The Joke Leaders Thread

AW Arcaeca · Jul 17, 2013

Or, how about:

GREAT BRITAIN
Leader: George III
UA: Revolution - 30% chance every turn that an overseas 'colony' will revolt and become its own nation that will immediately declare war on the motherland. All other cities on the same continent as the overseas revolution also join the new nation.
UB: Textile Mill - Replaces Factory. +10% :c5production:

, +2

, +4

. Requires an improved source of cotton near the city. +4 :c5gold:

benefits become -2 :c5gold:

after the industrial age ends.
UU: Redcoat - Replaces Musketman. 28 :c5strength:

in friendly territory, 20 :c5strength:

outside foreign territory. +1% :c5unhappy:

for every Redcoat in the empire during war. Costs double maintainence in enemy territory.

otaman1 · Jul 17, 2013

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Iraqi Ba'ath Party
Capital: Baghdad
Leader: Saddam Hussein
UA: Insane Dictatorship - Anyone who enters the territory automatically dies
UU: Iraqi Armed Forces - replaces Infantry; bonus fighting in desert tiles; -20% combat strength when fighting in other tiles other than desert
UB: Iraqi Special Forces - replaces Marine; cannot embark; can only paradrop; -20% combat strength when fighting in Forests and Jungles

Communist Party of Kampuchea
Leader: Pol Pot
Capital: Phnom Penh
UA: Massacre - Lose 2 citizens for every 5 citizens in all cities
UU: Communist Kampuchea Army - replaces Infantry; -20% combat strength when fighting in open terrain
UB: Catacomb - replaces Hospital; -50 food in the city; 40% chance of losing a citizen

Galactic Empire
Leader: Darth Vader
Capital: Timira City
UA: Star Wars - Have wars on other stars and planets
UU: Stormtrooper - replaces XCOM Squad; can hump the air
UU: Unidentified Flying Object - can transport units across the map; will be shot down by other civilizations even when not at war; Laser promotion

AW Arcaeca · Jul 17, 2013

PAPAL STATES
Leader: Pope Urban II
Capital: Vatican
UA: Crusaders - +10% combat strength for units in enemy territory of a religion other than your own. Pre-industrial land units may be purchased with faith, price of purchasing units with faith halved with the Holy Warriors belief.
UU: Knights Templar - Replaces Knight. 24 :c5strength:

, costs 130 :c5production:

or 550

. 3

. +10% combat strength if produced in a holy city. Gains faith for enemy units killed.
UB: Temple of Solomon - Replaces Grand Temple. +10 :c5faith:

, +2

, +1

. Starts at 200 :c5production:

instead of 125.

ABORIGINES
Leader: Cumbo Gunnerah
Capital: Gunnedah
UA: Songlines - Output of Uluru becomes +8 :c5faith:

, +1

, +4

+2

. +1 sight for units on desert and plains tiles.
UU: Boomeranger - Replaces Archer. 7 :c5rangedstrength:

, range 1. Costs 30 :c5production:

+15% combat strength on open terrain.
UI (Unique Improvement): Firestick Farm - Can be built on desert, plains and grassland. +1 :c5food:

, +1

. Additional +1 :c5food:

and +1

after Hunting is researched.

godman85 · Jul 17, 2013

Egypt - Ahkenaten

UA - The one true god. Religious pressure is a fourth of normal pressure but citizens can not change beliefs.

UU - Priest of Aten. steals local gold while spreading faith.

UB - Temple of Aten. Must be built in capital. Increases faith generation by 6. Also blocks all tourism against the city holder.

Lordleoz · Jul 17, 2013

Roman Empire
Leader: Emperor Nero
Capital: Rome
UA: Confiscate Properties - Can kill citizens or advisors to earn :c5gold:

gold. +1

unhappy for each killing.
UU: Legion - Same as the in-game legion.
UB: Domus Aurea (Nero's Palace) - Replaces Palace. Costs 150 :c5production:

, the cost rises by 50 per era. Can only be built in capital. Contains three slots for any type of great work. Provides +2.5 :c5strength:

defense, 3 :c5gold:

gold, 3

science, 3 :c5production:

production, 6 :c5culture:

culture, and +20% :c5production:

production when constructing wonders in this city. Must spend one turn to burn down the original palace in order to build it.

