Mafia Game: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (GAME THREAD)

Askthepizzaguy

Know the Dark Side
Joined
Aug 14, 2007
Messages
7,796
Location
Norway
MAFIA GAME: MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL







The story is based on the movie Monty Python and the Holy grail. You will attempt to rid the land of the dreaded Knights Who Say Ni, and perhaps other disastrously evil creatures. Unless of course you're one of them, in which case, nuts to those silly pointy-headed knights who are wipers of other people's bottoms. Join the legendary King Arthur of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England, and his trusty servant Patsy, as they clomp all over England using the awesome power of coconuts to get them where they are going, and watch as he and his trusty Knights of the Round Table embark on a sacred quest to find the Holy Grail. Along the way, you will meet others who are friendly to his cause, and some who are not so friendly. Especially that killer rabbit... it's a foul-tempered rodent... a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL!!! WITH NASTY, BIG, POINTY TEETH!!!!








RULES




Custom Rules:


1. Day Phases will be 24 hours if everyone has voted. If there are some missing votes, a 24 hour extension may be granted.

2. Night Phases will be 24 hours if all orders are in. I do allow orders to be sent in "ahead of time" so that if you anticipate not being online that day, I still have your orders. Under some circumstances I may grant an extension for the night phase, but remember, that can cause problems when you proclaim your innocence. Be wise and send your orders in early.

3. Copying, quoting, translating (turning into a foreign language for someone else to read as a loophole around the rules) the ROLE private message (PM) I send you, screenshots, and chatlogs (direct quotes from instant messenger chat) are explicitly and totally banned. Do not circumvent this rule or you will be WOG'ed (die due to the Wrath of God- the game moderator, me) immediately. However, private communication outside of the game thread is allowed. Do not intentionally try to find a loophole to the above rule, such as asking "what is the fourth letter in your role PM?" because I design the game to make such chicanery useless, and it is also unethical as it is an attempted loophole. If you wish to do something which you might think goes against the SPIRIT of the rules, please contact me for approval first, and you might be surprised, I might say Okay.

4. Please follow all other CivFanatics forum rules regarding conduct, and please try to refrain from showing hostility toward another player. It is only a game, please cool yourself off before posting. You are allowed to criticize decisions made by other players, but I frown upon calling people stupid, etc. Please refrain from using profanity, or posting off-topic content or obscene imagery.

5. Please try to remain active. If you need to drop out for whatever reason, please contact me and I will replace you with an inactive player. If you miss two consecutive voting rounds, you may be replaced.

6. Feel free to ask me anything in private. I may not answer your specific question though if it reveals information you aren't supposed to have.

7. Votes shall be bolded and in the

vote: Methos

format, and if you wish to change your vote, I'd prefer it if you posted in the

unvote, vote: Matrix

format. This makes it easier for me to locate your votes and your vote changes. This may be different from the format you're accustomed to. I'll try to be flexible.

8. FORCED CLUES and MULTIPLE VOTING- Nope!

Apparently we have a culture clash. You're familiar with mafia games where you have multiple votes and the mafia are required to leave true/false clues. That's a variation that I am not familiar with and I am not employing. Players will have one vote apiece, and clues will come in the form of investigative results if there is an investigator, in-thread activity, voting patterns, and subtle write-up hints.

Not familiar with my style of games? Check out my other mafia game that I just recently hosted, The Chainsaw Gang. This one will be mostly humorous and not as dark, but some of the writeups will be violent as usual. I'd have to play a few games the way you're used to playing it in order to feel comfortable hosting one that way.

9. Playing while dead:

If you are dead, you can still play. You cannot communicate with anyone out-of-thread about the game and you cannot reveal any NEW information in-thread that has not already been revealed by another player. In other words, if you're dead, you cannot reveal detective results and so forth, or be part of a town information network. You can continue to discuss and give your opinion on who needs to die, and use all in-thread resources at your disposal. Also, if you are alive, don't PM the dead, unless they are your mafia partners.

My sincerest apologies for not making this clear ahead of time. That is my error.





_____________________​

I would like LOTS of players for this one, because if we do have lots of players I can add in some of the extra special bonus characters which would otherwise cause an imbalance of power in a smaller game. You want a fun, silly, challenging game? Please give me a bunch of players.


Signups: Gunning for at least 30 players, please! More is always better!


:king: Sign-ups: (30/30+) :king:

civplayah
Nictel
Catharsis
cubsfan6506
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
kill fire
Snerk
cindle
TheLastOne36
Seon
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
plarq
taillesskangaru
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Winston Hughes
Stuck in Pi
Renata
rhawn
Love
CivGeneral
ZPV


RESERVES: (2)

KingMorgan
Tasslehoff






:king:

Who's that then?

-Must be a King.

Why?

-Cause 'e hasn't got ---- all over 'im.
 
Reserved for the game write-ups.

Spoiler :








GOD: Arthur.... King of the Britons.... Your Knights of the Round table shall have a task to make them an example in these Dark Times. You must find the Holy Grail. That is your purpose Arthur....

King Arthur: But we've been looking for it for some time, actually. We believe it has been stolen by the dreaded Knights Who Say Ni. What should we do, O Lord?

GOD: Isn't it obvious??? You're so (expletive) dense, Arthur. GO out and find these evil knights and destroy them. And while you're at it, go ahead and destroy all the other threats to England that you might encounter. That is your sacred quest.


King Arthur: Good idea Oh Lord

GOD: COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA!!! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I SQUISH YOU WITH MY GIANT FOOT!!!


