Playground Mod 2.0: Rise of the Barbarians

Bluemofia

F=ma
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As the Playground Mod moves to the final stages of testing, time to post a story!

Standard
Barbarians: Roaming
Pangaea: 70% water
Climate: Normal
Temperature: Temperate
Age: 4 Billion



New civs not present in the original Playground Mod that I might encounter: Death Strike (scary people) :sad:, LEGO Republic, Chase.

And without further delay, I graduate from Kindergarten, and begin to explore this new playground I am thrust into for the next 8 years or so.





Chapter 1
The Founding of Barbarian City




Barbarian civilization. Bah, how can those civilized people understand Barbarian Culture? :p

And as Prince Josh gazed out across the fertile lands and across the bountiful seas of the Playground, he declared to the weary band of followers that this spot shall be the glorious capital of the grand Barbarian Empire, one which will not fall for over a thousand school days!

And so Barbarian city was founded.


















Not one to sit around, Prince Josh loaded his trusty assault rifle (which is totally against the school rules), and set off to explore this new land. He ordered some children to go dig roads (totally violating child labor laws), to facilitate the future barbarian expansions radiating outwards from Barbarian city.

Just outside the chain link fence borders that were haphazardly set up, he spotted a mysterious pile of green... Stuff.

Prince Josh: "Oh wise men and great sages! What be this wretched abomination that has a painful looking green glow? Some parts of it are denser than the strongest of steels, while other parts of it flow smoother than water!"
Random small child: "I think I saw it move around too, but I'm not sure... Say, where'd Eric go? He ran over in that direction cause he saw something shiny over there a few hours ago..."

Raising his assault rifle, Prince Josh took aim at the monstrous, slowly undulating green blob.
Prince Josh: "What foul beast can this be? Shall I smite it with my Assault Rifle in the name of all that is good and barbaric in life?"
2nd grader passing by: "That's fresh school food. You're supposed to eat that stuff."
Everyone: :cry:



And this ends the first 4 days of Prince Josh's quest to dominate the Playground.

What other "civilized" tribes lay beyond the horizon of Josh's Barbarian Empire?
Will the inhabitants of Barbarian city survive their first meal of school food?
Will Josh be mercilessly air striked by the teachers for not turning in his homework assignment?

Tune in next time.
 
I don't remember a civ called "Horse" in the original mod.

Nah, Horse is one of the major early ones.

Horse, Char, Galaxy Wars Club (GWC).

Boy Union, Freak Attack are definitely the major ones, with Senso being another late game powerhouse.

Rebs and United Forces are two majorly influential, but not very powerful mid game civs.

Teachers are scary early on, but after you get to Middle school (you don't follow the rules so much), they become quite weak in comparison.

Girls piddle around as a potential threat because they tech up quickly, but have weak military, and tend to get War Weariness a lot.
 
My subscription spam:

Looks Good! :)
 
Chapter 2
Lego land



After getting lost through the hills and forests directly north of Barbarian city, and taking directions from a few rogue children living in huts, Prince Josh stumbles upon an unfamiliar sight: A city in the middle of a desert!

Guarding the outskirts of the city was a strange looking man wearing a dark green tunic with a bright green robe. Stranger still, he appeared to treat Prince Josh in a cautious, but respectable way. He expected him to greet him in a barbaric manner, or at least run away screaming and soiling himself at the sight of his assault rifle! The nerve! :mad:

Soon afterwards, a man in forest green tunic with a rather impressive longbow appeared, a sword at his side. He was escorted by a pair of those strange civilized guards.



