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100 ways to annoy phone solicitors

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Fanatix, Mar 30, 2003.

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  1. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    One of my favorite pastimes.

    1 speak in a thick russian accent
    2 act extremely old and repeatedly say "what?"
    to pollsters
    3 act like a communist
     
  2. WillJ

    WillJ Coolness Connoisseur

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    Even though I already have a thread, "100 ways to annoy people" (you might have seen it), I guess phone solicitors are the most fun to annoy, so I guess this deserves its own thread. :)

    4. Talk with them normally for a while, then out of nowhere, say in a high-pitched voice, "I ride the short bus to school!"
    5. Ask if they're Pizza Hut. When they say no, say, "Okay, I'd like a pepperoni pizza."
    6. Say, "Yeah, about that... Can you give me your number, and I'll call you back when you're eating dinner, okay?" They'll probably say, "I'm not allowed to do that." Say, "Oh, you don't like people annoying you with stupid phone calls while you're in the middle of doing something?" "Ummm..." "Well, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!" Then hang up.
    7. Answer his/her questions with meows. If he/she gets mad at you, hiss and hang up.
    8. When they ask for someone, say in a soft feminine voice, "Please hold," and then start humming the Flinstones theme song. Then, in a deep voice, say, "I'm... um... not here right now, please... um... call me later."
    9. Make sure your house, office, whatever is perfectly quiet while talking with the person, and every once in a while shout, "Stop making all that damn racket, you motherf*ckin children!"
     
  3. taper

    taper Meet Tux

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    10. As you talk to them, gradually move the phone farther from your mouth. They'll hardly be able to hear you, then just before you hang up bring it back and yell goodbye at the top of your lungs.

    11. Ask to speak to their manager. Most places they have to do it, and you can have all sorts of fun.

    12. If you want to be a phone solicitor, www.sprintrelayonline.com, and I'm not going to say anymore :flamedevi
     
  4. cgannon64

    cgannon64 BOB DYLAN'S ROCKIN OUT!

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    13. Ask them if you can call them back because you are busy.

    14. Ask them if they are satisfied with their life.

    15. Walk with your cordless to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and then say they should hold on for a moment.

    16. When they dial, let it ring several times, then pick it up. Act like an answering machine ("Hi, we can't come to the phone right now...) and then press a number for a second.

    17. Drop the phone down the stairs and scream.

    18. When you pick up, press 911. Then yell "Hello I have an emergency!" When they say they are a telemarketer, yell back, "GET THE HELL OF THE PHONE MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!" :D
     
  5. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    Sorry, but I thought this deserved its own thread

    19. wait until the telemarketer is done talking (which may be a while), the scream at the top of your lungs "F*** OFF"
     
  6. Mongo97

    Mongo97 Chieftain

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    20. Sit through their speech, grunt when needed, and when they're done...tell them you really weren't paying attention, and ask them if they could start over.

    21. Question EVERYTHING. The person's name. The company name. If they're really calling for you. What they're offering. Who's offering it. If they're offering it to you. How much it costs. Who gets the money. Who's paying for it, and so forth.

    22. Crank the radio, pretend you're at a party just answering some guy's phone, and keep yelling "What?" at everything they say.

    23. Act as if everything they're saying is some kind of secret code for some (wink wink nudge nudge) shady dealings that you're in on.

    24. Sound as excited as possible, thank them profusely for calling, tell them how lonely you are and you're soooo glad they're just friendly enough to call strangers, and get to know your new 'friend'

    25. Pick up the phone, and before they really get into their speech, ask if they're from the Psychic Network. You've got problems, they're psychic, they should know to call you and help, right?
     
  7. ubannoying

    ubannoying Chieftain

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    21
    26. When they're almost done their pitch, say "Hello ... yeah I'm sorry I had to put the phone down to rescue the cat from the aligator, what were you saying?" Repeat as many times as possible with different excuses each time.

    27. If offered a credit card, say "yeah my dog's been dying to get one, can you hold on a second." Works even better if you can get the dog to bark into the phone after.