_____________​


And so, King Arthur and his knights assembled the peasants of England together at his Court at Camelot, and they decided to bicker amongst themselves, and accuse one another of being one of those bloody Knights who Say Ni. But Arthur was not sure that voting would be the surest way to find those dastardly knights, so he made sure to travel every day with his most trusted knights, looking high and low for those who have angered God so mightily.

Now begins.... the Quest for the Holy Grail!




Begin Day One. You will have over 24 hours to discuss and vote, possibly 48 hours. And yes, I'm starting on a Day Phase, as I usually do. The Knights of Ni have the Holy Grail in their possession, you don't need a murder in order to go looking for them... so how about some random guessing?




Day One


Camelot.
Main Hall.
The assembled guests are arguing among themselves.


King Arthur
: My loyal subjects... please settle down.

The arguing continues.

King Arthur: PLEASE settle down!

More shouting and bickering.

King Arthur: Shut up! Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Sir Launcelot (drawing his sword): Sire, they may become too unruly. Shall I silence them sir?

King Arthur: No thank you. Hand me that chicken.

Sir Launcelot (pointing to Sir Robin): That one sir?

King Arthur: No, the one with feathers.

Launcelot hands him the chicken. King Arthur smashes Launcelot on the head with it, causing a loud metallic clanging noise. This apparently gets the attention of the mob.

King Arthur: Please good people, I am in haste. Who have we determined, through logic and reason, to be a witch? Sorry, I mean... a traitor to England. Have we found any of the Knights who Say Ni?

The people murmur, and push a man from the center of the crowd forward against his will. He seems confused by all this attention, and when he is unceremoniously kicked in the rear end and sent sprawling onto his stomach, he seems to feel quite betrayed. Arthur looks at the old man, and takes pity on him.

King Arthur: This is the one you've determined is one of the Knights who say Ni? This is the crazy old man from scene twenty-four. He is the bridgekeeper who asks the five questions...

Sir Bedevere
: Three questions...

King Arthur
: Three questions... and if you answer correctly... what happens?

Arthur suddenly looks confused and trails off. Sir Bedevere shrugs. Arthur looks at Launcelot, who realizes the King is paying attention to him and happily grabs for his sword, only to get a disapproving look from the King, so he sulks and puts his sword away.

Old man from scene 24 (impatiently): ...who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three.

King Arthur: Yes, yes, we know that. If we answer the questions then what?

Old man from scene 24: You get to cross the bridge.

King Arthur: Wait a minute. If you're here, who is guarding the bridge of death?

Old man from scene 24 (thinks for a moment, then shrugs): I don't know...

Suddenly, the Old man is lifted up into the sky, and dropped into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. Which was quite a long distance from Camelot, at least one swallow's flight away. That's an unladen swallow's flight, by the way. It was at least two laden swallows' flights away, four given a coconut on a line between them....

GOD: GET ON WITH IT!!!!

Right. And so the Old man from scene 24 was destroyed, possibly for failing to answer King Arthur's three questions. Arthur sent his knights to go find the body and examine it, and although many of them died in the attempt, they successfully retrieved the Old Man's body, and they conclusively determined that the Old man,
Plarq, was NOT one of the Knights who Say Ni. In fact, it turns out that the Old man from scene 24 was...





...An investigator, aligned with England



French Taunter: HA! You silly English Kn-n--n-n-n-iggg'hts are such empty-headed animal food trough wipers. Go and boil your bottoms!!!

This was not a good start for the people of England. As the sun set behind the Castle of Camelot, the Knights of the Round table were in a foul mood. No one said much of anything, except one of the more outspoken peasants who argued that anarcho-syndicalism would bring about more freedom, to which his mother replied "Who cares about freedom? We haven't got enough mud."




Begin Night One. Please get your orders in during the next 24 hours, but I will extend it to 48 if I don't get them all.

NIGHT ONE


Sir Robin's minstrel (Seon) was traveling alone in the forest of Ewing, singing to himself.


Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--


But the poor minstrel could not finish his song. Apparently, something decided that it would be lovely to munch on his head. Out of nowhere, Seon's attacker came and made quick work of him. Seon could barely see what was happening, as the attack seemed to come from all directions. Chunks were torn out of his flesh, and the poor man was bleeding from every known orifice, and from some he didn't even know he had. He decided to beat a very brave retreat, but to no avail... as he started to run, his ankles were torn to pieces and he fell flat on his face. He tried to crawl on his hands and knees to get away, but this only made the situation worse as his entire intestinal tract was torn out of his hindquarters. How very painful! Very shortly the poor fool was decapitated in a flash of teeth and claws. What little remained of his body was never found. Now, Brave Sir Robin would have to travel alone, without his trusty band of minstrels.... And there was much rejoicing!


....yay....


Seon is dead.






Cubsfan6506 was just hanging around, reminiscing about the good old days when he used to laugh and sing and dance in Camelot, and meet all the beautiful girls from the Castle Anthrax. Now he had to answer to the old ball and chain... ugh. He wasn't going anywhere at all, because he was a bit tied down. Every day was the same old routine... they would chain him to the wall for twelve hours, and then feed him whatever rat they found in the dungeon, and then turn him upside-down and let him hang there in chains for the next twelve hours, and then do it again. Ahhh... the life of a dungeon-dweller. At least it was better than how the Romans treated their prisoners. Nice people though, those Romans... fantastic. Crucifixion was the best thing they ever did for anyone. Cubsfan6506 often wished he had gotten off easy and received a crucifixion sentence.

