155 things you didn't know until Civ5 taught you

For those of you who don't get how this works, this isn't a "we hate civ v" rant thread, it's a "humorous (or trying to be) observations on how the world would work if it adhered to the game's rules" thread. IV had one too. If you're still offended, just find another thread.

53. Siam was overpowered and the Ottoman empire sucked.
54. Gandhi was a pissy little jerk.
55. Actually, getting involved in a land war in Asia is perfectly fine if you do it right.
56. Nations don't trade for food resources.
57. Spain and Babylon only exist if you paid extra.
58. God is still perfecting things, and patches this creation every few months.
 
59. Founding a new city isn't an investment, where it takes some time to reach the break even point afterwards. Founding a new city is an immediate business.
60. Of course Inca also only exists, if you paid extra.
 
61. In Arabia, it is rather common to witness first-hand the miracle of transfiguration. Horses are routinely turned into camels by mystic military officials.
 
62. All soldiers trained in melee weapons have a special tactic used to defeat flying units. The army jumps on each other's shoulders and tries to bash/slash/poke the said flying unit to death.
 
63. All nations have always "Played to win". In no case whatsoever have nations ever been allys due to that.

64. England was the only country to ever use longbows; everyone else in the entire historky of the universe used a crossbow.

65. Rivers have been the bane of armies for enternity, unless you were a Scout or a Minuteman.

66. Speaking of Minutemen, they were rasied by the American Government as a standing army to go directly head-to-head with the other powers.

67. If you ever visit China, they don't have libraries. Instead, they have building that make paper for books. That you then have to buy.
 
68) At the dawn of history, when the first human civilizations met each other, they immediately hated each other because they were trying to 'win' the same way.

69) Trade routes can only make money between cities belonging to the same nation. Imports and exports can only be done as a treaty between governments, never by private businesses.
 
Never seen any unit transforming into a train. Maybe we have been playing different games? Oh, that must be some new DLC spell

It is called extra movement on railroads, how else do you think they do it? By walking?


72. All human beings are sociopaths.
 
31. Never go to war to help your friend.... Because they will denounce you causing the a ton of other civilizations to denounce you and then deny you freedom through their territory to get to their enemy.

I posted this story somewhere else.
( Earth-Large-King-America..... The year is 1990 the world has been split up into 6 major powers Babylon who has conquered all of South America and has a population of a whooping 70 million, France and The Aztecs who have split Asia and Eastern Europe almost evenly, Japan and China who have split Western Europe and the Middle East almost evenly, Persia who conquered 75% of Africa, a bit of Antarctica and various islands, England who conquered the remainder of Africa and a few islands, and finally America who conquered most of North America and a bit of Antarctica. So Darius decides to declare on England(my biggest trading partner and best friend for centuries) and smashes their pathetic army, with their army of 500,000, in a few turns and begins to capture English cities effortlessly. Fearing Economic collapse with the loss of a major trading partner and Persia's score getting way to far ahead of everyone else's I decide to attempt to form a coalition with the worlds major powers (and a few smaller ones like Germany, Spain the Inca, and the Iroquois), to fight Persia. Everyone agrees except Napoleon and some minor power. So I use a great artist to start a golden age and begin preparing for war. Right before the 10 turns of preparation are up England losses all of it's cities in Africa and is left with only a few islands off the coast and of course my happiness meter dips into red, so I have to deplete my treasury buying happiness buildings. So the 10 turns are up and we all declare was on Persia and my forces mobilize(I saw one Babylonian rocket artillery on the way to Africa lol). Two turns later ENGLAND DENOUNCES ME..? (WTF I JUST WENT TO WAR FOR YOU) THEN ALMOST EVERYONE OF MY WAR ALLIES DENOUNCE ME AS WELL..? So I get to Africa and of course my open borders treaty with England expires and of course THEY WONT RENEW IT FOR ANYTHING!!!!!!! Figuring I had to fight Persia no matter what I declare on England to get through their waters to Africa. This is followed by several warnings(and denouncements) from minor powers around the worldlol: and my economy finally collapsing under the pressure of a huge army, adding a ton of happiness buildings without increasing gold output, and finally the gold from Elizabeth for my resources being canceled. At this point I quit playing not only that game but ciV all together until the patches bring back sane AI's. )
 
For those of you who don't get how this works, this isn't a "we hate civ v" rant thread, it's a "humorous (or trying to be) observations on how the world would work if it adhered to the game's rules" thread. IV had one too. If you're still offended, just find another thread.

:cringe:

Jesus F Christ! No one is offended and no one (as far as I see) is thinking this is "we hate civ5" thread. It's just not funny enough. Can you believe that? That actually is possible too...

Not funny enough in the manner that the thread should be closed, but not funny enough in the manner that people should try harder...
 
:cringe:

Jesus F Christ! No one is offended and no one (as far as I see) is thinking this is "we hate civ5" thread. It's just not funny enough. Can you believe that? That actually is possible too...

Not funny enough in the manner that the thread should be closed, but not funny enough in the manner that people should try harder...

I wasn't talking to you. read the third reply to this thread.

And since I'm here...

73. Never bring a sword to a gunfight. Unless it's a longsword vs a musket, then never bring a gun to a swordfight.
 
74. On Earth Map a Warrior unit occupies an area of 49000 Km2 so that no other unit can enter that area.

75. A Colosseum in a city gives boost to other cities anywhere on the earth even though people on those far cities do not use that Colosseum.

76. There is no Economy in the History, Happiness is the only thing that matters.
 
I wasn't talking to you. read the third reply to this thread.

And since I'm here...

73. Never bring a sword to a gunfight. Unless it's a longsword vs a musket, then never bring a gun to a swordfight.

I'm still offended!

77. In the year 5000bc, it took 250 years to travel through a village.
 
75. A Colosseum in a city gives boost to other cities anywhere on the earth even though people on those far cities do not use that Colosseum.

That was patched out. ;)

78. French culture went out the window with Steam Power. :)
 
80. All the newborn kids are eaten to feed the ekspeditionteam, so that they are ready to find a new city faster.
 
82. Two people cannot pass by Manhattan at the same time. Several million people may live inside it, though.

83. A single military unit comprising only a few soldiers may defeat several tanks, soldiers and mechs, given they get a terrain chokepoint.
 
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