1001 Bad (or good) Jokes About CIV

261. That'll teach him to have Zulu an opinion of the other civs he meets.
 
262. Minuteman: Can I talk to you ?
Someone: Just a minute, man !

263. Question: How can you say a zulu word that includes 3 words?
Answer: He-Khan-Duh

264. Hello, I'm a carthaginian man. When I travel in the mountains and stopped to sleep there, I saw a signboard: "Carthaginian people, if you sleep here: -50 HP.

265. When birds try to fly they fly.
When humans try to fly they die.
But when hussars try to fly they turn to winged hussar and fly, especially to Poland.
 
266. The Iroquois have founded a dozen cities already. Settle down, Hiawatha!
 
267: Alexander: I will denounce other people less often, never mind who am I kidding? DENOUNCED!!!

268: Gandhi: I will nuke less often, but I'm still digging the glow that follows nukes

269: Shaka and Attila: Attila: Shaka and I will kill less peop(Shaka stabs Haile Selassie)
Shaka: Speak for yourself, idiot

270: Maria Theresa and Enrico Dandolo: We will eat less city states. *Zurich and Florence get annexed* Ok, we'll stop now... *Bratislava and Milan get annexed* Sigh...
 
271. The Civ developers are releasing a patch tomorrow that decreases turn times; they've made a New Year's resolution to lose wait.

272. Pillaged tiles have made a resolution to stop smoking.

273. Cultural expansion will now fill out every ring before moving onto the next. It's trying to stay in better shape.
 
My own resolution is to make no more bad puns next year.
 
278. What are the five most feared words in the English language? "Gandhi has completed Manhattan Project".
 
Pocatello: so Hiawatha old buddy, what pantheon did U go for?
Hiawatha: (looking nervous).....ancestor worship...
P: okay....cool....so why so nervous?
H: look behind me....see the ants? I worship whatever ant says to worship. Now go, before they get you too! Warn the other tribes!!
 
Gori the Grey said:
258. Alex and Ghandi had a child together (future tech). As soon as you meet Alexandi, he denounces you; the next turn he nukes you.

Spoiler :
(Serves you right for putting off your exploration until the Atomic Age!)
Click to expand...

281: Chaos ensued when Montezuma was also added into the mix:

First turn you meet him: Neutral
Turn 2: Afraid
Turn 3: War
Turn 4: Denouncing
Turn 5: Peace
Turn 6: Friendly
Turn 7: Nuke
Turn 8: Friendly
Turn 9: Nuke
Turn 10: Afraid
Turn 11: Denouncing
 
282:Alexander and Theodora shared a continent between them during 1600 A.D. When Sejong came and met Alexander he went on a tour of the continent, around 1900 A.D. His favorite part of the tour was visiting the city state of Constantinople.
 
283. Genghis and Attila got married and had a boy named Gengtila. But little did they know, Gengtila would grow up to be Godzilla and destroy New York.
 
284. A Portugese caravel was set to auto-explore. Because it was a large world, this took so long that the mapping wasn't complete when Portugal discovered Satellites. The caravel captain turned to the player and asked plaintively "What do I do Nau?"
 
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