Prince Josh: "HEY! Where'd you come from Foreign Adviser man?"
Foreign adviser: "Umm... I walked here?"
Prince Josh: "LIER! I was on an ADVENTURE! By myself!"
Foreign adviser: "Umm... I walked *really* fast?"
Prince Josh: *points assault rifle at Foreign adviser* "Show me"
Foreign adviser: "..."
Hikaro: "Umm, pardon my language, but WTF are you doing?"
Prince Josh: *turns towards Hikaro* "Trying to find out if he is one of those stalker people my mommy told me about with those vans with free candy. He doesn't look like a bear, but I'm just double checking."
Hikaro: "..."
Prince Josh: "That's it. Goodbye, Hikaro."
Prince Josh: *turns back* "Now whe-. ... Huh, he is fast."














Fuming and muttering to himself, Prince Josh walked around for a few days near the fences surrounding Chambersburg, talking to a local group of mercenaries in hopes of joining the Barbarians.



Prince Josh: "HEY! MY CIVILIZATION IS NOT CUTE! WE ARE THE BARBARIANS! MASTERS AND RULERS OF THE PLAYGROUND!!11!1!one!eleventyone!"
Random Mercenary: "... I've got to go... Umm... Wash my hair." *runs away in fear*

With that, Prince Josh hopped over the fence, and onto a hill overlooking Chambersburg.



Prince Josh: "Stop stalking me! I want Hikaro's head on a stick over my fireplace. You can't tell me what to do!"
Foreign adviser man: "Sorry! Just making sure you know what you're doing. Won't happen again."

And so Prince Josh let out a war-cry, and stormed into Chambersburg.

LEGO Forestman Warrior Guard 1: "Greetings Prince Josh, leader of the Barbarians. Have you come for the festivities today? We have received a bountiful harvest, and we have a feast in the capital fortress today. We were about to send messengers to invite you but it seems lik-"

*bangbangbangbangbang*



LEGO Forestman Warrior Guard 2: "Hey! That's not nice! You may have radically different values than us, but getting shot in the face is extremely rude for us LEGO People!"


*smack to the head with the assault rifle*
*bangbangbangbangbang*


And so Prince Josh stormed through Chambersburg, thoroughly crashing the party by shooting the guests in the face and inflicting many LEGO Forestman Warriors with severe cases of death before he ran out of ammo, and was driven out of the city with pointy plastic LEGO swords.


Will Prince Josh regain the honor of the Barbarian people?
Will the LEGO Republic survive the onslaught of the one-man army that is Prince Josh?
Or will Prince Josh be cut down by the pointy plastic LEGO swords of Hikaro's army?

Tune in next time.
 
This Mod looks cool. :cool:
 
Chapter 3
Army of One

Josh's Log:
Wednesday, Day 31

The Siege of Chambersburg:
Day 1:
Prince Josh: "Crash party! Sneak attack! I AM NOT CUTE!" *bangbangbangbangbang*
LEGO: *die painfully*
Prince Josh: "Need more ammo! Run Away!"

Day 2-3
Prince Josh: "I AM NOT CUTE!!" *bangbangbangbangbang*
LEGO: "For the Republic!" *charge* *slash* *die*
Prince Josh: "Need MOAR Ammo! Run away!"

Day 4-6
Prince Josh: "BANZAI!" *bangbangbangbangbang*
LEGO: "Counter-attack!" *charge* *slash*
Prince Josh: "Pointy swords of unholy Lego evil! Run away!"

Day 7-9
Prince Josh: *applies band aid*
Military adviser: "D00d, we gots a Barbarian Horde en-route."
Prince Josh: "Hey! How'd you get here? Are you related to Mr. Foreign adviser? Tell them to get here faster! I need backup. Getting ganked."
Military adviser: "Fine." *warp-runs away*

Day 10-12
Prince Josh: *eat mutton*

Day 13-15
Prince Josh: "Round 2! Fight!" *bangbangbangbangbang*
LEGO: "ZERG RUSH!" *charge* *slash* *die*
Prince Josh: "Ouch! That hurt! Run away!"

