The Story of 18 Civs; the Egyptian Version

50AD​
Ay meets with the council
AY: Finally, we have discovered a religion!
HATSHEPSUT: Bugger! What?
AY: Well, we researched Currency, then Code of Laws, and founded Confucianism in Mecca.
HATSHEPSUT: I suppose you want me to waste a turn converting?
AY: I do.
HATSHEPSUT: Fine. But consider it your birthday present for the last 4000 odd years.

(Alexander enters)

ALEXANDER: I hope I haven’t disturbed anything?
HATSHEPSUT: Nope, just us plotters here.
ALEXANDER: Greece is ready for peace.
HATSHEPSUT: What’s the price?
ALEXANDER: 20 gold, Mysticism and Sailing.
HATSHEPSUT: Done. But see you in 10 turns or so.
ALEXANDER: Phew . . . erm, I mean, wise decision. Adieu
 

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125BC​
Scythe has a quick word in Hatshepsut’s ear
SCYTHE: An AI war has started.
HATSHEPSUT: Cool. What are the teams?
SCYTHE: Julius Caesar is attacking Russia.
HATSHEPSUT: Nice! I hope Cathers gets hammered.
 
150AD​
The council is interrupted by Caesar
CAESAR: We urgently require mighty Egypt’s assistance against the Russians.
HATSHEPSUT: You’re losing already?
CAESAR: Erm . . . maybe, maybe not.
HATSHEPSUT: I have my own plans, and Rome doesn’t figure in them until I crush them. Egypt cannot be bought.
CAESAR: Well, I couldn’t pay anything anyway. Bye.

(Caesar exits, a stranger walks in)

HATSHEPSUT: Ooh, it’s another woman.
STRANGER: Her most righteous majesty, Isabella, beloved of God and protector of the faith, does condescend to greet you, Hatshepsut. Do tell me: are you a righteous people, or are you fiendish heathens who need to be wiped from the face of this fair earth?
HATSHEPSUT: Well, Buddhism is bollocks, so that makes us . . .
ISABELLA: I knew it. HEATHENS! I could smell it off you.
HATSHEPSUT: Well, OK, but . . .
ISABELLA: YOU just watch your back, Hatshepsut. Spain does not tolerate heathens.

(Isabella exits)

AY: I believe you were out-tantrumed there.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh SHUT UP, Ay! Anyway, Isabella is always weak in this game. As the perennial founder of Buddhism, she makes as many friends as enemies, though. Keep one eye on her, someone.
 

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225AD​
More trades are offered

(Caesar enters)

CAESAR: I offer an astounding deal: Polytheism + 50 Gold for your Construction.
HATSHEPSUT: That’s astoundingly bad. NEXT!

(Alexander enters)

ALEXANDER: Greece has wealth, enough to share. I will share 5 gold with you in exchange for Iron Working.
(Hatshepsut laughs out loud)
ALEXANDER: OK, that wasn’t the response I was hoping for.
HATSHEPSUT: But surely it was the one you expected. I’m not giving you, my enemy, a war tech a turn early at any price, let alone 5 gold. Goodbye.
 
325BC​
Another leader wishes to meet Hatshepsut
STRANGER: Welcome! I am Louis XIV, absolute monarch of mighty France and indisputably the handsomest and best-dressed ruler in the entire history of the universe. Wouldn’t you agree?
HATSHEPSUT: You’re right – I wouldn’t.
LOUIS: Why does no-one have any dress sense these days? Honestly, Egyptians are fools to laugh at me.
HATSHEPSUT: I see you are at war with Frederick.
LOUIS: Oui
HATSHEPSUT: I HOPE YOU LOSE, SUCKER! Now GET OUT!
 

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350AD​
Hatshepsut summons Scythe
HATSHEPSUT: I see our peace treaty with Alexander has expired. What troops do we have in Memphis?
SCYTHE: We have: 6 War Elephants, 6 Catapults, 3 Horse Archers, 6 Swordsmen, our heavily experienced veteran War Chariot, and, of course, the mighty Horse Archer Gustavus II Adolphus, who will lead the attack.
HATSHEPSUT: You’d better wipe them out this time, Scythe.
SCYTHE: I predict we will. Let’s move!
 
450AD​
Catherine wants something
CATHERINE: Namely, ze Egyptian’s help against ze Romans.
HATSHEPSUT: I thought you were winning, you’ve captured Cumae?
CATHERINE: Yez, but it’s programmed in the game for me to bug you every war, even if you have wars of your own.
HATSHEPSUT: IN that case, I don’t blame you, but bugger off anyway.
CATHERINE: Fine. Russia now views you as an enemy, Hatshepsut.
HATSHEPSUT: Fine by me. Now goodbye.
 
475BC​
Scythe meets Hatshepsut briefly in Corinth
SCYTHE: Just quickly, my lady, I wanted to tell you we wiped out the majority of Alexander’s forces in Sparta, and we only lost 4 Catapults in taking the city.
HATSHEPSUT: I will not rest until Athens is captured. Now go!
 
500AD​
Caesar meets Hatsheput
CAESAR: Convert to Buddhism, Hattie honey.
HATSHEPSUT: Good one Jules. Only one of my cities has Buddhism, and it’s still revolting. 6 of my cities have Confucianism. See my point?
CAESAR: Not really.
HATSHEPSUT: Not really. Anyway, I see your war has ended, so you have no excuse to be here bugging me. Vamoose.
 
540AD​
The war is over
SCYTHE: Athens is ours, and Greece is history, my lady. . .
KHALID: We have researched Metal Casting, Calendar and Aesthetics . . .
AY: And our culture spans the whole of the Middle East.
HATSHPESUT: AWESOME! I’m thinking Rome or Russia looks good for our next conquest, but first, we need more Catapults. Three civilizations down, only 14 to go . . .
To be continued . . .
 

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Still good!

You said Hattie conquered Alexander? Dude, Hattie IS Alexander! Just look at that empire. It covers the exact same lands.


I'm guessing conquering India's out of the question... don't want to suffer the same fate as Alex...
 
DroopyTofu said:
Nice story.
Why does Hatty have a british accent?
Click to expand...
Because Pacifist is from the UK?

Well done btw, and an excellent scripting of events. I look forward to the next installment.
 
Excellent story. I can't wait to see the dialogue when Hatshepsut encounters the
English.
 
i didn't even realise Hattie had a British accent - I reckoned I was just talking normally!:lol:
And Hattie may have conquered Alexnader's lands at the moment, but she has a way to go yet, just you wait and see!
 
PART III
600AD​
Ay calls the council together
HATSHEPSUT: Go on then Ay. Impress me.
AY: Well, I doubt that’s possible, but I’ll show you this anyway:
 

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HATSHEPSUT: What an utter WASTE OF PRODUCTION! Do you seriously think any army in the world is going to pen the Egyptians into their cities, struggling for their lives?
AY: No, but I built it anyway. Persepolis could do with the culture.
HATSHEPSUT: Persepolis could also do with a Swordsman or ten so get going.
AY: Erm . . . one last thing, we have researched Polytheism and Monotheism, and . . .
HATSHEPSUT: And that was more important than Machinery how?
AY: Erm . . . because it allows us to adopt Organized Religion?
HATSHEPSUT: Big whoop. We may as well do it now, but our next tech is Machinery, yeah? We need to stay ahead of the game, and that means Crossbows and Maces.
SCYTHE: Yeah, Ay.
AY: Shut up, Scythe, you’re as thick as one short plank.
KHALID: Was that not supposed to be two short planks?
AY: Nope.
 
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