Master, its me Ozbenno, I'm really worried about Huay....
DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, I'LL...
/opens door/
Oh my RNGod, I think I'm going to be sick
I TOLD YOU NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR. HMMM
/WALKS OVER TO OZBENNO AND WAVES HIS HAND IN FRONT OF HIS FACE/
THIS IS NOT THE GROIN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR
This is not the groin I am looking for
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE
Everything will be fine
GO AND KILL HUAYANA
But Master, he is too powerful and...
DO YOU TRUST THE RNGOD
Of course Master
THEN GO AND DO AS I SAY, DECLARE ON HUAYANA
Um, OK. What about a personal objective?
HMMM, HOW ABOUT A NICE PAIR OF INCAN GONAD EARRINGS.
Riiight!
.................................................................................
So now I've got to declare on Huayana. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, senile old monkey.
I'm sure our grenadiers and cannons will go great against his infantry and artillery.
For a start we're going to have to abandon the sothern cities and concentrate our attacks up north at Ica and Arequipa.
In any case we can't deal with any pillagers he sends and if he actually sends a stack to take us we are more than officially dead. It's a pity we suck so bad because.....
STAND DOWN SOLDIER
Master, what are you doing here?
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INCESSANT WHINING OZBENNO. YOU ARE DEMOTED TO ASSISTANT LAVORATORY LICKER.
I'M TAKING CHARGE OF THIS BATTLE.
RIGHT. FIRST LETS TALK TO THAT LICK-SPITTLE HUAYANA
YOU WON'T GIVE ME 30 MEASELY GOLD. RIGHT THAT'S IT, YOU'VE P*SSED OF THE WRONG MONKEY MATEY.
SO THERE!
NOW, FOR ALL YOU NOVICE WAR-MONGERS OUT THERE. THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO WHEN FACED WITH A WAR LIKE THIS IS HAVE LOTS OF TANKS. LETS SAY ONE FOR EVERY PERSONAL OBJECTIVE MET IN THIS GAME. I MAKE IT 26.
ICBMS CAN BE USEFUL TOO, HOW ABOUT ONE NUKE FOR EVERY TRIBAL OBJECTIVE MET, SAY 12.
NOW MOST PEOPLE WOULD THINK THAT'S ENOUGH BUT THE RNGOD AIN'T MOST PEOPLE. FOR A PIECE DE RESISTANCE, WHAT DO YOU SAY SOME 100XP PANZERS, I HEAR THEY KICK BUTT.
Umm, Master...
NOT NOW OZBENNO. NOW LETS SEE HOW THIS WORKS SHALL WE?