After hanging comfortably upside-down for nearly 10 hours, Cubsfan6506 was feeling quite comfortable and relaxed. The wide grin on his face was interrupted when the stone wall of the dungeon came crumbling down, or from his perspective, up. In the dark of the night, and with only a few sputtering torches providing light, a large figure approached Cubsfan6506. As he looked up (down) at the strange-looking visitor, he smiled a wide nearly-toothless grin. This was no intruder, no... this was a new companion! Perhaps even a rescuer. What wondrous adventures he would have with his new friend. What places they would see... what joyous things they would do. Oh, and the heavenly aroma that was emanating from this new friend... it was indescribably wonderful. Heck, anything smelled better than the rotting corpse he was hanging next to. Cubsfan lifted his restrained arm as best he could, and waved a hearty hello.

Compared to what he had gone through over the past thirty years, one might imagine that what happened next was almost merciful. The emaciated man was torn off of the wall with one powerful motion, tearing his limbs completely out of their sockets, still chained up and hanging disembodied.

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.....

Cubsfan6506 is dead.





Taillesskangaru, clad in the finest Green armour, wandered through the forest seeking out his hated rivals, such as the Black Knight. But some others plagued his mind even more than the Black Knight... unseen... invisible.... hiding among good, decent men. They looked like men but they were not. They smelled like foul beasts.... beasts that didn't belong in England. But today, the Green Knight would face an even more ruthless foe.

The snap of a twig alerted the Green Knight to the presence of another... perhaps a group of them. Without further warning, they attacked him on all sides. His sword was useless against them.... they were too powerful... too strong. He swung his mighty mace... but to no avail. Finally, he pulled out his axe and tried to cut them down to size... and this also had no effect.

Their reply was devastating. It caused his face to bleed and his eyes to roll out of his skull... it caused a total loss of bowel control, and it also caused genital warts. Indeed, he was suddenly covered with a terrible rash, and his earlobes melted. The joints of his body became solid bone, and his skin turned into a putrid black slime. All manner of terrible things were inflicted upon him, including the dreaded wet willy and a severe wedgie. The continued onslaught left his head spinning... the Green Knight could bear it no longer, and shoved his own sword through his head. But even this would not stop the torment.... until his brain finally exploded, and chunks blew out his nose.

Taillesskangaru is dead.






ALIVE: (26/30)

civplayah
Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
kill fire
Snerk
cindle
TheLastOne36
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Winston Hughes
Stuck in Pi
Renata
rhawn
Love
CivGeneral
ZPV

Lynched: (1/30)

plarq

Murdered: (3/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru




Camelot

Calm down... it's only a model.



Day Two begins now. Your night action results, if any, will be out shortly. Day will last 24 hours if everyone has voted, or 48 if everyone has not voted.










GOD: Kill fire..... KILL FIRE.... wake up kill fire.



Kill fire: zzz.......



GOD: WAKE UP, FOOLISH MORTAL!!!



Kill fire: huh? What? Sorry.... just really tired. I'm not sure about this quest you gave me.



GOD: I see... perhaps we can find someone a little more lively to fill your role.




Kill fire: I'm lively!




GOD: Like a rotting log, you are. Enjoy your nap.

*SPLAT*





The greatness of the Lord has been demonstrated unto kill fire. Yea, and as he walks through the shadow of the valley of Askthepizzaguy's footprint, he shall lurk no longer.


Kill fire has been killed by the wrath of God. And in his place stands a new player, Tasslehoff.

GOD: Everyone say hello to Tasslehoff, or face a similar fate.

*wink*


Day Two


King Arthur stood in front of the assembled guests in the main hall of Camelot, and wondered who would be the poor unlucky sap to be killed by an angry mob. Or, he would have, if the blasted game host hadn't already given it away and told everyone he was a townie already, and totally ruined the surprise revelation. This narrator resigns in a huff due to the total lack of professionalism displayed by the game host. What a shoddy organization he's running. And another thing, stop typing things in size five text, it's not impressing anyone. And we don't care about your personal life, have something written in advance for the lynch for God's sake.

Narrator: *mutters in disgust*

Meanwhile, the game host replaced the narrator (himself) with someone else he felt was up to the task (me). But it still scares me that he refers to himself in the third person and speaks as though he's several different people.


I think he's got issues.

God: Get on with it!

Right. So Arthur looked toward the crowd and wondered who would be lynched for today. But there was no one in the crowd that they decided on... something was definitely askew.

King Arthur: Who among you have you decided is a Knight who says Ni?

the crowd looked at one another, confused


King Arthur: Well, who is it?

Sir Galahad:
They've written a name... I'm not sure who it is... can you read it?

King Arthur
: No... no I'm not sure what it says. Maybe Brother Maynard can read it. Fetch him for me.

Brother Maynard: Right here, sire. It's apparently written in Aramaic. It reads: "Here are the last words of Terry Vance Gilliam. I'm not currently dressed as a character, I'm busy working on some animation for the cut scenes for the film. You know, that lovely bit with God speaking to Arthur? Yeah I drew that, and some other lovely surprises. I'm not sure why the host made me a part of the game but he did. Unfortunately, I cannot join you on the set right now because I'm dying. I was killed by the dreaded forces of.... aaaaarrrrggghhhhh."

King Arthur:
Killed by the what?

Brother Maynard
: The dreaded forces of.... "aaaaarrrrggghhhhh". He must have died while writing it.

King Arthur: Well if he was dying he wouldn't bother to write "aaaaarrrrggghhhhh", he would just say it.

Brother Maynard: Well that's what's written on this post-it note.

King Arthur:
You're a looney.

Brother Maynard: Look, unless you've got someone else who can translate Aramaic better than I can, I'm going to piss off.

Sir Galahad: Don't talk to the king like that.

