A Most Peculiar Story

[Simon Darkshade]

A tale from the pen of the Dark and Shaded one, with apologies to "A Pilgrim's Progress", Eric Burdon, and the population of the earth.

As I walked through the wilderness of this life, I came upon a cave. I went into this cave, and lay myself. Then I did sleep, and I did dream.
I dreamt strange dreams.I dreamed i was in a hollywood movie. And that i was the star of the movie. This really blew my mind. The fact that me, an overfed, long haired leaping gnome, should be the star of a hollywood movie. This faded into black, and I then dreamt of going into a bar, walking up to a bar, and the barman saying "Why the long face?"
"Now why would you say that?" I exclaimed, asking him why he said that.
"Because you are a little horse sir."
And all could see it was true, and were amazed at the sage observation.
"Well, get me a drink then, and I will no longer be horse."
And it was so, and there was much celebration, and jubilation reigned.

I sat me down next to a man who was looking most disheartened, and inquired as to the cause of his burden.
"They fired me! The bastards fired me! And that's not the worst! They dont even give me credit for the work I do. I build a big house. Beautiful big house. They don't remember that! Pshew! They don't remember the big house. They don't remember the beautiful pillars and house that I built. Am I known as the housebuilder to them now, though?", he lamented
"Pray tell, sir, pray tell", I eagerly encouraged
"I'm not known as the house-builder!"

"Alas, the corruption of the world!"

"Then I build a beautiful boat. Pshew! They don't recognize me as a boat-builder. Of course not! I build beautiful boat for them, they don't remember."

"That is surely folly on their behalf, sirrah!", I huzzahed.

"I plant a magnificent garden. Full of beautiful trees, shrubs, lawns and pastoral spleandor.Do they remember that? Do they give me credit for this, the most of my labours?"
"Do they, my most excellent man? Most certainly they must?"

"No, I'm not known as the gardener! No!"

"WHAT!!! After all your works, you are not recognised, and even have your employment terminated? This is a crime most foul!!"

"I know. You spend your whole life building houses, boats and gardens, and they do not call me a housebuilder, or a boatbuilder, or a gardener.
Forty years, and hundreds of projects! Yet when I **** one goat...

[The Balrog]

M'Kay......

[Apollo]

While reading the first few lines I started hearing a song in the back of my mind, and I knew all the rest would be marijuana at its best.

[Dell19]

It was quite funny...

[damunzy]

You had me going....all the way to the ending. I didn't think it was going to be a joke. Nice turn around.