How do I overcome my reluctance to start a war?

I used to be like the OP and try to play peacefully, that is until I couldn't take the AI settling 6(or 5, or even 4) hexes from my capital anymore.......

Ninakoru said:

Nope, that's a common error for many players below Immortal. Total army strength means very little. A human player can easily dominate an AI this 3x more sticky points. You should have made a visit at Bismark's.

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Even though he was way ahead on military techs, my friend too at that stage, he did become neutral later. I was concerned he had tanks, WW2 fighters and bombers and I was barely close to WW1 techs, though I did have artillery. It is certainly a possibility I will have to consider though. I also see some enemy units roam around aimlessly. So looking at number of army units is not necessary correct when deciding DOW? I should
say also I had full honour tree and I should have checked whether other civs had this or not.

Just checked under global politics, and no one else had Honour at all. Also I tend to struggle using Liberty.

Good points....for the various reasons given above, I never worry too much about AI army size..... The only time I worry is early in the game, when I don't have much of any army and I see, maybe Alex sending his 'multitude' my way.....

Even then, if you have a well-positioned city, a few composite bowmen, maybe a pikeman or two, you can probably slaughter his army over a period of about twenty turns....but it can get so T-E-D-I-O-U-S. Especially when you don't view Alex as much of a contender in a particular game and you're just trying to get him out of the way....