Sir Launcelot: He's verbally assaulting the King! Let me cut his head off!

Sir Bedevere: Oh lord, there he goes again. Someone grab him.

several knights tackle Sir Launcelot


Sir Launcelot: Come on, let me kill something! All this bloody pacifism isn't right for my idiom! If you let me charge right at the crowd, I'll kill them all, and we'll definitely kill all the knights who say Ni!

Sir Robin: Hey, he said Ni, he must be one of them!

Sir Galahad:
Yeah, but you just said Ni.

Sir Robin: There, you just said it too!

King Arthur: EVERYONE.... STOP SAYING NI!

the crowd gasps in horror

Crowd: KILL THE KING!!!!

King Arthur: Oh bloody hell.

small voice in the back of the crowd
: Heh, at least I didn't say Ni.

The crowd kills that man instead.

Meanwhile, the Animator (TheLastOne36) suffers a fatal heart attack, and Terry Vance Gilliam was no more.






Terry Vance Gilliam, the Animator, was just a townie, loyal to England, with some sort of passive protection ability.




Alive: (25/30)

civplayah
Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
cindle
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Winston Hughes
Stuck in Pi
Renata
rhawn
Love
CivGeneral
ZPV

Lynched: (2/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36

Murdered: (3/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru

Wrath of God:
(Only one so far...)

kill fire




You have until midnight tonight (little under 23 hours from now) to get me your orders, with the usual caveats if several people don't get their orders in.



NIGHT TWO


Tim the Enchanter (Stuck in Pi) was out that evening, standing on the top of a mountain, looking down upon the valley below. Of course, he couldn't see much of anything, so he lit up the valley with explosions of fire, over and over....


BOOM!

BOOOM!!

BOOOOOOOM!!!

Then he would disappear in a cloud of smoke, and re-appear in the valley below. He was seeking the foul creature... he knew it was here. Finally, the beast showed its face, and the Enchanter summoned up a great fireball and cast it toward the thing. But the creature was too fast... it hopped through the forest and climbed a tree. Tim decided to blow the tree up, and the creature hopped out of it, and into another. The Enchanter cast more explosions, over and over, and the creature was too fast. It continued to move in a circle around Tim, creating a clearing. Finally Tim summoned a great missile of flame, and made it seek the rabbit, chasing it down.

The rabbit ran furiously, and it hopped and dodged its way through the burnt clearing, ducking under fallen trunks and into smoldering craters. Finally it swerved to the left and went straight for Tim, ducking between his legs.

Acting quickly, Tim deflected the flame, sending it hurtling toward the mountains, causing a massive explosion which shook the valley. Then, he turned around, only to see the beady red eyes and the vicious teeth flying at his face... a fluffy white ball of death. Tim was instantly decapitated.


Stuck in Pi is dead.



Oyzar stood guard, watching silently, as the attacker came forward. The creature was huge, and it was lumbering forward, gnashing its teeth and causing the ground to shake.

But Oyzar was not alone. No, there was at least one other with him. Together, they made a mighty force. When the creature attacked, the shield was raised, and the blow was deflected. In return, Oyzar's friend swung the sword at its head, slashing it in the eyes. The fight was brutal, but Oyzar and his friend did not budge an inch. They fought like titans, like giants, but in the end, there was no clear victor.

The attacker ran off into the night, its mission incomplete.

Oyzar was spared from death.



Scene: just outside the clearing where the battle between Oyzar and the mysterious attacker took place. A Famous Historian is recounting the events.

A Famous Historian: And so, the attack on Oyzar did not reach a successful conclusion. Oyzar, with his great strength, and the power of his friend, was able to beat off the attacker. This was truly a great turn of events for Oyzar, who would otherwise have faced certain death.

But as the Famous Historian spoke, he realized that the man behind the camera was very, very tall, and kept saying "Ni". Suddenly realizing what was going on, he turned to run, but there was nowhere to go. There were two other figures on either side, and Winston Hughes, the historian, was trapped. They began their assault, and the old man had no chance.


Ni!

Ni! Ni! NI!!!

Ni! NI! NI! NI! NI!

The old man clutched his chest in pain, and dropped to his knees. Very shortly after that, a fourth figure joined in the fray, also saying "Ni". The historian's nose began to bleed and his eyes began to shrivel up.


PENG!

The Historian's elbows turned into grape jelly.


NEEEEEEE-WOM!!!

The Historian went totally bald. The evil Knights took a deep breath, and in unison, they shouted:

Ekke ekke ekke ekke pikang zoom boing goodem olwi-zhiv!

The Historian's head began to spin around, and he began trying to pry his eyes out of his skull, and shoved sticks into his ears...

NI!

The Historian's head exploded, and his chunky brains were scattered over several square miles.




Winston Hughes is dead.







Alive: (23/30)

civplayah
Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
cindle
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Renata
rhawn
Love
CivGeneral
ZPV

Lynched: (2/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36

Murdered: (5/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes

Wrath of God: (Only one so far...)

kill fire





It is now Day Three. Results of the night actions will be sent out now, you have 24 hours to post and vote, if not everyone votes the round will be extended 24 hours.




DAY THREE


Civgeneral: 11 (Oyzar, Pinman, Izipo, Snerk, Love, Camikaze, Sithlord, CCRunner, ZPV, BW, Renata
Sprig: 8 (Nictel, choxorn, Double A, PaulusIII, Tasslehoff, Sprig, Civgeneral, cindle)
CCRunner: 2 (Rhawn, )
Catharsis abstained


God was a bit late, a bit weary and tired, and suddenly realized that hosting two games and playing a few may not have been a good idea. :blush: King Arthur stood before the assembled guests at Camelot and posed the usual question.


