Humor (where else would I post it?)

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking
on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The
night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm
was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet
ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come
towards him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car
and closed the door to realize that nobody was
behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The
guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming
his way.

Scared, he started praying, and begged for his
life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just
before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through
the window and moved the wheel. The guy,
paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand
appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and
ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran
into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and
started telling everybody about the horrible
experience he went through. A silence enveloped
everybody when they realized the guy was crying
and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into
the same bar, and one said to the other. "Look,
that's the character who climbed into the car
while we were pushing!"

That scored a 2 on the MrPresident humour scale.

Originally posted by MrPresident
That scored a 2 on the MrPresident humour scale.

Click to expand...

Well, you ARE English after all.

Well, you ARE English after all.

Click to expand...

Choose whichever response you prefer:

a) Well, someone has to be.

b) And I thank God everyday for that.

c) Only an American would feel the need to point that out.

d) That is not the only thing I have going for me.

e) How many times do I have to apologise for that?

f) I am not English after all. I am English before all.

Originally posted by MrPresident

Choose whichever response you prefer:

Click to expand...

I prefer "all of the above."

I prefer "all of the above."

Click to expand...

So, in essence, you chose option c. What a surprise.

big joke!

Three prehistoric people were being chased by a hugery Tyrannosaurus Rex. Then, one guy tripped on a lamp. A genie came out. "I will grant each of you a wish." He said. "I wish I was home!" Said one caveman. "Me too!" said another caveman. POOF! Each disappeared. "Hmmmm." said the third one who was incredibly dumb. "I wish I had the other two guys here to help me decide!" Let's just say the Trex was not hungry anymore.

Send it to Reader's Digest. I've heard worse. In fact I might post it sometime.

J

An unemployed bum's walking on the sidewalk when he sees a sign in the window of a restraunt. HELP WANTED. "Oh boy!" says the bum. "I'm gonna get a job!" He reads the WHOLE sign...


HELP WANTED
male waitress

Kid: Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl?

Mummy: No you can't! You'll use the chain like everyone else.

Joe, Paul and Bob were lost in jungle and met cannibals. They seized them and cannibal king told them that they can curvive, if they'll pass a test consisting of three tasks.

First task was: go to the forest and gather ten pieces of fruit of the same kind. So they went to forest.

Paul returned and said: "I've got ten apples." And king answered: "Now your second task is to insert them all into your ass without expressing any feeling by your face or voice. Otherwise, you'll be eaten."

First apple went in.... but with second one an expression of bitter pain appeared on his face so he was killed.

Bob returned with ten cranberries and king explained him the second task. Bob thought it should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...while inserting the ninth cranberry he suddently started to laugh very loud and was killed, too.

Afterfards, two dead pals met in the heaven and Paul asked Bob: "You were so close so why did you start to laugh so much...?"
And Bob said: "I just couldn't help myself when I saw Joe coming with ten pineapples."

"Mummy, mummy, can I play with Grandma?"

"No, you have already dug her up twice this week."

run, before they unlease the really horrible jokes...

Good one Ludovit.

Cop talks to a driver:
"Think you're quite clever, don't you?"
"Who? Me?"
"Perhaps not me..."

Originally posted by MrPresident
"Mummy, mummy, can I play with Grandma?"

"No, you have already dug her up twice this week."

Click to expand...

Seriously, sounds like the little sweetie needs a giant radioactive monkey to play with.