about before.
Hannibal: Brilliant. Get some Slaves on that pronto! I've got some plans to execute.


Hannibal: Speaking of Plan, I just thought of a brilliant idea!
Chief Advisor: What is it Sir?
Hannibal: How about instead of riding in chariots pulled by horses, we ride the horses?
Chief Advisor: That actually sounds pretty disgusting sir.
Hannibal: Just shut it you bufoon.


Chief Advisor: A man named Bede just released, what he calls his greatest work, The world's most advanced nations!
Hannibal: The mediocre? THE MEDIOCRE?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Chief Advisor: Well at least we're in fourth.
Hannibal: And if this was a race what would we get? Honorable mention? No, we'll just see how mediocre this Bede thinks we are when we smash Montezuma's face in.


Chief Advisor: Sir, there's an "Abu Bakr" here to see you.
Hannibal: Sure, whatever, send him in.
Abu Bakr: Hail Hannibal! And Hail Yahweh! I have come to you with a glorious vision for Judaism!
Hannibal: Shouldn't you be propheting a different religion?
Abu Bakr: Wha-what do you mean? Do you not wish to hear my vision!
Hannibal: No, no, no ignore my blabbering, it's just that Leader's Intuition.
Abu Bakr: Ah, yes, well, I have a vision of a great temple in Utica! The temple of Solomon!
Hannibal: Er, what's a Solomon?
Abu Bakr: Beats me, it just sounded cool. What do you think?
Hannibal: Well I certainly see no problem with it, go and get it done! Be off with you!


Hannibal: I have the feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful monetary relationship.

[/IMG]
Chief Advisor: Sir! The city of Hippo! It has converted to...to...
Hannibal: Judaism?
Chief Advisor: No. Not that!
Hannibal: By god, no...
Chief Advisor: Indeed sir, they've gone...Hindu.
Hannibal: HEATHEN SCUUUUUUUUUUUM! Well, we'll just see how Montezuma and his Polytheistic savages enjoy our latest military creation...

[/IMG]
Hannibal: The Numidian Cavalry. Rally the Troops! Prepare for war!
Chief Advisor: I'll get right on it sir!
Hannibal: He won't know what hit him...
Chief Advisor: Uh, sir, it seems there's been a small impasse in our plan.
Hannibal: What? What is it.


Hannibal: This is complete BS.
Chief Advisor: Well I thought from the start just garrisoning a Chariot there was a bad idea.
Hannibal: Well how was I supposed to know that our CHARIOT, with +100% against AXEMEN would fall to some nomadic oaf with an axe?
Chief Advisor: What sort of jibberish did you just say?
Hannibal: ARGH. Nothing YOU would know about!
Chief Advisor: Leader's Intuition?
Hannibal: Yes.


Ananda: Hail my lord! I come with a great vision for Ju-
Hannibal: SHUT UP. GO GET ME MEDITIATION.
Ananda: But my lord I-I-I...
Hannibal: DO IT BEFORE YOUR HEAD GETS MOUNTED ON THE STANDARD OF MY GENERAL.
Ananda: Yes, sir, right away sir...


Hannibal: Well luckilly that crisis was over rather quickly.
Chief Advisor: Indeed, is this the part where we invade Montezuma's lands sir?
Hannibal: Oh yes it is. And Monty's going to need a lot more than a few 8 armed gods on his side to take me down...

Awesome story so far. Props

Aiolos said:

Awesome story so far. Props

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Thanks. By the way to all readers, wordfilters screwed up my last post, and thus an important image was missing.

Also I might start an RFC run in paralell to this, any thoughts on what civ?

suggestions: Maya, Greece, or Netherlands.

Hmm... Greece or Portugal

Duh... The Khmerinese Empire.

Dutch!!

or portugal too.

So we have:
2 for Greece
2 for Dutch
1 for Maya
1 for Khmer
1 for Portrugal

I'll make my final decision in the morning along with the next update.

Ooh quick updates. I like this already!

wait, did you count all my suggestions? My favorite is for Dutch

Red_Spy said:

wait, did you count all my suggestions?

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Yeah, because there wouldn't be enough suggestions otherwise.

Ok then.

I want to see an RFC Dutch story. I havent seen one in a looooooong time.