Falconiano · Jul 18, 2013

Civ: Rapperland

Leader: Biggie Smalls

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Emperor Giulio · Jul 18, 2013

Emperor Giulio said:
I'm from New Jersey

The New Jersey Empire

Theme music: Bon Jovi (most awful thing we have to offer)

Leader: Chris Christie
Moderator Action: Please do not use people currently living as leaders in this thread.
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UU: Mafia hitmen (has the ability to be invisible, sorta of like a submarine on land)

UA: Garden State: Pollution has no bearing population grow (really a civ 3 and 4 mechanic; there is no pollution in civ 5) Edit: Fallout has no bearing on population growth.

Unquie Tile Improvement: New Jersey Turnpike: Roads actually generate money due to tolls. Plus 1 every few turns. There is no cap to this, it just keeps going up, and up.

Sorry about that

Edit:

Leader: Edward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon

For anyone interested in a good laugh, should look this person up.

VainoValkea · Jul 18, 2013

Russia

Leader: Ivan IV (a.k.a Ivan the Terrible)

UA: Oprichnina - Can raze own cities for gold

Lorf Yimzo · Jul 18, 2013

Republic of Texas

Leader: Sam Houston

UA: (Everything's Bigger) GP tiles have double yield, +1 happiness from every cattle, workers work twice as slow after modern era and four times as slow during Golden Ages.

UU: (Redneck) 100% Combat Bonus in Marsh, -85% Combat Penalty everywhere else, 15% combat bonus on roads. Replaces Infantry.

UB: (Rodeo) Requires a nearby source of cattle, +3 happiness, +4 gold, -25% production.
OR
(NASCAR Race Track) +2 happiness, +3 food, +2 gold, + 2 happiness if redneck is in city, -55% production.

VainoValkea · Jul 18, 2013

Zanzibar Land

Leader: Jack (title: Big Boss)

UA: Outer Heaven
Purchasing military units is 50% cheaper. -1 visibility range for all infantry units.

UU: Metal Gear REX (replaces GDR)
Combat weakness against unescorted highly experienced infantry. Can launch untraceable nuclear missiles. *

UU2: Super Soldier
Replaces infantry. Like Kris swordsman, gets a random promotion, only instantly upon creation. Promotion set includes revolver twirling, psychic powers, foul language, long-range sniper attacks, photosynthesis and the ability to control bees. Not guaranteed to include common sense. Name of the unit is randomly assigned based on the promotion.

* very useful, especially since you're the only one with this ability

edit: note, does not replace Zanzibar the City-State because is actually nowhere near Zanzibar

Emperor Giulio · Jul 18, 2013

Civ: New World Order

Theme music: The Star-Spangled Banner in reverse.

Leader: The All-Seeing Eye (with the pyramid eye for a head on top of a businessman's body.)

UU: Flying Saucer

UA: Conspiracy Theory: Once internet is discovered, :c5science:

decreases by 60% in rival civs.

Moshe Dayan · Jul 18, 2013

The Central African Empire

Leader: Bokassa I

UA: Imperial Decadence: Palace reduces :c5gold:

output in

capital by half.

UU: Released prisoner: Worker replacement that has a low chance of pillaging existing improvements.

UB: Bangui M'Poko International Airport: Replaces Airport. Reduces :c5rangedstrength:

city ranged attack by 100% when under siege by France.

AW Arcaeca · Jul 18, 2013

SWITZERLAND
Leader: Alois von Reding
UA: Neutrality - Cannot declare war. +50% Combat strength in home territory. -33% spy stealing rate. -25% Unit Maintenance.
UU: Cent-Suisses - Replaces pikemen. 20 :c5strength:

. Costs 120 :c5production:

. Gain double :c5influence:

with city-states when gifting this unit. +50% vs Mounted Units, +10% vs Melee Units.
UB: Käserie - Replaces market. Costs 100 :c5production:

. +2

, +25%

, +2

, +1

.

LanguishViking · Jul 18, 2013

Love the Petain UA of puppeting own cities as well as the Somali work boat.

Dan Quayle (from the bottom of the Civ leaders list)

UA - P.O.T.A.T.O.E.
-1 :c5food:

per farm in city with no :c5science:

specialist, +1 :c5food:

per farm during :c5goldenage:

UB - Frontier School
Library replacement, available with agriculture, extra :c5science:

specialist slot and half cost

UU - Education Reformer
Replaces :c5science:

great person, can be expended to start a :c5goldenage:

and cost does not increase as more great persons are created.

Towerbooks3192 · Jul 19, 2013

Sweden
Leader: Markus "Notch" Persson

UA: Minecraft - All mines and farms gain additional +2 :c5production:

UU: Creepers - Replaces Cannon (when creepers attack, the unit is destroyed and it deals damage to adjacent units/cities and destroys all adjacent tile improvements.)