King Arthur: Given our failures in the past couple of days, I'm not sure I'm very encouraged. Have we finally found one of the Knights who say Ni?

Sir Bedevere: I have a scroll containing everyone's votes, my liege.

King Arthur
: What does it say?

Sir Bedevere: I cannot read it sire, the peasants are illiterate and cannot write their own name, let alone others.

King Arthur: Fine. Just shout out whichever name you think is guilty!

The Crowd: Sprig! Civgeneral! CCRunner! Civgeneral! Very small rocks! Apples! Cider! Gravy! Churches! A duck! Civgeneral!

Small voice at the back of the crowd: I don't think anyone is guilty, so I abstain.

King Arthur glared at him.

King Arthur: All right. Will the condemned step forward?

Sir Launcelot: Right here, my liege. I am willing to die for the good of England. First, I will make a feint to the north, and attempt to tackle the crowd from behind, and then I will take them all single-handed...

King Arthur: That won't be necessary.

Sir Launcelot: And I will decapitate anyone who tries to get in the way. Then I shall leap from the chandelier and stomp on the heads of all the insolent ones who challenge your rule, sir...

King Arthur: Be quiet!

Sir Launcelot: I shall personally defeat all the knights who say Ni.

The Crowd: HE SAID NI!!!!

King Arthur: Be quiet! No, Sir Launcelot, you are not to harm anyone.

Sir Launcelot: I'm sorry?

King Arthur: No, your orders are to errm.... die.

Sir Launcelot: Quite right sir. But I'll finish them all off before I do.

King Arthur
: No.... you're not going to do that. Surrender your sword.

Sir Launcelot: Ah, a challenge! I'll defeat them with my bare hands, my King!

King Arthur: You're to be chained up and carted away by the police.

Sir Launcelot
: Without killing anyone?

King Arthur: Right.

Sir Launcelot: I see... it's not quite right for my idiom... but as you wish.


Sir Launcelot was placed in chains and driven off to jail. They would not be seeing him again, because he was taken advantage of by his cell mate and the rest is not exactly PG-13 material. In short, he was violated to death.


Sir Launcelot (CivGeneral) is dead. But unfortunately for England he was...



A pro-England Vigilante.





Alive: (22/30)

civplayah
Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
cindle
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Renata
rhawn
Love
ZPV

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (5/30)


Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes

Wrath of God:
(Only one so far...)

kill fire





Bad luck, England. NIGHT ACTIONS, PLEASE! You have a full 48 hours, please send in your orders.



 
Reserved for game writeups.

Spoiler :
NIGHT THREE



Dennis the peasant (rhawn) was wallowing in filth, minding his own business, muttering about how the oppression of the masses under a dictatorship, and the supremacy of anarcho-syndicalism. As he looked up, he saw a fluffy white rabbit sitting on a nearby wall made of mud blocks. He licked his lips and fancied that he might be eating quite well tonight... Well it was nearly true. One of them certainly ate very well, but it wasn't Dennis the peasant. The commune that he envisioned would have to go on without him.

He was quickly decapitated, and the bloodthirsty rabbit became fat on his entrails. What remained of his torso was never found.



Rhawn (Dennis) was killed.




Pie iesu domine.... dona eis requiem.

*BONK*

Pie iesu domine.... dona eis requiem.

*BONK*


Pie iesu domine.... dona eis requiem....

*ROOOOAAAAARRRRRR*

Masochistic Monk: AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

As his flesh was being eaten, the Monk made certain to quickly carve the word "AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH" into the cave wall, until he died.


Civplayah (Self-hating monk) was killed.




The Frenchman was laughing his French butt off, as he watched the silly English continue to fail and fail.

French Taunter: You silly English types with your silly, knees-bent running around like a chicken with its head cut off... you can all go and... boil your bottoms! You cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters! I waft my private parts at you and fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!!!

Suddenly, the Taunting frenchman was surrounded by three very very tall people.

First Knight: Ni!

Second Knight: Ni!

Third Knight: NI!!!!

The French taunter waited patiently for the fourth... but it never came. The other Knights of Ni looked around, also puzzled. Where was the fourth member?

The French taunter
: Allo?

Undaunted, the First Knight roared
: NI!!!

Suddenly, the French taunter's eyes rolled to the top of his head, and he began smacking himself in the helmet, with a look of profound surprise. He couldn't bear the sound of that word anymore, so he took his own sword and shoved it through his eye.

The Knights of Ni wandered off... and very shortly, the Frenchman exploded, and frogs and snails rained down from the heavens.

Cindle (French Taunter) was killed.








Alive: (19/30)


Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic
Sithlord447
Renata
Love
ZPV

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (8/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn

Wrath of God: (Only one so far...)

kill fire







Okay, sorry for the massive delays. Results PMs will be sent out now.

Day four begins now, you have 48 hours to post and vote. Please participate!



DAY FOUR


King Arthur called the meeting of the peasants to discuss who will die.

King Arthur: Who have we determined, through logic and reason... oh sod it all. Who'd you kill this time?

The Crowd: Backwards Logic, the shrubber!

King Arthur
: Ok, so let me get this straight. The shrubber, who arranges, designs, and sells shrubberies, which the Knights of Ni want to have in their forest, is one of the Knights of Ni.

The Crowd
: YEAH! NO! MAYBE! YEAH!!!

King Arthur: Really?

The Crowd: YEAH!!!

King Arthur: REALLY???

The Crowd: YEAH!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

King Arthur: Does this make any sense to you, Bedevere?

