Suleiman's Harem

Manny-bunny, it appears that Hatshepsut and Catherine hate each other's guts.
Will they air the catfight on PPV?
I'd like to suggest you take Catherine's side on their dispute.
What? I can't do that! They're all my girls, all four of them.
Four of them?
There's Catherine, Hatty, Celtia's Left Leader, and Celtia's Right Leader.
Listen. Hatsheptsut is already souring to you quickly, with all your remarks about her incestuous marriage, your numerous refusals to stop trading with Catherine, the fact that you worship different gods... It's not going well anyways. Why our record is pristine with Catherine. To stop trading with Hatty would be no great loss, the way things are going.
I'll think about it. But I don't usually do that kind of underhanded stuff!


50 AD:

The Vp goes ring-a-ling-ding...


Catherine! You look cheeky, today!
Thank you! Listen, could you do me a favor? Hatshepsut is becoming, like ~sigh~, really [BLEEP]y. Could you, like, stop trading with her?
Um... I don't know...
Please?
I don't think...
DO IT!
... OK...
Good! I knew I could count on my big man to come through for me!

Lawlz. I love how you use the cartoons to tell the story. It's a great departure from all the "serious" stories that make up the majority of this forum. Good job.

The State of the World in 1 AD:



Who did this map?
I did.
I like the name of our Empire, but I'm not totally sold on it. We'll try it on for a while, see if we like it, then change if need be. Alright. Any of you girls got stuff to say?
Um... Well, we've built the Moai Statues in Istanbul, and are in the process of completing a lighthouse there, then, Buddha only knows what'll come after.
After? I want a Settler, an Axeman and a Galley. See that little Island east of the Khmer Empire? If it looks good when we get there, we'll settle there. If not, we'll keep going until we find a good island. This is a Big and Small map, so there's bound to be one or two.
OK. Next, we're building Chichen Itza in Edirne.
If we're to wage war against a protective nation, we want a defensive bonus of some kind, too!
Makes sense. Then, we start amassing a Stack of Catapults.
Excellent.
Finally, we're almost done building a Courthouse in Ankara. I'd suggest a wall, and either some defensive units, or another cultural building there, to try and fend off Pyongyang's culture.
Sounds good. How about the bad guys?
There are some Civilizations that appear somewhat out of the loop, at this time. Notably Boudica, Suryavarman, Hatshepsut and Cyrus. But it's still early and that could change. Catherine and De Gaulle have the biggest armies. Thankfully, though it doesn't necessarily mean much, Catherine adores you. You're also in the good graces of Suryavarman, Boudica, and Wang Kon, who are all Buddhists like us. Cyrus think's we're OK, De Gaulle is annoyed, while Hatty... well, she's going batty.
As I would expect her to.
We still have one missing Civilization we have yet to meet. My guess is, they're settled on some distant island, and it'll be some time before we meet.
M'kay. So, the plans are: Build a stack of catapults in Edirne, Get more culture and defense in Ankara, and get a Galley equipped for settling ready in Istanbul. Groovy!


... To be continued eventually...

Good stuff.

Flouzemaker, dont do everything Catherine says! She'll stab you in the back in a flash!!

Flouzemaker said:

... To be continued eventually...

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Now that is scary.
Great story, I love it. And where did you learn French ?

RockTheCazbah87 said:

Flouzemaker, don't do everything Catherine says! She'll stab you in the back in a flash!!

Click to expand...

Ah, indeed. That's exactly what Sarila (The Foreign Adviser) would say... and has said.
But honestly, wouldn't it be better, story-wise, if Cathy did plant her stiletto heel in Suleiman's back? Assuming she wears those, of course. Quite frankly, I imagine she's wearing some kind of leather riding boots... would fit with the uniform and Cossack theme.
But I digress.
A story is always better when betrayal is involved! 'Course, I can't force Cathy to betray me, but if she did, it would make for a great chapter or two. And probably the rapid downfall of the Ottoman Empire. And then, you'd start rooting for the underdog, which, again, makes for a better story!
I feel there's less dramatic impact when I declare war on the AI - Mostly because it's planned long in advance and everyone sees it coming. If it's a spur of the moment declaration of war... well, battles will be mostly unplanned and will suck.
However, drama abounds when the AI declares war on you, even if you pretty much expected they would (like that close neighbor who's annoyed at you). It's more thrilling when there's stuff you can lose, as opposed to stuff you can (and probably will) gain in a war of your own choosing.

So, in short... Does Suleiman make mistakes? Totally. Will he make more? Absolutely. The story would be less interesting if it chronicled a flawless victory. At least, if *I* wrote it. Many have proven the opposite in other threads - there's a kind of true educational value in watching an excellent player go at it, kind of as thrilling as watching the greatest athletes of the world compete for gold...

But for me... well, perfection isn't funny. Mistakes are.
So I do hope someone betrays me, whether it's Cathy, Boudica, Suryavarman, or someone else, should Suleiman eventually get into their good graces.

Izipo said:

Great story, I love it. And where did you learn French ?

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You'd be amazed at what you can do when you open the diplomacy texts file in the XML - You get German, French, Spanish... it's awesome!
And, while clumsy, you can't use babelfish enough. It gives you a translation that both dupes those who aren't familiar with that language, and makes those who do know it chuckle at the translation's inadequacy.
Those tools really help a lot.
That, and the fact that French is my mother tongue.
Those really help a lot.

Flouzemaker, your my hero.






j/k





maybe....

I have been waiting for this one. Very good. Man, Boudica has jugs!! I totally understand Suleiman. If I were him, I would check her every turn. You know, for possible trades and all...

As usual such a great funny read looking forward to the next up-date.

Have Cathy in my game at the minute, she was all nice and lovely with me on my own Visual phone then Wham Bam one of her In-laws General Rasputtin came for a State Visit of the not so friendly type.

So I don't think you will have to worry about the Cathy the Hussy back stabbing you it will just be a matter of time.

You're sure making warlike preparations. The culture your own cities are producing appears to be placing most of the Korean Empire under pressure of the cultural flip.

What's happened to Sid? No acts of total randomness.

Flouzemaker said:

That, and the fact that French is my mother tongue.

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Your name gave you away.

Scarredroman said:

You're sure making warlike preparations. The culture your own cities are producing appears to be placing most of the Korean Empire under pressure of the cultural flip.

What's happened to Sid? No acts of total randomness.

Click to expand...

There has been some, but I don't really take the time to mention the especially trivial ones like, say, the fact one of Edirne's forests has extra deer in it.

There will be some later on, of course. I could I not mention the Quests, for instance.

You're right Flouzemaker, if we did see some betrayal from Cathy, it would sure make it a more interesting story. And I reckon it's just when she does it rather that if she does it now!

Ready for the next update!

Flouzemaker I've read this and am now very much into it, please continue, quick!

You know, I've actually never had a problem with Catherine stabbing me in the back. I almost always end up with a Defensive Pact with her and sail smoothly with her until the end of the game.

I guess I have uncommon experiences with the game, haha.

Your story rocks! Hilarious!!!!

Subscribing again.
I went through your comics on casual gamers, they're real funny. Are you ever going to finish?
Oh and very funny story, I had to wipe red bull off my computer screen when I saw Suleiman staring at Boudicca's boudacious bosoms.

This is great

Additional generic fan compliment!