Day 16-18
Prince Josh: *sleep*

Day 19-21
Prince Josh: *worships RNG gods*

Day 22-24
Prince Josh: "Charge!" *bangbangbangbangbang* :ar15:
LEGO: "For Chambersburg!" *slash* *fight* *die*
Prince Josh: "Level up!"
Reinforcement Barbarian Horde: "We haz arrived! But we're tired, so we're going to sleep nowz."
Prince Josh: "Skew youz! I have a WAR to win!"





Day 25-27
Reinforcement Barbarian Horde: "WAAARRRGGG!!!"
LEGO: "Oh Noez!" *epic horde battle*
*Both sides die painfully. but LEGO die harder*
Prince Josh: "ATTACK!"
LEGO: "Not the Face!" *die*

Day 28-30
Reinforcement Barbarian Horde: *Retreat to safe distance*
Prince Josh: "Cowards!" *shoots at LEGO with great Vigor!*
LEGO: "Where's he getting all that ammo from!?!?" *die*

Day 31-33
LEGO: "We are Hikaro's Elite Guard! Do not be fooled by the words 'Regular' on our info box."
Prince Josh: "I have slain over a thousand LEGO people. NOW DIE!!!"
LEGO: *dies*
Prince Josh: "That was... Too easy..." "Hey lookz! Unarmed civilized people are left. That means tomorrow I will go and arrest Hikaro myself!"

Day 34:




Once again, Prince Josh enters Chambersburg, guns blazing. The once gleaming multi-colored city built of Legos now reeks with the stench of death from the hundreds of dead bodies of Lego and Barbarian alike. (None of them have any noticeable wounds, because otherwise this would not be PG anymore, and teachers would nuke the site from orbit)

The dead guards in-front of the Capital Fortress of Chambersburg have not been cleaned up since yesterday when Prince Josh stormed the building and killed the last of Hikaro's Elite Guards. "Why must legos be so cheap, yet so deadly?" muttered Prince Josh, opening the door leading inside the fortress.

Something was not quite right. He instinctively ducked, and a loud whistling was heard where his head used to be moments before. The LEGO arrow continued its flight, and broke after striking a LEGO building behind Prince Josh.

A mildly annoyed voice came from the brightly lit palace-fortress. "Tch, I missed. And that was my best arrow too."

"Hikaro."
"Josh."

They glared at each other, neither making a move.

"You're dead Hikaro. You should NOT have called the Barbarians a CUTE Civilization!"

Hikaro was silent for a minute, before bursting out in laughter. "Cute civilization? All this massacre and death was because of an innocent comment I made? You slaughter my entire army, killed my guards, and stormed the capital fortress because I called you cute? Surely you've overreacted."

"And you're one to make any demands? I killed most of your army single-handedly. I have a Horde waiting outside the chain-link fence of yours. There's no way you can win. Surrender now, and I might let you live and you can have the honor of cleaning my toilets."

Hikaro sighed, and slowly walked towards Prince Josh. "One does not become the Ruler of the LEGO Republic without some skill in combat."

Before Prince Josh could react, Hikaro drew a LEGO sword made up entirely of the shiny chrome bricks. Awed at the shinyness, Prince Josh found himself staring at the sword for a little bit too long, and Hikaro slashed forwards. Prince Josh barely dodged out of the way in time, but was cut across the chest by the chrome sword.

"I missed again. I'm really off today..."

Prince Josh fumbled for his assault rifle, but Hikaro was too quick. Another swing of the plastic Lego sword caught Prince Josh in the temple with the flat of the blade, flinging him out and down the steps of the capital fortress, smashing him through a nearby Lego building, causing onlooking civilians to run away in panic, screaming like small children (which, they were small children anyways, so it doesn't matter).

"Oops. Meant to use the sharp end, not the flat of the blade..." called out Hikaro in a taunting voice.

Hikaro rushed forwards, smashing through a LEGO wall that happened to not be broken yet, running at full speed towards Prince Josh.

"Crapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap" shouted Prince Josh, opening fire on the green and chrome blur of Hikaro, who dodged the bullets easily.



