The lamest jokes you can think of....... II

I thought you were serious for a second there.

rugbyLEAGUEfan said:

No, with a knife

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That's not a knife, that's a spoon!

States have reported several voters voting three times, once with their ego, superego, and id, in which the media is calling voter Freud.

There once was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike, and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the Chapter Master's daughter.

So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?" asked the guard, with a not unconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.

"Yes, I'm *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."

The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III."

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass"

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes,*the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike.

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"

"Sure."

If that's all one joke, I'm afraid not many people will read it.

I've heard the same joke as "the red knight with the black and white horse".

Not the red knight with the black and white horse??

Yes, the red knight with the black and white horse.

You don't need a parachute to be a skydiver.
You do need a parachute to be a skydiver TWICE.

Another nerd joke:
Do you wanna hear a joke about iron?
Yes.
Then you'll have to pay a Fe.

I have one.

You're a pot ass!
K, man, whatever you say. I'm so stoned right now, ermahgerd.

Outer Space 101: All it really is is circles going around in circles forever.

I heard this on the internet the other day:

Hey girl, what's your sine? It must be pi on two, as you are the one. *groan*

Lame pick up line......

So what does a polar bear weigh?

I dunno

Me neither, but it breaks the ice.

That's fairly bad.

I would tell a joke about dividing sine by cosine, but then I'd be going off on a tangent.

So Paddy walks into a bar and asks (in what is to be assumed from now on, a terrible Irish accent spoken by me) and orders three pints of Guiness. Drinks are served and Paddy takes a table to himself and grabs three chairs. He sits in one with his drink and sets the other two drinks in front of the other chairs. He then proceeds to go around the table, sipping from each glass until they are finished.

He then goes and orders three more whereby the bartender (in an awesome Aussie accent spoken by me) explains that he is welcome to just buy one and come back for a fresh drink each time.

Paddy explains "no, I'm not silly, it's just me and my two brothers are spread out over the globe and agreed that whenever we enjoyed a Guiness, we would drink in this fashion as a little tradition to honor our brotherly love". "Fair enough" says the bartender.

Over the years Paddy becomes a local and consumes many serves of three pints of Guiness so as nothing is even thought of it in the pub.

Then one day Paddy comes in and orders just two pints. "Oh Paddy, I hope there hasn't been a death in the family?" asks the bartender.

"No, nothing like that" says Paddy "But I'm off the piss"

Arakhor said:

That's fairly bad.

I would tell a joke about dividing sine by cosine, but then I'd be going off on a tangent.

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Oh dear. Do you have any idea how to invert that joke? Because then everything can go back to normal.

(Geddit? Inverse of Tangent = Normal).

Oh dear. Math jokes...

Actually I have a joke I know everyone will think lame, because noone gets it.

True story: A friend of mine in high school asked this.

Q: What's a zip? (Pre-PC age)

A: A zip is a little black box that flies around the church at a speed of 200 miles per hour.

you're right, I don't get it...

Two Chemists walk into a bar.

One says "I'll have H2O."

The other says "I'll have H2O, too," and he died.

mayor said:

you're right, I don't get it...

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Nobody does! (That is what makes it absolutely hilarious to me.)

JEELEN said:

Nobody does! (That is what makes it absolutely hilarious to me.)

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hehe, very funny

Is it possible to understand that joke?