Original Material thread.

Lefty Scaevola · Mar 22, 2009

Time for creation.
Post here original funny stories or jokes, that you have written.

Special reward: If and when someone posts a story I find more or near as funny as the "I like monkeys" story, I will unsticky that thread.

eastsidebagel · Mar 22, 2009

Lefty Scaevola said:
Special reward: If and when someone posts a story I find more or near as funny as the "I like monkeys" story, I will unsticky that thread.

That's some kind of competition? And please tell me, why did you really stickied the monkey story. What has it what other things in H&J miss?

Perfection · Mar 22, 2009

I think on the upcoming 5 year anniversary we need to unlock and sticky this legendary thread.

Bigfoot3814 · Mar 22, 2009

I think hurricane names need to be scarier. Situations like Katrina happen because these people don't have the fear of God in their hearts. I suggest we start using the names of the Godzilla monsters.

Hurricane Rodan
Hurricane Mothra
Hurricane Destroyah
Hurricane Mecha King Ghidora

I actually performed this joke at an open mic comedy thing one time.

Sharwood · Mar 23, 2009

I thought I had a really good hurricane joke then, but I remembered that Kent Brockman said it.

That kind of makes this post pointless, doesn't it?

Bigfoot3814 · Mar 23, 2009

Mother: "I'm tired of cleaning up after you!"
Son: "I'm not tired of you cleaning up after me."

Catharsis · Mar 23, 2009

Joke I made up back in 2007 on CFC:

Neptune: Hey Pluto! Why is my backside so flat?
Pluto: Because Jupiter Saturn Uranus!

Joke I made up yesterday:

What tennis player always wears a hat?

Spoiler :

Gooblah · Mar 23, 2009

Back before 2006:

What's a Republican Senator's favorite game?

Pin the blame on the donkey!

:lol:

...not really.

Kennigit · Mar 24, 2009

Here is an offensive, crude joke born in the middle of a conversation I had with someone, the jist of which boiled down to:

Spoiler :

It's better if you use it in context. And yes, a joke doesn't have to be funny

.

NewWaver · Mar 26, 2009

Subscription post!

Keep 'em coming, hehe.

Onionsoilder · Mar 26, 2009

Combining sayings is a dangerous thing. Why? Because if you combine:

"What goes around, comes around" with "Money makes the world go round" and "Money is the root of all evil", you get "The apocalypse is coming!" :run:

carmen510 · Apr 2, 2009

So I was walking through Grand Central Station when this conversation happened:

Preacher: Jesus Christ Loves you All!
Homeless Guy: Does that mean He's GAY?
Some Guy: Yeah, he's got about 3 billion gay lovers.

Preacher is embarrassed, cannot come up with witty excuse, and leaves in shame.

Flying Pig · Apr 4, 2009

EDIT: The following, until the moderator post, no longer makes any sense whatsoever

:lol:

Never trust a doctor

Sharwood · Apr 4, 2009

Flying Pig said:
Never trust a doctor

More like never trust a pharmacy.

How the hell do you not know how to use Viagra? It's pretty common knowledge.

Flying Pig · Apr 4, 2009

Most people never use it, so it's probably no that well-known

Sharwood · Apr 5, 2009

Flying Pig said:
Most people never use it, so it's probably no that well-known

Most people never use cocaine either, but it's pretty well-known what you do with it. Viagra is as much a pop culture phenomenon as a medical one. I can think of two television shows - Mad About You and The Drew Carey Show - just off the top of my head that have had episodes centred around it. And I don't watch either. Not to mention the commercials.

Mise · Apr 5, 2009

A friend just reblogged this off one of his friends (apparently a true story)

The downside of adding your auntie on Facebook. (a phone call between her and my mum)

* Aunt: Right, I don't want you to get worried but I think Neil is in a bad way.
* Mum: What? Why?
* Aunt: I saw his facebook status and I thought I should tell you.
* Mum: Oh no, what did it say?
* Aunt: It said "I got in one little fight and my mom got scared"
* Mum: Oh no! But he never said anything! Is he ok?
* Aunt: I don't know. But I thought you should know. He might be inured.
* Mum: I'm going to call him. This is terrible.

Lefty Scaevola · Apr 5, 2009

Moderator Action: recall that "sexually oriented" is barred at CFC

Flying Pig · Apr 5, 2009

Point taken - there you are, a good reason why it isn't stickied

Vanadorn · Apr 6, 2009

Oh crud. Sorry!

2 cents retracted.

Original Material thread.

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Heh...

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