Hikaro then leaped up into the air over a pile of rubble, did a midair flip to dodge some more bullets, and slashed downwards.

Prince Josh quickly sidestepped the attack, revealing a pile of dimly glowing school food, which Hikaro's blade sunk into, and broke.

"No..." called out Hikaro in shock at the shattered priceless (actually $20 worth of legos) chrome sword. "That can't be their mashed potatoes!?!?"

"Yes! And drink-able biscuits and sentient lunchmeat for you!" shouted Prince Josh, slamming a fistful of the school food into Hikaro's face.

Hikaro cried out in pain as the lunchmeat, awoken by the combination of liquid biscuits and human flesh, proceeded to try and eat his face.



"Ah, as much fun as it is watching you get eaten alive by the lunchmeat, there's no knowing what the meat would do after it assimilates a living being. So bye bye."

And with that, Prince Josh opened fire, killing Hikaro with a three-round burst.














A small child wearing futuristic looking armor popped up from underneath a pile of lego rubble, with a wide eyed, open mouthed look on his face. "That. Was. Totally AWESOME!! Do it again!"

"What?" shouted Prince Josh in confusion. "You look familiar. Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

"I'm Anthony. I was sneaking around following you around cause it was fun."

"Why... YOU'RE A BARBARIAN! BARBARIANS DON'T SNEAK AROUND! WE SEE OBSTACLES AND BASH THROUGH THEM!!!" :mwaha:

"I *can* do that as well. I haz a laser gun I stole from the Galaxy Wars Club."

"Who?"

"Nevermind. But I'm pretty good with it."

"Whatever, just conquer people in the name of Barbarianism!"



Prince Josh: "WHY AM I ALWAYS STALKED BY ADVISER PEOPLES?!?!?" :cry: "I will be called EMPEROR Josh from now on. Emperor Josh. And I will have a star next to my rank." :D

Military Adviser: "It is done, Emperor Josh."










Time froze for a moment as the enigmatic behemoth known as The Playground registers the death of Hikaro, leader of the LEGO. When it restarted again, the entire city of Chambersburg collapsed into rubble, and all children under the LEGO banner ceased to exist.




With the destruction of the LEGO, and the first threats to Barbarian expansion removed, Prince Emperor Josh now has the daunting task of building the Barbarian Empire.

What new challengers lie ahead?
Will the teachers react to the random outburst of violence by killing it with fire?
Can Emperor Josh evade the stalking Advisers?

Tune in next time.
 
Brilliant!
 
Chapter 4
Expansion

A few days after the destruction of the Lego Republic to the north, another group of ragtag barbarians under Emperor Josh’s banner have found an excellent location by a bend in a river, near some fresh fruit and school food.



And thus the city of Tiki Fields was built.

Random barbarian 1: “Why do we have to eat this stuff? Like… haven’t you noticed that all the flies around the deposit are dead?”
Governor of Tiki Fields: “Nonsense! We’re just building up your immune system! Don’t you know that hyper-sanitizing everything is a sign of weakness?”
Random barbarian 1: “But some of us have even trained the boloney as war dogs due to their ferocity!”
Governor of Tiki Fields: “Bah, you have it too good. Back in my day, we’d have to fight Mutant Boloneys on the way to school, uphill both ways, and evading the acid hail that occasionally starts up!” :mwaha:
Random barbarian 2: “But think of the children!”
Governor of Tiki Fields: “I AM a child! A MANLY Child! Even those non-barbaric wusses will eat that school food!”
Random barbarian 1: “But wouldn’t it be better if less people died?” :(

In the end, thousands of children in Tiki Fields has been sent to the School Food Mines near the outskirts of the city, slaving away at mining the school food out of a particularly rich vein. Hundreds more labor throughout the day stealing salt, ketchup, and sugar packets from the school cafeteria to mix with the food to make it edible. Large numbers died, but it was a great success. Large amounts of food were provided to be able to support a thriving, albeit constantly nauseous, population.