UB: IKEA - Replaces Market and provides +1 :c5gold:

/ trade route and +1 :c5production:

/ forest or jungle tile adjacent to city.

VainoValkea · Jul 19, 2013

Kingdom of England

Leader: William of Orange-Nassau
UA: Glorious Revolution (no unrest, free courthouse in conquered cities which share your religion)

Ottomans

Leader: Mahmud II
UA: Auspicious incident (disbanded military units' experience is converted to gold)

ajok · Jul 19, 2013

dopingman said:
Canada:

UA: "Frindliness" - you give barbarians gold if you clear their encampments (they have to fund their live and families somehow, eh?)
UB: "Hockey stadium" After building, your city will be celebrating 5 turns by watching hockey games. City production is zero during the celebration. Replaces Coliseum. Grants 2 local
UU: "Mounty" Replaces cavalry. Cannot be upgraded. Wears fancy red uniform.

All Canadian stereotypes I can imagine, packed in one Civ!

the leader is justin bieber :lol:

otaman1 · Jul 19, 2013

What if Canada was ruled by a singer?

Singing Canadian Nation
Leader: Justin Bieber
Capital: Ottawa
UA: Death Wish - Every Great People (except for Canadian Singers) dies when born
UU: Canadian Singers - replaces Great Musician; causes resistance when Great Worked founded or creates a concert or landmark
UB: Justin's Strip Club - -100000 unhappiness in all cities

loserforsale · Jul 19, 2013

Magical Britain
Leader: Albus Dumbledore (head of the Wizengamot, close enough)
UA: Wizards' Duels: Any time you attack an enemy unit, lose 5 faith but gain +50% attack strength.
UB: Hogwarts: replaces Public School. Does not give +3 science, but gives +8 faith per turn.
UU: Express Train: replaces caravan. Appears automatically when a new trade route is unlocked; a nearby enemy city mysteriously loses production equal to the normal cost of a caravan.

Volterra
UA: Vampirism: upon destroying an enemy unit, all units heal 25HP.
UU: Volturi Guard: replaces Great General. Melee unit with Strength 60.

SmithRobloxian · Jul 22, 2013

Due to how the thread died a bit, and how some people posted fictional Civs, I decided to post a little idea I had...

Jebediah Kerman - Kerbal said:
Unique Abillity ('Kerbal Space Program'):
Earn 1 per turn in the Capital for every 5 produced per turn empire-wide.1 25% bonus when contructing Spaceship Parts, but every complete Spaceship has a 100% chance of crashing anywhere the map instead as a Rigged Rocket.2 Every failed launch decreases the chances of the next launch by 10%.3

Unique Improvement ('Defunkt Rocket Factory'):
Unlocked at Rocketry, this Improvement provides 1 and 2 for the tile, and provides a 25% bonus when constructing Spaceship Parts when worked. However, it must be built on Flat terrain, and deduce 2 per turn when worked.4

Unique Unit ('Rigged Rocket'):
Replacing the Guided Missile, and also unlocked at Rocketry, the Rigged Rocket has 100 instead of the 60 of the Guided Missile, and deals half of the to any units within it's Blast radius of 1 tile, friendly or foe. The Rigged Rocket, however, suffers from increased production cost (600 instead of the Guided Missile's 150 !) and costing two Oils and one Aluminium.5

1: From Jeb's bio on the KSP wiki: 'A few insider trading secrets from Jeb helped the KSP double their meager operations budget.' Hence the money boost.
2: What were you expecting? A perfect launch? The Kerbals are most famous for their failed rockets.
3: This is to show how, when a launch fails, the Kerbals just go and try again with a better design... As well as letting the Science Victory (Which they are built for) being actually achievable.
4: Also, from Jeb's bio: 'One of his most ingenious coups was to buy a defunkt rocket engine factory for one symbolic dollar and form the company "Jebediah Kerman's Junkayard and Spaceship Parts Co.".'
5: Sometimes, things are designed to go wrong, and due to how the kerbals always fail 60% of the time, it would be best to add in something to symbolize that as well. It also makes a good 'Non-Nuke Nuke' for when either the Nuclear Non-Proliferation is passed, or when you do not want to repair and clean up fallout after taking a enemy city.

The Joke Leaders Thread

Deus Vult

Prince

Deus Vult

Warlord

Prince

Prince

King

Emperor

Atheist

Emperor

King

Da General

Deus Vult

Warlord

Chieftain

Emperor

Warlord

Prince

Chieftain

Warlord

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