Sir Bedevere: Not a clue, sir.

King Arthur: Knights?

Bedevere, Galahad, Sir Robin, and others raise their eyes to meet the King's.

King Arthur: ATTACK!!!

Backwards Logic: Oh bugger.

And so, the gallant and brave Knights of the Round table charged straight towards the Shrubber, swords unsheathed and shields raised high. They all advanced at once, and things looked bad for the Shrubber.

However, the Shrubber raised his staff up high, and began to battle the knights. He knocked each of them on their butts with rapid succession, denting their armour and making them soil themselves. Sir Robin decided that he was already done, and ran away. Sir Galahad was chased around by the Shrubber, yelping in horror. Sir Bedevere fought gallantly, but he too was shoved across the room and slammed into the crowd. When all was said and done, the Shrubber was bloodied and battered, and it didn't look like he could stand another assault, but the knights weren't in much better shape.

King Arthur: Run away!

Backwards Logic has survived.






Alive: (19/30)


Nictel
Catharsis
Double A
choxorn
Pinman
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Sithlord447
Renata
Love
ZPV

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (8/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn

Wrath of God: (Only one so far...)

kill fire





Night Four begins now. Please get your orders in to me as soon as possible. You have either 24 hours or 48, depending on how fast you send them in.


NIGHT FOUR​



The man was quite ill, quite ill indeed. However, he wasn't quite dead yet. In fact, in spite of an earlier brush with death, he was getting better. He was feeling fine, actually. As a matter of fact, he was no longer ill, he was in the best of health. That is, of course, until he was approached by a creature so foul, so cruel, very few men had fought with it and lived.

Old Man: "How are you, little bunny? Is you a cute wittle bunny? Yes you are.... yes you are! Who is my shnuggums? Hmmm? Is ooooo my shnuggums? My big fat fluffy furry floppy-eared fantastic little fwend? Come here... come to daddy... come shnuggle up with me. You don't have the plague, right? The last thing I need is to catch the Black Death..."

Well, the Old Man who was very ill, and would be stone dead in a moment, but was actually getting better, and now was actually feeling quite fine, would not experience the Black Death. Instead, he got to experience a very fluffy, sharp, pointy White Death, complete with fangs and fur.

They never found his remains.

Pinman was killed
. And yet, even though he's actually now stone dead, he still feels fine! He feels so happy, in fact, I think he will go for a walk.



Mister Duck was sneaking around that night, looking for the wicked one. He knew, just knew, that there was black magic afoot.

But while he was trying to logically determine that if someone weighs the same as a duck, they must be made of wood... a group of four evil knights stepped forward and began to surround him.

First Knight: NI!

Second Knight: NI!!!

Third Knight: NI!!!!

Fourth Knight: NI!!!!!

Mister Duck could hear no more, and wished he could have turned himself into a Newt. But he wasn't going to get better, because he couldn't bear to hear the sacred words. He did the only thing he could do.... he ate himself to death. Starting with his toes, he began munching down his entire leg, his other leg, then his arms, and began slurping down his intestines. Then, he ate his own head.

Double A was killed.



Later, just over the hill, over a path running down the middle of the forest, with shrubberies on either side, there stood a tall man, with a strange looking helmet on his head. He was muttering something to himself.

He looked and saw a beast... the foulest thing you could imagine, dripping blood and saliva and gore from it's gaping jaws. The man knew he couldn't possibly outrun it, and could feel the icy grip of death upon him. The foul creature attacked, and bit the man in two.

Thunder and lightning roared and flashed in the sky, and there was a great disturbance throughout the lands.

Sithlord447 was killed.






Alive: (16/30)


Nictel
Catharsis
choxorn
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
Sprig
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Renata
Love
ZPV

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (11/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn
Pinman
Double A
Sithlord447


Wrath of God: (Only one so far...)

kill fire




It is now Day Five. Please get all your votes in within 48 hours from now.


DAY FIVE




King Arthur approached the throng of peasants and began the daily routine.

King Arthur: Who have we determined, through logic and reason, to be one of the dreaded Knights who Say Ni?

crowd: It's him! He's a Knight who says Ni!

King Arthur looked over at the large man wearing the armour of a knight, gripping his sword, and watching everyone silently.

King Arthur: Well now that's more like it. At least this one is a Knight. I can believe he's capable of trouble. How do you respond to the charges against you?

Knight: .......

King Arthur: Do you deny being one of the Knights who say Ni?

Knight: .......

King Arthur: So be it! *draws his sword*

King Arthur and the Knight clashed blades and fought their way out of Camelot... down the hill, and over the bridge.

They hacked away at one another with the manner of nobility, and with great strength and bravery. King Arthur had the upper hand, but the Knight would not go quietly. This epic battle raged for several minutes, and the crowd of peasants was now standing watch.

In a stunningly brilliant maneuver, the Knight charged forward and had his sword-hand cut off by King Arthur.

King Arthur: Now YIELD! You have fought well, but the battle is mine.

Knight: I.... WILL.... NEVER.... YIELD!!!

(the Knight got up and limped off into the forest... but he would be back.)

Sprig has survived!






Alive: (16/30)


Nictel
Catharsis
choxorn
Paulus III
Tasslehoff
Snerk
Sprig (survived)
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Renata
Love
ZPV

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (11/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn
Pinman
Double A
Sithlord447


Wrath of God: (Only one so far...)

kill fire





Please get your actions for Night Five in as soon as possible, you have 24 hours, plus an extension if you need one.