Meanwhile…

After poking around the ruins of the Lego Republic, Emperor Josh and Anthony went on their own respective paths, exploring the rest of the playground. Emperor Josh headed off to the north, and Anthony to the west.

A cluster of rogue children living in huts near a river was sighted up ahead by Anthony, and he went to investigate!

Anthony: “Hello there! I am Anthony of the Barbarians, rightful rulers of the Playground. I invite you people to join us. Or die.”
Rogue Child 1: “What was that last part?”
Anthony: “Oh, that was nothing.”
Rogue Child 2: “I’m pretty sure he said ‘join us or die.’”
Anthony: “Well, I’m sure you may get that impression from me, with my supa laser gun and shiny armor I have…”
Rogue Child 3: “Yeah, he definitely threatened us.”
Anthony: “… What are you going to do about it?”
Rogue Child 1: “Cuddles! Attaaaack!”
Anthony: :huh:

And suddenly, Giant Tentacles came out of the river, lashing out at Anthony.



Anthony: “AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! TENTACLE RAAAEEEPPP!!” :run:

…
…
…













Several rated R scenes later… (Due to school rules, I am unable to show these scenes without a signed permission slip from parents, but I assure you it was worthy of half a dozen academy awards.)

Rogue Child 2: “NOOOO! CUDDLES!” :cry:
Rogue Child 3: “No human can possibly execute such moves like that… Are you from… The internet?” :eek:
Anthony: “Now where were we… Oh yeah, the ‘or die’ part!” :D
Rogue Child 1: “NEIN!! Fine, we’ll join you.”
Rogue Child 3: “And we’ll even teach you how to train and domesticate more giant squid slash octopus things!”
Anthony: “Excellent! Barbarian city is that-a-way.” *points south* “Emperor Josh will be expecting you.”
























A week of wandering the plains in the north later, a large number of strange people clad in grey uniforms, armed with large spiked clubs were sighted off in the distance.



Anthony: “Bwwa? I thought you were stalking Emperor Josh.”
Foreign Advisor: “Well… I was. Then he started to use me as target practice.” :mope: “So I decided to stalk you instead.” :D
Anthony: “IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!”
Foreign Advisor: “You’re no fun!” :cry: *warp-runs away*
S: “Say, that set of armor and laser looks awfully familiar… I think I saw it somewhere before…”
Anthony: “Umm… No you haven’t?” :shifty:
S: “Well…” :trouble:
Anthony: “That’s it. Goodbye, S.” *runs away*


















The Barbarian Empire has grown significantly with the founding of a new city, and the immigration of a tribe of children who play with giant tentacle monsters on a regular basis. Another challenger has appeared in the form of the Galaxy Wars Club.

Will the mysterious Galaxy Wars Club pose a threat to the Barbarian expansion?
Will Anthony get away with stealing S’s laser and armor?
Will Giant tentacle monsters slaughter every living being in Barbarian City?

Tune in next time.
 
Think the Barbarian's King unit might be a bit OP?! :rolleyes:
 
All the king units are pretty powerful. Although the barb king is among the stronger ones, admittedly.
Just blame Blue for being overagressive early on/getting lucky with the RNG (taking a city with just a king+a MGL is just insanity....)
 
Think the Barbarian's King unit might be a bit OP?! :rolleyes:

It's the only unit the barbarians have that's actually good at fighting one on one (soccer players are debatable, but the AI aren't very smart on countering them). LEGO forestman warriors have 3 defense also, a point lower than most early units.

And the Hikaro unit is weak on the defense, and high attack. If it attacked me, I would have probably lost.

And Omega, yes, I was massively aggressive. The LEGO would have boxed me in if I didn't rush them. :p And it was King+Barbarian Horde, cause the MGL was spawned afterwards.
 
You should consider yourself lucky that you weren't actually up against me for real. :p ;)
 
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