What's green and goes camping?
A boy sprout
Why are pirates pirates?
Becasue they Aarrrr (similar to one posted before)
Why does a frenchman have one egg for breakfast on a morning?
Because one egg is une oeuf (enough) could be un instead of une- French wasn't my strongest subject
Why did the vicar put a fence up around the graveyard?
Because people were dying to get in
Why was the elephant buried at the top of the hill?
Because it was dead
An Irish man rings up British Airways and says, "I'd like to know how long it'd take to get from Dublin to Washington". The Receptionist says, "uhm, er, erm- just a minute." So the Irish man says, "Oh, Thank you very much!".
Four fonts (e.g comic sans) walk into a bar
The barman says, "Oi- get out! We don't want your type in here"
An Ice Cream man was found dead in his ice cream van. Awful, awful news. He was found covered in hundreds and thousands, flakes and butterscotch syrup. Police believe he topped himself.
Here's a long pointless joke which my english teacher told me. It is very good to tell however, it is stupid!
So here we go. A man is in the desert it's about 1400 A.D and he's moving house. He's just set off on his journey, and his bags are really weighing him down and progress is very, very slow. After about half an hour he's thinking to himself, is it really worth it? Just after he see's an Arab who asks him if he wants to borrow his camel? He doesn't need to be asked twice and is extremely grateful. Just as he is about to set off the Arab says to him, "Oh i nearly forgot, he is a good camel however, he does sit down occasionally. When he sits down just give him some hay and he'll get straight back up!". The man expresses his gratitude and sets off. After a few hours the camel sits down and he thinks to himself oh no, then he remembers what the man had said top him about giving the camel some hay. So he gives the camel some hay and the camel jumps back up and starts moving again. The camel sits down a few more times so the man just keeps giving him some hay and the camel gets straight back up. As they are crossing a river the camel sits down. "Oh no!" says the man aloud, "what a time to sit down". So he gets down from the camel and gives it some hay and it doesn't get up. So he gives it a good kick up the backside and it still doesn't move so he thinks to himself, well i'm nearer the arab than i am my house so i'll go and ask him what i should do. So he goes back to see the Arab and says, "We were making quite good progress and everytime he stopped i just gave him some hay, then we came to a river and he just sat down!. I tried everything i tried to give him some hay and i gave him a good kick up the backside, y'know what should i do?" The Arab looks at him and says, "Oh i am sorry i should've told you, he likes to sit on fish!"
*If you don't get this joke your not supposed to! It is a pointless joke that is very funny (well, could be pushing it!) because it has no punchline so isn't a joke but perhaps a joke at a joke- showing a living language at work.