NIGHT FIVE


Sir Galahad (Tasslehoff) was out riding on his invisible horse, with a servant clopping coconuts together behind him for effect. He came upon a Castle, with a shining beacon in the sky, shaped like the Holy Grail.

He knocked.

Galahad: Open the door! Open the door! In the name of King Arthur, open the door!

The door slowly creaked open.

Ladies between the ages of 16 and 19 and a half: *sweetly* Hello!

Galahad: Oh, hello... sorry to interrupt, but I seek the Holy Grail. Is it here?

Zoot: Oh, you are wounded! Let me fetch you the doctors.

Galahad: THEY'RE doctors?

Zoot: Well, they have a basic medical training.

Piglet: What seems to be the trouble?

Galahad: There's nothing wrong with that...

Winston: We must examine you...

Galahad: NO! Torment me no longer... I have seen the grail!

Piglet: There's no grail here...

Sir Galahad raced out of the room, past the room filled with naked bathing women, past the room where they knit exciting underwear, and past the dressing room, and past the undressing room. This was a foul place. A bad place. A wicked, naughty, naughty wicked awful evil place. So naughty. Surely Galahad could stay a bit longer...

GOD: GET ON WITH IT!!!!

Right. So Galahad raced down the stairs into the darkness, where he was greeted by something warm, furry, and wet.

Galahad: Oh my goodness, don't you people do anything besides THAT???

There was a low growl.


Galahad: Look, I took a vow of chastity....

There was another low growl.

Galahad: If you like, I could send the King's army over here to keep you happy, between all the crusades of course.

There was a terrifying roar.

Galahad: LOOK, I don't care how badly you want attention, I cannot break my vows!

Galahad lit a torch and looked into the gaping maw of the grotesque horror in front of him. It was the dreaded, horrible, terrifying, BLACK BEAST OF

Galahad (while carving it on the wall): AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Tasslehoff was killed.



Just then, another group of three tall knights stepped forward and banged on the doors of the castle.

The women inside took one look at them, and shrieked with fear. They scurried off to their dormitories, where they would unfortunately have to share beds, because they didn't have enough rooms for everyone. What a shame. A terrible terrible shame. They locked the doors to keep the evil ones out, and later, some giggling was heard inside.

But back to the story.


The three knights went down the stairs and located the foul thing.

First Knight: Ni!

Second Knight: Peng!

Third Knight: Neeeeeeee-wom!

The first Knight looked at the third knight, and there was a moment of silence. Sadly, the first Knight continued.

First Knight: Ekke ekke ekke ekke pikang zoom boing!

Second Knight: NI!!!!

After this onslaught, their victim exploded and was no more.

Catharsis was killed.



The Killer Rabbit wept for the fallen one, and suddenly felt very hungry... and vengeful....


___________________
Just then, God arrived from the heavens and spoke directly to King Arthur.

GOD: ARTHUR.... ARTHUR.... there is one among you who is not performing their duties. You know which one it is.

Arthur: Right. I'll fetch them immediately, my Lord.

GOD: And step on it, I have things to do!


Arthur returned with ZPV.


GOD: ZPV.... you have been charged with the terrible and unforgivable crime of inactivity. How plead you?

ZPV: ......

GOD: I now sentence you to the most horrifying punishment of them all. Prepare to meet your eternal damnation, wretched one!!!

God scooped up ZPV in his massive hand, and also reached down deep into the depths of the underworld, and grabbed the Dark Lord off of his very throne. He lifted the deceiver of men up into the sky, and made him drop his pantaloons. God then shoved ZPV where the sun, and even the brilliant fires of hades, does not shine. The Dark Lord seemed to enjoy the experience for some reason, but ZPV decidedly did not. However, his head would never again be removed from the hindquarters of the prince of darkness, and would be used to warm his delicate fanny. The worst part was that it was chili night, and the devilish one really enjoyed his beans.

ZPV felt the WRATH OF GOD.




God: Fear not, noble Englishmen. I shall find you a suitable replacement. Now, GET ON WITH IT!!!!


Alive: (14/30)


Nictel
choxorn
Paulus III
Snerk
Sprig (survived)
CCRunner
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Renata
Love
ZPV (to be replaced due to inactivity)

Lynched: (3/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral

Murdered: (13/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn
Pinman
Double A
Sithlord447
Catharsis
Tasslehoff


Wrath of God: (Only two so far...)

kill fire
ZPV



Day Six begins now. Please vote within the next 48 hours, the round ends at 2359, Sept 25th, Eastern time USA. (Just before midnight of the 26th)

Day Six



King Arthur approached the assembled guests.

King Arthur: Who have we determined, through logic and reason, to be one of the dreaded Knights who says Ni?

The crowd, in unison: CCRunner!!!!

King Arthur: Who the devil is that?

The crowd pushed forward an old woman.

King Arthur: You cannot be serious.

The crowd just shrugged.

King Arthur: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britains.

Old woman: I know who you are; you're that bossy person who thinks he's in charge. What right do you have bossin' us around all the time? Bossy, bossy, bossy. Didn't your mother ever teach you manners? And what is that silly lookin' thing on your head?

King Arthur: It is a crown, signifying that I, Arthur...

Old woman: Well take it off it makes you look fruity. You won't be attractin' the ladies looking like that. Look at you prancing around all the time, pretendin' to ride a horse, yapping about some Knights of whatever like anyone here gives a hoot. Did you know I have a dental appointment to be at? What right do you have getting us rushed, rushed, rushed an' made to stand around talking about God knows what, and another thing, I have been standing here for five hours and I have a thorn stuck in me feet and you didn't even offer us a place to sit down! What kind of a host...

King Arthur
: Please, madam...

