Do you believe in settling?

Little Raven

Little Raven

On Walkabout
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Corinne Colbert does.
My husband is not my best friend. He doesn't complete me. In fact, he can be a self-absorbed jerk. We're nearly polar opposites: He's a lifetime member of the NRA who doesn't care for journalists, and I'm a lifelong liberal with a journalism degree. On the other hand, he doesn't beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn't drink or chase other women. He's a good provider. So I'm sticking with him.

Some people would call that "settling," like it's a bad thing. But I believe in settling.
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It's a very short essay...I'd highly encourage everyone to read it in its entirety. And I think she makes a very good point about the hopeless expectations foisted on us by a culture of advertisement, and how unhappy we can be if we fail to separate the reality of life from the lure of marketing.

That said...I'm not sure I can follow that logic all the way to the altar. While the perfect should not be the enemy of the good…I honestly believe that who you marry is pretty much the biggest decision you can make when it comes to determining future happiness. This is not the place to settle. That doesn’t mean you should expect your marriage to be perfect…nothing ever is…but you shouldn’t feel like you settled, either. I know that I still can’t believe my luck at having convinced my wife to marry me, and we’ll be celebrating our 10th anniversary tomorrow.

Speaking of which…I suppose I should do something about that. Hm.
 
No, why settle when you can keep exploring! Besides the benefit it would provide for kids, I fail to see why sticking with and settling down with one person is so such a sought after thing. Love? What is it about this 'love' that makes being with one person better than being a rambling man?
 
I think that settling is better than marrying for the sake of marriage, because in settling at least you thought long and hard about it, while in the other case most people do it on a whim based on unreal expectations and peer pressure.

That said, settling might be better than hasty marriage, but it's not the best thing you can do. Women can be their own providers, for instance. They don't have to marry.
 
I wonder how her husband feels about that essay. ;)
 
Makes me think of that "having what you love" versus "loving what you have". If you can love what you have, go ahead and settle. If your desire for more overwhelms your love of what you have, well, you're not going to be able to be happy.

Me, I don't think I could do it. Maybe I'm too young and idealistic, but I'm not marrying anything short of what would make me stop looking.

And happy anniversary, Little Raven.
 
I'd probably settle just to get at least one child out to continue the family name.
 
LucyDuke said:
Makes me think of that "having what you love" versus "loving what you have". If you can love what you have, go ahead and settle. If your desire for more overwhelms your love of what you have, well, you're not going to be able to be happy.

Me, I don't think I could do it. Maybe I'm too young and idealistic, but I'm not marrying anything short of what would make me stop looking.

And happy anniversary, Little Raven.
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Sounds about right. And I can't conceive of something that would stop me looking. Nor do I think that it's much of a love if once formed it never has any chance to change. How does someone know I think she's the best if I never care to look at other women?

I'm going to go on looking all the time. Problem is that all the women I meet (romantically) want to stop looking and settle with me, and expect the same in return.
 
Prince_Imrahil said:
No, why settle when you can keep exploring!
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The one advantage of the Expansionist trait, you get up to 2 squares away to see if you can settle better somewhere else . . .

Seriously, I don't know. I could take care of myself well enough not to bother unless I really love the person.
 
-Eran of Arcadia said:
The one advantage of the Expansionist trait, you get up to 2 squares away to see if you can settle better somewhere else . . .

Seriously, I don't know. I could take care of myself well enough not to bother unless I really love the person
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it's not always that you're seeking to settle in greener pastures, you can consciously make the choice to just graze in many pastures and never settle for one at all. Ever.
 
Well, surprising as it may seem to you, a lot of people don't want to keep doing that their whole lives. I gathered from the article that she is actually somewhat attached to her husband, just not the way some people think one needs to be.
 
I don't think I'd call it settling, I'd call it honoring one's marriage vows.
 
All I can say is I would not want to be married to this woman she sounds like a real "self-absorbed jerk". And after 15 yrs of marriage I definitely do not think I have settled. I have met many women I wouldn’t mind bonking but none that I could imagine preferring over my wife for a long-term relationship.

Oh and the most important decision you make in life is who you reproduce with. Marriage w/o kids is just like a long date, you can end it and move on. Reproducing with someone is a lifelong bond.
 
Yeah but why marry someone who isn't exactly what you wanted in a spouse in the first place?

Sounds to me like this lady needs someone who beats her ass good every once in a while.
Why? Cause she expects it from her husband, why let her down?

"Bow down to one, the one you serve, youre gonna get what you deserve"
-NIN
 
Mark1031 said:
Oh and the most important decision you make in life is who you reproduce with. Marriage w/o kids is just like a long date, you can end it and move on.
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Legally, perhaps. But on a personal level, it shouldn't be. And if it is, then you definitely shouldn't be having kids.
 
[Cynical Mode=On]

For 99% of people, there is no attractive, intelligent, funny, rich understanding, etc. person who will be their "perfect match." So instead people settle for "good enough" rather than settle for none at all.
 
Little Raven said:
Legally, perhaps. But on a personal level, it shouldn't be. And if it is, then you definitely shouldn't be having kids.
Click to expand...

OH no I didn't mean it the way you think, that marriage is to be taken lightly. I think the goal is for it to be a strong life long bond. It's just that if it turns out not to be then w/o kids you can walk away quite easily. And reproducing with someone to whom you are not married produces a life-long bond whether you want it or not.
 
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