    28. If offered a credit card with a low transfer rate, say "Great let me get all my cards." Put the phone down and see how long it takes them to hang up. It ties up your phone line for a little while, but it also ties them up, wasting their time as well.

    29. If it's someone collecting for a charity, let them explain the virtues of the charity and then say: "Wow that sounds like worthy cause, how much have you given?" If they actually have given something to the charity, follow it up with "how much of my donation goes to the charity itself, and how much goes to you guys?" If the charity doesn't get 100%, say "Well I'll just give directly to the charity and cut out the middle man. Bye"
     
  8. TimTheEnchanter

    TimTheEnchanter I...am...an Enchanter!

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    30. Similar to 28, but applies in all situations. Let them start their talk and just when they get going, say "Can you hold on a second", put the phone down and walk away for about 5 minutes. If you're lucky, they'll still be there when you come back...you get them going again and then repeat the process.
     
  9. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

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    Actually uncommishioned telemarketers like having the phone put down, it's a good time for a break.

    31. Get a conferance call going between you them, and their largest competitor.
     
  10. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    32. cuss at them until they hang up

    33. wait for them to finish thier speech, then ask if it comes with fries
     
  11. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

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    34. Mumble jibberish so that the cannot understand you, if they ask you to speak up Yell into the phone
     
  12. Civanator

    Civanator Chieftain

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    35. Pretend that you were waiting for a call and pretend to start rambling on to your closest friend about nothing, and then when they speak, go, "AAHHH! STALKER! SOMEONE CALL 911!"
     
  13. Knowze Gungk

    Knowze Gungk NOT a mushroom

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    36. Every time they pause for a response, quote Timmy.

    37. Put on a different voice or accent every time you speak.

    38. All of a sudden, take the phone away from your mouth and yell "Billy!! How many times do I have to tell you not to play with guns in the house?... No, don't point it at your brother while he's on the bloody carpet".
     
  14. Shokan

    Shokan Love is the answer

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    Don't mean to be a spoil sport, but the people that actually do this **** get blacklisted, and get put into lists to get called at annoying hours, ie dinner time.

    And you only make yourselves look like complete morons. The telemarketer hear too much bull**** over the phone, and one more idiot doesn't make a difference.

    /insider tip
    /ruiner of fun
     
  15. napoleon526

    napoleon526 Emperor

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    39. Once somebody called asking for my father, so I started sobbing and yelled "He died in a car crash this morning! What kind of a sick joke is this?"

    40. Somebody called trying to sell me carpet cleaner. I asked them in an evil voice: "Does it get out blood?!?!" When they said it did, I asked: "What about GOAT blood? What about CHICKEN blood?"
     
  16. taper

    taper Meet Tux

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    I just had one call me. I quickly brought up Steven Lynch's "Taxi Driver", and played the end for her, then hung up. Got a good laugh.
     
  17. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    Wow. I actually have perfection posting on my thread!:D
     
  18. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    41. Say "OHMYGOD! Are you serious!" after every sentence

    42. Sing every word at the top of your lungs

    43. Repeat every word they say

    44. Play a heavy metal song with lots of swearing instead of speaking
     
  19. WillJ

    WillJ Coolness Connoisseur

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    45. Rap the answer to all of their questions.
    46. Say out of nowhere, "Oh my God, no, I will not make out with you!"
    47. Repeat all of their questions before answering. For example:

    "Are you interested in switching credit cards?"
    "Hmm, am I interested in switching credit cards? Nah, I guess not."
    "Well, we have an exciting new offer. Would you like to hear?"
    "Hmm, you have an exciting new offer? Would I like to hear? Okay, I guess so."

    48. Ask them if they saw certain television shows last night.
    49. Say "like" all the time. Example:

    "So I'm, like, not, like, interested in your, like, offer. But, like, if you, like, gave me a better, like, reward, than I would, like, maybe accept the, like, deal."

    50. In the middle of the conversation, whisper, "I hear stupid people..."
     
  20. Fanatix

    Fanatix Mindless Drone

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    51. Impersonate movie characters

    52. Reply to everything with "uno, dos, tres"

    53. Speak in foriegn languages
     
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