Old woman: Don't you "please madam" me, I wasn't finished talking. Now what kind of a host doesn't even set out chairs for company? This is the worst dinner party I've ever been to, there's not even any strawberry tart without any rat in it. And furthermore, I don't care for all this spam, it looks tainted. What are you trying to do, poison us? These hors d'oeuvres smell like cat foot, or cat's breath, or cat feces, I'm not sure which, but...

King Arthur: Shut up!

Old woman: Don't you order me around, young man, I was raising seventeen lovely kids before you and your little tiara were done making a mess of your swaddling blanket! Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners? Telling guests of your wretched castle to shush up? Not only that, but I'm not particularly fond of your "murder the guests" policy either, that could use some adjustment. And I don't really like the curtains either.

King Arthur
: Are you finished?

Old woman: Well I could comment on your ugly face, sour attitude, and ridiculous clothing but I don't want to be too critical.

King Arthur: Right. OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!

A masked executioner approached CCRunner.

Old Woman: What's this doofus doing? Wearin' a mask to cover his hideous features I suppose. And that axe could use some sharpening!

*WHACK*

CCRunner was lynched. This time, it turned out to be.....





Dennis' Mother.... or rather... it is revealed that she was actually some kind of "Moose" in disguise!
Quite bizarre....​


Alive: (13/30)


Nictel
choxorn
Paulus III
Snerk
Sprig (survived)
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Renata
Love
KingMorgan (in for ZPV)

Lynched: (4/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral
CCrunner

Murdered: (13/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn
Pinman
Double A
Sithlord447
Catharsis
Tasslehoff


Wrath of God: (Only two so far...)

kill fire
ZPV



Night actions to me please in the next 48 hours!


NIGHT SIX



Brother Maynard was pretty doomed. He was approached on one side by the three dreaded Knights who say Ni, and on the other side by the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.

The religious man fumbled with the Holy Hand Grenade and tried to throw it at the Killer Rabbit, but his knees buckled when he started hearing the words...

First Knight
: Ni!

Second Knight
: Peng!

Third Knight: NEEEEE-WOM!!!!

But before his head could explode, the Killer Rabbit bit it sort of.... off.

And Brother Maynard (Nictel) was no more.







Alive: (12/30)


choxorn
Paulus III
Snerk
Sprig (survived)
Camikaze
oyzar
hell hound
Izipo
Backwards Logic (survived)
Renata
Love
KingMorgan (in for ZPV)

Lynched: (4/30)

plarq
TheLastOne36
CivGeneral
CCrunner

Murdered: (14/30)

Seon
cubsfan6506
taillesskangaru
Stuck in Pi
Winston Hughes
civplayah
cindle
rhawn
Pinman
Double A
Sithlord447
Catharsis
Tasslehoff
Nictel


Wrath of God: (Only two so far...)

kill fire
ZPV





Today, you will be voting for the lynch, but also for possession of the Holy Relic, The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

To vote to give the Grenade to a player, do it thusly:

Grenade: Askthepizzaguy

To give it to someone else instead,

unvote, Grenade: Methos.

The Holy Relic is a single-use item and it is specifically used to destroy something.



It appears I have run out of space, please skip down to post 28.
 
And the number shall be three, no more, no less.

for his "silence"...vote: Catharsis (3rd on list :D)
 
Coconuts: Check.
Swords: Check.
Silly Armor: Check.
Dead Parrot: Check.

Everything is ready for one of the undoubtedly silliest adventures ever.

Also, since CCRunner has good logic, I vote: Catharsis, although this is subject to change.

Wait, no, then you'll all accuse me of bandwagoning. I unvote: Catharsis and vote: Swedishguy. Wait, no, vote: Chairman Meow. wait no, vote: Empiremaker.

Eh screw it, I unvote: everyone and vote: abstain.
 
Uhhhhhh..... How's about..... Ummmmm..... I dunnow
 
We must protect the shrubber! I bet if we can protect him we can prevent the Knights Who Say Ni from winning! Oh and the herring man!!
 
And you must also kill and eat the ministrels before it's too late!
Anyone got a grenade, by the way? I think I saw a rabbit
 
No, I don't have a holy hand grenade. I have a holy shotgun, though, so that might work.
 
Vote:plarq for having a q in his name. It must mean something!:p
 
Vote: sprig for saying Ni and going after me for not actually bandwagoning.
 
What if there is a tie?

I'll abstain 'till further notice, i don't want to join in any bandwagons yet. CCRunner's vote on Carthasis is totally uncalled for, and most likely incorrect imo.

It would be better if we all abstain for the first day, so we only lose one to murder rather than 2, cause odds are that voting at random at this point of the game is gonna fail.
 
Hmm, he speaks reason.

Therefore, I reason he's a witch! Burn him! unvote: Sprig, vote: TheLastOne36.
 
Hmm, he speaks reason.

Therefore, I reason he's a witch! Burn him! unvote: Sprig, vote: TheLastOne36.

I speak common sense child.

Although in my own self-defense i must unfortunately VOTE:CHOXORN. I will take off my vote if you take of your vote.
 
vote: Pinman has "volunteered" to be our first lynch! According to him, he can't die from a lynch anyway (or at night) so if we kill him now, we've got a confirmed innocent on night one! People, please join me in sending pinman to the noose for the good of the village!

(Unvote: Catharsis)
 
Hmm, he speaks reason.

Therefore, I reason he's a witch! Burn him! unvote: Sprig, vote: TheLastOne36.

Burn the witch! BURN IT I SAY!

unvote: Sprig, vote: TheLastOne36.
 
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