Understanding how MP works (technical)

I'm looking for some insights into getting smooth games in a game as buggy as CIV. Particularly, who is a good host?

Here are my observations on how MP works:

- The fewer players in game, the smoother it works.
- Whenever there is a steam update, the game crashes for at least 1 player
- Sometimes when 2 players don't see each other in the game lobby (no ping, don't see their messages in chat, etc) the problem is fixed when both players resteam. This is the only issue I've seen resolved by resteaming.
- Packetloss (from a bad connection) may cause the game to get stuck/resync
- Sometimes you have to reload the turn BEFORE the game gets stuck, or the problem persists.
- Whenever you reload a turn, the turn number is calculated incorrectly. Basicly, every reload causes turn number to drop -1
- When I host a game the time between turns gets really large. I would think this is because my PC is a few years old, but it could also be my crappy ADSL connection.
- Connection seems to be the bottleneck regardless of who hosts. If a ping between any 2 players is above 200ms you can feel it, 350ms is pretty bad but somewhat playable, above 500ms is unplayable.

host without / fewer CS or barbs (reduce ai) to reduce lag also and close all other programmes

the problem is that games have a "host". Only real way for faster games d be dedicated servers to run the game - but wont happen for civ.

my ping around 350ms , and i only get 1 ISP in my city...
i cant see MP session in lobby, so i got to change region..
but often being kicked

After enduring a ridiculous thing they call "multiplayer" for over 2 years, when most of decent players I know dropped, and seeing nothing whatsoever planned in expansion to address the horrible thing, I quit this game! Much more enjoyable playing Age of Empires 2 HD- a game from 1997 which actually has awsesome functinal multiplier. That's untill Rome 2 comes ou tin Sept. Bye-bye, doosh Sid- I wont miss the countless days and weeks i spent waiting for a game ( 3000++ steam hours)