The HEhe HAha Joke Thread 2.0
- Thread starter CCRunner
- Start date
uat2d
ಠ_ಠ
Yeah, aren't the Irish the ones that are always drinking beer?
WhiteRobber
Twinkle twinkle Wunderbar
Three girls, aged 8, 9 and 10, were playing the park.
A pedophille was watching them, but since he didn't wanted too much attention, he diceded to take it slow.
In the first day, he watched them from a distance. After a week, he approached the playground and offered them candy.
After 4 weeks of offering them candy daily, he finnaly offered to play with them, and continued to give them candy.
Finnaly after two months, the girls were playing in the park and saw the guy coming, and the bigger one said "C'mon girls, let's change the playground, we'll get diabetes before he screws us".
A pedophille was watching them, but since he didn't wanted too much attention, he diceded to take it slow.
In the first day, he watched them from a distance. After a week, he approached the playground and offered them candy.
After 4 weeks of offering them candy daily, he finnaly offered to play with them, and continued to give them candy.
Finnaly after two months, the girls were playing in the park and saw the guy coming, and the bigger one said "C'mon girls, let's change the playground, we'll get diabetes before he screws us".
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Sometimes it is a blonde joke, with the other two being a brunette and a redhead.
WhiteRobber
Twinkle twinkle Wunderbar
I don't know if country-related jokes are allowed , but here goes nothing:
What is an Albanian tank unit made of?
Two guys at the pedals and one at the machine gun.
What is an Albanian tank unit made of?
Two guys at the pedals and one at the machine gun.
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car.''
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car.''
madviking
north american scum
What's the difference between a dilapidated public transit stop and a lobster with breast implants?
Spoiler i swear there is an answer :
Mise
isle of lucy
I'm still struggling to see the difference tbh.
classical_hero
In whom I trust
An Israeli soldier is on vacation abroad, visiting the zoo in
England. He sees a little girl leaning on the bars of the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the sleeve, and pulls her into his
cage, just in front of screaming parents.
The Israeli jumps bravely into the cage, punching the lion on a strategic
point, and releases the girl, who runs to her thankful parents.
A British journalist is watching the event and says the Israeli:
"Sir, it was very brave. I have not seen such an amazing thing in my
life"
The Israeli answers: "It's nothing, really. The lion was
behind bars. I just saw the little girl and did what anyone would do "
Journalist: "Well, I actually think you did a great thing. I
am a journalist and I'll see that tomorrow this story will appear on the front
page the most important newspaper in the
UK. Give me some details - what's your name, what country you are from, what
you do and so on?"
"I'm from Israel. I am an officer serving in the IDF."
The next morning, just before the flight back, the Israeli buys the
newspaper and discover that on the first page appears:
"An Israeli soldier attacked an African immigrant in the Zoo,
and stole his lunch."
England. He sees a little girl leaning on the bars of the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the sleeve, and pulls her into his
cage, just in front of screaming parents.
The Israeli jumps bravely into the cage, punching the lion on a strategic
point, and releases the girl, who runs to her thankful parents.
A British journalist is watching the event and says the Israeli:
"Sir, it was very brave. I have not seen such an amazing thing in my
life"
The Israeli answers: "It's nothing, really. The lion was
behind bars. I just saw the little girl and did what anyone would do "
Journalist: "Well, I actually think you did a great thing. I
am a journalist and I'll see that tomorrow this story will appear on the front
page the most important newspaper in the
UK. Give me some details - what's your name, what country you are from, what
you do and so on?"
"I'm from Israel. I am an officer serving in the IDF."
The next morning, just before the flight back, the Israeli buys the
newspaper and discover that on the first page appears:
"An Israeli soldier attacked an African immigrant in the Zoo,
and stole his lunch."
gay_Aleks
from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
(two dorrars if you guess which nationality penned this joke.)
(two dorrars if you guess which nationality penned this joke.)
That's Russian, isn't it?
The optimist sees the final light of life. The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train speeding towards him.
The machinist sees three morons sitting on the railroad.
The optimist sees the final light of life. The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train speeding towards him.
The machinist sees three morons sitting on the railroad.
madviking
north american scum
An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".
The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.
Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position and goes into deep hibernation. The Devil strikes once - nothing; twice - the Indian shivers a bit; thrice - the Indian grunts, but lives. The Devil is amazed and tells him he's free to go. The Indian asks "May I stay and watch? In all jokes the Russians somehow come out on top. I want to see how he will do it this time". The Devil nods and turns to the Russian: "So, what will you use as a shield?"
The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.
Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position and goes into deep hibernation. The Devil strikes once - nothing; twice - the Indian shivers a bit; thrice - the Indian grunts, but lives. The Devil is amazed and tells him he's free to go. The Indian asks "May I stay and watch? In all jokes the Russians somehow come out on top. I want to see how he will do it this time". The Devil nods and turns to the Russian: "So, what will you use as a shield?"
Spoiler :
classical_hero
In whom I trust
An Indian, a Black woman and a Black man walk into a bar…
Ok, it’s just Elizabeth Warren, Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King…
Ok, it’s just Elizabeth Warren, Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King…
gay_Aleks
from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!
..wrong thread?
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2007
- Messages
- 3,461
A lion, a giraffe, and a bear walk into a bar.
The zookeeper really sucks at his job.
The zookeeper really sucks at his job.
Uncle Sparky
Pheasant Plucker
It is sad how Wile E. Coyote is always remembered for his violence, and not his brilliant paintings of tunnels...
Uncle Sparky
Pheasant Plucker
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender sais, "You're in here quite often. Are you an alcoholic?"
The horse answers, "I don't think I am." ...and 'poof' he disappears.
This is where philosophy students snicker, being familiar with Descartes' postulate, "I think therefore I am." ... but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
The horse answers, "I don't think I am." ...and 'poof' he disappears.
This is where philosophy students snicker, being familiar with Descartes' postulate, "I think therefore I am." ... but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
